After-Action Report (Part Five)

For days, I wracked my brain thinking of something to do with Laura when I took her out. Eventually, I realized that it didn't really matter what we did, as long as we were spending time together. I didn't really have to try to impress her, I just had to give her my full attention, so I was pretty sure that she would be cool with whatever reasonable thing we did.

With that in mind, I decided I would just wing it. Laura didn't seem the type who would expect me to have the perfect outing planned from beginning to end.

We met up in Salem Center, away from school and started with dinner, because common sense dictated that at the very least, in case it was a terrible date, one should as a bare minimum courtesy be properly fed.

I couldn't help but grin as our food came, remembering what Laura had ordered, and seeing it placed in front of her, "There's so many spices in that, I can smell it from across the table. I'm amazed just getting the food that close isn't killing your sinuses."

Laura didn't rise to my remarks, neatly tucking into her food instead, "In the lab, I was never fed anything but a protein mix. No color, no taste. With the X-Men, all of the food in the cafeteria is fast, and always the same - hamburgers, pizza..." She recounted, in an effort to explain herself, "...I like trying things that are different."

I laughed and followed her lead, "It's not like I have a problem with this place. I'm the one who asked you where you wanted to go, after all."

I remembered her saying that she didn't mind it when I talked a lot in the past, so I figured she didn't mind me flapping my gums until I hit on a topic she could get some mileage out of. She wasn't really the kind of girl who put much stock in small talk.

It took most of the meal, but eventually, she chipped in all on her own, "I didn't think you would take me on a date," She said suddenly.

I raised an eyebrow, still smiling at her, "That's normally what people do when they're trying to get into a relationship, Laura. To see if they like each other, if they can even stand being around each other for long periods of time."

For whatever reason, she still didn't see the point, "But we've already spent plenty of time around each other. I already know that I like you... and that you like me."

Fair enough. Her and her goddamn logic. If it was a logic battle she wanted, it was one she would get. I was the king of asinine arguments, "Well, maybe I just want to get you alone away from all the others. Or maybe I want to show you off," I reasoned back, "Maybe I just want to get to know more about you."

Something about what I said and the way I said it left Laura unable to meet my eyes for a moment, "You do know me."

"Do I?" I shot back, eyebrow raised, "Yeah, I know a lot about where you come from and stuff, but what do you like? What do you want to do? What makes you want to do what we do now?"

Laura wrapped her arms around herself, "I... don't like talking about myself. I'm afraid I'll tell people something that will scare them, or make them hate me."

After Ruth had given me the 'greatest hits' of Laura's experiences and traumas, one would have thought that she wouldn't have said that to me, "What else could you tell me that would do that?" She shrank in on herself, and I quickly diverted the train of conversation, "You know what? Don't worry about it right now. I'm supposed to be showing you a good time, not grilling you on stuff you don't want to talk about."

Laura smiled, her eyes still down, "That's it," She said quietly.

I barely caught that she'd said something, "Hmm?"

"That is why I like you," She said louder, her gaze coming back up to meet mine, "I have trouble sharing. I'm terrible at trying to fit in. Cessily tries to help. So do you, and Eddie, and Hisako. But I know that I'm strange, and nothing will probably ever change that. And you... don't mind. It only ever bothered you when it risked our lives."

We went to a school for mutants. What did I care if someone was weird?

Besides, who wanted to hang out with people when everyone was the same? Things were more fun when everyone was different. Variety was the spice of life.

"Normal is seriously overrated," I deadpanned, "Besides, I like trying to figure you out. It's like a jigsaw puzzle or something. Maybe one day I'll get to see the whole picture."

At that, Laura's smile became a little less pronounced, "When you do, I can't imagine that you'll like what you see."

If her smile fell a bit, mine dropped into a frown entirely, "And I thought I took the cake for self-loathing. One of these days, I swear, I'm gonna make you see how great you really are," I couldn't have been the only one who told this girl she was awesome.

What else did she have to do? She was an amazing fighter, even when she was holding back. She was a nice girl; I had hardly ever seen her lose her temper. Even if she was supposed to be a living weapon, she was the most cordial weapon I'd ever met.

Laura seemed a bit taken aback that I would say such a thing, "I can't imagine why you would think that, knowing what I am. What I've done." She said, shaking her head.

