webnovel
0
MiniBorkLazer

MiniBorkLazer

Lv11

Skeleton piloting a meat suit.

2020-03-23 JointUnited States
-d

Écriture

2.2h

de la lecture

52

Lire des livres

Badges

7

Moments

9
  • MiniBorkLazer
    MiniBorkLazer8mth
    Répondu à Word7

    Yes

    Supreme Magus
    Fantaisie · Legion20
    detail
  • MiniBorkLazer
    MiniBorkLazer9mth
    Répondu à ILovemyself_84

    Whoops, responded with the wrong profile. For the time being, there isn't any romance planned. I may have it late in the story, but it won't be a harem.

    Path of the Skeleton King
    Fantaisie · MiniBorkLazer
    detail
  • MiniBorkLazer
    MiniBorkLazer10mth
    Répondu à Tims232

    Thanks for the review! I should mention chapter four introduces a rather significant change that may either hook readers further or turn them off to it.

    Path of the Skeleton King
    Fantaisie · MiniBorkLazer
    detail
  • MiniBorkLazer
    MiniBorkLazer10mth
    Posté

    The story is very well written so far. The first chapter hooks you and manages to keep you engaged. I can't speak for many aspects of a normal review, such as update stability and story development, since it is only six chapters in. But as long as it continues as it is, it will be a great story.

    Ce livre a été supprimé.
  • MiniBorkLazer
    MiniBorkLazer10mth
    Commenté

    I think you may have accidently switched from first person to third person perspective. "My vision spun and my head pounded as I slowly regained awareness of his surroundings." his surroundings --> my surroundings*

    Ce livre a été supprimé.
  • MiniBorkLazer
    MiniBorkLazer10mth
    Répondu à Lazy_Stellar

    My mistake

    Ce livre a été supprimé.
  • MiniBorkLazer
    MiniBorkLazer10mth
    Répondu à Charming_liar

    Noted. I did it intentionally, though.

    The words wouldn't change. His eyes scanned through the letter in its entirety. Then, they did it again. And again. The words wouldn't change. Even when his eyes became bloodshot, when they tried to pierce through the letter as though to reach a hidden truth, the words wouldn't change. They were dead. His companions were dead. His brother was dead.
    Path of the Skeleton King
    Fantaisie · MiniBorkLazer
    detail
  • MiniBorkLazer
    MiniBorkLazer10mth
    Commenté

    'shocked glances' belongs in the previous paragraph

    Ce paragraphe a été supprimé.
    The Silver General: An Unlikely Love Story
    Histoire · Charming_liar
    detail
  • MiniBorkLazer
    MiniBorkLazer10mth
    Commenté

    You didn't end the quotation.

    Ce livre a été supprimé.