109. One Week Part 2

AN: Part two of the one week count down to the trip to New York. 'Wednesday' very closely follows the episode Crash Into Me, so I apologize if it's a bit of chore to read, but I needed to include everything to set up Meredith's mood/reaction. I tried to add as much as I could to keep it interesting.

To address a few questions; yes, I will be writing Meredith and Derek's weekend away at Lauren's wedding, but it won't be too extravagant. Also, Meredith and Lexie will work things out. It can't be too easy for them, so there have to be some issues like the last chapter. I already know exactly how I'm going to proceed with them and I'm looking forward to writing it.

Wednesday

Meredith sighed as she followed Cristina, Izzie, Callie and Bailey out to the ambulance bay. She hadn't slept well the night before and she was disappointed with herself for falling into the same trap as the last time she allowed herself to believe she could have a real relationship with the Greys. She and family just didn't exist well together. She knew that. She had plenty of experience to tell her that, but still, she let Lexie in. And she let herself have hope with Thatcher. And she had been blindsided. Again.

Derek had been hovering since arriving in the Chief's office the day before. She appreciated it, but at the same time wished he would lose the anxiety in his expression. She knew he was worried about her falling into the same state as the last time Thatcher had shattered her, but she had grown since then. She had moved on. She didn't need anything from Thatcher Grey for her to feel like she was a successful person. She had Derek and her friends, and even Derek's family, and that was all she needed.

Izzie and Cristina exchanged barbs, pulling Meredith from her thoughts. The two residents were competing for Hahn's approval, and with it every potential cardiothoracic patient. And it was getting annoying. Although she would normally jump in and compete for the patient as well, Meredith hung back, not having the energy or the drive to fight for a patient. She just wanted to get her shift over with so she could go home and pack. She and Derek were flying to New York the next morning, and she was looking forward to their long weekend away.

"What have we got?" Bailey called as the paramedics opened the back doors of the ambulance.

"Jacob Nolston, forty-seven, status two weeks post double bypass surgery," the paramedic announced as they slid the patient out of the ambulance on the transport gurney. "He's presenting as febrile with tenderness in his surgical incision."

Bailey nodded and began wheeling him into the hospital.

"We've got a ten car pileup on the freeway, do you mind taking him from here?" One of the paramedics asked. The normal procedure would be for the paramedics to accompany the patient into the ER, but in cases like this, they would leave immediately.

Bailey turned to her residents. "Get me a gurney for the transfer."

"I'll page Hahn," Izzie and Cristina announced at the same time.

"Clearly we all agree on a course of action. When we get him inside, you can flip for it," Bailey snapped at them.

Meredith rolled her eyes and stepped back into the hospital for a gurney, knowing neither Izzie nor Cristina was about to step away from the patient. When she returned, they were quick to transfer the patient, and Izzie and Cristina immediately pushed as close to the gurney as possible, as if claiming the patient as theirs.

Izzie and Cristina continued to argue as Meredith, Callie and Bailey settled the patient on the new gurney. Having been shoved away from the patient by Izzie and Cristina, Meredith huffed, but sirens down the ambulance bay driveway drew her attention. Normally an incoming ambulance would turn off their sirens once they arrived. The ambulance careening around the corner and towards them wasn't showing any signs of turning off its sirens. It also wasn't showing any signs of slowing down.

"Uh, you guys," Meredith said, trying to gain some attention over Izzie and Cristina's bickering, but failing. She turned back to the oncoming ambulance, which still wasn't slowing down. "Seriously, you guys, I think we should move." She shook her head, trying to tell herself she was imagining things, but the ambulance really wasn't going to be able to stop in time. She turned back to the trauma team. "Move!"

This caught everyone's attention. Meredith pushed at the gurney, and the trauma team joined her, pushing the patient as far from harm's way as possible, right in time for the oncoming ambulance to slam head on into the side of the stationary ambulance that had just dropped off the patient. The previously stationary ambulance rolled several times before coming to a stop on its roof.

Meredith stared in shock at the scene before her. The space the ambulance that had dropped off the patient had occupied was strangely empty. One ambulance sat upright, its front smashed in, and the other upside down across the ambulance bay. Its sirens were still blaring. Debris littered the entire area.

Bailey was the first to act. She directed Izzie and Cristina to take the patient into the hospital, and then ran for the upright ambulance. Meredith ran for the upside down ambulance, Callie right behind her. She collapsed next to the shattered passenger side window and stared in at the damage. The driver, Ray, was upside down, hanging by his seatbelt. His partner, Stan, was lying on his back, his body pinned between the cabin and the patient area, as if he had been making his way through when the ambulance had been hit. Both were conscious, bleeding and obviously in a great deal of pain.

