Dignity to a Deity II

It was ever-so familiar—and how could it not be?

It belonged to none other than my mother, my only family left behind in Abyss after that incident. It seems like she somehow seized the throne in the end, no matter how vehemently she refused to partake in Sorenian revels and courtly matters.

I have no memories of father. Therefore, even though I have every right to resent her for everything that fell apart that night, I do not harbor any ill feelings towards her. At the very least, I understood her as a ruler. And now, she was gazing down at me from below with an almost corporeal aura of both life and death. Her astral projection was akin to blazing flame, beautiful as it is destructive; yet calm as it is detached to worldly rage.

"Are you planning to remain standing in the presence of the Lord?"

The etiquette lessons I've long completed before my life turned upside down was still etched in my bones. It made my response almost instinctual. Kneeling in one knee, I placed my right hand on my left chest and my other to the back, softly curled into a fist like a servant. At the very least, I found it inappropriate to greet her the usual way considering my current standing. I slowly bowed and muttered in an unwavering tone;

"This lowly one dares to thank Your Majesty's grace."

"Repeat your greeting."

"…?" Pardon?

"Have you forgotten the dignity of a prince after mingling amongst the humans?"

Although all that came into view was a pitch-black canvas donned in shaky white outlines of the objects surrounding me, mainly due to the subtle vibrations of her voice, I could clearly see within those mere thin white lines that made up her eyes—still dull and colorless in my perspective—the now condescending gaze eyeing my figure as if we were nothing but distant strangers that shared no blood.

"But—"

"Repeat your filial greeting." I knew with that tone that it was a warning. Even a three-year-old would know from such a tone that my head will fall off the moment I can't satisfy her. This will immediately terminate my slight advantage of being called to the audience chambers, preventing no room for further communications. So, I gently stood, my arms still in place and bowed; this time showing dignity and grace she wanted me to show.

"The first prince greets Your Divine Majesty."

After a bit of contemplation, she nodded and took a light sip of her wine.

'It seems her expensive drinking habits haven't changed at least.'

She stood slowly, her four majestic onyx horns decorated with an exquisite crown gleamed faintly in the dim illumination of amethyst flames, calm like her aura. Her footsteps echoed as she descended at the short flight of red carpeted stairs.

"Your horns are in a worse shape than I thought. It's unevenly cut and chipped on the edges, even your wings were roughly ripped off. With such circumstance, do you think you are still worthy of being an Adonis, let alone a Sorenian?"

She slowly approached me and reached for something on my lower back.

"Well, at least your tail's intact—" She continued to stare at the tip of my tail before releasing it. It gently waved around the air before setting down. "—But you won't be able to utilize soren anymore without your horns, I'm sure you're well aware of that."

"…Will I be sealed in the Void?" Being sealed in the void of no return is the heaviest and cruelest punishment of all the laws of Abyss, however divine and degenerate. Instead of death of the soul, they are sealed eternally in a void of nothingness without anything but a fleeting sanity. It induces extreme madness and loneliness. Alone in nothingness, it manifests every negative trait and every regret one has had.

It utilizes guilt above all. To the guiltless, it utilizes fear. To the fearless, it demonstrates power. To the powerless, it induces madness. Comes with madness is every filth of a sentient entity rendered in a cycle. It whispers intrusive thoughts and impulsive reasons like a sentient space of no beginning nor an end. It chains you, binds you, and erodes your existence until you become one with the void; and no one will remember to know you've long vanished.

I see no reason in a life bound by a crystal cage. However, I see an end from a punishment like this so…futile. So fruitless.

So…dreadful.

I do not wish to be controlled around by the tides of history anymore, and the only way for that to happen is to live. It's an 'I live in control' or 'I live in misery' situation.

"Does it seem that way to you?"

"It very well does. Because the law is absolute."

"Dear, who creates the laws?"

"The Lord does. However, it can only be enacted with the agreement of the Seven Sins."

"Who enacted the current council?"

"…Assumingly, Your Majesty did." I replied with great difficulty.

She chuckled. "Little Nightling, do you want to live?"

"I have learned many things from humans. Among them, I learned to be selfish."

"Then, you do not wish to die?"

I remained silent at her words. Her question made me contemplate.

Above all, I am exhausted, but I am not entitled to speak of such a thing.

I answered, short and concise, and she stared at me for a while with a menacing gaze.

"You're a paradox. A paradox indeed."

"Give me reasons, Kaisellin. Persuade me. Show me your most primal, instinctual, and rawest desire to live. Tell me why I brought you here to hear all that."

'There it is.'

I have prepared myself for this while enduring the maddened pleas through the hallway.

"I have two reasons and a deal, along with a small favor."

