Chapter 15, Part 1: Overthinking

Wednesday

Alissandra Cadence

     September 12,

     I hope that this thing that's happening to me leave me be in this timeline, though I am still catching up with all of the things that had happened here, I prefer this one much more than the other timeline in which I used to live before. Though I lost some things, people, happenings, and stuff; I'd rather be here. I'm tired of staring at my phone while wishing all those pain away. I'm tired of blaming myself for what had happened to my sister that night/day. My sister's what matters most. Not Elijah nor Jason, my family's more important to me. I'm not sure if I could ever tell her this because I think she might not understand, but I think I will, not now, but soon.

     I never knew that writing a journal is a thing that I could enjoy. I mean, the Alissa in this timeline used to love this and now I know the reason why. Because it feels relieving and rereading it after some time feels so good that it'll bring you in that phase for a moment. It also feels like I am talking to someone too, and it feels great to let all these thoughts out through writing. I wrote the things that are happening around me, about the people, about this thing that's driving me insane and stuff.

     I was just waiting for Rebecca to come out of the shower and she eventually came out after ages. I closed my journal and hid it in my drawer.

     We're currently having our break and Rebecca decided to have lunch with me. We're in the cafeteria right now and she bought a box of salad, I bought myself a dozen chocolate-covered strawberries and she wants us to eat at the benches near the track, I couldn't say no and I don't think I'll ever be so we headed our way there.

     "ALISSAAA!" someone just hugged me from behind.

     I turned back - and it's Jessica.

     "Gawd, I'm so sorry I wasn't able to hang out with you these days, I was so busy with cheerleading. Are you okay now?"

     "Y-yeah, I'm totally... fine," then I smiled at her, a genuine one.

     I don't know what's wrong with her in this timeline, but I like her here. Way too different from the Jessica I used to know, or should I say - the opposite of her. She does these things to me before, but this felt way too legitimate. But I still have to be careful, I know what kind of monster she's capable of transforming into.

     "And yeah, I'd like to introduce you to someone," she then pulled a guy - 

     Jason...

     He smiled at me and it felt like I was stabbed right into my heart gently and delicately.

     "I'm sorry I'm just saying this to you now but he's my boyfriend,"

     B-o-y-f-r-i-e-n-d...

     Every letter just shattered all the memories we've spent together... I wanted to close my eyes and tell myself repeatedly that it's all right, I am fine, or I will be fine. 

     I see, that's how tables turned...

     "Uhhh, Hi! I am uh - Alissa, Jessica's best friend," I waved at him.

     "Jason McKenley..." then he offered his hand.

     WHAT?! WHAT AM I GONNA DO?! AFTER ALL THIS TIME, I DON'T THINK I COULD HANDLE HOLDING HIS HAND, I MIGHT BURST INTO TEARS.

     Rebecca pulled my hand and reached it into his hand "Jeezus, Alissandra, he's the one who saved you before, respect your superhero."

     It's not the first time he saved me though...

     I reached my hand willingly and we shook hands. I clasped my teeth together, trying to hold all these emotions from bursting out.

     "Thank you..." I said.

     He just smiled at me and I smiled back.

     "Anyways, are you guys having lunch together? Mind if we join in?" Jessica asked.

     "Sure, sure..."

     We just sat on a bench and I just grabbed my food and I realized that the lady gave me the wrong box. It's a box of cookies, indicated on the box.

     "What's wrong?" Rebecca asked then looked at my food. "Ohhhh, they gave you the wrong box, hold up I'm gonna-"

     "Here, have mine instead, we can swap," Jason said.

     He handed me a box of - chocolate-covered strawberries?

     "No way, dude. That's her favorite," Rebecca said.

     "I know. I mean - yeah, haha," then he looked away for a second while covering his mouth.

     "He really is your superhero, sis," Rebecca said then poked me with her elbow.

     She does that to me on a daily basis now.

     "I know right," Jessica smiled then took a bite of her apple.

     "Thanks... Dwayne,"

     "No problem..." and he smiled at me again.

     Why do you have to torture me like this?

    "Hey, Jason, why don't we invite them to your house later? Your dad isn't coming home tonight, right?" Jessica insisted.

     "Uhhh - yeah, that'd be great," he said.

     "We'll just meet you guys later at the parking lot, my ride," said Jessica.

     "What do you think, sis?" I asked Rebecca.

     "You're asking me? I'm always down!" she cheered.

     "Then it's all set, we can watch a movie together and stuff! Anyways, break is almost over, I'm gonna go ahead now, see ya!" Jessica said then left already.

