MiniBorkLazer
Skeleton piloting a meat suit.
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The story is very well written so far. The first chapter hooks you and manages to keep you engaged. I can't speak for many aspects of a normal review, such as update stability and story development, since it is only six chapters in. But as long as it continues as it is, it will be a great story.
I think you may have accidently switched from first person to third person perspective. "My vision spun and my head pounded as I slowly regained awareness of his surroundings." his surroundings --> my surroundings*
My mistake
Noted. I did it intentionally, though.
'shocked glances' belongs in the previous paragraph
You didn't end the quotation.