Too Late When He Disappeared

And there we go , it was already the night before NEW YEARS and me and my family went to the supermarket to make some big grocery shopping for the special occasion since it was our favorite time of the year .

My sister has already known and witnessed our interactions so she knew there was something In the air between us , and the moment we entered from the door of the supermarket, there he was facing me , and again it happened where our eyes will lock , our world will froze , our souls will call us to pull towards each other and we wake up again and each do our business apart , but this time I saw a little smirk in the corner of his mouth , his lips curved a little and his eyes lightened up a bit .

Damn ! how I was fighting with every power in the strings of my heart to ignore that tickly feeling , and then again I saw my sister smirking annoyingly knowing what's happening, so all my feet could do was run away as usual after my parents totally ignoring him.

I was holding the paper I wrote the list for our grocery shopping in it before we came here so that we save up money and only get what's needed .

And while reading it and my parents and sister were getting things out of the list away from me , I raised my head to look away from the paper to find them , but all I saw was him looking between the shelf's for ...someone it seems , and right when he layed his eyes on me and saw me , he was holding his phone in his hands and coming towards me ...I froze for a second and my legs failed me again and ran away towards my sister.

And God!! how I hated myself at that moment.

He seemed like he wanted to approach me to get my contact and all I did is do exactly the opposite of what I wanted again , which was run away when all I wanted is to be closer to him .

my sister has witnessed the whole scene and again cursed me and I couldn't help but be disappointed at myself, because after that he totally disappeared from my sights and for all .

After that New Years night , Weeks have passed with no track of him . his presence was nowhere to be found , my sister said she didn't see him since , and even my Mom who knows as well and calls him hair of an Umbrella because his blonde hair was always messy falling on his fierce eyes hiding them , she found him funny , also said she hasn't seen him either since .

I was sad.. hard enough to admit it to myself , and also disappointed at our last interaction.

The feelings I have fought for so long finally made their way to the surface and I could finally confess to myself that I have already grew a crush on him , a one that I was afraid of .

But it felt like it was already too late to admit that now . since all I could think about was him resigning from his job and never coming back .

which seemed right at the time .

it felt as if it was maybe a sign that whatever that was going in between us should end now , since nothing real between us could happen .

I was a girl who made up her mind not to get in a relationship with anyone anymore unless it's going to be for marriage, since I am someone who values a lot those kind of precious feelings such as love and intimate experiences and I just didn't want to spend them with anyone but the one to be my husband, and yet I still wasn't ready for Marriage at all .

and also the doubts that creeped to me before about the possibility that He could be more than a co-worker to my brother and instead a friend made it look even more impossible to get together with him .

So for me All of that seemed to look like a losing a game , a one I shouldn't get engaged with nor play .

It all somehow made me come to my sense .