"Why would I think that?" I repeated rhetorically, "Because every day you wake up and you try. You try to be better. You try to help others. You try to be a good girl," I gave what I hoped was a flippant gesture, "Yeah, you did awful shit; back when you didn't have a choice. Back when you literally didn't know any better."

Knowing what I knew, and seeing how Laura went about her every day life now was kind of inspiring.

To be even half as good as she was, she had to fight against every instinct that was beaten into her for the first 80% of her life. And she meant every bit of her change. She dreaded going back to what she was before.

"That is not an excuse for the things I did," Laura said, and I didn't agree.

My reply was smooth. I barely had to think about it, "If that's not an excuse, then no one has an excuse. And no one can ever get better."

"Miss Frost does not think that I can," Laura said, sounding dejected at that fact.

I just scoffed, "You're gonna believe that from the lady who used to be a supervillain?" She didn't exactly have the highest of ground to judge from.

I was finally able to get a smile back on Laura's face with that, "When you put it that way, you have a point."

I reached out across the table and grabbed her hand, gently running my fingers over her knuckles, "No, you have points," I tried to joke about her claws, "I'm just really great at arguing the way I see things."

Laura looked down to where our hands were joined, "Do you really think I can?" She asked hopefully, soulful green eyes peering up at mine.

There was always such a deep sense of melancholy in her eyes. It was so sad to see something like that in someone so beautiful. I was completely honest with her, "You can be whatever kind of person you want to be. As far as I'm concerned, you're already better than me."

Laura smiled, "Thank you, Bellamy," Slowly, her expression shifted to one of intrigue, "Now I have a question for you. Why do you seem to regard yourself so poorly, when other people hold you highly?" She asked, a slight tilt to her head, "You believe in your capabilities and those around you, but don't seem to value yourself or your own contributions at all."

Oh boy, talking about what made me tick. Easily my least favorite topic. Even so, how could I expect her to eventually up to me if I couldn't do the same to her. So, I tried.

"I feel like anyone put in my situation can do the things I've done, and probably do 'em better," I said, giving my best self-assessment, "When I think back to everything I've dealt with since I got my powers, I keep plugging other people into my place, and I see them handling it better."

When I put people like Noriko, Sofia, or Julian into certain battles I'd fought, I saw them getting through it with far less collateral damage than I had. When I put people like David into conundrums I'd come across, with the benefit of hindsight, I always saw the negative consequences that came with my decisions compared to his potential decisions in his favor.

I couldn't help myself. It was just how I was. When the world was active for at best 16 hours, and you were awake for 24 hours a day, you had plenty of time to think about everything. That led to a lot of scrutiny over mistakes, either perceived or otherwise.

I continued speaking, "If you think about it, I never really win, so much as I don't lose everything I could have," She seemed thrown off by what I meant, "Take Limbo, for example. We won, but what did we win? We lived, barely, and that was all. Nothing I've ever been involved in ends up with us being better off for it."

"Sometimes, there is no coming out better off," Laura said, "Sometimes, the best you can do is keep what you have."

"You're right," I admitted, "But I can't help but feel like things would be different if I weren't there. If someone else had been in my spot instead."

Laura furrowed her brow in frustration, "But someone else wasn't there. You were there. You are always there. You never run, or blame others when things go wrong," Now she was grasping my hands, tightly, determinedly, "Every day, you do your best. Everyone can see your effort; your care. Even when awful rumors circulated, they didn't last long for you. From students to staff, you have just about everyone's respect and trust. I... envy that."

Aw. My heart. That officially usurped the top spot as the nicest thing that anyone had ever said about me. Of course, as I went over her words again in my head, the last part stuck with me, "...Are people still getting on your case about Megan breaking up with me?"

Laura winced, almost imperceptibly, "It... has not been as bad with everything that has happened since," She didn't sound very convincing.

"That wasn't a no, Laura," I said chidingly.

Pulling a pro move, Laura turned the scrutiny around without necessarily changing the topic, "Do you want Megan back?"

Not exactly good date conversation, discussing one's ex, "I seem to remember us having this talk already," I said.

Laura was insistent, however, "We did, but your answer wasn't exactly a no either," Of course she remembered that. I wasn't even surprised, "Bellamy, tell me, if you could have Megan back right now, without having to change anything about yourself, would you?"

Why would she ask that? Did she want me to say yes? Did she consider herself my second choice? Was she trying to give me a way out?

