Apologizing

Couples fight all the time, every part has their own mindset, opinions, feelings and wishes. Key to a functional, healthy and happy relationship is acceptance. Accepting your partner for what they are and for what they need and feel. This is why it's so important to sometimes put away your own wishes/Bedürfnisse and focus on your partners point of view but in doing so don't lose yourself and your values.

Abby's words still ring in Clarkes ear after they hung up over an hour ago. She loves Lexa with all of her heart but it's not exactly everyone's business. What's important to her is that her girlfriend knows. Bluntly said Clarke never gave a shit about what other people say or think but the longer she thinks about it the more she realises that maybe it's important to Lex. Her "condition" - Clarke still gets angry at the brunette's wording - and peoples opinions on/about it didn't help Lexa with her insecurity. So is shouting it from the rooftops will make her girlfriend happy then she'll gladly do it. Everything to make her girl happy. So she'll go over there with the plan to tell Lexa exactly that. Pulling on her shoes and coat, the words already forming in her head.

"Clarke. Clarke, wait a second, your hands are shaking. Are you alright?"

Raven is standing in the living room, concerned for her best friend.

"No Lexa and I had a fight today, a really big one and I need to set it right."

"Okay but I'll drive you."

Raven reaches for the car keys and bends down to put on her shoes. Before she can reach for her coat she is tackled in a bone crushing hug.

"You really are the best. Lets go but we need a stop on the way."

"No problem babe, everything you need."

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Across town Lexa startles awake already feeling the headache pounding in her head. Everything is hazy, her thoughts are swimming away, out of reach and that usually only means one thing. She had an episode and a strong one at that if she's unable to focus. Episodes always leave her drained and overly sensitive. For that reason she always has a bottle of water on her nightstand, but while trying to roll over she collides with something soft but firm. Her eyes meet her sisters and for a split second she is surprised until the day's events come rushing back at her. Her fight with Clarke and the aftermath. God, that's not how she wanted the day to end. She looked forward to a nice date with her girlfriend and then it all went to hell.

"You doing okay there kid?"

Anya's voice pulled her out of her thoughts. Was she okay? She honestly didn't know. Was it wrong of her to be hurt by what Clarke did?

"I don't know An. I'm confused and hurt, is that wrong?"

The blonde took a moment to take her sister in her arms before answering.

"Not entirely, I get where you're coming from and I know that your episode in front of the cafe was not intentional but maybe you should take to your girl, clear the air you know?"

Lexa snuggled closer to her sister while considering her advice. It's silent for a few minutes, the brunette deep in thought. Anya waits patiently and rubs her back.

"It's just … sometimes I ask myself why such a beautiful and stunning woman wants to be my girlfriend and l just wait for the other shoe to drop. Someone like me is not so lucky."

It's a fear that is always present in the back of her mind. She knows that she's not a repelling person but she's also not the easiest and she's not ugly either. Okay she never thought of herself as a Hollywood beauty but she dares to say that she is quite pretty. The thing that plagues Lexas mind is: Are there enough positive elements in her personality to balance out the bad?

There are soft hands on her cheeks and Anya softly pulls so that their eyes meet.

"Lexa, listen to me. We both know you are not easy, there is no need to sugar coat it…"

The brunette tries to pull away, tears already running down her cheeks but her sister won't let her.

"Let me finish Lex. I was trying to say that no one is easy, you just need to find the right person that can handle everything coming their way because they love you for who you are and I really think you found that person. What you two have is rare and I'll kill you if you ever repeat this but I kinda want something like this for me. But do remember that you also need to accept her for who she is too, it's a give and take."

"Yeah you're probably right."

"So go over there and apologize alright, everything is gonna turn out okay."

"Why would I need to apologize, it wasn't me who denied our relationship in front of someone."

Anya's sigh is swallowed by the sound of her sister getting out of bed clearly irritated by her choice of words.

"Lex, I love you with all of my heart and what Clarke did was not okay but you just left her there. I know you had an episode but please think about how she must have felt, standing there, not allowed to touch you and suddenly I'm turning up and taking you away."

"So I'm the bad guy now?"

The brunette storms out of the room, anger forming in her stomach like a burning ball of fire. Anya gets out of bed too and follows her through her apartment till the reach the front door. Lexa tries to hide in her hoodie, clearly still sensitive from her earlier episode.

"No you're not the bad guy but you need to learn to listen to your girlfriend even if its hard for you. You can't just run away."

There is a knock on the door that halts the sisters in her argument and both heads turn.

"Do you expect anyone?"

Lexa shakes her head and tries to hide even more in her hoodie.

"Apart from you there is only one person that comes here."

Anya puts a comforting hand on her sisters back and pushes her softly to her door.

"I know you hate situations like this but the sooner you talk to Clarke the sooner you can go back to being grossly cute."

Lexa turns around, her eyes big and frightened, searching no basically screaming for help.

"But what do I say? What do I do? I mean is there some kind of protocol here?"

"Just be honest with her but try to stay calm, explain why you are angry with her and Lex listen to what she has to say too okay?"

"Okay yeah, I can do that I can do this. I think I'm ready."

The brunette takes two steps, sure and confident...then a pause and a deep breath. She grips the handle, turns and the door opens. Standing there is Clarke, hand raised to knock again.

