Chapter 21 : Mountain Man

"Go back to your studies, it's good for the future."

Day after day, year after year, life goes on in the northernmost part of the country, no one can stop the passage of time and no one can keep the good memories.

After the massive illegal logging that took place almost two years ago, the situation at the border has returned to normal, except for the occasional clash with drug smugglers or terrorists.

For example, three days ago, soldiers from the Phirapun operational base joined border patrol police in a raid to arrest illegal immigrants, leading to a fight with traffickers until they were arrested, many of the soldiers involved in the arrest were injured, even the captain who led the arrest himself was injured.

A nursing room with camp doctors and helpers on shift to help treat wounds and check on the condition of the brave soldiers injured in the last confrontation with the traffickers.

Captain Phupha rolled up his shirt for his good brother to attend to the ten stitches in his hem, Wasan nagging, refusing to manage his own wounds and letting them dry out, telling him to dry off and sprinkle with water, the flesh will rot out later just in time to be thrown away.

"So fond of annoying others, I pity your lover--" Phupha sarcastically returned in disgust.

"I love my lover ten times more than this nag."

The captain snorted: "That's perfect for you, when are you getting married?

Dr Wasan talked to his friend, while applying a piece of clean gauze to the stitched wound with a sanitary gloved hand and tape the wound securely to give the person sitting in front of him added shock protection.

"My elders have already started talking but I'm doing this for now, if I can get another doctor to cover my shift for a month or two, I'll arrange the wedding in a hurry."

"So you're not going on your honeymoon?" He was talking about getting married and then being in the army.

"That's what I thought."

Those who don't seem to care about the soon-to-be wife, turn the captain around, "Do you really love Dr Jib? Act as if you have to get married out of obligation when she has waited so long for you."

Wasan knew the concern of his close friend, even if it was hidden in the form of sarcasm. "We know each other very well and to be honest, I still don't want to go to Bangkok for a long time, because I'm worried about you." The tall officer frowned, a serious look immediately appeared on his face, he knew exactly what he was referring to but had been gone too long, the former volunteer teacher must have had dozens of lovers.

"Dr. Bastard, my wounds have healed." he spoke in a firm voice to confirm, "I mean it."

"That's because you never look in the mirror to see how you are." The eyes behind the clear lenses of the silver frame shone with the light of timely recognition, even though the wounds on his body were completely healed and his broken right arm was back to wielding his gun with skill, every time he didn't notice, Phupha would be as silent as a mummy, as if he was suffering from depression.

Phupha was a man of silence, he kept everything inside, he would say it was all right but inside who knows how deep the cracks went.

"How do you know better than I do?"

The young doctor wanted to laugh at the stubborn guy, his thin lips spread into a sly smile "Want one? I called to ask Dr Thongkorn to cover me during my marriage." He was referring to the army doctor who had just been transferred to the Phamok camp in the Chiangrai district of Namuang and who had sneaked a sweet glance at the pasty-faced captain when they attended the monthly meeting.

"Slim, fair skinned, pretty, a virgin by the looks of it, your type… if you tell me the wound is completely healed, then try her…", Wasan kept on instigating, "The important thing is, she might be able to spend the rest of her life with you.

At the sound of this, the sharp, dark face tensed up, like the angry ghost someone once drew on a kite.

"Don't try to be a matchmaker, I'll stomp you down the ravine with a twitch of my foot!"

"Calm down, man, hey, I'm talking to you out of the goodness of my heart, by now Nong Tian should probably have forgotten about you."

"He said he'll never forget!" The hoarse, trembling voice of that day still echoed in every direction, it was like a curse that cursed him to endure a hope that would never come true!

"You're really still waiting for him." The sly smile faded into frustration, Wasan himself felt very guilty, for having wanted to make his friend fall in love with someone else before he died of old age but never thought it would end up so sad, the doctor patted the thick shoulder as a consolation.

"Phupha but if you don't try to catch it, the flower from heaven won't fall into your hands easily, I can help you find out where he lives but this personal number might not work.

