640. Chapter 640

After Nikki Heat

Episode 3.11

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: I don't even look like someone who owns Castle. Rating: K Time: See above.

When Beckett heard the package drop, her eyes naturally went to the elevator. There, in plain sight of the entire bullpen was her partner, kissing Natalie Rhodes. Then, mercifully, the door closed and they were lost from her sight.

She walked to her desk and sat down, grabbing a file, but not really looking at it. He was making out with her right in full view of everyone. It was like he didn't care that I saw them. Why would he do that? She had an answer almost instantly, of course. Because there's no reason for him not to kiss Natalie Rhodes. I've never done anything to encourage him to think we could be anything to each other. She shook her head to clear it. I'm with Josh and he's with Gina, and apparently with Natalie Rhodes as well. I have no right to complain because Castle chooses to sleep with some woman. He can do what he pleases and it doesn't bother me. It shouldn't bother me.

Kate tried to work, but found she was too upset to accomplish anything. She left the precinct and headed for her apartment where she'd be all alone. Josh was in Africa. She had two glasses of wine and thought about having a third. No. I'm not going to drown my sorrows in wine because I don't have any sorrows. I'll go to bed and tomorrow things will be better.

But, once in bed, she found she couldn't sleep. I am not jealous of Castle sleeping with Natalie Rhodes. I'm not. Then she remembered the sick feeling in her stomach when she saw the two of them. All right, I am a little jealous. After all, Castle's a friend. And I'm sure Natalie isn't the least bit interested in Castle for himself, she's just sleeping with him to enhance her part. She's just like that skank Ellie Monroe. I don't want Castle to be hurt. Then why was I hurt when he kissed her? It's not like I'm hot for Castle or anything. Sure, Lanie says we should be together, Jordan Shaw thought we were together, my old friend Madison Queller thought I wanted to make little Castle babies. That's absurd. Except for that brief period that I thought I was going to the Hamptons with Castle. I thought about what we'd be like in bed. I thought about what we'd be like together.

Kate got out of bed and went to her kitchen and downed a half a glass of wine. But when she got back in bed, her head was still full of thoughts about Castle. This is ridiculous. I suppose I am physically attracted to Castle. He is handsome, charming, witty, kind, generous, as well as….No! I have to remember what Castle is like. He's immature. He wastes my time with silly theories about spies and zombies and…little stuffed bunnies that solved the case. No! He's completely egotistical. Why look at….His relationship with Alexis, and Martha and….me. No, not me. Don't look at Castle and me. There is no Castle and me. And I was so upset when that bitch took my coffee from Castle. That was my coffee! And he's screwing her brains out right now. Kate had a mental picture of Natalie in Castle's bed, both of them naked, writhing in passion, Castle moaning her name, telling her he loved her, needed her, wanted her more than anything. Kate sat up in her bed. "No, I'm not going to let her do that. I'll go to him and…." She suddenly stopped. "My heart wants Castle and he doesn't want me."

She lay back down, staring at the ceiling. It'll never work with Josh. I look forward to getting up in the morning to be with Castle more than I look forward to coming home and seeing Josh. I've just been lying to myself. And to Castle. So, what do I do? For once I don't run from my problems, that's what. I can let Castle know I'm interested and that I'm a hell of a lot better for him than some would be star that only wants him to advance her career, or his ex-wife.

Kate's resolve lasted until she got to the precinct the next day and saw Natalie Rhodes sitting at her desk looking more like Kate than Kate did.

Natalie smiled as Kate sat down. "I need to talk to you."

Kate nodded, not trusting her voice.

"You and Castle are clearly into each other, but you're fighting these feeling you clearly have for him. Are you sworn to secrecy or something? He's into you, so he wrote that whole book about the two of you. It's literally verbal masturbation. So what is it with you two?"

Kate smiled. "We need coffee." She stood and headed for the break room.

Natalie frowned. "Coffee? What's coffee got…."She smiled. "Coffee. I see."

Kate put her face right in Natalie's. "You're right. I am into Castle and I have been fighting the feelings I have for him. But no more. Last night I had no business interfering with you two and what you started in the elevator, but this is today. I'm going after Castle and consider this fair warning, get in my way and I will bury you."

"This is just great." Surprisingly, Natalie looked happy at Kate's outburst. "How are you going to tell Castle? Just grab him and haul him off somewhere and have your way with him? Maybe a quiet conversation someplace private?"

"I haven't figured that out yet."

"You should. He heard your whole little speech."

Kate whirled around to see Castle standing in the door of the break room, a shocked look on his face.

She put her head down and rushed through the bullpen to the elevator. She could see Castle rushing after her as she frantically pushed the close door button. Then the door closed and she was going down.

How could I have been so damned stupid? Why couldn't I have kept my mouth closed? All I needed to do was give Castle a few hints that I wanted more with him, I didn't need to blurt everything out in front of him. Oh god! And in front of Natalie Rhodes. She'll have the whole damned conversation down on her phone and it'll be in the movie. I'll never live this down.

Once the elevator stopped, she ran out and began walking away as fast as she could. Suddenly, she heard her name being called. "Beckett!" She began to walk faster. Castle was the last person she wanted to see right now.

"Kate!" Shit! He was right beside her now. He put his hand on her arm. "We need to talk."

She tried to shake his hand free. "Please, Castle. Not now."

"Yes, now." He pulled her into a parking garage. Kate backed up until her back hit a concrete wall. Castle stood in front of her. This is it. He's going to break up with me. We won't be friends or partners anymore. I've screwed this up completely.

"Do you remember when you arrested me last fall?"

She nodded.

"You asked me if I was in a relationship and I said I was. You asked who I was in the relationship with and I said you knew who it was with."

She nodded just slightly. I know. You're in a relationship with Gina.

"To tell the truth, it's a lousy relationship. I never know from one day to the next where I stand with her. One day I think that maybe she really likes me, the next I think she just puts up with me because I'm good for her career. She's a very career driven woman, but in some ways the relationship is good for me, but a lot of it isn't. But, still, it's the worst relationship I've ever been in."

Kate had no idea where this was going, or why Castle was telling her his. "Why stay then?"

He shrugged and smiled at her. "Because she makes me feel alive. When I'm with her, I feel like I could write forever, and without her, I'm not sure I have anything to say. How she feels about me has pretty much been a mystery to me. "

She shook her head. "I don't understand."

"Plus, she carries a gun and has threatened to shoot me."

"What? Gina's threatened you?" She looked at his smile and knew what he was telling her.

"We're not in a relationship."

"Well, I'm in a relationship, and one that's been pretty hard on me. It's very one sided. You're not an easy woman to love, Kate."

Kate felt butterflies in her stomach and her knees going weak. "Love?"

"I told you." Natalie Rhodes called out from behind Castle. "He loves you. Now what are you going to do about it?"

Castle turned around. "Natalie, this is a very private moment and nothing we say here is going in the movie."

Natalie nodded. "Okay, but at least Nikki and Rook will get together." She walked back to the precinct imagining how Nikki and Rook would interact and making notes on her phone.

He stepped forward and put his arms around her. "We do need to talk."

She shook her head. "No, we don't need to talk." Then she kissed him.