EchoingDusk

Also, I'm just telling not asking, but do remember that Clone Troopers used a shit ton of EMP weapons which would kill Space Marines pretty easily... or, at least disable their Armour and let them be bombarded with plasma bolts... so yeah... Clones...

STOP! You don't have to change anything! I am just giving my personal opinion about points I don't like... not forcing you to change your story... doing so would be encroaching on your territory as a writer... my views so far have stemmed from the fact that the WH40K element seemed to have been overpowered in this fic while the Star Wars aspects have been reduced to mere punching bags... that is all I am saying l.... you are a good writer, a consistent writer... but a bit biased towards 40k... that is all...

read the book Shatterpoints or hear the audiobook, it isn't just instances that change history... it is sort of like seeing weakness that allows him to incapacitate an individual with a single blow... there's a site called Goldenaudiobook where you can hear it for free... don't know about word copy though...

ah... yes... I seem to have missed that one paragraph once Sidious started his inner monologue... But plagueis was... more skilled in biological experiments than pure force abilities... which justify your point again... yep... that's my mistake alright... still, I'm cranky Yoda didn't bend over Sebastian... or that you forgot Macr Windu can see shatterpoints...

yes... twice... and yes, blaster fire bounced off his body, but he stumbled with each shot... too many rounds even damaged his armour... and even Mandalorians died in large numbers, when they died in the tunnels...

Now that I read it again after the author's accusation of having just skimmed through this thing, is certainly... imaginative to suggest that a Sith, a force user who has the power of precog... wouldn't notice when someone's about to kill him or want to kill him? No, it is more accurate to say this whole fiasco about a single space marine defeating the combined might of the Jedi single handed is basically a Warhammer 40k fan's wet dream... And regarding the Space Marine's supposed immunity to blaster fire, it seems a rather selective understanding of Star Wars technology has been employed. To overlook the nature of blaster bolts as concentrated plasma, essentially a scaled-down, refined 40k plasma gun... basically, reduce a plasma gun's size to 1/5th and instead of its usual volatile chunk of plasma, it now fires a sniper bullet made of plasma that delivers all its payload on a single spot... is to ignore the inherent thermal and kinetic energy involved. Well, writer, I admire your dedication to your... vision. Perhaps next, you could write a piece where a single guardsman singlehandedly defeats the entire Death Star with a spoon? It would fit the theme... {P.S. In my personal opinion, not that I'm enforcing it on you, but simply letting you know, Sebastian of the Black Templar is dead and diced into little pieces, and the one moving around is a ghost... I would add an insult here, but I won't as conflict begets conflict alone...}

I did read till Maximus the Ultramarine killed Ziro the Hutt... and yes, I can read fast cause that's sort of my occupation...

The introduction of Chaos elements felt less like a natural progression of the story and more like a desperate attempt to hammer home the author's point: 'Warhammer 40k is just better.' It's as if they couldn't stand the thought of Star Wars having any kind of resistance This isn't world-building; it's world-butchering. It's one thing to explore the potential clash of these universes, but it's another to simply declare one side inherently superior and then proceed to dismantle the other. It feels less like a story and more like a propaganda piece for Warhammer 40k. The author seems obsessed with proving that nothing in Star Wars can stand against the might of the 40k universe. But in doing so, they've created a narrative that's not only boring and predictable but also deeply disrespectful. It's a shame because a well-executed crossover could have been amazing. Instead, we got this

Writing Quality: 5 Update Stability: 5 (Consistent updates, which is...something) Story Development: 1 (Or lack thereof) Character Design: 3 (Generic Space Marine archetypes, nothing new) World Background: 0 Look, I get it. Crossovers are fun. I love both Star Wars and Warhammer 40k, and the idea of them colliding could have been awesome. But this? This felt like watching someone take two beautiful paintings and scribble all over them with a permanent marker. The writing itself? Fine, I guess. The author can string sentences together. But it's like they used that skill to build a power fantasy on steroids. I mean, come on. A single Black Templar just strolling through the Jedi Temple like it's a playground? And don't even get me started on what they did to Darth Maul. Ripped in half? Seriously? It's like the author wanted to prove how "tough" their Space Marines were by making everyone else look like wet noodles. It's not even about the violence, though there's plenty of that. The introduction of Chaos elements just because...why not? It feels less like a story and more like someone throwing a tantrum, screaming about how much cooler their toys are. Honestly, it's just sad. I wanted to enjoy this. I wanted to see a cool clash of worlds. Instead, I got a one-sided beatdown where Star Wars was treated like a punching bag. If you're looking for a story that respects both universes, save yourself the headache and find something else. This is just...disappointing.

...let me know if I'm wrong but... isn't this whole damn thing a crub stomp fanfiction? what do you mean 'not just a crub stomp fic' isn't that the whole plot till now?