"Don't--" Phupha patted his friend's slender hand again, "He's perfect for this in heaven, you're right, someone may be with me forever but there's no substitute for the one in your heart."

As soon as Wasan recovered from his shock, he groaned long and hard: "I'm going to burst into tears, I want to record and send this to Nong Tian. Captain Phupha was afraid of the medic who couldn't restrain himself from raiding his mind so much that he couldn't rest and relax, his tall body suddenly got up but before he could leave the room, he heard another man shouting.

"I'll send the wedding invitation to your heavenly flower, think he will be interested in coming down to the mountain for the wedding?"

Phupha turned around and then pointed at the sly fellow's face, "If you still interfere with this, I'll make sure Dr Jib is a widow!

"Wuhu, I'm so scared, Captain!"

The young officer rushed away and fled before his head exploded, in fact, Wasan was right, if he went to Bangkok for long, it could be lonely here, Phupha knew the doctor was deliberately trying to annoy him to help liven up his sad heart.

On the way back to the hostel, the tall man looked up at the sky and saw thousands of stars shining in the sky. He remembers the time when Tian tried to count all the stars and smiled softly.

Will he find that last star?

Probably not.

Because if he does, the prayer he said that night may have come true.

Entering his last year of university, having learned to open up to things, becoming closer to his fellow students, inviting them to go out after school to find something to eat, or do some light sports to sweat and then going home.

The intensity of his studies and the cooperative activities with his friends helped Tian to feel less alone in the world. His life is bright, his future is bright and at the end of this past term he had just flown to the USA to see a university to study for his Masters degree.

Sometimes he still thinks about the mountain but he doesn't feel it as strongly as before, as if the wound has been healed and closed up tightly, as for the "heart." the young man doesn't block himself off, still goes out occasionally to date girls but each time he ends up losing contact.

The day he received the card made him realise. Even if time blurs his face, no one can replace that person in a relationship.

Tian came back from college and looked at the light brown envelope in his hand in disbelief, the name and address of the sender was very different, Dr. Wasan-Suthikul, Dr. Nam! He was shocked and rushed to tear open the envelope until its contents were

was torn, inside was a hard card with large gold letters, "Wedding Invitation." The young student read the name of the bride, a paediatrician in Bangkok, then glanced at the date and venue and then remembered.

Now, while thinking he might meet the person he missed at the wedding, the organ beneath his left breast pulsed!

Friday evening, the youngest son of the Sopatsakul family drove back like the wind and parked his car in front of the house, he ran over and kissed his mother on the cheek, then quickly jumped up the stairs and went into the room. Mrs Lalita was confused for a moment, remembering that her son said he was going to the wedding of a friend he knew, she orders the maid to take the various suits that have been ironed and let the boy choose.

Tian rushed out of the bathroom to see his mother clutching a black and grey Armani suit, while other suits were lined up on the bed.

"Mum thinks it's a gentleman's suit, son. It's a soldier, isn't it? There could be a lot of rank and file at the wedding."

"Whatever." Tian was fine with it, as he was in a hurry to blow dry his hair.

"You haven't told Mum, how did you meet the groom?" She asked without getting a clear answer, as if her son is trying to cover it up.

The slender eyes looked thoughtfully at his mother through the mirror and finally said a little, "He's an army doctor from an operational base near the village I was, so we know each other."

"You're very close, it's been a year now and he is still sending cards to invite you to the wedding."

"He helped me a lot," But didn't say anything about helping with anything, I didn't think he'd remember me after all this time, "and was able to try to find out where he lived.

The mother listened without further questioning, she helped choose a beige shirt to match and folded the crimson handkerchief into a triangle, put it in the breast pocket of the suit and was done. When she turned to look at the slender figure already dressed, Madame Lalita was proud of her little boy.

"I have to get going, there's going to be traffic." He bows his head and hugs his mother, thanking her for helping him get dressed and then hurries back to his car which has been cleaned.

