17

"Yeah, uh huh." Yed tried not to let his groan be heard over the phone. A few days later after the lamp tieing incident, Muin got tackled with all the fun Ezra had been going through. "Yeah, I'm sure Zaria's an ass. I agree. No, I'm pretty sure a bat to the head for him's not quite the right idea. Oh you bought him the Sensitive Daddy book instead?"

Yed squinted. Zaria was better off with a bat to the head. "Oh he backed off when you did that? Okay. Say, maybe you should talk to Ezra about this instead when she comes home? No, no. I'm not trying to be insensitive to get you off the phone." Yed sighed. "No Muin, I do understand. You're going to what?" Yed wasn't pleased with her words. "You know technically threatening a Protector is illegal. No, no I won't tell. No, I won't let them put you in jail! Aah!" Yed grabbed his head. "Will you stop crying, I get it! What, Zaria showed up? Well good, go cry on him so you'll feel better. No I am not demanding it, only if you want to!"

A grumpy, irritable, nauseous emotional Ezra had NOTHING on Muin.

"Hey!" Ezra greeted him as she opened the door. "How are you?"

Yed pretended to hang himself. "Help?" He whispered.

Ezra strolled over and took the phone. "Hello? Hey Muin, how are you? Ooh…finally caught up?" Ezra couldn't help but grin, but kept her voice sympathetic "Me? No, no I'm doing much better. You rest and let Zaria handle dinner tonight. Okay? Hugs and kisses. Bye bye."

Yed watched in amazement as Ezra hung up the phone. "Oh great one, please teach me your ways?"

Ezra chuckled, "Gosh, I can't believe she's actually having two."

"Yep," Yed said. "Let's hope they don't inherit too much of Muin's attitude though." He shivered. "I might belong in the highest class of Protectors but she can be scary."

Ezra laughed at him, "Anyhow, I've got my news." She set her purse down. "I'm going to name her Carressela."

"A girl?" Yed chuckled. "Well, let's hope she takes after you and not Muin."

Ezra gave him a funny look.

"Oh! That's right, you're not really…" Yed hit his head. "I don't know why I said that."

"We're as close as family," Ezra said as she sat down on her couch. "I couldn't imagine life without Xiam or Muin." She looked over at Yed. "You have no clue how hard you leaving really was on this family at first."

"I know, but I can't help it." Yed crossed his arms. "I'm a Protector, I go where I'm needed." Before the conversation could go further, there was a knock at the door. He watched as Ezra went over to the door and answered with a simple hello.

A warno coughed as he looked at Ezra. He was dressed in a silky purple shirt with a grey vest holding a box of expensive chocolates. "Hey Ezra, haven't seen you much down at Vallencio's. How are you and your little one doing?"

Yed raised an eyebrow as he started to stand. This guy was not welcome.

"We're fine," Ezra said in a quick manner. "What are you doing here?"

"Oh, well I was in the neighborhood and I wanted to see how you were doing," He said tenderly. "Are you alright?"

"She's fine." Yed interrupted as he came to the door. His hand firmly placed on the back of the door, almost ready to slam it. He gave the stranger a firm but strange smile. "Who may I ask are you?"

The clueless warno smiled like a dumb idiot. "My name's Marni. I'm a friend of Zaria's and I'm also a waiter down at Vallencio's part time. I used to know Ezra well."

"What, you think that gives you a shot with Ezraponia Cattral?" Yed said in an unfriendly fashion.

Ezra covered her face, "He's here as a friend Yed."

"Yeah sure." Yed said unconvinced. He smiled at the warno anyway. "Do you like games?"

"He's here as a friend only Yed," Ezra warned him. She smiled back at Marni. "It was nice seeing you."

"Well, actually I came over to ask something else." Marni smiled as he cleared his throat. "Ezra Cattral, if you aren't real busy later, maybe you'd like to go out as friends sometime?"

And that was that.

"Ow! Ow! Ow! What the hell are you doing?!" Marni screamed.

"Playing a game." Yed said as he bent Marni's elbow back and scrunched his fingers. "How many of your fingers am I holding up? Guess right and I let go."

"Yed, stop it!" Ezra demanded. "Will you stop it?!"

"Three!" Marni yelled in agony.

Yed finally let go. Without even a reply, Marni took off running down the street. "Touch her and your digging your own grave!" Yeah it was a cliché saying he said a thousand times, but he didn't care, it got the point across a thousand times. "Wanting to go out as friends, how transparent is that?" Yed gawked. "I don't think so. The guy didn't even figure out who I was."

"Well, you're not wearing your Protector uniform," Ezra's voice held some disdain within it.

Yed looked down. Oh yeah, it was just a casual blue with an imprint of orange hybrid roses. "I didn't feel like wearing it." He looked over and saw Ezra's expression, his actions were unapproved. "He said friends, he didn't mean friends. Males don't go out as friends."

"We go out as friends!" Ezra protested.

"…that's different." Yed settled on. "I'm a Protector and I'm never up to anything. The way he was fidgeting and acting, he was up to something! That stupid wannabe charming shirt and suit, he probably rented it just for the night."

Ezra just turned around and went back in, "he's harmless."

"No guy's harmless," Yed reminded her. "Give any male a chance and they're all the same."

"Yeah, except protectors. I know, I know." Ezra groaned in frustration. "The almighty Protector is the only one immune to the female charm." She said lazily, repeating something Yed used to say all the time. "Everyone else is simply barbarians driven by pheromones and their sex drive."