"Let's get you guys out of there," she said.

"No," Callie called from the other side of the ambulance cabin. She had knelt down by the driver side window. "We can't. We can't touch anything until Fire stabilizes the rig. It's too dangerous to try and move them if we don't know how the vehicle will hold up."

Bailey called for Callie's help, and Callie met Meredith's eyes through the cabin. "Okay, listen, page someone to help you and keep them talking. You got this?"

Meredith nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, I got this." So much for her quiet day. "You guys are going to be alright," she said. "Fire will be here soon, and then we'll get you out of there."

"Don't leave," Stan begged, breathing hard. "Please. Don't leave."

"I won't. I promise," she assured. She stretched upright for a moment and yelled for someone to page the Chief, and then ducked back down. Both paramedics were staring at her, their eyes belaying the terror they felt. "Think of it this way, when you guys get out of here, you'll have a great story to tell," she said lightly, trying to make them feel better.

"She's right," Stan said, turning his head to look at his partner. "We can tell the story at Joe's." He turned back to Meredith. "We still need to find Ray a woman."

She smiled.

"Stan met Sarah at Joe's," Ray added.

"Sarah...that's my wife," Stan said, struggling with the words.

Meredith frowned as she glanced at his pinned abdomen and then back at his face. His injuries looked really bad, and he was obviously in a great deal of pain. "You met her at Joe's? Joe's across the street from here?" She asked, trying to keep them talking.

Stan smiled. "Yeah."

She smiled back. "That's where I met my husband."

Stan made a noise that was probably supposed to be a laugh, but looked painful. He turned back to Ray. "See, man, it's not that hard."

"I think...all the good ones...are taken," Ray responded.

Stan turned back to Meredith again. "What's your name?"

"I'm doctor- Meredith. I'm Meredith."

"Meredith," he repeated.

She nodded and shifted slightly. Her knees were already killing her, but there was no way she was leaving her position.

"Meredith," he said again, "Have you ever seen anything like this?"

She shook her head. "Never."

Stan turned back to Ray again. "See, man, we have something new to talk about. The chicks will be all over this. We'll find you a woman in no time."

Meredith smiled at their interaction. "How long have you two been partners?"

"Six years," Ray said.

"Wow, that's a long time."

"This guy wouldn't know what to do without me," Stan said.

She laughed. "It must be nice that you're so close."

"Ray was...best man...at my wedding last year."

"Sounds more like you wouldn't know what to do with each other."

They both laughed.

"Grey!"

Meredith turned around to the sound of her name. The Chief was hurrying across the ambulance bay. "What the hell happened?"

"That ambulance," she said, pointing to the upright rig across the bay, "Crashed into this one. We're waiting on Fire to secure this rig so we can get Ray and Stan, here, out.

Richard ducked down to look inside. "Hello, fellows, I'm Richard Webber, Chief of Surgery. We're going to get you out of here."

"I think, uh, I think you better get us out of here soon," Stan said.

"Please, please get us out of here fast," Ray pleaded.

"I'm afraid 'keep still' is the best we can do for now, but we're working on getting you out soon," Richard said. "We're going to get you some pain meds as soon as possible."

Stan turned to Richard. "Sir?"

"Call me Richard."

"Richard," he started again, "Can you tell me...are my legs broken?"

Richard pushed past Meredith to get a better look. "I...I can't see your legs, Stan."

"Why not?"

"Your body is trapped in the doorway. You can't feel that?"

"No."

Richard's demeanour darkened, despite his attempts to cover it.

"I can't feel it," Stan repeated. "I can't."

Meredith closed her eyes, dreading what was to come. This was really bad.

"I can't feel anything," Stan announced.

"His ears are bleeding," Ray called from his position.

Stan released a sob and then turned to Richard. "Can you get my wife? She works here. She's an x-ray tech."

"You bet," Richard said. He stood, motioning for Meredith to do the same. They could both hear Ray telling Stan he wasn't allowed to die from inside the ambulance.

Richard sighed. "Go and get Stan's wife. Quickly."

Meredith stared at the ambulance. "I...what do we... How do we...?" She turned her gaze to Richard, sure he'd have the answer as to how they would get Stan out alive.

"We don't," he said, shaking his head, knowing exactly what she was asking him.

"But...we have a whole hospital here and-"

Richard cut her off. "The moment we move him, he's going to bleed out. All the medicine in the world won't be able to save him."

"But he-"

"Meredith, we can't save this man. Go get his wife. She has to get here soon if she wants to see her husband alive."

Meredith inhaled a shaky breath and nodded. She then took off at a run. The hospital was busy and buzzing with news of the crash, but Meredith ignored the curious glances as she ran through the halls to the corner of the lower floor that housed the Imaging Department. She was out of breath when she reached the central administrative station.