The evening journey in Bangkok had taken longer than expected, Tian had been stuck in a small turn-off for an hour. As he looked at the clock he got very confused, it's way past the time of the wedding and as soon as the lights at the intersection turned green, his feet in good suede shoes stepped on the accelerator.

The venue is a hotel, in the Phra Nakhon area near the Grand Palace, so the decor is antique and Tian thought it was beautiful.

He pulled up to the front of the hotel, as he walked through the entrance hall, Tian started to see ladies in long silk dresses chatting, their jewellery sparkling in the twinkling lights.

The sound of a classical orchestra is heard faintly from the ballroom at the back, at the front of the room there is an archway decorated with white flowers and a blue sky, the archway curves into a dome shape. As for the newlyweds, both of whom are doctors, they did not choose sweet wedding dresses, instead they opted for plain and elegant attire appropriate to their position.

Amongst all the guests, a man in a grey suit stood motionless. The handsome face with the hair up, as if he had stepped out of a fashion magazine and so good that anyone who saw it looked back, Dr Wasan looked up and was dumbfounded, then a smile spread almost to his ears, he defied protocol and thanked the elders.

The scene of the groom rushing to embrace a young man shocked the guests or was there a side lover to this wedding! The conscious photographer rushed to press the shutter, not missing the chance to get a good photo to sell as a story.

"Tian, I thought you weren't coming."

"Dr. Nam, let go of me first, it's a shame all this hugging."

Tian looked as if he had swallowed a bitter pill, in the eyes of all the guests, he was a target.

The medic laughed, then agreed to do as requested, he pretended to look at the people in front of him from head to toe, jokingly.

"More handsome than ever, my brother has a good eye."

Even though the words came out of his mouth, they struck hard in a man's heart, light brown eyes filled with trembling ripples, thin lips tightly closed, as if holding back all emotion.

Wasan let out a long sigh when he saw Tian's change of attitude.

"You came here today because you wanted to see him, right?"

Even though he doesn't say anything, it is clear to him, the groom slowly shakes his head in reply.

"He had come for the engagement and drinks ceremony during the day and had just returned to Chiangrai." Tian hears and closes his eyes and pauses, not sure how it felt to be treated like this, like he's been forgotten, "because he knew I would be coming to the wedding tonight?" His voice was very hoarse.

Wasan was shocked, grabbed the former volunteer teacher by the shoulders and immediately defended his friend.

"If he knew that Tian was still thinking about him, think he would be very happy."

The young student took a deep breath, forcing himself to smile at the man who was trying his best to comfort him, "Just happy but probably didn't want to meet me so Dr. Nam, no need to defend him too cause it is too damn unbelievable."

The punched doctor scratches the back of his neck face up to relieve his embarrassment, then his fiancée comes to the rescue.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, just talking--" replied Tian, as the bride looked longingly at them with suspicion of what they were saying, "I will inside the wedding, congratulations to you both."

"Wait Tian, can I have your phone number to contact you?" Dr Wasan requests then walks in and picks up the paper and pen from the table used to distribute wedding souvenirs to take notes.

Tian said without thinking anything through, as there is no phone signal on the mountain, it may not be possible to contact him anyway, the groom was then dragged by his fiancée to the flower arch to receive the guests and smiled at the former volunteer teacher like a fox's stratagem hitting its prey before leaving.

At 8pm, the bride and groom come inside to perform the ceremony, the lieutenants line up in the middle of the hall in their white gowns, they neatly draw their weapons from their belts until a sacred sword arch is formed.

The spotlight shone on the newcomer striding through the sabre arch, the image was like a dream, Tian stood there with a glass of squeezed orange juice, in fact, he had never seen a Captain Phupha in civilian clothes, he had only seen him in either in field uniform or camouflage T-shirt with a scowl as if someone owed him money.

He tried to think what the man would look like in such clothes, tall, broad shoulders, long legs, might look cool, so much so that women would look back.

But unfortunately he doesn't like women… Tian smiled slightly, if only for a moment and the wavy lips slowly loosen into a straight line. The more he thought about it, the more the memories of their time together became clearer and clearer, as if it had happened yesterday, he moved awkwardly, as the host announced a crowd cheer, his long hands raised the orange juice to congratulate the bride and groom and drank it all in one go.

