Chapter 22 When the heart calls

If ever I or anyone for that matter doubted that I had a heart it was to be proven now at this very moment, because I could verbatim feel my heart crack the moment my eyes fell on Mia who sat on the chair next to the bed where I spent the last two weeks. Her head hung low and the curls that used to bounce around her head hung with the same desertedness. She was dressed in some scrubs that I guess someone from the hospital provided her with and her feet bare. I can't believe that it was so long since the last time I held her in my arms, I can still remember her sort skin and the sweet minty smell she always carry on her breath. If ever I wondered how I felt about her this moment right here locks it in. This is the woman I love and I want her to be part of my life forever. I will never ever let anything separate us ever again, even if I had to pay with my life for it. She was seated on the chair next to the hospital bed with her back towards the door, enabling her to see me as I stood at the door appreciating her presence. She was here and I would keep the gate for the rest of my life if need be to keep it that way. I could spend my whole life staring at her, appreciating every inch of her.

"Ben." My lovely Mia breathes when I place my hand on her shoulder, she appears a little jumpy, but she lifts her head towards the side of where my voice was coming from and not long after she jumps up like she realized it was really me and not a figment of her imagination and she throws her arms over my shoulders clinging to me like she was petrified of me disappearing again and this completely ripped through the few strands that existed keeping my heart together. I mimic her activity rounding my arms around her back and hugging her tightly against my chest. I was never letting her go; I mentally promise her rubbing my face against her dry and unkempt hair. Her beautiful curls left without any nutrition or attention. She was bleak of colour like she saw a ghost and her skin were dry and cracked. She was dehydrated and underfed. I am killing everyone who had a fucking part in this. I make another promise, but this time to myself. I didn't care if it meant war. This already feels like war to me and to them she might be my weakness, but to me she is where my strength came from, a type of strength that one would never comprehend to understand until you experience it yourself.

"I was waiting for you!" Her mood suddenly flips to anger as she tries to push me away from her, slamming the side of her fists into my chest, over and over again reminding me of the wounds in my chest, but I don't let go of her. I will never let go of her even if it kills me. I pull her tighter against me, hugging her against my stabbing chest until she grows tired of fighting me and the last ounce of energy leaves her shivering body. Was she cold? Unconsciously I hug her tighter in an attempt to warm her with my own body heat.

"I know," I whisper against her head in a manner of consoling her. "I know." I wanted so much to look at her, really look at her to see if she got hurt anywhere else, but my arms couldn't get the strength to pull her small frame away from me. It felt too much like home even tough home was hurting a fucking lot at the moment. "Let's get you into bed." Her body goes limp at my words and I place my one arm around her back supporting her upper body and the other underneath her legs lifting her lower limbs into the air. I wasn't sure if it was only my imagination, but she felt a whole person's weight lighter. I carry her to the bed and slowly place her head down on the pillow and the rest of her body on the small hospital mattress without any resistance until she couldn't feel me anymore. Her arms immediately started to grab at me and her body followed.

"Don't leave me." She whispers grabbing onto my arm her nails digging into my skin. She was anxious and frightened as fuck. I couldn't tolerate seeing her like this. It feels like a tight grip around my chest that only keeps on getting tighter.

"I am not going anywhere." I calm her taking a seat on the bed next to her and she immediately moves closer placing her head on my lap and her arm over my upper leg rounding her head as she places her hand on the side of my upper leg. Her legs curled up around my lower legs. She was fighting with every muscle in her being to keep on to me even though she could barely keep her eyes open. She was drained and skinny and I took the opportunity to look at her, examining her. Her skin was flooded with dark blue pools, some of them turning yellowish and others a dark purple. Here and there I saw a few scratches and cuts, but luckily nothing profound that I could see or anything severe and septic. Although the fear of looking at her arms on the inside of her elbows overwhelmed me. Knowing Mia they had to drug her up because she would not have gone down without a fight. "I am so sorry that this happened to you." I drag my finger softly over the skin on her arm. Trying to soothe every hurting inch I could reach. "I am sorry that I wasn't there." I continue talking to her as my touch dances over her, my fingers entangled in her harsh hair. "I promise you that I will make them pay. Every one of them" I tug some of her hair behind her ear. "Mia?" I express her name delicately making sure if she was awake or if she fell asleep.

