Back?

*Tick-Tock* I glanced up at the clock as I sank into the soft leather of my couch. The only sound in my home was the soft echo of the seconds ticking by. Who would have thought this is how my life would turn out? Alone, abandoned, sad, angry. I could only be mad at myself, if I made a different choice, maybe he'd be alive. Maybe I wouldn't have been sitting there dying on my couch, waiting to join the one boy who made my life worth something. Funny, even into my forties, I couldn't forget him. 

Slowly, the light faded from my vision, talk about a bad ending, God bless it. As the last strength in my body went away, I heard the sound of something heavy hitting the floor. Before I was no more...

***

"Hey! Noel! Wake up! It's time for school!" A familiar voice yelled at me, it sounded like my mother. Imagine the last voice you hear being your mom who died years ago, and school? Please! That was 26 years ago! 

I pushed aside my thoughts and lay down. Pressing my head against the soft, comfortable, Wait? Soft? Comfortable? My head jolted upwards as I fully processed what I was feeling. "No way..." I mumbled, finally standing up and ignoring all the objects in my room as I made my way to the mirror by my closet.

Staring back at me, was my 14-year-old self. My black hair went down to my shoulders and stopped, the frayed look in every strand, the highlight of brown in the front. My soft face, yet to be worn down by acne and sadness, no wrinkles. My large brown pupils, my small nose. It was me, there was no mistaking it.

I reached my right hand up and felt my cheek, it didn't go through or anything. "I'm not imagining things, I'm really 14 again.." I muttered, looking at myself. Trying to process how any of this was even possible. The last thing I remember was my body feeling heavy and falling over.

"NOEL! SCHOOL!" My mom shouted again, this time from outside my door. Her voice was stern, like a drill sergeant. But, she is one of the kindest people I've ever known, despite her yelling tendencies. 

"Yeah...coming?" I answered, looking at my door and gulping the saliva that was building with my nervousness. I can practically feel how hard my legs shaking, it feels like I got hit with a strong electric current and I'm being electrocuted. The type of shaking you know won't go down for hours.

I slowly opened my door, listening to the loud creak as I saw my mom staring at me, worry in her eyes. Her long black hair was done in a bun, which usually went down to her shoulders when not done. Her hazel eyes looked at me, seemingly analyzing every inch of my face. Finally, her cold face, but it showed more emotion than any other. "...Mom?"

After I said her name in a questioning tone, I fell onto the floor. My knees finally gave out, and tears started to form. The last time I had seen her was at her funeral, she was wearing a brown suit and had roses on her chest. She always said she wanted to die in style, to be buried with no regrets, she never got her wish.

"Hey, baby, are you okay?" She asked me, putting her soft and warm palm on my cheek and pushing aside the hair that was drifting to the front of my eyes. Instead of answering her, I just gripped her hand and squeezed. A sign we used to use around this age, it means we're confused, or scared. Her sign was a tap on my shoulder if she felt uneasy about something.

"...I- Hey, mom. I missed you," I finally managed to get out, my voice cracking with every word. She just looked at me with concern as I stood up, taking in my surroundings. The first day of high school, all over again. 

"Do you need to stay home? Are you feeling okay?" She asked, feeling my forehead and looking me up and down. I'm okay, just startled, confused, scared. But, I can't tell her that, she'd want to know why, and I can't exactly explain this.

"I'm okay, just...bad dream. I'll go get ready," I answered, walking back into my room to get the uniform ready. She just nodded and watched me shut the door. The moment the door finished closing, I fell onto the floor again. "Who would have thought, I'm 14 again."

***

I stared at the bright white and blue building in front of me, as I stepped out of my moms car. Truth be told, I'm scared, worried. I barely remember the layout, not to mention all the shit that happened at 14. "Call if you need me baby," She said, right before driving off. Leaving me in front of the school all alone, as kids rushed past me and into the building.

"Calm yourself, it'll be fine. After all, I have all the knowledge I'll need for this year! Let me just spend, oh, I don't know, 2 years sifting through it all!" I ranted in my head, standing still as students continued going past me. *RING!* 

The school bell rang loudly, snapping me out of my thoughts and back into the current predicament. "Okay, I'm 14, again? And, first day of high school all over again...Does God hate me? Why couldn't he just let me die in peace?" I questioned, taking a step through the doors, as I pulled my schedule out of my pocket.

I started reading it, when, someone's voice snapped me out of everything. His voice. "That's right...He's here. The love of my life, the only boy who made me feel like someone important. If I'm 14 again, he's still alive!" I yelled internally, looking around desperately to try and find him. Then, my eyes finally locked onto him.