When unlikely attraction blossoms between a twentysomething genderqueer tattoo artist and an older, small-town veterinarian, both are forced to face their pasts for a chance at a loving future.<br><br>Four years ago Padraig Donovan lost his husband, the only man he’d ever been with. Now his life consists of the work he loves, a big empty house, and the possibility of a lonely future.<br><br>Kaos’s experiments with makeup landed him in the hospital at the hands of his disapproving ex. With nowhere else to turn, he flees to Acker, Wisconsin ... and runs into a sexy widower and the kindest man he’s ever met.<br><br>Padraig and Kaos know there’s something worth exploring between them, and as they raise a puppy and deal with the ups and downs of their respective jobs, they fit into each other’s lives in ways they never expected. Being with Kaos -- who is so different than the guys he’s always been attracted to -- opens up an exciting new world for Padraig. But can he convince Kaos to trust another man with his body ... let alone his heart?
Kaos placed the last cardboard box in the back of his beat-up Toyota and closed the hatch. When he turned back, Lake stood by the door to the studio, looking torn as hell.
“I don’t want you to go,” she said quietly when he got to her and stepped inside her bubble. Only from that distance could he see her lip wobble. She was tough as nails and had been his rock, but she had two runners in a race that could only end with a guillotine at the finish line.
“I know, baby, I do.” Kaos wrapped his arms around her and let her weep against his shoulder. He sighed and relaxed into the hug, taking comfort where he could get it.
He glanced to the side, at the studio window he’d painted a year ago. He’d miss the fucking octopus and most of his regular clients and even the staff there. Everyone except one of the owners, Lake’s big brother and Kaos’s ex, Trev.
“You call me, okay?” Her voice was small and fragile—everything she wasn’t. She was an Amazon, a few inches taller than his five ten, and like her brother, packed with muscle that required very little maintenance to stick.
“Of course, baby. I’m sorry I gotta go,” Kaos whispered into her neck.
“Yeah.” She took a deep breath and steeled herself, then let go of him. “Maybe I’ll come visit you one day.”
“Once I know where I settle, I’ll send you an address, girl. I promise.” He gave her one more squeeze, for both of their sakes, then stepped back.
They heard the familiar rumble of Trev’s souped-up SUV approaching from the side street, and Kaos suppressed a shiver. He gave Lake one more smile, then tried to walk to his car calmly. He wasn’t afraid. He wasn’t fucking afraid. Not anymore.
For Trev’s benefit, Kaos had to admit that he was the one there late. Trev was on time. Kaos was supposed to be gone already. If he sped out of the parking spot a bit too fast, he decided it was because of the restraining order he had against Trev. Kaos didn’t want to call the order into question by something he did, for Lake’s sake. In any case, Kaos was leaving. Trev could keep his shop and his sister and their fucking neighborhood. It wasn’t fair that Kaos had taken the order and was the one having to leave. But he’d never fuck up other people’s jobs, and the guys at the studio needed Trev to be there. And Kaos, well… he could deal. Somehow.
* * * *
He was driving along I-55 when his cell rang in its holder on the dash, muting his driving playlist automatically. He grinned when Makai’s name flashed on the screen. Kaos couldn’t wait for the chance to get a photo on his phone to go with the name, just like he had for all his friends. He reached to swipe to answer the call and made sure the phone was on speaker.
“Hey, bro. How’s it going?” Kaos smiled. The thought of going toward the man who had been like a big brother to him those last two years in prison made everything inside him warm and happy.
“Hey, Kaos. Thought I’d check up on you.” Makai’s tone held the affection that seemed to be innate to him. “What’s the ETA?”
“Well, I’m gonna take a pit stop in Madison, get a cheap motel room somewhere and something to eat. Sleep for as much as I can, then drive to you guys tomorrow.”
“That’s how many hours…?”
“Five today, five tomorrow. If the Toyota can take it, so can I.”
“Okay, let us know when you get into town so we can go and have a bite to eat at the diner. Emil’s been craving a blueberry shake like nobody’s business.” The fondness in Makai’s words was so obvious, it made Kaos smile. He was so fucking happy for his friend that he couldn’t begin to describe it.
“Yeah, I’ll do that. Talk to you tomorrow.”
“Drive safely, K.”
Kaos waited for Makai to end the call to see if his music would continue playing after. When it did, he smiled and reached for his Coke in the cup holder. He took a sip and cradled the can to his chest with one hand while steering with the other.
Head-bopping to some nineties tunes and old family favorites, he continued his way toward Madison. He had googled some motels and planned to pick the closest one after he got in a few more hours of driving. He was getting hungry, so maybe he’d stop in a town on the way to get some fast food, even though he didn’t generally indulge in junk like that.
The song changed, and the randomizer gave him one of his grandma’s favorite songs, Pat Benatar’s “Heartbreaker.” Smiling sadly and feeling the squeeze in his chest, he hummed along. He might’ve been more of a “Love Is a Battlefield” kind of guy, but he could appreciate this one too.
* * * *
Kaos ended up eating all the snacks Lake had bought him for the drive and still felt ravenous by the time he made it to Madison. Once he got a room at a motel, he showered and changed, then gave his makeup kit a longing look when he spotted it in his duffel. Sadly, it wasn’t the time or the place for that. He needed to be safe first.
He explored the area a little and drove around until he found a pizza place, where he gorged himself on veggie pizza and breadsticks because he could. At least he hadn’t had fries and shit earlier. Not-so-pleasantly full, he drove back to the motel and fell asleep at around nine in the evening.