"I'm sorry, is this a bad time? I can swing by again if you want me to."

Her voice is soft and unsure as she is still insecure whether it's the right thing or if Lexa even wants to talk to her. An uncomfortable silence fills the room and Anya barely suppresses the urge to roll her eyes. Morons.

"No please come in Clarke. I'm pretty tired and in due need of soaking in my bathtub. So I'm gonna go. Bye Lex and be good!"

With that Anya is out of the apartment before her sister can even think about backing out. Lexa takes a step to the side, opening the door as a silent invite for her girlfriend. Clarke steps in and the silence returns again, both unsure of how to proceed. They are still new to this whole relationship thing...well Lexa is but it's been a while for the blonde as well. Clarke is still debating with leaving again when a voice interrupts her thoughts.

"I know we're still fighting, well I think it is a fight Anya explained it to me and she pointed out that we need to talk about it but I would really like to hug you. Can I?"

Relief floods through Clarke. That means she can still fix this! And so without words she steps in the slightly raised arms of her girl and hugs her with everything she has.

"I really hate this. I wasn't sure if you even wanted to see me. God Lex...you were so upset today and when you wouldn't talk to me I thought it was over."

Anya was right, I was an asshole today. I must have frightened her a lot.

"Clarke I'm so so sorry. It had nothing to do with you but we've never gone through an episode together and I didn't know what to do."

"It's alright now but you need to tell me what to do in that kind of situation okay? I want to know what I can do to help you."

"We will, I promise."

Time passes as they hug in Lexas entryway, both of them content to just feel and be near each other. They listen closely to each other's heartbeats, letting it wash away all their anxiety and fears. It's an important lesson for a new couple. Not every fight means a break up, or even a screaming match till everything is sorted out. Sometimes most arguments can be resolved with such tender moments but the reasons of the fight still need to be talked about. Otherwise it will return again and again without fail. For Lexa that step is really important, she needs to get her emotions out or else it haunts her for days or even weeks on end.

"Clarke...are you ashamed of me?"

There it is, the question that frightened Lexa for the last hours, a question she's not sure she wants an answer for.

"No! Jesus Lexa. Why would you think that?"

Blue eyes filled with tears and sadness search for green ones.

"That woman...you didn't tell her that we are a couple and you didn't introduce me to her."

"No Lex, I will never be ashamed of you! You are one of the best things that's happened to me in I don't know probably ever. I was just so angry with her for disrespecting you and especially us."

Lexas eyes are firmly focused on the ground, away of guarding herself as two warm and soft hands cup her cheeks and she finally meets blue.

"Baby I know you need me to show you everything I feel because you struggle with reading my body language without context and I really try but sometimes I will shut down to cope with certain things but that's just who I am and I need you to trust me that when that happens it has nothing to do with you...so I got you something."

Clarke reaches for the back pocket of her jeans and Lexas eyes widen. It's a small and simple necklace with a round pendant that shows a picture of them taken on a sunny day at the park. The blonde's hands shake slightly as she fastens it around her girlfriend's neck.

"I promise you to always tell you if there is something wrong with us, but when there are situations like today you can look at this and remember that I love you Lex and I will always be there for you okay?"

"I love you to Clarke. So very much."

Love floods through Lexas body and she leans forward watching Clarke doing the same before closing her eyes. The kiss they share is full of relief, love and joy. Suddenly the brunette pushes her girl against the door and helps her out of her jacket.

"Call Octavia and Raven. You're staying here tonight."

Clarke moans as hot lips travel over her neck, hands slipping under her shirt exploring her soft skin.

"God babe I love it when you're like this."

"Can we try something new today?"

"Like what?"

"The shower."

"You're quite adventurous today. Let's go stud."

And with that everything was alright again.

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Anya steps out of the building, taking a deep breath and closing her eyes for a second. She really really hopes that these two work out their differences. She's not really a romantic person but she has to admit that the idiots are perfect for each other.

"Hey cheekbones, fancy seeing you here."

Raven leans against the door of her car and grins cheekily in her direction. She must have noticed the confused expression on Anya's face.

"I'm Clarke's ride. She was pretty nervous so I offered to take her here."

"That's pretty generous of you."

"Ah yeah, well anything for my friends."

An awkward silence fills the air both unsure of what to say. They both feel the spark everytime the group meets up and occasionally they even flirt but neither is sure of how to proceed.

"Hey so I think Clarke's not returning anytime soon so I'm gonna head home."

"Yeah I'll probably too."

"Okay, see you around Anya."

"Bye Raven."

As Raven moves towards the drivers side Anya clenches her jaw. Your socially struggling sister is up there doing God knows what with her girlfriend and you are too scared to ask her out? You moron. You know what...fuck it.

"Raven wait."

The brunette halts and looks at her, hope shining in her eyes.

"Do you need something Anya?"

"I don't know if that's your thing but tonight there is a football game on TV. We could have some pizza and there should be some beer in my fridge. Would you like to watch it with me?"

"You really were made in a factory right?"

"I'm sorry what?"

"You look like a model seconds away from joining the runaway and you like football? That's like my wet dream come true."

"Is that a yes?"

"That's a fucking absolutely! Let's go!"

That could be the beginning of something really really great. Anya thought to herself as she took a seat in Raven's car.