MisterClaps
i like cats and I hate how overused "Systems" are.
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so she grew up with garm since childhood, and that same person she knew for a long duration of time suddenly switches personalities and habits and is also aligned with the same time a level 9 prisoner escaped, but despite all that, she does not feel suspicious at all? She just swoons over him and feels "interested"? alright author I get you want make her an ally, but come on... this is just forced at this point. Like you couldnt for once just made it a different kind of scenario where she immediately finds out and strikes a deal to see the surface? but no you just went back to the secret cool identity again, it was ok for night hound since it made sense why they wouldnt suspect vikir (in some parts) but there is just no way garm can avoid suspicion that long, especially a month AND when the guards literally were told that the "escaped prisoner" disguised as a doctor. please take some time to read your own stuff and think how other characters with their personality that you chose and wrote for them would react to garm's sudden change rather than your eagerness to turn her into an ally and just straight ul ignoring logical sense instead of another possible harem member. i apologize but this has been bothering me for so long constantly in agony wishing for kirko to realize instead of "Oh my god he has such cool torture methods, so interesting~"
the severity of punishment dont seem to be enough for the crime they committed, like genocide and only 15yrs? Endangering a country is 20 and vikir, doing exactly that, got 3k lifetimes? there's also corruption to take into account but the numbers dont line up. for a super high security prison, you'd expect to see prisoners with similar sentences as vikir but none of them in the new batch of prisoners
sadly, Chelsy is no longer a Virgin, our MC didn't make it in time. I know it's a bit f'd up that i wrote a 6yr old being raped. There are people thay sick in the head in real life, so what I'm doing with John is putting him in the shoes of the family members/ relatives that have had a child a victim of pedophiles. What I have planned for John is just a bunch of emotional and mental trauma
Heyyo! Glad you liked it! If you have any thoughts or problems about my story then please feel free to leave a detailed review, It could 1* or 5*, I'm gonna read them anyway no matter the rating just so i can understand what went wrong and learn from it and so i can write some better chapters. Sorry for no upload today though, had some family stuff the entire day and I'm exhausted. Might make some draft chapters in advanced so I can just edit them and send em out when I'm in a rush. Once again thanks for being my 1st actual review :)
Heyyo author here again, Noticed that I STILL make a ton of mistakes like forgetting a word, missing a word, butchering spellings and even writing sentences that make no sense. I downloaded Grammarly to my phone like 2 days ago so that helped reduce the amount of mistakes I made, but Grammarly has a hard time detecting when a word is either missing or when a dialogue symbol is missing or when a sentence makes no sense. I will be going back to revise my previous chapters to try and fix them when I have time, but sadly I got little free time AND even if I did, I would still miss some of these mistakes So here's the IMPORTANT bit, please comment any typo you find, any sentences that feel off/like you don't get it, any spelling mistakes, any Name mistakes. I try to keep my novels clean from those simple mistakes, but there's only so much my eyes can notice. Sorry again for dishing out chapter after chapter all filled with mistakes. I am not gonna tell you to expect me to change instantly, I'mm 100% sure there will be mistakes in the next chapter and probably the next still. It's my first time writing so hopefully over time I learn how to avoid typing as much mistakes and learn how to notice errors when I revise more. accurately.
Also thank you very much for the powerstone :)
Hey! thanks for pointing it out! I'll go find it and fix it for ya.
Yeah I get what ya mean. But I don't hate harem, I just hate how overused it is. But you can rest easy that I will not be planning to give him a harem. But since I write these chaps on the go I might end up accidentally setting up the stage of him getting into a harem. Last time I tried writing using MS Word and a character that I didnt even want him to be in a relationship ended up needing a relationship just for the plot make sense. How do i do that? I have no idea how. I will try and steer clear of harem though thats for sure, so once I think I should let John get some love for development, I'll be making a mental note to myself: "No harem"
=====SOME WORDS FROM THE AUTHOR===== Heyyo! Author here making a review since all this would be too much for the synopsis. Just want to let you all know that this is my 2nd attempt at TRYING to turn writing into a hobby. So I'm pretty sure you all have seen this kind of synopsis before so I'm just gonna be direct: -I have 0 writing experience AND 0 social communication skills so expect some bad attempts at jokes, romance or just normal conversations. I grew up being good at neither of those IRL ;-; . Please point out when something just sounds too forced or too cringey. -This novel is inspired by The webnovel: Villain Retirement by Romeru. It's an awesome novel if you're into some extreme gore and violence with some comedy in it then go check it out. -PLEASE point out any typos or grammar errors because whenever I find one, I can actually just forget about it instantly. And if you see some dialouge and think it could be written better, then please share your suggestion in the comments because in my head I think you readers got better english than I do despite me growing up speaking english the majority of my life. -Unlike Villain Retirement, the MC will not talk like a robot but instead be an actual normal kid that doesn't try and kill any living person he sees straight away. Only similarities is that he has something rough going on in their heads that screws their thinking and sense morality, for John this happens slowly as the story progresses and no I am not talking about Riley being in the spectrum but something else. -Schedule of release? I'll try and force myself to write 1 chapter a day just to develop the habit but the time of when I upload is random at the moment since I got some school stuff to deal with if I want to graduate. For now all I can say is that I will be uploading around in the afternoons or evenings of where I live. When I have more free time then i might have a better upload schedule. Abd yeah that's about all I can think of. Please take some time to read read and hopefully enjoy!
Been a fan of this novel the moment I finished the first 5 chapters. Though I do love Riley as a complete villain, Hopefully we could see him turn into an Anti-hero in this new season. He'll still be as sadistic as he was during darkday but he'll atleast try and save some people by his own will rather than Megawoman's or hannah but stick to his same ruthless methods. Some development of him slowly becoming human after he experienced near disintegration that he actually lost some of his memories temporarily and because of that, whatever Diane implanted in his mind that makes him desire to kill anything and anyone may have weakenes. that's what I hope to see atleast, Author if you see this hopefully you give it some thought :)
with the amount of people mentioning your horrible grammar by providing criticism, you're doing a good job reading any of them. That was sarcasm by the way. take 5 minutes to learn the difference between He/She and Him/Her. you're being beaten by my 8yr old that doesnt even have english as his main language.... Like all we had to do to teach her is just point at any of her relatives saying "She is your aunty" and "He is your aunty". Did you perhaps not get any sort of baby talk growing up? No english lessons in class? No cash to afford an english dictionary? I'm sure as hell you have internet so it surprises me you just cant google about gender pronouns.