Chapter 8: Little City

"Aish! Finally, off the dirt road." I stared at the short buildings which littered the flat bottom of the valley. 

I turned my head and grabbed a man carrying jugs of water, "good sir, where can I find some decent wine in Leshan?" 

The man glared at the symbol on my clothes and spoke, "The Little Lotus near the city centre has the best wine in all of China, Sir. At least from what I have heard, I am a simple man and have never tried such delicacy." 

"Oh, good, I needed a drinking buddy! You will come with us." 

"This old man dare not take elders time!" The man tried to move away, but I grabbed his shoulder and pulled him with me as we walked towards the Little Lotus. 

The little girl watched me from behind and shook her head. I turned around to raise my eyebrow at me, and she stuck her tongue out in response, "Children nowadays." 

The man I had been pulling nodded, "quite the work they are. I can't figure out my kids, and I've been raising them for years." 

"Haha!" I pat the man on the back, "You look like a hard-working father. I'm sure the kids will be alright." 

...

"Woo! This is the best wine I've had in a long time. I really should be getting out more often." 

"I can't thank you enough, I needed to get some of the stress out." 

"I am glad. What is on your mind? We are friends now." 

"Ahsh, my kids trouble me quite often. Do you have any children elder?" 

"Unfortunately, I never got the chance to, but I have helped many raise theirs." 

The man nodded and continued, "I don't know how to be a better father for them. I work, help around the house, and try to be patient and understanding. But maybe it is just the age they are at. Makes things confusing." 

I nodded and sat there silently, waiting for the man to finish his cup and continue. 

"Maybe I was too hard on them growing up." 

"Aish, that is how it is. You cannot blame yourself for wanting them to be tough." 

"But what if they wish to resent me? To blame me for their troubles." 

"That is also fair. But it is now that matters. How can you keep thinking about troubles from the past? You now is what matters. history has been manipulated for as long as it has been recorded. It is the meaning you give it, history in the concept itself is misguided." 

"But it can't be that easy, can it? I can't just erase it and pretend my mistakes can be erased." 

"You think of yourself as the bad parent living in misery from now on? Do you think you committed some great sins? You need to understand it is your own story you are writing. History and the past do not exist. Give the events and memories which support the better decisions now the meaning they need. Not adding needless stress and resentment into your life." 

"But..." 

"It is a psychology of use to live one's own life. it is now that decides your past... I understand guilt and regret. I have lived my fair share of life, so make sure the meanings you give to the events in your life support a better life for your children." 

"And this better life for me will let me be a better father to my children?" 

"Yes, and I'm sure they know they have a father who might not know what to do. but is trying to do their best. Sometimes, that is all that one can ask for." 

The man shook his head and got up, "I have drunk too much. It is about time I head home." 

"Good luck," I gave the man one more cheer with my cup and drank as he walked away. 

Nudge, nudge. I looked to my side to see the little girl staring at me. What?

Did you even ask him for his name? 

No... Why would I? 

The girl stared at me with a dubious look and continued to drink her tea.