"I need to speak with an x-ray tech named Sarah," she announced to the woman sitting behind the desk.

The woman glanced up, seemingly uninterested in Meredith. "You'll need to give me a minute."

Meredith shook her head. "No, you won't take a minute. It's an emergency. I need to speak with Sarah. That's an order from the Chief of Surgery."

The woman didn't look convinced.

Meredith huffed and shoved herself away from the desk. She pushed through the 'Authorized Admittance Only' doors, despite the woman's protests. A technician walked by and Meredith grabbed his arm.

"Do you know an x-ray tech named Sarah?"

He looked her up and down, taking in her scrubs and trauma gown. "Uh..."

"It's an emergency," she stressed, "I need to speak with an x-ray tech named Sarah, and the woman you guys have at the front desk is freaking useless. Can you help me?"

The technician's lips curled up slightly at her statement about the woman at the front desk. "Do you know her last name?"

Meredith shook her head. "I know her husband is a paramedic."

The technician called out to a nurse. "Bev, do you know an x-ray tech named Sarah, whose husband is a paramedic?"

The nurse nodded.

Meredith breathed. "Can you take me to her? It's an emergency."

The nurse nodded. "She should be just down here." She led Meredith down the hall to an x-ray viewing room.

"Thank you," Meredith said, "And, uh, you should tell whoever needs to know that they're going to have to call in a replacement for Sarah's shift."

The nurse looked worried. "Is everything okay?"

Meredith shook her head. "No, no it's not." She opened the door and found a petite, dark haired woman sitting at a computer, making some adjustments to the machines. She turned when Meredith entered.

"Can I help you?"

"Are you Sarah?"

The woman nodded.

"And you have a husband named Stan, who is a paramedic?"

An immediate look of concern swept over Sarah's face. "Did something happen? Is he okay?"

Meredith felt her throat tighten. Now that she was here, she had no idea what to say. She took a step forward and wrapped her fingers around Sarah's forearm. "There's been an accident," she said gently. "Stan's been hurt and he's asking for you. I need you to come with me right now."

Despite the look of terror that washed over her face, Sarah nodded and followed Meredith out of the department.

"Is he in the ER?" She asked as they hurried through the hospital hallways.

"Not quite." Meredith sighed. "Look, things are very extreme, but Stan needs you to be calm, okay?"

"You're scaring me."

Meredith nodded. "I'm sorry. It's bad. But we're going to do everything we can to help Stan."

They reached the ER, and Meredith led Sarah through the department and out the doors to the ambulance bay. "There was an accident with the ambulances," she explained, "Stan is in there."

"Oh, my God."

Meredith led her to the ambulance. Sarah immediately dropped onto the ground and crawled as close to her husband as she could. The Fire and Rescue crew had arrived while Meredith had been in the hospital. They had begun work on the ambulance, but stepped back now, giving Stan and Sarah as much privacy as possible for this very important moment.

Meredith stood back, watching what she knew would be Sarah's last interaction with her husband. The Chief came to stand next to her, and for several minutes they watched in silence as Sarah declared her love for her husband and her refusal to leave his side. Clearly, Sarah had inferred everything she needed to know about Stan's condition. Meredith sniffed, knowing she would be doing the same thing if it were Derek trapped in the ambulance. She would never accept that nothing could be done. And she would fight tooth and nail to keep him alive.

"I've never seen her before," she spoke quietly.

"What?"

"Sarah. I didn't know who she was. I've never seen her before. I've worked in this hospital all this time and I've never seen her before. Before today she was a complete stranger to me."

"It happens," Richard said, "It's a big hospital."

"I've never met her before," Meredith repeated, "And yet I'm the person who handed her the worst day of her life. In her story, that's who I am. That's who I'll always be."

Richard laid a hand on Meredith's shoulder. "That's the job."

"That's the job," Meredith echoed. "I know, but I don't like it."

"Neither do I."

"Are you sure there's nothing we can do?" Unable to just watch Sarah sob for her dying husband, she turned to Richard, not caring about the desperate tone in her voice. "There must be something we can do." It seemed so futile to just stand here. The accident was literally feet away from one of the best hospitals in the state. That they couldn't do anything was unthinkable.

"Meredith." He sighed. "You feel helpless."

She nodded.

"Today makes all those other days when you fight to save a life and lose...today makes you grateful on those other days, where you fight and lose, that you had a chance to do anything at all. You take it in now."

Meredith tried to turn back to the scene, but was just in time to watch a firefighter drag Sarah, now sobbing uncontrollably and screaming for her husband, away from the ambulance. She had to turn away, unable to watch, as she couldn't help but relate this experience to herself. If it were Derek, she'd be broken. If it were Derek, she'd do anything to stay with him in this moment. As much as she knew it was important that Sarah not be in the way, Meredith wouldn't have accepted it either. And she couldn't imagine being dragged from her husband's side as the last time she got to see him alive.

