James Smith

I have been in the restaurant waiting for James for the past thirty minutes now, as I play a game on my phone I hear footsteps approaching the table. I raise my head to see a man of about thirty years wearing all white, he is lanky and has beards that cover his whole face, he wears glasses, has small eyes and is fair in complexion. 

"Is this Falak Amin?" He asks, and I nod my head while smiling at him before sitting down or greeting the next thing he says is, "I didn't know that you were a Muslim." 

"You don't go out with Muslim girls?" I ask him curious to know, as he seats down. I raise my hand and call the attention of a waiter. I want to ask James why he's thirty minutes late but I let it slide. 

"I don't mean to be rude, please don't be offended but..." he says, interrupting my search for what to order. Whenever a person says don't be offended by what they're about to say, I know that what they are about to say would offend me. 

"I didn't know that Muslim girls had the freedom to go on dates not alone with a Christian guy." 

I didn't expect this question and don't know what to say to him but I manage to say, "Well there's always a first time to something" with a smile on my face. 

The waiter has just arrived, I order for chicken soup with bread while James orders for a cup of coffee and nothing else. The moment the waiter walks away James continues to speak. 

"Your name is rare, you're the first I have heard of with it so I thought that you'd be a Christian but never did I think i'd be on a date with a Muslim girl." He's scratching his head now and looking sideways. 

I don't know what to say again to James, I am beginning to dislike his constant mention of Muslim Girl but I don't want to come off as rude so I let him speak.

"From all I have heard about Muslim girls, they don't have the freedom to leave home without male supervision also, they rarely court because their marriages are always arranged. I hope your parents haven't found a man for you? Kikiki" I want to slap his mouth but I smile and watch him as he carries on with his talk. 

"I am going to tell all my friends that I went out with a Muslim babe, omo they'd never believe it o." 

I don't know what is more frustrating now? Is it the fact that I stupidly put myself through the pressure of dating thirty men or that I can't even defend Muslim girls?

The waiter arrives with our orders. Coffee for James and soup for me. 

"We haven't really done any proper introduction." I say in attempt to change the topic. "I'm Falak Amin, a final year student of University of Abuja." James extends his hands toward me but I just stare at it. I want to stretch my hand and shake him back but something is holding me back. 

"You already know my name," he says, obviously annoyed from my behavior. This is so awkward, I wish I had just stayed in bed and texted him to say that I was sick. 

"Do you live in Abuja?" I ask but then realize that it's a stupid question. 

"I guess so." he responds as he sips his coffee. 

I want to apologize for snubbing his hands but I won't and It's more awkward now because I don't know what to say to him again. He's staring at me and that's rude but I can't tell him to stop. To distract myself I ask the waiter for the bill and it's brought. The food I ordered cost 4400 while James coffee cost 3000. I pass him the bill because his stare is getting intense and annoying. 

His eyes open wide when he sees the bill, "We're going to split bills right?" he asks. I'm not shocked or annoyed at him for asking the question, we both agreed on coming on the date so there's nothing wrong in splitting bills. 

"Yes we will." I say smiling. I can see my reflection from the glass, my red lipstick has almost been cleaned due to the food I ate, I didn't wear any makeup apart from lipstick.

"What do you do for fun?" I ask in order to lighten up the mood. 

"Nothing really." He responds, from the way I see it, his mind is clearly somewhere else. 

I am pressed now, I tell him to excuse me as I walk to the restroom to relieve myself. In the toilet, I begin to think of 30 reasons why I should end this plan and find another way to have fun before I finish school and also other ways to discover myself. Maybe I should start a business to take my mind off this idea I think. When I am done, I walk back to the table and find it empty. James Smith is nowhere to be found. 

He must have run away considering the fact that his mood changed when he found out the amount he'd be paying for his drink, poor guy. I sit down and begin to think of the bill, You're going to spend a lot on this my mind says to me. I put my head on the table for a while and then raise it up and continue eating, I have to at-least finish my food so that it wouldn't go to waste. 

Afterward, I call the waiter and pay up for both of us. I hope I don't meet with awkward and rude people like James Smith again because if I do I would lose it. I should have known that it wouldn't turn out well the moment I saw him wearing all white. He should have told me that he couldn't afford to pay and not run away like a coward. 

I carry my purse and walk out of the restaurant, I have to get a taxi to take me home but before that I'd like to visit a bookstore to see if I can find Colleen Hoover's November 9, I site a bookstore around the corner and begin to walk towards it. My head bowed down and I'm now getting angry at the fact that James ran away from paying his bill, while I fix my veil, I bump into someone. This is the second time I'm bumping into someone when I raise my head I see my ex again. 

