Chapter 3

"Haena Laurier." He stopped walking down the stairs before saying my name seriously. With his voice saying those two words, it changed the atmosphere and also made me a little shook and tense.

I erased my playfulness and opened my mouth. "Yes, what is it, William Haurts?", I said back seriously to counter him while bowing a little. My face displayed a serious expression. I looked up and and saw him again.

Silence only remained in this large room for a few seconds before laughter filled it. He continued walking down the stairs, walking towards my direction.

"You've become better, Haena." He said loudly with a welcoming tone that made chuckle even more. I just shrugged my shoulders with a smile on my face.

"Of course, I would. You always do that so I practiced to defeat you." I told him, still smiling while remembering those times he would do it. Everytime I come visit him or the other way around, we would say our names in a serious tone just to laugh at each other. He always did this ever since I moved out. He never failed to do this.

He never failed to do things that will make me relieved. I suddenly rememebered that time when I was 9 when I had to beg him for it to happen. My smile faded thinking about it. Relieved... There's no way I would be happy. After doing that decision, it made my world crumble apart even more.

Dad probably noticed it when I saw his pace while walking towards me become faster. I didn't fail to notice that his smile also dropped the moment he saw my smile gone. I lowered my gaze. I can only hear footsteps because I avoided looking into his direction right now.

He asked me the moment I was within his reach and cupped my cheeks. "What are you thinking about, Haena, my lovely daughter?"

I looked up and saw his worried face. How many time have I seen this? And it's always because of me. I just smiled and told him an alibi. "I forgot my textbook." His worried expression faded and a relieved one is now displayed on it but I know its half real. "I have work to do and I need it." I added for it to make more sense.

There is a 75% he won't believe it though. He's been my father for too long that there's no way he won't notice it but I still lied. He isn't asking more because he already knows the real reason. I only lie in that 1 matter in front of him. Let's just say he knows I try to hide my feelings even though he's the only person who knows me the best, understand me the best since he's always been with me.

Maybe one more person healed a part of my wounds and scars and that person don't know anything about it but I didn't care that time, I didn't care whether she knew or not. I was just so happy. My smiled was brought back to my face when I felt like I was in that time again. I felt like it was just happening but I know it's just memories, in word, the past. I should let go but I can't or...won't?

"Okay, let's stop this for now and eat first." Dad said while showing me a smile. I shook my head lightly and came to my senses. "Have you eaten already?", he asked. I shake my head. He looks at me with an expression that shows he's a little angry..and asking me 'why?'

To answer his expression, I spoke, "I know you'll prepare my favorite food along with side dishes." He just smiles but I still felt that he's a little angry so I quickly added, "The cooking is really good that's why I didn't want to be full once I arrived here." He just sighed showing that he'll let this go, still smiling. He can't resist compliments. I chuckled.

We walked to the dining room and he asked me a few questions about uni. Although I answered them, my mind was wandering and it will always lead to her, A-Yeong and what she said. She wants to go out? with me? Is it a dare from someone? There's no way its out of her own will. I hurt her a lot.

I spaced out throughout the dinner and would only come back to my senses when dad initiates the talk. After the dinner, I went upstairs where his private room is located. I can go there any time I want since only the family is granted access on it.

To be more specific, he uses the room when he wants to relax, read a book or drink. Plain but you just go there everytime, I guess. It attracts you, pull you and say 'go here'. I'm joking. It's a room where you can show your feelings, let out everything. Soundproof. You can also relax there.

I suddenly remembered a memory. I went here when I was a kid, 9 years old. Over a year after the accident. No one knew I went here that time.

I saw dad would always go inside this room when he was stressed, not in a good mood or when there's a lot on his shoulders, so I went here many times. That time I went here to relax but the opposite happened.

No one also knew I lost an emotion.

Filashhubaaccckkkkk.... (want to play around)

After the accident, I woke up after a week, longer than normally since my condition worsened. I had asthma since I was a young, as far as i can remember. It got worse after the accident. I have PTSD too. That's what the doctor told us, more precisely, my dad but I eavesdropped on their conversation.

My recovery was really long like more than a year. During my recovery, I convinced myself that I should become mature, become an adult early so I researched a lot about my condition. Everything about PTSD, head injury, emotional distress, mental suffering and heart disease.

The doctor in charged of me mentioned all of it when I overheard their conversation so I listed it. (why do i feel like it wasnt Haena who did the research???? wasnt it me..!! theres literally 5 pages that i used while reseaching about it.!! feels unfair somehow)

When I found out things about it, it pained me so much that my health was like that. I found out things relevant to those. Anxiety, insomnia, chest pain, head throbbing and etc...

I was also tasked to keep myself healthy, excercise a little to keep myself active, take pills, sleep early but I have trouble in sleeping. PTSD and Insomnia, I thought.

I got discharged. Dad drove us home and I finally saw this house after a long time, the house where that whole happy family lived in. I couldn't open the door. Dad looked at me and smiled bitterly. He pushed this huge door that's in front of me. It wasn't this huge back then when I used to open this but its overwhelming me right now like giving me a message that I have no right to go beyond this door.