"It's time," Richard said quietly once Sarah's cries had died away.

Meredith turned back around and took a breath, wanting to be anywhere but here. Her eyes stung painfully, her throat was so thick it was hard to swallow and her heart was aching in her chest. After collecting herself as best she could, she followed Richard to the ambulance and crouched down beside him.

"The moment they pull apart the rig, we're going to come in and grab you," Richard was explaining to the two terrified paramedics.

"You take Stan first," Ray demanded.

"Once we get in there and assess-" Richard began, only to be cut off.

"You take Stan first!" Ray repeated vehemently.

Stan turned to his partner. "Ray, I think I'm going to be okay. I'm starting to feel better."

"Don't you screw with me, man."

"I'm not," Stan insisted. "I'm probably not as bad as I think. I'm probably just paralyzed." He turned to Meredith and Richard. "Do you think, maybe, I can get out of here and just be paralyzed?"

Meredith felt her heart aching in her chest. The man was terrified and clearly knew he wasn't going to make it. He had just said goodbye to his wife, and now he was trying to make things better for his friend.

Richard said nothing, so Meredith jumped in, wanting to give both men some hope. "It's possible. It happens."

"Really?" Ray asked.

Meredith nodded.

Stan nodded. "Is my wife inside?"

Again, Meredith nodded.

"She won't see any of this?"

"No, she won't see it."

"And you'll be where I can see you?"

"I'm right here, and I'm not going anywhere," she promised, settling down to make a point. She would lay there and watch this man die if that was all she could do to help him.

"Okay. Then let's do this."

Meredith wiped a tear off of her face as Richard stood to direct the rescue team. She took a breath and prepared for a moment that she knew she'd carry with her for the rest of her life.

Machinery sounded nearby, but she didn't take her eyes off of the paramedics. A cracking sounded as the ambulance began to rip apart. Still, she didn't move. Then something happened, and Stan began yelling for them to stop.

"Stop!" She yelled, relaying the message. "Stop!"

Richard knelt back down. "What is it?"

"Ray...Ray's back..." Stan stammered. "Something came through...it's in deep. He'll bleed out if you move us."

"Ray!" Richard called, but the drive was unresponsive. Richard hurried to the other side of the cabin and knelt down again. "Ah, it's the oxygen regulator. It's embedded in his back. Ray? You still with us?"

Ray moaned. "I'm here, but my pulse is weak. I can feel it..."

"He's sweaty and breathing fast...and with the angle of that regulator..."

Meredith tired to get a better look from her angle, "It's probably a cardiac tamponade." Ray's pericardium was filling with blood, putting undue pressure on his heart.

"If that regulator caused a tear in his heart and we move him..."

"The tear could get bigger," Meredith finished.

"Please don't let it flood my heart," Ray begged.

Meredith swallowed hard, not knowing if it was better or worse that the patient understood exactly what he was facing.

"It'll be okay," Richard said. "It just means we'll stabilize you in the ambulance before we move here." He paused to address the other paramedic. "Stan, you're a hero, man. You saved Ray's life."

Stan didn't respond.

Meredith looked down and felt her heart tug in her chest. Stan was dead. The ambulance had been shifted enough that he had bled out. He'd given up any slim chance he had by saving his friend's life. And then he'd passed away in the moments they'd been focussed on his partner. She let herself cry as Ray reacted to his fallen partner.

Richard disappeared from view. She could hear him in the background, ordering supplies and calling for Hahn, but she couldn't pull herself from the scene. Stan was dead, Ray might die, and Sarah was alone.

Why did these things have to happen?

"I can't be in here!" Ray cried out in grief and desperation. "I'm going to die! I'm going to die like Stan!"

"Ray!" Meredith shouted. "You can't move. Stop moving."

"He's dead! He's dead!"

"I know, but Ray. Ray! Look at me," she demanded, finding her voice in her sudden determination to make sure Ray got out of the ambulance alive. "Don't look at Stan, look at me!" She called, forcing Ray to look past his friend to meet Meredith's eyes. "You are not going to die today. Okay? Say it."

He shook his head.

"Say it!"

"I'm...not going to die today."

"Good. We are doing everything we can for you. I am going to do everything I can for you, okay? We couldn't save Stan, there was nothing we could have done, but we will save you, do you hear me? I will be here the entire time."

"Oh-okay." He met her eyes and she held his gaze.

"He needs a pericardiocentesis if it's truly a tamponade, but we'll need an ultrasound to make sure," Richard said quietly to Meredith. He glanced uncertainly at the ambulance, clearly not knowing how they were going to treat Ray at all.

