39.

When you love someone, when you truly love them, you can't bear the thought of losing them.

But I think that the more time that had passed, the more okay I became with the idea of getting caught.

That must've been the case, because there is no other explanation as to why I didn't stop.

24th of December.

Christmas Eve.

And my dad still hadn't returned that day, as my mum had said.

I grew more and more miserable - she barely spoke any words to me, and when she did, I would turn her down.

Afraid that she'd ask what happened, and even more afraid that I would actually give in and tell her. She couldn't know about Sam - she most certainly couldn't know about how I was messing around with another behind his back.

It would break her, and it would break me to admit to it out loud.

And so, for the first Christmas Eve in as long as I could remember, I was completely and utterly alone, isolated in my childhood room.