After the ceremony ended…Tian collapsed physically and mentally on a bench facing the main river in Bangkok, the breeze blew the cold air from the water onto his smooth skin, refreshing Tian a little, he inhaled the air into his lungs and gazed at the Rama VIII Bridge not far away.

Exhausted, his hand hangs by his body and touches a piece of cardboard, presumably a brochure of tourist attractions around Bangkok left behind by someone, Tian picked it up, looking as if nothing has happened until he saw the cut-out on which, for the record, two statues of Rasa, influenced by Ramayana literature, stand guard at the entrance to the Temple of Dawn. This in turn reminds him clearly of the sarcastic remarks he used to make about people who were so tall and fierce that they looked like monastery gods.

Like a wall built to pretend it is always strong, it begins to crumble little by little. The slender man crumples the paper tightly to the ground, then raises his hands to his face, his shoulders tremble with the painful wounds he thought he had healed and are breaking again.

"You know what, I'm going to have to study abroad for many more years." He whispered in the wind to help carry the words to the ears of the heartless far away.

Our parallel would probably be closer if only you would say you still miss us.

The final exams for the final year have been passed and the students are excited to finish their studies and receive their degrees in the next few months but for Tian, he may not be able to stay until then, as the American university where he submitted his English test scores has sent him an offer of admission but only if he goes on to study language fundamentals a semester before, in order to to study for a master's degree.

The young man picked out a pile of wearable clothes, which his mother, who was sitting on the bed, helped to sort out and handed to the maid, who was sitting on the floor carpet to put in the suitcase.

"Did Mum say you were going to take some thick jumpers?"

"It's been so hot lately, it's just adding to the weight of the suitcase, I'll just get my own, he's a man, he doesn't want to get so fussy, he just wants to be comfortable.

"Just one or two pieces, it'll get cold in the autumn, I can put them away for emergencies."

Tian shrugged indifferently, suddenly, the phone rang, when it was on the screen, it was the name of Dr. Nam, he was in town for a long time on business, so he took the opportunity to call and talk about his news but when he asked about the tall officer, the person in question just evaded saying anything other than that he was fine, no need to worry.

Tian's face turned to her mother, who was busy unpacking her clothes and decided to walk quietly outside for a chat.

Madame Lalita took the role of the one who picked up the clothes from the wardrobe, her eyes suddenly resting on the backpack hidden in the far corner.

The lady saw the backpack with its strangely embroidered frills, so she picked it up and opened it and finds that it contains woven clothes in the style of the mountain people but not only one set, she pulled it up and saw three or four more sets at once, it is incredible, how dare her son of high taste wear these clothes but as soon as the clothes are put back, first she saw a sweet coloured mulberry paper book hidden in the bottom of the bag, she suspects that Tian has a girl he likes, then Madame picked up the book to answer her questions, on the cover is a scrapbook with the words "The Legend of a Thousand Stars--" written on scrapbook paper. It was obvious that it was a woman's diary.

But as soon as she opened the first page, Lalita was so shocked that her heart almost stopped beating, the name of Miss Torfan Charoenphon appeared there, she would never forget it anyway, because two years earlier, the lady and her husband had personally contacted the family of the woman to make a grant in return.

The real owner of the "heart", Mrs Lalita, had learned from her inquiries that Torfan was a volunteer teacher in the remote mountains and that Tian had also fled there to become a volunteer teacher, she had thought it was just a magical coincidence but with the evidence in hand she knew she understood perfectly. But with the evidence at her fingertips, she knew she was completely wrong.

Everything that happens in this world has an origin.

The voluptuous body wants to turn around and call her son, who is outside to ask for clarification but subconsciously fears that if he is upset he might want to go back to that dangerous border area again. The mother held her emotions in check, what would she do if she got a phone call one day telling her that her son was in hospital with injuries like that day.