Meredith nodded her agreement. "I can do it."

"Meredith..."

"I can do it," she insisted. "I can fit."

"Are you sure?"

She nodded. "I told Ray I'm going to do everything I can for him."

"Okay, get in and we'll pass you supplies as we get them."

Meredith took a breath. "I'm coming in, Ray," she announced, before pressing herself into the small opening.

"Take it slow," Richard warned, "There's glass all around you."

The glass stung her arms and knees as she moved forward, but she ignored it, her focus on carefully inching her way around Stan's body. "I'm sorry, Stan, I'm so sorry," she murmured as she crawled over his body. She stopped as close as she could get to Ray and crouched on her knees.

Richard passed a pair of medical scissors through to her, and she carefully began cutting Ray's uniform away from his chest to prepare for the ultrasound.

"This isn't how I usually...let girls see me naked for the...first time," Ray said groggily.

Meredith smiled, grateful Ray was with it enough to try and make a joke. "Just don't tell my husband, okay?"

"Okay."

"How's it going in there?" Richard called.

"I've almost got the shirt open," Meredith called back. "Just a few more moments." She finished and put the scissors down. "Is the ultrasound ready?"

"It'll just be a moment."

Meredith sighed. "Just another few minutes, Ray, hang in here for me, okay?"

"I'm...trying..." He said slowly.

Meredith frowned and reached her fingers to check his pulse. With the lining of his heart filling with blood, it was important to relieve the pressure as quickly as possible, or his heart would stop and he would die.

"Chief!" She called, prompting the outside world.

"It's here," Richard called. "Just a few seconds to get it ready."

"Can you...close his...eyes," Ray requested, holding his head faced away from Stan's body.

Meredith nodded. "I'm sorry." She reached beside herself to close Stan's eyes.

"I can't believe he's gone," Ray whispered.

"I know. I know you can't. And I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. But you are going to make it out of here, do you hear me?"

He nodded.

"Okay."

"Here it is, Meredith," Richard called, passing the ultrasound wand through the cabin.

Meredith took it and immediately pressed it to Ray's chest. "You're going to have to guide me. With Ray being upside down, I'm not sure about the anatomy..."

"Start low on the chest and point the wand upwards. We'll start from there."

Meredith did so. "Can you see anything yet?"

Richard, being able to see the output on the monitor, guided her through several adjustments. "There," he finally said. "Hold it there." There was a pause. "Yeah, his pericardium is full of blood."

"That's not good," Ray mumbled, "Not good at all."

"It's going to be okay," Meredith assured. "It just means we're going to relieve the pressure before we move you."

"...his anatomy is all screwed up because he's hanging upside down," Richard could be heard ranting outside the ambulance. "Where is Hahn?"

"I'm here, Chief," Hahn's voice could be heard.

"That's good," Meredith said to Ray. "Dr. Hahn is here. She's the head of cardio. She's who we want to be out there helping us in here."

"What's the situation?" Hahn asked.

"Paramedic hanging upside down with a cardiac tamponade. His pericardium is filling with blood. Grey's in there with him. She's prepared to do a pericardiocentesis, but we need your help for the approach. With his anatomy like this, we need your expertise on the best way in."

Ray closed his eyes as they listened to Richard and Erika Hahn discuss the best approached the pericardiocentesis.

Meredith took a moment to breathe. Not one who normally suffered from claustrophobia, Meredith felt like the walls around her were closing in. She had no space to move and couldn't avoid Stan's body, regardless of how hard she tried.

She tried to imagine herself performing the procedure flawlessly, despite the odds against her. A pericardiocentesis was a procedure that required precision on a horizontal patient in a trauma room. To stick a needle into his chest and locate Ray's pericardium without piercing his heart or collapsing his lung while Ray hung upside down would take confidence, a steady hand and a lot of luck. She had to convince herself that she could do this.

Taking a deep breath, Meredith closed her eyes and imagined Derek there with her, looking into her eyes, without a hint of doubt in his own, and telling her she could do this. And just like so many months earlier when she had been holding her hand on a bomb, she found the strength to believe in herself.

"With the position of his body, the blood won't be pooled to the base of the heart,"Richard was saying outside.

"I'd still go subxiphoid rather than parasternal," Hahn responded.

"Did you hear that, Meredith?" Richard called.

"Yeah," Meredith called back. She'd put the needle in below the ribcage and not through the ribs. "Is the kit ready yet?"

"I'm just getting it ready for you now."

"Good. We don't have a lot of time." Ray's pulse was concerning her. The pressure was building fast, and pretty soon his heart was going to give out.

"How are you doing, Ray?"

