Finger-Painting With Fire (Part Five)

I couldn't help but pull my old Paladin peeps aside and tell them what I had learned. Laura didn't outwardly react much, not that I expected her to. Hisako sat silently at my desk, trying to follow Laura's example in not showing much emotion, but with her eyes down and fists folded in her lap, the melancholy rolling off of her was palpable. Ruth sat on my bed, knees huddled to her chest, arms wrapped around them. We could hear her quietly sob – the poor thing couldn't even properly shed tears.

Eddie though? He was easily the angriest of the lot of us.

"This is bullshit..." he muttered, pacing around my room, "All this time, and all anyone can say is, 'Oh, sorry, we lost her. Our bad.'"

"It wasn't like that Eddie," Hisako said, trying to calm him down.

Eddie waved her off, too upset to sit down and stew quietly, "Someone should have been chasing that damn thing down when it got shot off!"

"And what could have kept up with it?" Hisako snapped back, "What could have stopped it?"

To that, Eddie had no answer. But that didn't mean no one should have, "All of these big brains on Earth, all of these geniuses, and no one could have come up with something? Fuck! If they were keeping track of it all this time, couldn't someone just figure out its path so someone could try to stop it? Just try! Nobody tried! Avengers? Fantastic Four? Nobody?"

"All Earth's heroes," Laura said, arms crossed sternly – the only overt sign she had given that she was also troubled by the news, "They say they are friends of the X-Men, but that only goes so far," As in, up to the point where lending a hand was more trouble than it was worth.

True enough, I didn't remember anyone ever sticking their necks out for us when we needed them, "The X-Men have always had to handle X-Men problems," I said.

The only time help ever seemed to come was when it was convenient. It had stuck in my craw for the better part of a year. Miss Pryde had saved the entire planet, and didn't even get the courtesy of any of Earth's finest trying to save her.

Eddie nodded in agreement, scowling, "Well, I guess that means it's high time we did something, isn't it?"

Upon hearing that her oldest friend at the school had designs on doing something so rash, Hisako jumped up from her seat, "What exactly do you think any of us can do?"

"I don't know, Hisako!" Eddie replied, "But we're X-Men aren't we? Isn't that supposed to mean anything? Or are our stupid uniform just to make us look cool while we stand around being useless?"

"Eddie..." Hisako winced, "It's been months. Even if we got the bullet back, she's..."

Eddie put his hands on Hisako's shoulders, "We should still at least bring her home," He said before looking over at me, "Sol, I'm right. You know I am," He might as well have been begging, "Come on. We've got to do something. We've got to at least try."

He was right. Back when the Breakworld thing happened, and Miss Pryde pulled the sacrifice play to protect the entire Earth, I had always wished I'd been in any kind of position to do something. But I hadn't been. I hadn't known enough, didn't have enough, didn't think enough of myself to try anything.

Even if it was only eight months later things were different now. Even if it got me in trouble, it was worth it to make the attempt.

I had been way ahead of him though. I wracked my brain trying to stitch together any thread of an idea I could muster to form anything coherent. I had been all morning. Even after hours of thinking, there was still a mere patchwork of a plan tumbling around in my head.

"Okay..." I eventually said, hands folded in front of my mouth as I concentrated, "I have about 60% of something maybe-workable right now. It already involves a lot of moving parts, and everything will have to go off perfectly just for us to have a shot of getting anything out of it."

That was good enough for Eddie, "My man!" The amount of trust he had in me was absurd. It was also much appreciated.

From my side, Laura was quick to give me a nudge, "Bellamy. Do not forget what happened the other day."

I hadn't forgotten the 'lesson'. Were it not for easy access to a healer on my team in Josh Foley, I still would have had the bandages on my arm and back as a reminder. But this was completely different. The only similarity was that I was considering a gamble that one could consider unnecessary. But it wasn't unnecessary to me.

If I was stuck all alone in space, even if I was dead out there, I would have appreciated the people I did it for not forgetting about me. I would have appreciated them at least trying to bring what was left of me back.

I reached out for Laura and wrapped my arms around her, pressing her head to my chest. She relaxed against me, "I know, Buzzsaw. I know. And I know it's selfish of me, but I have to try," I whispered to her, "Remember how I told you to always check me if you think I'm doing something dumb?" She hummed affirmatively, "I'm asking for a pass on this one."

Eddie hurriedly moved things forward, unwilling to let things get bogged down on the rationale of things, "So, me and Sol are doing this. Does that mean it's just us?" He asked, opening the field.

Laura pulled away enough to look up at my face, "Is this an order?" She frowned.

I shrugged, the girl still in my arms, "If it makes you feel better, sure. You can say I lied about this being an official mission when Cyclops comes to collect my balls afterwards."

"What about when Logan does?"

"I may need your clawsies to protect me, 'cuz he might come for 'em literally."