     "Jessica's just so weird, y'know?" Rebecca said while eating her salad.

     "I know, but - that's what I like about her," he said and they both laughed.

     I just smiled to get along with it... At this point, I just can't take it any longer anymore but I have to. It just hurts so much... But I have to take it, I'm just gonna fake it, to get along with this timeline.

     "So, what are your hobbies?"

     "I'm actually not that sporty, I just drive around the city with my big-bike, listening to some music, writing poems and stuff-

     "My sister also loves writing, just so you know," Rebecca bragged.

     "That's - cool," then he smiled like he couldn't believe it.

     "Are you done eating?" Rebecca asked.

     "Yeah, I'm kinda full already, I'm just gonna save this for later," then I wiped my mouth with a tissue.

     "Let's go," she said. "We're gonna go back to class now, Jason, it's nice meeting ya, see ya later!" he just waved goodbye at us and then we already went back to our classes.

     My final class just finished and I walked out of the room and my sister is already there waiting for me.

     "How long have you been standing there?" I asked.

     "I don't know, 10 minutes? My final class is dismissed early so I just wanted to wait for you then so that you don't have to go up to my room which is on the 6th floor because I just don't want you to be in an accident again," she said and is almost about to cry.

     I hugged her "Accidents happen, sis, and thank you." I grabbed her hand "Let's go, they might be waiting for us already," I said.

     "Oh, yeah..."

     "Hey, guys!" Rebecca yelled at Jessica and Jason leaning on Jessica's car while talking.

     "Oh, my freaking gosh! Isn't that a bag of Natasha Denona makeup?!" Jessica said as she saw Rebecca holding a bag.

     "I know! Someone gave it to me as a present for my half-birthday!" Rebecca said then squealed.

     Half-birthday? Seriously?

     The two already walked towards the car while talking, and left me and Jason standing there awkwardly.

     "Let's go?" he asked.

     "Yeah," then we both laughed.

     Jessica and Rebecca already went inside and both of them sat on the front seat.

     Great... Now I have to sit with Jason in the backseat... 

     Freaking makeup stuff...

     I walked towards Jessica's car and Jason opened the door for me.

     I went inside the car "Thanks," and he closed the door for me.

     Then he also went inside already, beside me, and the two are still talking about that makeup.

     "Hey, are we still gonna go to my house?" Jason peeked his head on the front seat.

     "Oh - yeah, right," Jessica said and they both laughed in the front seat.

     Jason just shook his head and smirked.

     It's funny how I miss him more than I could've ever loved him before. I admit, I kinda regret what I've done, but I'm just looking at its silver lining, I have my sister, and we're a happy family. With all of these things that had happened, I felt absolutely left out, as everything reverted for the better but it hits me differently, as I am the most affected one here. It feels like my future's in my hands though I cannot manipulate it at my own will. I'm glad this thing happened to me, but still... the feeling is just way worse. But all I can do now is appreciate it, move on and get along with everything and do my best to catch up in this timeline.

     "Welcome to my humble abode," Jason introduced as we got inside their house, which was still the same. The vibe, the atmosphere, and the memories around every corner.

     "Alissa, are you okay?" Rebecca asked me and let me sit on the couch.

     "Yeah, I'm fine," I said though I am certainly not fine, I feel like every second from now I might get devoured by these memories that are haunting me.

     "I'll just set things up, Jessica, can you help me make some popcorn?" Jason asked.

     "Sure, wanna come, Rebecca?" Jessica asked.

     "Yeah, that'll be great. I'll just get there," she said with a smile. "Are you sure you're gonna be okay, sis? We can go home now if you want..."

     "No, I'm okay, really, you can go there now," I clasped both of our hands together and smiled to convince her.

     She already followed them to the kitchen and I just went outside Jason's house and rested my arms on their porch's handrail, and sighed as I closed my eyes, letting it all out.

     I'm just very stupid about love, if I just chose between Jason and Elijah before that night, maybe it could've turned out better, but just by thinking about that, I'm so selfish as hell.

     Back to when I saved Mrs. Caulfield, just by helping her carry groceries was able to make a tremendous change. At this point, I saved my sister, which was a huge change to almost everything, so that's why things ended up this way. But wait, did that really happen? Did that happen in the same timeline? Wait, maybe no. Because back on that day, I saw Jessica glare at me that time, so maybe that really is a different timeline before this. Things just get more and more complicated as this thing goes, but I'm glad that I was able to change the past that used to haunt me, but it just got overwritten as there's a new past that'd haunt me.