He nodded. "Hanging in."

"Good."

"Grey," Hahn called into the ambulance. "You've got to be careful with this technique. If you aim the needle incorrectly, you could nick the very thin-walled right atrium."

Ray flinched at the warning. As a paramedic, he had the medical training to know exactly what she was about to do to him, and the risks that came along with it.

"I know," she called back, trying to stop any further warnings from coming through and terrifying her patient even further.

"That could cause a cardiac rupture," someone who Meredith thought sounded like Izzie said outside the ambulance.

"A rupture, a tension pneumothorax," Hahn continued. "Basically, there's about six different ways she could kill him."

"Is she...talking about me?" Ray cried.

"Don't listen to them," Meredith said with as much comfort in her voice as she could. She then turned around as best she could. Her hand and knee brushed against Stan's body, but she pushed the thought from her mind. "Dr. Hahn," she called, catching the attention of the cardiothoracic surgeon.

"What, Grey?" Hahn crouched down to meet her eyes.

She glared up at the attending. "Shut up," she hissed. "Ray can hear you."

Hahn had the decency to look sorry. "Sir, you're going to be fine," she called to Ray.

"She doesn't think that," Ray whispered to Meredith when she turned back to him. "She thinks I'm going to die."

"She's new," Meredith offered as explanation. "That means she doesn't know how good I am yet."

"You're that good?"

"I am," she insisted, trying to instil confidence in her patient.

"Here's the eighteen gage," Richard called.

Meredith accepted the needle and then turned back to Ray. Her body brushed against Stan's again, but she didn't allow herself to think about it. Stan was past help now and Ray needed her focussed.

"That's a really big needle."

"I know. I'm sorry. But this is the only way."

Ray moaned.

"Close your eyes and don't look at it," she instructed.

Ray closed his eyes.

"I'm going to go in under your xiphoid process, okay?"

"Okay."

Meredith reached to locate the patient's xiphoid process and then moved two fingers to the left to find the best entry. She lined up the needle.

"Angle towards the left shoulder, but don't stab," Richard instructed. "Don't hit the ventricle and don't drop the lung."

"Okay."

"Wait!" Ray cried as she prepared to start. "Stop. Please stop."

"It's going to be okay."

"No. Stop. Please, stop."

She took the needle down. "Ray..."

"No, please. Tell Sarah I'm sorry about Stan."

"You're going to tell her yourself."

"I can't...I..."

"What's taking so long?" Richard called.

"He's not ready."

"I'm trying not to be scared," Ray cried. "I don't want to die scared."

"You're not going to die," Meredith insisted.

"Ray, listen to me," Richard spoke up. "It's good to be scared. It means you have something to lose."

Ray took a shuddery breath and turned his attention back to Meredith. "Are you scared?"

"All the time," she assured.

He nodded. "Okay. Okay, I'm ready."

She repositioned the needle. "Okay, on three."

"No, don't count. Just-"

Meredith inserted the needle.

Ray gasped and fell silent.

"It's in, Chief," she called.

"Okay," Richard called back. "Slowly press the needle forward."

She did so, stopping several times to draw the syringe back. As soon as the action drew blood, she would know she had pierced the pericardium.

"Nothing yet."

"Keep going."

She did, but shook her head at the distance. "I feel like I'm going in too far."

"Okay, pull back and try angling a little further forward."

Meredith carefully withdrew the needle far enough to avoiding damaging the heart or lung and then pushed forward again with the new angle. On the second try, she drew blood.

"Okay, okay I got it." She slowly drew as much blood from the pericardium as possible, relieving the dangerous pressure on the heart.

"That feels good," Ray whispered. "I can breathe better."

"See," Meredith responded, "I told you I'm that good." She withdrew the needle and passed it back to Richard.

"Th-thank you."

"We're getting you out of here right now, okay, Ray?"

"Okay. Okay."

Meredith turned and crawled out of the cabin so that the rescue crew could extract Ray.

Richard met her the moment she was out and helped her to her feet.

"You're bleeding."

She shook her head. "It's Ray's blood." She was shaking now that she was out from the horror of the ambulance where she had been hovering over a dead man's body while she fought to save his friend.

"I don't think so." Richard pulled at the trauma sleeve on her arm, showing them both a large rip in the fabric. "You've got a three inch laceration on your forearm. It'll probably need stitches."

"I can't even feel it," she said as Richard applied a temporary dressing.

"That's the adrenaline. Make sure you get this looked at right away, okay?"

She nodded numbly.

"You stayed calm, focussed and efficient in a very stressful situation. That's very impressive."

Meredith tucked her injured arm to her chest and covered it with her good arm. "I was scared," she admitted, feeling her body trembling now that the adrenaline was wearing off. Behind Richard she could see the rescue crew extracting Ray and putting him on a gurney.

