Under80
de la lecture
2244
Lire des livres
Ichi the Killer is a quality manga!
What a fun idea, Sunset crew a nice name too![img=recommend]
Immersion is being in the moment with the story, What is happening right now, and what are the characters feeling, It's about having a picture/movie of the moment in your imagination. What helps with this is Knowing how the characters look, knowing how the setting looks(the buildings, the surroundings in general), and character interaction. In this case, the women were talking and joking but without warning it goes to a big memory retelling. Your imagined story (the movie in your head) is broken. During this, the reader will get detached from the present of the story and has no reason to really care about the memory world. I have not read anything past this point of the story, Maybe this part could be removed if you think it's a mistake. Is there anything crucial in this memory arc? there are some good battle scenes in the memory but they are told at the wrong place, you can write these in the present war or way shorter telling of exploits by the friend in this interaction. mention the important information shortly like the rewards she got if they are important in the interaction and it'll likely connect well with the story you wrote after. good luck have fun.
The past memories arc broke immersion. it should have just been a short speech point to progress with the story but it was abrupt and 13 chapters about a memory of battle scenes not crucial to the story. I Read a few and skipped the rest; now the interest and immersion are gone. good luck have fun.
Good addition.
Such a funny image. cant help but repeat whenever he Goes IM BILLY BUBBA BILL!
Good chapter
Takuma Found some talent!
These 2 chapters feel very out of place, Jumping into the trip with no setup is definitely confusing and not in line with the story, so why not just preface it with why he's going there, and forcing struggle feels cheap like almost injuring himself and losing the Ferro stick means nothing when you are not engaged in the story of why are you here, etc- Good story so far these two chaps broke the flow somewhat.
Impressive! really makes sense now.