"Mmmh?" She hums not using words, but she was listening to me and that is all that I needed to know. "When I was fifteen years old I and Achille went out for the first time, to a club. We had our fake ID's made and everything. When we were younger no one really noticed us, but once we reach that age, let's just say puberty did both of us a kindness. Anyway… that night we got so drunk and fucked-up on coke that we woke up in a room full of other guys and women much older than us unable to remember what we did, but it was there that I met a girl. She was thirteen years old at that time, only two years younger than me and it seems that she had the same idea and route as us. She wanted to party and I recognised her fake ID as it seems the same person who made ours also did hers." I carry on smoothly sweeping the tips of my finger over her skin. "Her eyes were bloodshot and heavily dilated when I woke her, the only words she was able to push past her lips was asking us for help. So Achille and I each took one of her arms and slung them over our shoulders carrying her out of that motel room where other grown men and woman was still high and drunk passed out all over the place. One guy did lift his head asking us where we were going, but he wasn't even able to complete his sentence never mind have the strength to stop us. We knew that we couldn't leave her there, but we also knew we couldn't actually take her home and tell our parents about it so we did what we at that time thought was the next best thing. We tied her up in our basement. I can remember how sacred we were that my mother would find her there and who knew what they would have done." I couldn't help the chuckle that escapes from my throat as my mind goes to the memory of our first illegal act. "We sat waiting for her to wake up for what felt like hours, we were taking turns and remember the two of us were also not completely sober, but we were definitely working hard on not being caught." The alertness, power and energy weren't compared to anything I ever felt before then. We were confident and excited. "When she finally woke up, we were sober and scared mirroring her feelings, but we convinced her to listen to us and after she calmed down and we told her what happened we loosened her and the three of us realised that she was going to the same school as us and the three of us became as thick as thieves. Never leaving each other's side. We did everything together, or at least most things. We made a pack to never do anything like that again, a treaty against drugs, you can say." I move slightly underneath Mia to find a comfortable position and she twitches grabbing onto me, but relaxes when she realises I am not going anywhere. "When I see you like this you remind me so much of her on that morning." I couldn't get her face out of my mind.

"Can I see your face?" The words fall from my lips without me thinking about them, but I needed to see Mia's face so badly. She has not looked at me once since I entered the room; she keeps hiding her face from me and it scared the shit out of me, but maybe I was more afraid of not seeing, living the past all over again. "Mio-more." I breathe and she slowly turns her face upwards to look at me, staring at my face hovering above hers while her whole body shifts on the bed so she can turn securely onto her back. Her left eye showed some swelling and a fading yellow and purple-ish mesh around it and there is also a little redness inside it, I notice when I drag my finger past her temple from her hair and over her bruised cheek and across her dry, cracked lips when she quickly jerks as I move past the split in her bottom lip. "You are the toughest person I know." I smile at her and her green eyes tear up as I lock my eyes onto them, I could see that she doesn't believe me, but it was true. "That says a lot." I remind her. "I know Achille and he is one mean and tough motherfucker." I try to raise her spirit a little and it works a small smile starts to form on her fragmented face. I know she would find it funny, even if she believed it not to be true. She and my brother had some bond that I would probably never understand, but I am glad that they do. Knowing that he would also give his life for hers made me feel a little better when I wasn't with her. Two men looking out for her was better than one and if both those men loved her so dearly in their own unique ways it was even better.

"What happened to your shirt?" She suddenly sound more alert and worried as she break our gaze to sit up straight to face me and I could see that she endured some pain in the way her body jerked at some parts as she is attempting to move in some angles, but she was doing a good job at hiding it. An untrained eye would probably not even notice her lurching, but still she continues to move closer to me placing her hands on my chest.

"These are still fresh." She gasps as I push away her hands, but I was too late. My blood stained her hands with its bright red colour, which I thought was going to make her a little squeamish, instead she ignore the unsolidified redness, but rather appears to be more worried about me. "This is your blood." I wasn't sure if she was asking or telling me.

"It is nothing." I stand up turning my back on her and ripping open my shirt and I start to remove the bandage. They must have started bleeding when Mia's fists came raining at me earlier, but I didn't even notice that it was seeping through the shirt until she mentioned it.

"Let me help you." She climbs off the bed and slowly walks towards me, her footsteps growing louder until they sojourn in front of me. "I have seen blood before, remember?" She places her hands over mine stopping my actions. "Let me do this for you." Her broken voice laced with guilt and I lowered my arms letting her remove the bandages while my eyes follow the broken Mia who always put everyone first no matter how damaged she herself may be. "Does it hurt?" She questions once she is done removing the bandages.

"It doesn't." I take her hands into mine. "Do you hurt?"

"No." She turns her back on me, but she couldn't hide the truth in her voice. "Come on." She requests me to follow her and without any question or hesitation my feet follow her call into the bathroom door of the hospital room. Thank God for having a private room with my own bathroom, I am a lucky man. I watch Mia as she opens the bath tap and pushes her hands underneath it to feel the temperature an at the same time wash the blood from her hands. "Sit." She orders and again my body comply and I take a seat on the edge of the bath while she regulate the water and once the water is level and doesn't appear to be red anymore she takes the cloth and dips it into the water making it completely wet before twisting it in her hands to get rid of excess water and then she starts to move across my chest removing the blood stains as she goes, repeating her actions.

"How is my mom?" Mia surprises me once again with her annoying manner to care for others while she was the one who needed some tender love and care.

"She is doing well. I told her that you would come by tonight, but..."