"But you did it anyway. And you did it well. You kept Ray calm. You stood up to Hahn. Like I said; impressive."

She couldn't make her mind work enough to accept his praise. Nothing made any sense.

"I'm going to go with Ray," Richard explained. "Get that arm looked at and then go home. You don't need to be seeing anymore patients today. Okay?"

"Okay," Meredith agreed quietly, watching as the Chief headed into the ER with Ray. She turned back to the ambulance and watched with tears in her eyes as the rescue crew carefully extracted Stan's body from the wreckage. His injuries were clearly fatal, but that didn't make her feel any better. Richard was right; she would have felt better if she could have at least tried to save him. To be able to do nothing at all was unbearable.

She didn't know how long she stood there, silent, watching, as a gurney was brought out and Stan's body was loaded into a body bag and then wheeled away. Still, she stood, staring at the wreckage before her.

A man was dead. His wife was devastated. His partner may not live. And less than two hours earlier everyone had been fine. Ray and Stan had been working together, their focus on their patients and not on themselves. Sarah had been working in the Imaging Department, expecting to return home to her husband that night.

Now, she'd never return to her husband again. She'd never see him alive again, would never speak with him again. Would never be able to tell him she loved him or kiss him again.

Stan and Sarah had met at Joe's. Just like Meredith and Derek. She closed her eyes and fought the urge to sob. This was all too real and too close to home.

"Dr. Grey-Shepherd?" A quiet voice called from beside her.

She opened her eyes to meet the concerned gaze of an ER nurse. "They're going to move the ambulance now. We need to move out of the way." She was still standing in the middle of the ambulance bay.

Meredith nodded. "Okay."

"Are...are you okay?"

Meredith shrugged. "I don't know," she whispered.

"Do you need anything?"

My husband. Meredith needed her husband. She nodded. "I have to go." She turned and headed into the hospital. She tossed her soiled trauma gown into the biohazard bin by the door, and then headed for the surgical wing. Derek's name was still on the OR Board, so she headed there to wait.

Thankfully, Derek was in the scrub room when Meredith arrived, scrubbing out, one of Cristina's interns beside him at the sink.

Meredith exhaled shakily, just at the knowledge that her husband was alive and well. He was healthy and obviously in a good mood as he conversed with the intern, presumably about the surgery he'd just performed. She leaned against the wall and stared through the scrub room window at her husband as he reached for paper towel to dry his hands.

A nurse walked into the scrub room from the OR and glanced at Meredith. She obviously said something to Derek, because Derek immediately turned around and met Meredith's gaze through the glass. He was smiling when he met her eyes, but it quickly fell away as he took in her expression. He tossed his paper towel into the garbage and then pushed out through the scrub room door.

"Are you okay?"

She shook her head. "No."

He hugged her and the moment his arms were around her, she started to cry. She clutched to the fabric of his scrub top and sobbed openly, burying her face into his chest. "I...I..."

"Shhh," he soothed, running his hand along her spine. "You don't have to say anything. Just breathe."

She did. She ignored the tears streaming from her eyes and focussed on breathing in and out. She pushed thoughts of Ray, Stan and Sarah from her mind, and focussed on Derek. He was alive and well and healthy. And there was no reason to think he wouldn't stay that way. The hospital and the OR hallway fell away. The fact that they weren't in a private area and could have onlookers fell away. It was just her and Derek.

Derek pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "I'm here," he whispered.

Her heart tugged at his tone. She released her hold on his scrub top and shifted to wrap her arms around his neck. He leaned down to her level to accommodate the change in position, and pressed a kiss to the crook of her neck.

"I love you," she whispered fiercely. "I love you so freaking much, Derek. Please don't ever forget that. Please, just...I love you."

"I won't ever forget," he promised, "Because I love you just as much."

She closed her eyes and hugged him as tight as she could. He tightened his hold on her in response, making her feel safer than she had all day. They remained silent for several minutes as he simply allowed her to cry and offered her the comfort of being in his arms. Meredith finally felt her breathing calm down as her tears dried up. She was sure she'd left a giant stain on Derek's scrub top, but she couldn't bring herself to care. She also couldn't bring herself to move. The world always felt better and safer when she was in his arms. He offered her some unidentifiable quality that she'd never experienced anywhere else. Her heart ached for Sarah and Stan and Ray, her normally overwhelming drive to be a doctor seemed like a waste of time and she was exhausted, but being in Derek's arms made her feel stable and grounded.

Slowly, she built up the strength to pull herself away from her husband's comfort.

Derek allowed her to stand upright, but he kept his arms around her. He met her eyes and offered her a supportive smile. "Hey."