"..." Hisako was clearly conflicted. The good girl in her wanted no part of the crapstorm that was sure to come from the faculty for what we were about to do. But the Paladin in her demanded she take part, "...School hasn't even been in session for a week. We're gonna get in so much trouble."

I grinned at her. 'We'. She had clearly cracked, "Hell yeah, we are," And it would be worth it.

Ruth jumped up from my bed and latched onto one of my arms. I could have sworn I heard a growl of annoyance from Laura for having cuddle time disrupted, "She will go too, yes," Ruth said, "Pardon. What she sees... it is not clear, no. Many outcomes, yes. She will need to be closer."

No idea what that meant, but it didn't matter. That was all of us.

"Yes!" Eddie threw up a 'too sweet', "The crew is back in business. Paladin up!" No one joined him in the long-held traditional team gesture. Ruth, in fact, stuck her tongue out and blew a raspberry, "What?"

Hisako shook her head in disgust and pushed Eddie's hand down, "'Paladin up'? That was never a thing. Stop trying to make that a thing."

I took the opportunity to pile on, "Wingman, if you want to push a dogshit catchphrase, that's your business. Just don't associate my 'too sweet' with it."

"You guys suck..." Eddie pouted.

xxx

The first step of the plan was to enlist some help. I needed three people, each more difficult to convince than the last, and if any of them turned me down, the entire scheme was shot. With that in mind, I started with the easiest person; also, the one with the most personal stake in all of this.

Ruth had told me that Mister Rasputin had not attended any of the art classes he taught in the few days that school had been running. Instead, a sub had been in place. The poor guy had been cooping himself up in his quarters whenever possible. At least that made it easy to find him.

Standing outside of his suite, I took a moment to gather myself before knocking, "Mister Rasputin?"

"Go away," His voice answered from inside, muffled by the door.

I knocked again, "It's Bellamy."

Identifying myself did little to change anything, "You heard what I said."

I let out a sigh and leaned my back against the door, "I also heard why you're like this right now, and I get it."

"What do you understand?" Mister Rasputin spat bitterly, "You are still young, Bellamy. While others around you may have a better perspective of loss, while you may have felt some of your own, you do not yet understand the meaning of the word."

He had a point. Compared to him, compared to a lot of the other kids on my team, I was doing pretty alright in comparison. Still, I could relate to one aspect of what he was likely feeling.

"I was there when we lost her, you know," I said, sinking down to sit against the door, "Not sure you remember, but I was standing right there when it happened. I watched the damn bullet get shot off with her in it, and I couldn't do anything."

"I should have been there."

"It wouldn't have mattered."

Now that got more than just depressing melancholy out of him. I almost jumped up when I heard him raise his voice, "How could you say such a thing!?"

Mister Rasputin's rage rattled me a bit, but it was a better reaction than nothing. I could work with anger, "Because I run it back in my head. A lot. Maybe if I did this or that, maybe things would have been different, but that's bullshit. Nothing I did that day, nothing I was capable of, none of it would have changed anything, and if our positions had been switched, if I'd have been the one fighting on Breakworld while you went to stop the launch, the exact same thing would have happened."

Miss Pryde still would have jumped inside of the thing to try and disarm it. Even if with the benefit of hindsight, we told her what would happen, she probably still would have gone inside, if only to do what she wound up doing – phasing the bullet harmlessly through Earth. None of us would have been able to grab her to stop her, or anything.

"You're pissed, just like I'm pissed, only way worse," I continued, "You're pissed because the people who care enough to help can't, and the people who can help don't care enough to. More than anything else, you're pissed because you couldn't do anything. And I know that – because it's why I'm pissed."

"You're right," Mister Rasputin admitted, "I couldn't... I can't do anything."

"Wrong."

"What?"

"You're wrong," I repeated, "There is something we can do. But I really need to talk to you about it."

I left everything after that hanging in the air. Even though he was right there, I wasn't going to maximize our chances of getting busted. If he wanted the details, he would have to let me in. Right as I started thinking that I should leave and let him think things over, the door behind me opened. I almost fell back, instead, scrambling up to my feet.

Mister Rasputin greeted me in sweatpants with no shirt, unkept hair, and a full goddamn beard. He looked down at me, then stepped aside, allowing me entry, "I am listening."

I had no idea why he bothered. Just about any other logical adult in his situation would have shut me down ten seconds into my pitch. He probably should have shut me down. But that was why I went to him first. Without him, no aspect of my plan would have gotten off the ground.

Mister Rasputin simply waited and allowed me to explain. He heard me out until the very end, his face a stone visage. I couldn't tell if he was onboard or not until the very end. Once I was finished, we stood in silence as I let him think everything over.

Eventually, I was not disappointed.

"Do you really think that this will work?" Mister Rasputin finally said.

"Not even a little bit," I replied honestly, "But that's not the point."

The point was to try. We had to try. Someone had to. So, we would. It was as simple as that.