The old madam collapsed exhausted on a soft bed, she was getting older every day, her eldest son was a promising soldier and his wife was pregnant, about to give birth in England. As for the middle daughter, even though divorced, she can take care of herself anyway, she is only concerned about her youngest son.

The ten or so years difference in age between his older siblings made him even more childish and he had the misfortune to suffer from a heart infection, although he could breathe but her worries were getting worse.

However, Tian's runaway from home alone at that time made her realize clearly that... Parents are only the givers of life but it is the right of children to decide their own future.

But no matter what, Mrs Lalita still wanted to see her youngest son follow the path she thought was right, her plump hand slowly closed the diary, because it was no longer necessary, she would not revisit it and as she put the diary back in her bag, a photograph suddenly fell out.

A closer look, the dark shadow behind it must be a border patrol soldier.

A frown appeared on her make-up face, perhaps Torfan's lover, would be the reason for the photo to be inserted in the notebook but on further reflection there is some doubt.

Did her son see this man on that mountain?

….

As every time there was a laugh and a reiteration of "don't worry, he's fine, he's working his way up--" what did that mean? When he hung up the phone and returned to the house, he ran into his father who was walking towards him.

"Where's your mother?" the former general officer asked him, as he saw his wife say she was going to look for the child but the child was standing right here.

Tian raised his thumb, over his shoulder and pointed "In my room, repacking my suitcase, she is more active than me."

"Mum must be delighted that her youngest son is going to study at a prestigious university, the next charity party will probably be all about that, Mr Teerayut smiled humorously but the person he is teasing frowned.

"So happy that you don't want me to stay in Thailand."

The father is silent, then said softly, "Do you have time? Come to your room and talk to your father." Tian raised his eyebrows in surprise, he had talked openly with his father once when he had just come down from the mountains and it made him realise how much his father loved him. Even if the expression was stiff, for he was a soldier used to command, it was ultimately the most understanding and respectful of his own decisions.

The slender figure nodded in agreement and followed the other man to his office at the far right end of the mansion, he sat in a chair opposite a large wooden table and watched the former general bend down and open a side drawer, before long, Mr Teerayut pulled out a dozen envelopes and placed them in front of him.

"What's this?" He picked up the envelopes and opened them, then suddenly paused.

"These letters are from the Saengthong Foundation but your mother didn't want you to think about that place anymore so she threw them away, Dad saw them and put them away for you, even though they are not all here."

Tian looked at the letters sent by the schoolchildren in the mountains, including "I miss my Brother Crayon, when will he come back and was most moved by the sight of Ayi's letter, the Akha boy still drawing the same pictures of happy families holding hands.

But now, where Torfan once stood, it was him.

Looking into his son's eyes, the crumpled papers were like valuables, Mr Teerayut's face was tired, "Don't be angry, your mother only meant well."

"Until now, they haven't forgotten me." A pair of long, red, slender eyes raised, "Although it was a nice memory, I don't want to go back just because of the letter."

Words like a complaint made the father stop and think, suddenly, he leaned forward a little and said seriously.

"Are you happy?"

It was a simple question but it shook the whole heart, the thin lips were pursed and bitten together and trembled, the hidden turmoil of emotion was about to pour out behind the thick walls of the building.

"I don't want to upset Mum and Dad any more.

"That's not the answer."

"Dad, I don't know." He confusedly plonked his face in the pile of letters from the mountains, "Don't ask me anything now."

On hearing these words, Mr Teerayur gets up and walks over, stops next to his son who is sitting opposite him and puts his palm on the back of Tian's head.

"I don't know what's on your mind but I hope you remember, whatever future you choose, Dad will always be there for you--" and with that, he leaves the other man in the room to calm down.

Tian knew very well, the desire to return to Phabandao village as a volunteer teacher was not the main reason for his suffering at the moment, it was the promise he had made with that person, he was such a fool to think that if the bond was strong it would one day connect our paths in life.

But the word "one day." is so far away that we shrink from it.

Tian wearily and slowly collects the letters that have been opened to see them scattered.

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