CH. 3 Knowing Myself

This body I ended up in was called Grace Finley, eldest daughter of Count Finley who married Lady Natalie Crowell in an arranged marriage. They got divorced a few years after Grace was born and the count took in his lover as his lawful wife after that. He already had a son and daughter with her by then. Those were the people I met when I opened my eyes. Apparently, Grace still had a really good relationship with her biological mother and her father treated her fairly well. Grace never suffered in her life when it came to parental love and money but she was more obnoxious than anybody in her family. She acts spoiled and she often spends a lot of money buying all sorts of expensive gifts whenever she visits Verdant and throws them at other people to show off her status as the Grand Princess.

Grace Finley got married to Seth Peregrine, the Grand Prince and ruler of Valoria, by the King's arrangement. Even though Ivy said that this was a marriage to strengthen the relationships between Verdant and Valoria, I knew that was not the case.

Valoria was founded by a Verdant prince more than a few decades ago. It was supposed to be a small principality but it grew in territory and power in the years and the biggest change was in the recent years after Seth Peregrine became the Grand Prince. He was known for being a battle-crazed bloodhound and went on conquest after conquest to gain new territory. Valoria was close to establishing itself as a kingdom. The Verdant King was anxious and sent someone to marry the Grand Prince and slowly bring him under his control.

Valoria was still a little weaker than Verdant so Seth Peregrine had no choice but to agree to this marriage. That's how Grace Finley became Grace Peregrine.

I know this was a typical political power play in the world of monarchy. What shocked me more than the fact that I had a husband was the fact that I had children.

Grace Finley surprisingly got pregnant after her first night with Seth Peregrine. The news shocked almost everyone including the Holy Empire of Soleil. Grace Finley was eighteen when she got pregnant. I understand her frustration to find out about the unwanted pregnancy but instead of taking responsibility, she tried to abort the child. Seth Peregrine never wanted to have children let alone with a woman who he didn't love. But he didn't want to abort the child once it was conceived.

Grace took this opportunity to establish her place and authority in the Grand Palace. As long as she gave birth to the child safely, He or anyone in this place would never say a word about how she lived afterwards.

And so Grace got increasingly wild and uncontrollable. Seth Peregrine never said a word no matter how much money she spent and the servants also shut their mouths no matter how much they suffered. As for the children, Grace apparently hated them and would glare at them if they were in her sight. Seth Peregrine was always too busy to be a father so they were growing up by themselves.

"I'm a mother at nineteen and I only learned about it after I turned twenty-five." I hit my head on the table hoping the pain would wake me up from this nightmare but it only drove home the fact that this is my reality now.

Is that little girl I shielded alright? I found her lost and crying in the department store. Did she find her parents? Was I taken to hospital? Did I die? Or Was my body in a coma in my original world? Were my parents crying? Of course, they would. What was my brother and sister doing? How much time has passed there? Did my sister-in-law give birth already? I wonder whether I have a niece or nephew.

"I miss them." My eyes got blurry again. I lost count of how many times I cried in the past few days. At this rate, I thought I ran out of tears but here I am with a fresh batch running down my cheeks. I don't care if this world has magic, I want to go back to my family. Besides, This body can't even use magic. From what I heard, Grace Finley had no skills in anything for that matter. The only power she had was the money at her disposal and I don't even know how long it would last from Grace's past aggressions. One divorce paper was all it would take for this woman to hit the streets. This body doesn't even have any ounce of mana for me to at least to make a living as an adventurer if I ever got kicked out.

This world has magic, like any typical transmigration world did. This world also has dungeons and highly intelligent animal species and plants with magical effects. In this world, Magic was used with mana within one's body. The more reserves one had the more powerful one was and those with very low or no reserves at all, would use runes to channel the mana around them to use magic. Rune magic was a lot more difficult to use and understand. It was also time-consuming to cast a spell so only used in the rear during battles. There were very few powerful Rune Magicians in each land. As for healing magic, it was only used by the priests. To put it in another way, Most who have an affinity towards healing magic would go to the Holy Empire of Soleil to get proficient in it once they graduated from the academy.

