Chapter 39 Pretend

Avery's POV

After that conversation Scarlett and I had I really thought she'd at least try and do better. But instead she goes out drinking the next day. I'm seriously considering putting her back in a hospital because she's becoming too much to manage.

But she'll probably do worse there. I've seen how lifeless she becomes in hospitals. I can't be the one to send her to one. What do I do?

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I pick Scarlett and Amy up from school and we start driving home. Scarlett is staring out the window while Amy is sleeping.

I don't know what else there is for me to do besides put her back in a hospital. She's seeing her therapist, she's taking her medication, but she keeps acting out. Talking to her isn't working, there has to be something.

We get home and they both go into their room. Jamie's on the couch on his phone and I sit down next to him.

"I need your help"

"With what?" He said turning his phone off and looking at me.

"Talking to Scarlett isn't working. I don't want to send her away again but I don't know what else to do"

"I understand. But she was so depressed in there and they didn't stop her from trying to kill herself"

He's right. They didn't keep her safe, but we're not either.

"Let's just wait awhile longer. Then we can make a decision"

"I agree. We should wait a little longer before making a decision like that"

I snuggled up next to him and we started watching tv.

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Scarlett's POV

Me and Amy slowly looked up at each other. Their seriously considering sending me to a hospital again? I felt my blood run cold.

"Scar?" Amy said

I started thinking about Wendy. I wonder how she's doing. I wonder if she's even still alive.

"We don't know they'll send you to a hospital"

I feel sick.

"Scar?"

I laid back down and started looking at more reddit posts.

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The Next Day

"Amy, Scar, breakfasts ready"

Me and Amy got up and went out for breakfast. I still feel cold and numb. I'm not anxious or depressed, there's just nothing. But I can't let them know that.

"How'd you two sleep?"

"I slept good" Amy said

"Yeah me too"

"Well that's good to hear. How are you doing Scarlett?"

"Great actually, Stacy's helping me with my homework today if that's alright?"

"Yeah of course" She said surprised

I finished all of my food and got my stuff to go to school.

I've been making sure that I'm not doing anything that shows how I'm really feeling. I've been carful not to say what I'm thinking out loud and I've been watching my hands to make sure I don't start scratching.

***************

School was meh and Stacy just left. I should probably get my grades up before high school.

Avery popped into me and Amy's room and said she wanted to talk to me alone so Amy left.

"How are you Scar?"

"I'm good" I said as genuine sounding as possible.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah actually, I feel great" I said with a smile

"Well that's good. Anything you wanna talk about?"

"Not particularly no"

"Ok well text me if you need anything" She said patting my head and walked out to see how Amy was doing.

I sighed knowing that I didn't feel great. I don't feel anything. This'll be tiring to keep up.

*************

Avery's POV

Scarlett seems better. But I feel like it's too good to be true. She just got drunk the other day. When I asked her how she was she genuinely looked like she was fine. She hasn't been scratching and she ate a lot today. She hasn't even talked out loud on accident once. I kinda wish she would so I can know what she thinking and how she's feeling because I know she won't tell the truth unless she has to.

I just got a call from our lawyer and Ms Soyer was sentenced to 7 years. She deserves life in jail for what she did to my sister but I can't change the law. Turns out that's not the first time she's done that which makes me sick. I'm just glad shes locked away where she can't hurt anyone.

"Hey Scar I just got a call from our lawyer. Ms Soyer got 7 years in the state penitentiary"

"Really? That's good to hear" She said smiling. I know something isn't right but who am I to tell her she's faking being ok? Because if she is actually ok then it might make her feel bad.

"Are you sure your ok Scar?"

She got up and put her hands on my shoulders.

"I'm fine Avery. Relax, stop worrying so much" She said looking me in the eyes. She really seems ok. Maybe the other day was just a slip up and she's ok now.

"Okay" I said smiling at her. I walked away and went off to do something else.

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Scarlett's POV

Avery worries to much. Maybe that's why she always knows somethings wrong with me. Because she always expects something to be wrong with me. I don't care though, I'll pretend to be fine as best I can for as long as I can. Anything to keep myself from being locked up in one of those mental facilities again.

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2 Weeks Later

I've been doing this for 2 weeks now. I feel like Amy's worried about me. She heard them say they might send me away and now that I'm acting all fine and dandy she's worried. My birthday finally past last week so I'm officially 14. I feel the same and look the same but it's something to mention I guess.

"Scarlett I'm gonna tell Avery we heard her say she was thinking about sending you away"

Great.

"Why?"

"I know your not feeling as good as you say you are"

"Yeah I am. Ms Soyer's in jail I'm taking my medication and my therapy appointments are going great. What's there to be upset about?"

"I think your just acting like this so they don't send you away"

"Well that's not true. Don't you think I'd try a little harder if I cared about being sent away"

This is getting harder and harder to keep up. I'm starting to get mad because Amy always messes up what I'm doing.

"Scar it's not healthy, you should stay true to your emotions"

"I am, I feel great"

"Stop lying"

"Amy I think your letting your perception of me cloud your reason and judgement"

"No, it's just I know you and this isn't you. Even when your happy or ok you still curse a lot and say dumb things and quite frankly are a pain in the ass. But your being yourself and I love that about you. Your completely you"

Ouch

"But you've been acting perfect these past two weeks. You haven't cursed, complained, or been the slightest bit annoying. Your being fake and you need to stop"

She's too good at this. She'd be a good lawyer.

"I'm telling Avery"

"Wait"

She turned around and looked at me.

"Don't. Don't ruin this for me. Everyone's happy when I'm like this. Don't you want me to be ok?"

"I do Scar, but your not ok. Your doing this for everyone else but what about you? Isn't this tiring? Pretending to be fine everyday? Isn't it exhausting?"

"Yes but it's worth it. If I acted how I feel right now I'd probably be trying to cut or do something else that might get me sent away. If you wanna know how I feel right now I don't feel anything. I'm completely numb and I don't care. It's better for everyone like this"

"I'm still telling Avery"

I guess I've done everything I can. She walks out the door and I hear her talking to Avery. I hear Avery coming into our room and I see her sit down next to me.

"So you heard that?"

"Yep"

"I'm sorry. Me and Jamie were brainstorming things that might help you"

"It's fine"

"We're not gonna send you away Scar. You get so much worse in those places and we don't want that for you. You don't have to keep pretending to be ok"

"I'm not pretending, I'm doing fine"

"Amy told me you feel numb"

"Of course she did. This was getting tiring anyway. I give up you caught me"

"Please talk to me. I wanna help"

"What's there to talk about?"

"How you feel, what your thinking about, what I can do"

"You already know I don't feel anything right now. The only thing I'm thinking about is this conversation and how to respond to all of your questions"

"Anything I can do to help you feel again"

A razor would be nice. But I won't tell her that.

"I don't know"

"I'm really sorry you heard that"

"It's fine. I don't blame you, I'm incredibly hard to manage"

I thought I knew what she'd say next but she always seems to ask unexpected questions.

"Why did you go out drinking?"

"I went to the gym and just so happened to get a drink"

"It didn't look like you were puking vodka though"

"You were paying attention to the color of my puke? That's on another level Avery"

"I looked for a second and it looked like wine"

"Or I ate something red before puking"

"But you barely eat as it is let alone because you want too"

"This feels more like an interrogation than an apology"

"You're right, I'm sorry. Please stay here tonight" She said patting me on the head. She got to the door and said "And please just be yourself"

Then she left my room to go do something else. What an interesting day.

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And dares another chapter😌