"I want to go." She voice interjecting me as she once more brushes the cloth over my skin. I wasn't sure if she was asking or telling me, but either way we are not going before I know exactly what was going on with her. I need a whole medical certificate indicating if anything was out of place. Sophia should have been here already and given Mia the all clear already, but for some unknown reason she wasn't and I was getting pissed due to her not letting me know why.

"As soon as we get you cleaned up, fed up, and hydrated, but that won't be tonight, Mia. And please do not fight me on this." I add just as a plea for her not to be difficult, but knowing Mia nothing goes without a little difficulty. She rinse the cloth in the water a last time before she pulls the plug out to let the water drain from the bath.

"I want to go home, Ben." She continues to dry my chest rounding the wound area carefully not to touch it before covering the wounds with some plasters that she found on the cupboard.

"And you will as soon as you can," I promise her getting up from the edge of the bath. "Thank you for taking care of me, but I think it is your turn now." I finish rinsing out the bath before filling it halfway with nice warm water, just the right temperature to clean, but not to burn or damage her skin.

"I don't know." She whimper, unsure of trusting me or too embarrassed to get undressed. "Can you turn away?" She questions confirming the latter.

"Why are you ashamed to let me see you?" I question her taking a step in her direction. "I have seen you before." I remind her of our time together. "You are so beautiful." I trace my thumb over her cheek tilting her head upwards. "When I look into your eyes I see my future a very bright future with you." I leave a warm soft kiss on her cheek as I loosen the knot in her robe between us. "Your body makes me react in ways that I cannot control, in ways that I do not want to control." I push my arms underneath her robe placing my hands on her shoulders keeping the robe from falling to the floor with my thumbs. "I admire you so much, Mio-Amore." I leave a kiss on her other cheek avoiding her lip with the cut in it to not hurt her before I let go of the robe revealing a very naked Mia with the body of a queen. "Come on." This time I lead her taking her hand and supporting her as she steps into the bath tub giving me the chance to see her, really look at her in full view and the marks on the rest of her body seems to be more or less the same as the once I previously saw except for in between her tighs. They were much bluer and more recent sending a very bad feeling from my gut. "Wait." I stop her from sitting down in the water. If she has been assaulted sexually then Sophia is going to need her to do a rape kit and if she bathes now she would be washing away all the evidence.

"What?" Her whole body convulse at my voice.

"I need you to honestly answer me this Mia." I look at her with intense eyes. "Were you raped?" I cannot phantom the fucking idea, but I needed to ask.

"No." She spits quickly and before I could stop her she sits down in the bath tub. "Not without a lack of trying." She adds very evidently causing my blood to boil, but I needed to keep calm and just be with her tonight. That is what she wanted and that is what she needed, for tonight at least and I was going to be what she needed tonight not what I thought she needed.

"I am sorry, Mia." I use the same cloth she previously used to clean her body, softly letting the soap cover the tender areas before I tumble some water over them removing the soap again and washing away anyone else's touch from my Mia's skin.

"Let's just get in a good night's rest and tomorrow we can make important decisions." I move her from the ground to my side on the bed and slowly lower my body on the bed so I am stationed next to her. "Turn to me," I order her and she does so without any pushback. "I love you, Mia." I declare as I plant a soft kiss on her forehead and I could hear her swallow at my words. Were they not enough? Were they too much? Should I not have said them?

"Loving you has only gotten me hurt." She closes her eyes at her own words. What does that mean? Does she love me? Did she love me? I know this was all my fault, but I will do better. I have to.

"I will do better," I assure her planting another kiss on her forehead, my fingers entangled in the back of her hair. "When you are back on your feet I will take you anywhere you want to go," I whisper against her skin moving past her temple over her cheek and planting another kiss, but this time on the tip of her nose. "I will kill anyone who would even think of harming you." My nose brushed against hers for what felt like a brief second before she grabbed my head with both her hands and pulled me closer to her sealing her lips over mine. She starts to kiss me and the taste of iron was laced thick onto our kiss which I return, but can't sustain due to her being hurt. "You need to rest." I withdraw from her kiss, but she pushes harder. Pushing through my arms and taking control of her position and what she wanted.

"I need you now." She declares and in a swift move, she straddles me. "Please?" She begs, her eyes filled with tears.

"Not now, Mio-Amore." I tug that lost curl behind her ear revealing another small incision just in front of her ear which I softly run my thumb over.

"Why not?" She evolves into an agitated little mink. "Is this because of what you have seen? Am I not so perfect after all, now that my body is damaged?" She pulls back a little. "Or is it because you have already been here and like you said, you have had better." She was trying to start a fight and I was not having it, not now.

"I am not doing this with you now." I quickly remove her from above me and place her on the bed before I take a stand on the floor at the footing of the bed. I needed to get my head straight. I could barely touch a spot on Mia's skin that wasn't covered in bruises how the fuck was I supposed to give her what she was asking of me? Don't get me wrong I would fuck Mia in any way I could possibly get her, but I needed to think of her well-being. If I did this now I would only convene more problems in the foreseeable future, problems that wouldn't benefit either of us.