Grace Finley had no mana reserves and she didn't pass the academy entrance exam so she never attended the academy. The count didn't want to waste money to send her to the academy when he had a proficient son and daughter. As for Seth Peregrine, he not only entered the academy at an early age, he graduated early as well. He was a young genius.

"Stupid woman. Worst mother. Worst wife. Useless brain. Useless body." I muttered, hitting my head every time I voiced the many qualities this body had.

I sighed wiping my tears away as I walked out of the garden only to run into two little boys talking to a middle-aged woman in glasses. I couldn't help the smile as soon as I caught sight of them. They were miniature versions of Seth Peregrine, the man who came to visit me a few nights ago and told me not to die.

Seth Peregrine, is a man with contradicting words and actions. I noticed that his cold and aloof attitude towards me didn't stop him from pouring me a glass of water, didn't stop him from sending me a plate full of delicious food in the middle of the night and didn't stop him from being careful when holding my chin to look at him. He was the first person to treat me warmly beside Ivy. I realised Ivy might hate Grace Finley but she would never act disrespectfully towards her. Seth Peregrine might hate his wife but he would never hurt her willingly, no matter how much she caused him trouble. He gave her enough respect as his wife. Given Grace's personality, I think that was more than what she deserved. Maybe she would realise that once Seth divorced her.

As Seth mentioned a few nights ago, Grace Finley still has some use being alive and from Ivy's words, Seth personally set out to bring Grace back after the carriage accident.

The carriage accident happened on her return trip from Verdant and the coachman killed himself after he deliberately ran the carriage off a cliff.

Many people wanted Grace Finley gone for various reasons. Some of the most common reasons might be the ladies who wanted her position or the ladies who wanted Seth Peregrine.

"A popular and handsome husband." I muttered as I watched the tutor say something to the tense six-year-olds before leaving. The boys relaxed after the tutor left and turned to find me standing in front of them and tensed again.

"Good Evening, Your Highness." They greeted me. They looked gaunt and tired for children. Were there too many expectations to meet? And they don't even call me a mother. Then again, I'm not sure how to feel about that.

Noah and Cleo. Noah the eldest took after the pretty-handsome side of Seth with his long hair that reached his nape. Cleo, the youngest twin, took after the Brute-handsome side of Seth with his short hair. Then again, I still can't wrap my head around it. How can Seth be both pretty and a brute? Did I see it wrong? Was it because of his cold personality but pretty look? Brutally pretty? Brutally handsome?

"Urgh, I don't care." I pulled my hair in frustration to stop myself from going on a tangent.

"Oh, Sorry." I apologised immediately as the twins flinched at my outburst. I didn't mean to scare you children.

"Have a good evening then." I said and ran back into the garden. I need to find a way. I need to get out of here, this world. But where do I even start? To whom do I ask for help? With this stupid body's relationships so far, I can't trust anyone. Maybe Seth Peregrine might be my best choice but would that man be willing to help me?

"Hello, I'm not your wife. I am from a different world. I'm looking for a way to go back to my world. Please help me."

"No, I don't care who you are. As long as Grace Finley is alive, that's enough for me. As I said, I still have some use for you."

He might say that. Will he trap me here instead for his advantage? Should I still give it a try? This world has a god figure. The Holy Empire of Soleil was it. Should I go there and demand I see their god? Demand that damned god to send me back? Would that work? Does this god talk to people? Back in my world, I prayed to god many times but I never heard an answer and I didn't expect a reply when I prayed as well. They were symbols of faith and religion, a place to go to find respite and calm. Or some such thing. 

I don't know! I don't know what to do!

Urgh… At some point, I began to run and ran into Seth Peregrine. My nose stung and my sight was blurry. My head rang and felt heavy as I fell on my butt.

"What are you doing?" It was the voice I hadn't heard since that night. His voice had the same coldness and he sounded like he didn't want to talk to me more than necessary.

"I'm not-" Before I could say anything else, My ears heard a static noise and I blacked out right then and there.