I sighed and looked at her seriously, "Laura, I chose to be here with you," I said, in an attempt to validate her, "That by itself should answer the question. But in case you need to hear it – no. That was a moment in time, and this is another. It's ours."

I closed on that, thinking I'd said something touching, something poignant that touched at the soul, profound that made Laura think. Then she shattered all of my illusions, "I don't know what that means."

"I don't either. It just sounded cool in my head," I eventually admitted, embarrassed at being called out, "I'll give it a meaning later. Give me a break here, woman! I'm not good at heart-to-heart conversations."

"Yes, you are," Laura said, never failing to surprise me with her frankness, "Is it strange that the most comfortable I've ever felt since returning to Xavier's is being around you?"

Oh, there went that warm feeling in my chest again, "So, the reason you keep coming to my room at night-?"

Laura was quick to interrupt me, "-It has been the best sleep I have ever had."

Wow. That was a hell of a compliment, even knowing that we hadn't done anything intimate together. I had to try and offset my embarrassment with a self-deprecating joke. My specialty, "Well, I don't sleep, so I do serve as a really good guard, just in case. And I guess I double as an emergency nightlight."

"That isn't what I meant," Laura replied in annoyance, before picking up on my delivery, "You're picking on me."

Yeah. I was. Because it was fun, "To be fair, it's like my second-favorite thing to do with you."

"Second-favorite?" Laura asked skeptically.

I chuckled to myself, "Number one is watching you try new stuff for the first time. It's the only time you're really expressive. I should start taking pictures of the faces you make."

Laura seemed annoyed by the idea, "Please don't."

"Sure," I replied casually, "Just find me something to replace picking on you in my 'things to do with Laura' top five," I almost jumped out of the booth when I felt Laura's stocking-clad feet rub against the inside of my thighs. The girl had guts. She had slipped her shoes off in the effort to fuck with me.

She was so smug. Anyone could have seen it on her, not just people who knew her well, "I believe I can do that," She said.

It was so sweet to see that look wiped clean off of her face once I started running my hands up and down her feet. Her whole body shivered. You love to see it.

She never pulled away though. In fact, she started wiggling her toes against my fingertips, "Down, girl. We're in public," I told her, before moving my index finger to the sole of her foot. I immediately felt her tense up, "I wonder, how ticklish you are."

Now, the tables had turned, "I will bring my claws out if you try," She warned me, trying not to smile.

No she wasn't, but I humored her regardless, "Eh, I'm sure I'll find out eventually."

xxx

It was a miracle. I had a date that didn't end in someone trying to kill me. That had literally never happened since I'd started going to Xavier's. And I'd had it with Laura of all people. It had gone well, at least from my end. I had fun. It was hard to know how Laura had felt about everything.

...At least until we returned to the dorms, that is. I really should have known better from how I caught her eyeing me like a lioness all the way back.

I'd expected to drop her off at the door to the room she shared with Ruth, see if she'd be interested in doing it again, and maybe get a kiss goodnight. You know – straightforward first date stuff. What I didn't expect was for the two of us to wind up at my door instead... and then on the other side of that door... and then with her arms around my neck and my tongue in her mouth.

We didn't even say anything to each other before clothes started coming off. In fact, I'm pretty sure we started while Saberwolf was still in the goddamn room. Neither of us cared, and it took him five seconds to realize what was happening and make himself scarce.

'Jesus, that escalated quickly,' I thought to myself by the time my shirt was over my head and off. I could only imagine Laura was as tired of beating around the bush as I was. Thus, I had a very naked, very hungry-looking young woman in my bed, looking just short of jumping me and forcing me to join her.

There was no need for any such thing.

I grabbed Laura by the ankle to pull her closer to the center of the bed. Placing myself between her legs, I lowered myself lightly on top of her until we were nose-to-nose, "...Hi."

Green eyes blinked back up at me, "Hi."

I leaned down a little farther and gave her another deep kiss. She gave a content sigh and held me tightly until I pulled away, "So, I figured I should kiss you properly at least once before-, oh my God."

While I'd been wasting time, Laura had taken the initiative to guide me inside of her, using nothing more than her legs and the slight wiggle room I had provided her, "Bellamy, stop talking, and do," She softly commanded, hand stroking my cheek.

Well, she had been very patient, "Yes, ma'am," I said, getting to work.

She didn't have to tell me twice. It wasn't like I needed the motivation. Between my being a living solar battery, and the stamina that came with her mutation, we had a very long night ahead of us.