Almost a Forever

"I'm all packed now mom" I said deadly and she just nodded her head and walked out of the room. I didn't dare to look at her face. Ever since he broke up with me, I moved like a total zombie, walking-dead.

My mom is so troubled. It seems like the anxiety would win her over anytime now and suffer aneurysm. I feel guilty for ever doing this to my mom. I wanted to act normally, but I can't, no matter how hard I try. What can you expect? My angel had flown away, my heart had been stabbed and shattered, my life is an obvious mess, an empty shell without him.

But if this is what will make him happy, if I'm just a burden, then it's okay. I would gladly grant him his wish.

I looked at the clock and it says 9:45pm. Five days to go and hello California again, hello sadness, hello incompleteness, hello hell. Ugh.

I laid down on my bed and stared at the ceiling then back at the bedside clock again. 9:57pm. It wouldn't harm to bid one last goodbye right? To say I love him for the last time, to see my angel before letting darkness consume me. Okay. Whether he likes it or not, I'm going to see him.

I raced my way to the beach, to the lover's fountain. I'll just call Rio when I arrived there so I could bid my farewell. Sigh. I don't want to say goodbye.

When I'm halfway to the fountain, amidst the pathway of parted palm trees, I saw man sitting there. I slowed to a walk and sneaked quietly until I'm just right behind the fountain. The man was sitting in a wheelchair, his back facing me. It looks like he's searching desperately for something. Then he muttered weakly with a voice I know so well:

"where… would… I… see… meteors?... I… have… to try… and… and…. Wish.. and maybe… this… this sickness… would end… the pain… and the heartache…" what? This is Rio!

"Rio?" I whispered. He jolted and turned his head to look at me.

"Trisha?... w-what a-are y-you… do-ing… here??"

"Stop asking nonsense questions!" I knelt in front of him and the waterworks began. He looks so fragile, pale and frail.

"Rio… what happened to you? wha-what's happening?! Please spare me the lies! I have the right to know! I-I love you! why c-can't y-you understand that?..." I sobbed and held his hands and looked directly in his eyes. "Please… Please Rio… tell me…"

He squeezed my hand gently " I'm s-sorry T-Trisha.. I…" then he collapsed. "Rio!" I'm on the edge of hysteria. I called his mom while waking him up. "Oh Rio… p-please… talk t-to me… I-I…" his mom picked up on the second ring.

"hello Trisha?"

"Tita! R-Rio… he… he c-collapsed! Please h-help me here! W-were on t-the lover's fountain! P-please… call an ambulance! Hurry!!!... then I heard her whisper "Oh my god, my son"

---

Tooot… tooot… toot…

The sickening beep of the heart monitor scares me. We are inside the hospital where Rio was admitted. It turns out that he has leukemia, for three years. Why didn't he tell me? my heart was powdered at the sight before me.

Rio has many tubes connected on his weak body. His breathing was ragged. I learned that this is the last month that the doctor gave him as his last days, the twilight of his life.

I can't believe this, I can't accept the fact that he would leave me that he will be taken away from me, forever. My angel, my beautiful angel. Why? Why is this happening? What did I ever do wrong? And him, my angel? What did he do to deserve this? It's not fair!

I grasped his hand to hold on for dear life. It's like he's dying hand is the only rope of my life, the only way to survive. My head ducked and my tears soaked the bed sheet. Then his fingers twitched,

"T-Trish-a?..." he gasped

"Ye-yes... I'm h-here… j-just here f-for y-you R-Rio…" he squeezed my hand tighter and I looked up to meet his agonized, pleading eyes. I grimaced. Its hard t see him like this. I can't take it.

"I-it won't… b-be… l-long now..."

"What are y-you saying?" I asked, my vision blurring but I quickly scratched my eyes to see my poor angel clearly. I know what he meant, but I just couldn't accept it, I won't accept it.

"T-Trisha… my end… i-is near…"

"You have to f-fight Rio! Y-you won't die… don't speak like that R-Rio… p-please f-fight…" I sobbed harder.

"I… I already… fought… f-far… be-beyond… my extent…. for m-mom… for y-you… b-but… this is… this is my… my destiny… it's meant to be… this way… I've accepted… it… a long… time ago… a-and… j-just like… just like I did… y-you have to…" I shook my head no, violently.

"P-please…" Rio said, tightening and loosening his hand on mine. "Promise me… something…" I just nodded my head in agreement. I can't deny my angel anything.

"Go… go on… with your life… like… like the way… you did… before you… came… came here…. You'll live… a long… life… love… love again… get married… and have… have children… but… the most important… thing… is that… you'll be… you'll be happy…. If you're happy… then I'll… I'll be resting… in peace…" I squeezed my eyes shut to hold back the protest.

"It's not like… like I'm that far… I'll always… be by your side… my Trisha… my love…" he paused to cup my face in his free hand.

"You always say… that… I'm your angel… but I'm not…" he took another unsteady, shallow breath I tightened my hold on his hand. "I'll… I'll always… be… here… inside your heart…" his frail fingers pointed at my chest.

"P-please forgive me… tell my m-mom… I love her… and I… I love you…" his face is flinching in pain. "I love you… beyond… eternity… it… it… itself… so-sorry… about… our… for… forever…" then his heart monitor picked up its pace. I panicked when I saw him jolt, scream and trash.

The medical crew came rushing inside the room and prepared to revive him. I tried to hold his hand but they shoved me a few meters away from him. All I could do was to stare at him, as my endless tears flow, my sobs shaking me, my life and heart crumbling right in front of me.

"Clear!" My Rio, my beautiful Rio is arching his back in excruciating pain he's probably feeling…

"Clear!" his eyes drooped close…

"Clear!" his balled fist loosened and…

"Clear!" I can't stand this… I can't anymore… my pool of tears didn't cover the amount of agony I felt for his pain… it hurts so much… I closed my eyes and hugged myself to keep me from falling to pieces…

"Clear!" toooooooooot... my head jerked up quickly to see the heart monitor's straight line.

No...

The doctor shook his head in sadness. Then he looked at his watch and said those dreaded words, "Time of death, 10:29 pm"

My Rio is gone… forever gone…

My mom and Rio's mom came just in time when I collapsed. The last thing I heard was Rio's voice, only lighter…

"Be strong… my Trisha… I love you…"