I stepped inside and didn't saw any maids. The house really felt larger, a lot larger than normal. "I told them they can have this week off." Dad said. A week... It feels lonely. "You can tell me if you want to extend it. Space, you know." He told me to comfort me. I smiled but I wasn't really feeling happy. Happiness... It may seem exaggerated but I haven't felt that for more than a year.

I looked around the living room and saw no one. "Are they here?" I asked. I was talking about Ji-a and Aren. I miss them...

"I think they're in the other room." He replied. I looked at him. "In the left." He added. There are a lot of rooms here, that's why I looked at him.

I faced my body towards the left. I ran to the left side of the welcoming large living room. But someone grabbed my wrist, I turned back. It was dad. "No running." He warned me but with a gentle tone. I nod and mouthed a 'sorry'. He let my wrist go. Again, I mouthed a 'thank you' then he whispered, "Love you." I smiled and whispered an 'I love you too.'

I turned myself from him. My back now facing him. I walked forward, my heart beating so loudly that I can hear it. I stopped. I inhaled then exhaled before stepping inside the room.

I saw two figures. One in a sofa and one larger figure sitting on the carpet in the ground doing something in the table. My chest tightened. I touched my chest by grabbing the chest part of my upper clothe. I clenched my teeth so hard to not make a sound. I let go of my clothe and patted my chest. I inhaled and exhaled a few times. My body is shaking a little but I still managed to walk. One step at a time, I thought.

The girl sitting on the carpet stopped what she was doing and looked in my direction, Ji-a probably heard my footsteps. I still walked forward but I know that I'm nervous. I clenched my hands. The girl stood up. She got taller, I thought. I went closer. Now, I can see her face, her expression. I got worried, what if they doesn't recognize me? But it seems that isn't the case. I realized the expression she's making. A shy one. Ji-a has been shy when she was younger but she got more shy now.

I approached her. I don't know what to say. I opened my my mouth a few times just to close them. I got surprised since she took the initiative. "H-Haena-unnie?", the girl in front of me spoke quietly while stuttering, her tone sounding unsure. 'Unnie', it made me felt strong different emotions. I didn't notice that the boy sitting in the couch watching the tv turned his gaze on me.

I still don't know what to say. My body moved on its own and my arms parted forming an action that wants to hug someone. A boy came running into my arms and threw himself at me. I held him before I fell on the carpet because of the impact. "Big and heavy", I mumbled. Ji-a went in my direction too and then also responded to my hug. I hugged them both back. "U-unnie..." Ji-a mumbled, her voice cracking that I didn't fail to notice. "Ohh, Jia-yah...Haena-unnie's back." I said softly, my voice cracking also.

I haven't seen them for a more than a year because I asked my dad to tell them an excuse that I was away for a trip so in short they didn't know anything about the accident and my condition.

Dad told them mom will be in abroad for a long time due to a business trip since we agreed that its gonna be harsh for them if they learn about this because they're just kids but we also know that them knowing about this sometime in the future is inevitable.

I haven't gone out for a month. 'Safety purposes', said dad. 'Also for your recovery', he added. I went into the room dad always goes to, so I can relax. I went here a few times because mom would always go here. I always followed her. (the last part... | foreshadowing or wat | just wanted the mom's daughter thing sumthin but instead got a foreshadowing...)

I looked around and saw a glass. It looked like juice. (lol) (she still a kid. wat do u expect)

I'm thirtsty. Just in time, I thought. (just in time to die💀) (my self too: sorry for my behavior)

I was drinking the glass when a certain date appeared in my mind. Aren's birthday... It's close. I finished the glass. (closer to death ig)

I should get a grip on myself. What am I doing here drinking this glass. It doesn't even taste juice. What is this? No. I swept these thoughts out. I shook my head. For now, I should get out of here before dad come home, find me here and scold me.

I went outside the room. I saw a maid and just bowed my head at her. Maids are back- I felt dizzy. My vision turned sideways. It went black.

I reached out. No one took my hand. The light is getting farther. I was drowning, sinking deeper into the ocean. I can't feel anything. I'm neither wet nor dry. I'm not happy nor sad. What is this? I can't feel myself.

No, I realized it's not an ocean. It's not blue, it's dark. All I can see is black. Am I even seeing anything? Where am I? 'Darkness', someone spoke. I looked at the direction where I heard it but didn't saw anything. The voice is familiar but I can't rule it out. Who is it? 'I'm no one', the voice said. Can you read my thou- I couldn't finish it. I don't know why. My mind just stopped like it is refusing to think.

Where are you? 'Nowhere', I heard the voice. What do you mean? 'There are no places here. It's only darkness', I can hear the voice everywhere and at the same time nowhere. 'Something to tell' the voice initiated. What. What are you saying? 'Something to tell you'

"We're losing her!", the doctor shouted. The nurse assisted in every way the doctor told her to. She looked at the child lying in bed in front of her. She felt sad and pity. She turned her gaze and looked at the father of this girl standing, looking so worried and sad, mumbling something but most of all hoping.