He begins to walk fast the moment he realizes that I recognize him but also still pretending like he cannot remember who I am. This time I won't let him go without a confrontation. I drag him back by his arms and look him straight in the eyes. 

"Are you stalking me Habib?" I ask, my breathing fast now, each breath releasing a bit of my anger. What does he take me for? After causing me so much pain he has the audacity to play with my mind by stalking me. 

"What do you want from me?" I ask again, I know my eyes are red now because my head is definitely hot. 

"Calm down Falak, it's only a coincidence." he says coolly. 

I know that tone, it's the one he uses when he's lying. I want to walk away and forget him but when I look at his green eyes, and straight nose I feel angrier because his face doesn't portray what he truly is. He looks innocent but even the devil can't show him how to deceive and play with emotions. 

"I don't want to see you again." I warn him but then he says, 

"It's a small world Falak and Abuja is smaller; you should be over the past by now." 

I want to slap him in the face and kick him where it'll hurt him the most because of how much guts he has to tell me to forget about the past. 

"I'll forget about the past when I stop seeing you." 

"You don't need to go ballistic on me." 

"I'm warning you, Habib." my finger is raised to his face now, I want to poke it in his nose and then put it in his eyes. I just want to inflict pain on him. 

"Stop stalking me or I'll involve the police." 

I catch him almost laughing, this throws me out of calmness entirely. My war mode is activated the next stupid thing he says will result into a hot slap. 

"I'm sorry for all that I had done to you." 

I didn't hear him at first until my brain registered it. I'm now moving backwards slowly. What does it mean to hear the person who has broken you say sorry for the first time since it happened? Maybe I should just walk away, I know I'm not ready to forgive him and his words have definitely switched off the war mode in me, maybe I should still slap him I reconsider. 

"You're not worthy of my forgiveness Habib. Not today, not ever." I didn't plan on saying this but I find myself saying it to him. He's the reason why I'm trying to redeem myself by dating 30 men. A foolish idea that may result in me hating love and myself. If he hadn't broken me into pieces and made me feel worthless I wouldn't have gone on a date with James Smith today. I would have been happy in life, I would not have placed my self worth on how men view me. 

"God forgives why can't you?" 

"I'm a human Habib." I say sternly, "God is God, I am not ready to forgive you and may never because I don't want to. You are not worthy of it, I don't want to see you again." I am holding my tears back, he reminds me of so much pain, he reminds me of all my mistakes. 

He's about to go on his knees now, the effornty? He's a good pretender and a liar. Habib thinks that by bumping into me twice he would be able to wipe away his sins, no. I can remember the times he would call me ugly boldly, he would say it in front of his friends and he always made me feel like anything I wore or did wasn't good enough. When people say their love is not blind I laugh at them because true love is absolutely blind. 

The final straw that left me hating him and myself is something I can never forget. It was my birthday, he didn't come over to see me but as a desperate woman I decided to drive over to see him, that was in year one and I had a car then, I had received a call from my mom earlier asking me to book a flight home because my father wanted to see me but my heart wanted to see Habib so I drove over to his apartment and found him with another woman. When I saw them, skin to skin, sweaty I screamed but not because of how I saw them but because I had just checked my phone and a message had been sent that my father was no more. I knew that I would never forgive him from that day. If he hadn't cheated on me, it would have made me feel less guilty about choosing him over my father. I didn't even know that my father's health was critical, he had diabetes but I didn't know that it had gone really bad and that if I had left for Kaduna I would have made it to see my father. 

He goes on his knees, "For the sake of the Creator Falak, please forgive me" 

I begin to laugh hysterically, is this the mighty Habib on his knees? Begging? He played me like a toy, used me and dumped me when I needed his help the most. 

"Not today Habib" I say, wiping a lone tear before he notices it. 

"When Falak?" 

"Not ever Habib." 

I adjust my veil and walk away, he's still on his knees, his black trouser must be dirty now. As I begin to lose sight of him, I remember the day he almost slapped me because I poured water on his friend. If not for Zainab, he would have slapped me and I would still have run back into his arms like the idiot I was. 

I walk to the bookstore entrance and as I try to enter my phone beeps, it's a message from a new number. Who might it be? I check the message, it says, 

"I broke up with my girlfriend, not because of you but because I searched the depth of my heart and didn't find a reason why I loved her. It's Hassan by the way, can I see you when you're less busy. Take care." 

My heart is about to leap out of its cage due to this message from Hassan. I don't want to buy the book anymore I just want to go home and tell Zainab all about today. And to reply to Hassan too that's if I have the guts.