Now wasn't the time to use his own words like that.

"If Muin calls, tell her Zaria is doing the best he can with her so give him a little break and to try to drink some milk if she's nauseous." Ezra said as she went up the stairs, stomping a little harder than usual.

As if on cue, the phone rang. Yed took a deep breath, remembering Ezra's advice.

"I didn't say it, Ezra said to say it!" Yed protested on the phone with Muin. He had shared Ezra's advice, and it hadn't turned out so well. "Yeah, I agree. He's scum and you could do better. No, I don't know why I said that. No, I didn't know that about milk, Ezra said it, not me! I'm not trying to pin blame on her but she's the one who said it. No, I'm sorry, go ahead." Yed groaned as he heard a knock on the door. "You know what? If you just come over and whack me, will you stop yelling at me? No? Okay. What do you mean can you do it anyway? No! Muin, will you listen? What do you mean you lost your Sensitive Daddy book? You misplaced it?"

Yed made it over to the door. Lo and behold, Zaria stood there with the Sensitive Daddy book. Muin's husband waved awkwardly at him.

"Zaria? Oh, he's missing too huh?" Yed continued to talk on the phone. "You think what? He might have hidden the book?" He looked at the book in Zaria's hands again. "Well, who knows. Okay. Alright, you go look for him and make him pay then. Alright nighty night." Yed hung up the phone.

"How are you Protector Yed?" Zaria tipped his head politely.

"Wondering if I have extra business coming my way," Yed couldn't help himself. "My fees are outrageous for your income and you are not my favorite guy, but after hearing Muin, I'll give you an hour." He gestured for him to come in.

"Oh by the planet of Pagnia…" Zaria groaned as he brought the book inside. "Muin's become a complete psycho now. I don't know what to do. I try to say something nice and suddenly she thinks something's wrong because the book says so. I do laundry or the dishes, she thinks that I don't think she can do it by herself, the book says so! I just don't do anything and, according to this stupid book, I'm accused of making her overwork!" He whined as he dropped the book beside him and landed on the couch. "I didn't know what to do anymore."

"So you ran here?" Yed couldn't help but smile a bit. "I've always protected just women or the king. I've got no clue what to charge you if you come again."

"It's okay. I know she'll settle down in an hour or so," Zaria said as he relaxed. "I just have to stay away until then." He groaned and looked at the book on the floor. "I can't let her find that book, it's ruining my life."

"Yeah, I've heard of that book before." Yed said, "Actually, I knew the author, we both went to the same Protector Academy. He didn't pass, but I hear he's doing well."

Zaria slouched into the couch. "Well he's made my life miserable. I am used to Muin's gloom and doom moments, but this is out of my league. How did you get through Ezra's tantrums?"

"Easy," Yed chuckled. "She isn't Muin! It wasn't a soft delicious piece of dessert, but it wasn't so much as concrete cake. Muin laid the foundation and it was quick drying."

Zaria smiled strangely, "You are actually funny."

"Who said I wasn't?" Yed answered back.

"No, it's just strange," Zaria commented. "I mean all the Protectors I've known or heard about are always serious about everything. You actually seem more laid back."

"Yeah, well I'm sure your friend Bates would disagree with you." Yed put his feet up on the couch. "You would too if you'd think back."

"Bates?" Zaria seemed impressed. "You knew my friend?"

"Sure did. I never forget an arm I break or a finger I fracture," Yed smiled strangely.

"Oh…" Zaria slowly began to sit up. "Oh, I think I actually remember you now. You always tossed him back over to his yard and gave his family huge hospital bills to pay."

"It wasn't my fault he, and you, wouldn't leave Ezra alone." Yed held his fingers together at the tips. "If I was still here when you started to like Muin, I would've done the same to you again." Ha, like he didn't know Zaria was involved too.

Zaria held his hands up. "It was different and it was an overwhelming pheromone thing. It's not the same with Muin at all. Really it's not, I love her."

"You better," Yed practically growled. "You're so lucky I wasn't here."

Zaria gave him an awkward smile. "I think I finally get it now. You're pretty tough on the outside but you're a nice guy on the inside."

Yed cocked up an eyebrow. That wasn't what he expected.

"I know," Zaria relaxed on the couch again. "I know Muin's young but I'd never hurt her if I could help it. I mean look at me? I'm running away from her."

Yed couldn't help but smile. He knew Zaria was right. "You still shouldn't have married her so young."

Zaria shrugged his shoulders. "Maybe in a different world I would have waited." He looked over at Yed. "Come on Protector Yed, don't tell me you can't feel it? I've felt it for years now," he sat upright. "I don't know how great life will stay. Why waste a moment?"

Yed took his legs off the couch and sat up straight. "You are smarter than I gave you credit for. Yeah, we don't have real long before some kind of assault but we're doing what we can."

"You mean, you're actually doing something?" Zaria's eyes were wide with curiosity. "What?"

"Don't get your hopes up," Yed's demeanor turned from serious to casual again. "We're not revealing our colorful tails and hair anytime soon. We're just investigating right now."

Zaria nodded. "I guess 'Protector' took on a whole new meaning over this last century, huh?"

"Not really," Yed admitted. "We protect who needs our help. Whether it be women, the king, or a guy hiding from his wife."

Zaria rubbed his face. "Yeah, Muin. I love her but she's going to be the death of me." He sank back into the couch further again. "You trained eight decades to be a Protector, any advice Yed?"

"Protector Yed," Yed reminded him. "Not really and eight decades still isn't long enough to know the female mind."