"One, there are no other prospective heirs but me. I may have been the only one left of the purest descent, or I may be the most useful who's unbound by political ties of the Seven Sins."

"Two, you cannot discard of the bearer of this gods-forsaken curse that symbolizes Abyss in itself. A price is to be paid for the absence of balance, just as for the presence of an anomaly weaved by fates itself. There is no knowing what will happen if the only vessel for the curse perishes." I pointed at my blindfold covered in detailed runes.

They abhorred my existence. They abhorred my lineage. They abhorred my father. Yet one thing they feared was the wrath of the Abyss sealed behind my rune-adorned blindfold.

"And lastly, a deal. I offer myself. I offer a chance for my recovery. I offer you full control over these eyes. Until I recover my strength, I seek for your favor and protection." I boldly declared. These words were supposed to reach my grandfather's ears, yet little did I know that he'd long perished before I knew it. Abyss has shut itself from the world ever since the Draconem started the war.

"Do you realize the weight of your bargain, dear? It means you are offering your body to me as a puppet. It means you are stripped of your control over your only advantage left, and barest form of your soul. It means that you cannot remove that seal unless I say otherwise. And for what? Your freedom over a measly favor? Your own dignity over my protection?" She smirked in amusement.

"I was never free, Your Majesty. It is precisely that my curse is the only thing left I can offer that I started this bargain. It is not dignity over protection. It's an investment. I am proving what I'm worth by offering myself."

For a moment, her eyes trembled, carrying a few sentiments I couldn't explain. Perhaps it also lies in the fact that I do not wish to understand the meaning behind those eyes.

I'll have to face it, I'm powerless; in the face of the fates, in the face of greater enemies, in the face of my own kin. I am nothing more than a pawn in their eyes.

Without a source of power, I am put in a situation where I'll have to utilize every remaining advantage I have: my tongue, my curse, and the Lord's motherly grace.

"If you think your curse is all you're worth, then I might as well dismiss your offer before you finish."

"Why must dignity be a price for asking assistance?"

"Because we aren't humans. We do not have the luxury to seek kinship."

It's as if she meant to remind me that we do not have humanity. We do not have morals. We, in nature, find no value in intimate bonds. We do not divide such a vague concept as right and wrong. So, what is dignity to a deity?

It is everything.

"Why do you think there are no other heirs but you? So many happened for the past years. I've had lovers and husbands. I've had other children."

"Am I not the most useful?"

I have long noticed mother's wedding ring. It would gleam faintly in the reflection of the glass whenever she twirled around and sipped her wine.

I suspected she remarried for marital support and sufficient backing. However, I do not sense another throne beside hers.

This implies that she had not taken a King Consort. Or at least, none of them lasted long enough for me to meet.

I could feel her stare at me for a moment, her gaze boring deep. After a moment, she turned around and sighed.

"And what could this favor be?"

Summoned as if taken from a projection in my head, I handed her a particular key adorned in silver chain-like patterns.

"What do you wish me to do with it?" She inspected it carefully.

"You'll figure it out on your own, Your Majesty."

"Don't play mind games with me, boy."

She motioned the maid from earlier to come closer, ushering her with her fingers. The maid hesitantly came closer and stood between me and the Lord while bowing her head. The man dressed in exquisitely embroidered suit, whom I assumed to be her trusty seneschal, stood quietly at the side with a calm gaze.

"Slit her throat." The maid flinched, overthrown by a sudden flux of adrenaline, attempting to flee from the throne room. However, it was futile. She was rendered frozen in place, trembling, as the Lord released her aura to subdue her.

"Please swear on your true name."

"I don't think you're in any position to be doubting the one you're asking for favors?"

"I only trust written contracts, not verbal agreements. At times like these, words in ink hold greater weight than a few honeyed words of the mouth. I will start."

"I, the Prophet of Eternal Rest, swear on my true name to offer the Eye of Sabbath to the Lord of Abyss."

"Well then. Her blood shall be the proof of our oath; a soul for erasing a thousand lifetimes' worth. I, Navier Solaris el Raziel Zephyr, swear this on the crown of Abyss under the noble witness of the crimson moonlight."

A wave of black mist engulfed my figure along with mother's, beckoning that the deal had been set.

She handed me a thin dagger with a silky tassel dangling freely, its handle perfectly fitting into my slender hands. With one clean strike, I did as I'm told, severing her head in the process.

Sometime later, the ministers were summoned to the audience chamber to decide my sentence.

Amidst the chaos, my mind lost touch with my senses one by one as my breathing slowly receded to a halt.

My sight, riddled with lines and uncertainties, finally succumbed to its purest darkness.

Ah, thank the Abyss. I lasted long enough to complete the deal before my psyche broke completely.