Zelenesenki
I'm too sweet in person that my mom became diabetic... Amateur Writer but I'm trained at Music, Foreign Languages and Art. (for short, I'm struggling financially ahaha)
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Zelenesenki1yrCommentésame... but not that much.
"Huh?" Lin Diyu was confused by this flow of conversation.- Zelenesenki1yrPosté
Ah yes, the first sentences themselves dictated that the author recognizes quality writing. The MC has a consistent design as the plot moves forward [Effortless, Humble and even Cautiously Smart]. I'm not that familiar with systems and cultivations but this book gave easy explanations for me to grasp the concepts of the two. I hope you'll do well and attain the success this novel deserves!
- Zelenesenki1yrCommenté
you can remove the [then!] after the word convenient for a smoother read.
Ce paragraphe a été supprimé. - Zelenesenki1yrCommenté
You can remove the second comma here so it won't look too cumbersome.
Ever since the system abilities were awakened, the rewards were not very promising to him anymore, compared to when he was still weak. - Zelenesenki1yrCommenté
just change it to~ [Another peak master cut him off]. to make it less clunky because the next statement showed that it was indeed a woman that had cut him off.
Ce paragraphe a été supprimé. - Zelenesenki1yrCommenté
MC be following Covid protocols lol
Ce paragraphe a été supprimé. - Zelenesenki1yrCommenté
lol "Lablats" and "<3".
Ce paragraphe a été supprimé. - Zelenesenki1yrCommenté
add a space between hand and Fristly. gosh delete my comments later ahahaha I became a free proofreader.
Ce paragraphe a été supprimé. - Zelenesenki1yrCommenté
Add a space on your last sentence... or am I just tripping?
[Discovered location with abundant Heaven and Earth Qi: Eucharistic War Battleground! Would you like to sign in, Host?] - Zelenesenki1yrCommenté
Okay, first sentences in and I already caught the Author's way of writing... simple yet impressive and time-smart.
THE MOMENT HE opened his eyes, he knew he was dead. - Zelenesenki1yrCommenté
Lol Kelvin can be hot or cold... I apologise for my nerdy brain...
The waiter on the other hand had an unreadable look on his face as he watched the girl's melancholic looking back. He realised that he had his hands clenched tightly by his side. "Kelvin! are you still here? I thought your shift ended half an hour ago?" a voice called out to him. He turned towards the voice and responded, "Yes, my shift ended but I had something to take care of. See you tomorrow", he smiled at his manager and left the restaurant. - Zelenesenki1yrCommentéCh 1 The first happy day
- Zelenesenki1yrCommenté
had the was
Ce paragraphe a été supprimé. - Zelenesenki1yrCommenté
"Show never tell" to the readers, all I learned from this was his character fits in generic definitions and not enough descriptions... Sorry I had to do some tough love if I want the writers of the novels I read to improve. 😔 How do we connect our senses to his given traits? I can say that I have a 300 IQ and a billion in my bank acc but no one would believe me if that's just me telling and not showing. (delete this comment later)
Joshua had sat on the corner of a classroom, waiting for his name to be called, many students had known and liked him, he was praised by teachers, his face was considered beautiful, and he was from quite a rich family. - Zelenesenki1yrRépondu à Surrealish
- Zelenesenki1yrCommenté
oh interesting...
Ce paragraphe a été supprimé. - Zelenesenki1yrRépondu à Littleplotter