"Pleasure in Pain"

Elle's POV

My body is not mine , my feelings are not mine , my soul is not mine , my happiness is not mine , my sadness is not mine . Then what is mine? Are tears my only true mates . Why in this world everything is happening to me ? Why can't I be happy permanently ? I don't have anything left anymore to lose . People took everything from me . My parents took everything from me . I have nothing to lose now . My love , body , money , my innocence everything is gone . Now what is there left to be happy for .

After locking my door I sat in the middle of my bed , curled up myself and folded my hands around my shoulders . I hugged myself tightly as I could . I tried to console myself like I've lost something , but I lost everything from the time when I was born when I took my first breaths in the outside world.

I talked to myself and cried like never before . I wanted to shout but silent cry makes you feel more painful . Now I'll enjoy the pain , I'll live in pain now . I'll be friends with pain because it's the only thing that makes me realize that I'm Kim Elle who is a useless piece of trash . Who doesn't deserve to live happily and peacefully . I am not scared of pain anymore because I'm left with nothing now . I don't care anymore what this world will do to me . Now I'm totally dead and numb .

I stood up , walked towards my dressing table . I clearly examined my reflection in the mirror with my blurred eyes . My eyes have deep dark circles , my nose is red . My lips look botoxed . Ha-ha!!! I laughed on myself and said " I hate you Kim Elle . I hate you . You deserve this sh*t . Just die like this. Ha-ha!!! "

What a breaking sight this is . Laughing with a tearful face on my own self . I might be crazy . There's no might , I am crazy for sure .

I shrieked and broke the mirror with my fist . I felt the pain in my wounded hand but I inhaled the pleasure of pain . Blood tripled drop by drop , it fell on the floor and after sometime the floor got filled with red color . Beautiful ! I love it .

Soo Jin's Pov

I heard some cracking sounds from Elle's room . It was a loud sound . I rushed towards her rooms and banged on the door . She neither open nor reply .

"Open the door Elle . Elle please open it . Is everything okay? Please reply"

I asked again and again but no reply .

I kicked the door to open it . Suddenly , Elle opened it and I fell down on her room's floor .

I saw blood everywhere , on the mirror side it was like someone spilled the bucket of red color . There were tracks of blood spots and when I looked up at Elle's hand it's drenched in blood .

"What happened? " I stood up and asked her while examining her room . Her dressing mirror was broken , things were lying here and there . On top of that Elle , her condition was really bad . Her eyes were full red and wet of course swollen too . Her hand was flowing with blood .

I took her non-injured left hand and dragged her politely out in the living room . I made her sit on the couch and grabbed some towels and bandages . I covered her hand with a towel to prevent bleeding . She didn't react at all . She sat in front of me expressionless and was zone out . Her cut is deep , I need to take her to the hospital . "Elle we need to visit a doctor . Your cut is extra deep , it needs stitches " I said . "No , I'm fine " she said expressionlessly .

Is she okay? Why is she not crying ? Why is she acting numb? If I were her , I would've cried too . She's worrying me . Why is she doing this ?

Despite everything , I applied the ointment and bandaged her hand . But the blood is not stopping . I brought cold water to stop her bleeding but no use .

I held her hand with pressure . She sighed a little but then again became expressionless . Bleeding stopped after an hour or more .

"You have to visit a doctor tomorrow," I ordered her . " No , I love it " she replied with a smile . A smile that made me feel her pain . Her smile was full of regrets and pain . "You don't have to be so hard on yourself" I tried to solace her . "What about the people who were hard on me ? They didn't care, right? Now I don't have to care either that's all" she again said with a smile . Her words are tearing me apart . My heart hasn't ached before . But I can feel the genuine pain in my heart . Many times people around me said that their heart is aching . But I never believed them and said that they were talking rubbish . Now I know that was true , your heart aches . When someone you love with your whole heart , their pain becomes yours .

Without thinking much , I placed her head on my shoulder and hugged her . I caressed her head and made her feel comfortable . After a few minutes , I asked " Are you okay ? If you want to cry , then cry . I want to stop you" .

"I am fine . And from now on I'm not going to waste my tears . I'll keep them in my heart and enjoy their presence that will spread pain " .

" I am again telling you , don't be so hard on yourself" . " And I'm telling you , I've changed myself from this point on. Thank you for hugging me . I needed it the most" she said while hugging me back with a tight grip . I also didn't leave her .