She tried to smile back, but failed. "Hey."

He ducked his head to kiss her cheek. "Why don't we find somewhere more private?"

Meredith glanced around and then nodded. They were still standing in the OR floor hallway. Few members of the hospital staff were in the area, but they were sending curious glances towards the scene Meredith and Derek were creating. There weren't many private places on the OR floor.

Derek threaded his fingers through hers and led her out of the area. She followed silently, trusting him.

He found an empty conference room and ushered her inside. She sat at the table as he shut the door and closed the blinds. He then sat to her left and hooked an arm around her waist.

She sighed and leaned into him, resting her head on his shoulder. "I'm sorry I'm an emotional disaster..."

He shifted to kiss the side of her head. "I'm here no matter what, Mer."

"Thank you."

"Is this about Thatcher?"

She almost laughed at his question. The newest chapter in the Grey family saga had completely escaped her awareness for the past several hours. "No. I was...uh..." She trailed off as a fresh batch of tears filled her eyes. "Stan died," she whispered. "And Sarah is all alone and Ray may die, too."

She felt Derek hesitate before he whispered, "Who?"

Meredith lifted her head off of his shoulder to meet his eyes. "Did you hear about the ambulances that crashed in the ambulance bay?"

He nodded. "I operated on the driver. She had a tumour that caused her to have a seizure. Bailey has her partner." He ran his hand up her arm to her shoulder. "I didn't realize you were involved, too."

"I saw it happen. And I stayed with the other rig."

"I heard it was bad," he whispered.

She nodded. "It was horrible." He voice waivered for a moment and she had to take a breath before continuing. "Ray was in the driver's seat when it happened, but Stan was on his way through the door from the back. His body was pinned in the doorway and...there was nothing we could do." She swallowed hard, trying to rid herself of the lump in her throat.

"I'm sorry."

"His wife works here. I had to get her. I'd never met her before, but now I'm that person in her story."

His jaw tightened. "Did she get to say goodbye?"

Meredith nodded. "Yeah...but she was just..." She shook her head as the urge to cry again washed over her. When she spoke again, her voice waivered and she couldn't stop it. "She was desperate. And they had to drag her away from him... She was screaming..." She shuddered as she trailed off.

Derek's eyes watered in response to her words and expression. He ran his hand across her cheek and then pulled her close and wrapped his arms around her again. "Oh, Mer..."

She breathed against his shoulder. "I can't imagine... If that had been you, and they hadn't let me be there... How do you get over something like that?"

"You don't," he said quietly. "They would have had to drag me away from you, too," he added softly. "There's no way I would have left you there."

She sniffed. "You either."

"I'm sorry you had to see that."

"Ray got stabbed through the back by an oxygen regulator while the Fire crew was trying to extract them from the ambulance," she continued. "Stan made us stop to save him, and then he just...died."

"I'm sorry," he said again.

She sniffed. "Me too."

"What happened with Ray?"

"The oxygen regulator pierced his pericardium. He developed a tamponade. I had to do a pericardiocentesis."

"In the ambulance?"

She nodded. "While Ray was hanging upside down..."

Derek released a laughing breath. "Well, that's impressive."

Meredith smiled sadly, grateful that he was trying to make her feel better. "I was terrified the entire time."

"But you still did it."

She sighed. "I imagined you there, telling me I could do it."

He ran his hand along her spine. "You're amazing."

"And I yelled at Hahn, so it's a good thing I have no interest in cardio."

He raised an eyebrow.

"She and Izzie were talking outside the ambulance. Ray and I could hear them. She was listing the many, very easy, ways I could kill Ray. And Ray was terrified enough already. So, I told Hahn to shut up."

Derek smirked. "That's my girl."

She smiled back, even though her face felt stiff. "I should probably apologize."

"She should have known better."

She shrugged. "Still..."

"Let's wait and see if she's upset first."

"Okay."

"Do you have to get back to the floor?"

She shook her head. "The Chief told me to go home. I'm not in any shape to be interacting with patients."

"Okay. I'll need to do a post-op evaluation of my patient, and then we can go home, okay?"

She nodded. "I want to wait until Ray's out of surgery. I need to know...before we go home...I can't be wondering all weekend if he's alive."

"Okay." He leaned in to kiss her.

"Can I come with you to check your patient?" She asked quietly, not wanting to be alone.

He cupped her cheek with his warm hand. "Absolutely."

She reached up with her right arm to cover his hand. "Thanks," she whispered.

He smiled tenderly at her, but the smile fell away as his eyes flickered from her face to her arm. "What happened?"

Momentarily confused, Meredith glanced down at her arm. Her eyes quickly caught on the gauze Richard had taped to her forearm. "I forgot..."

"Did you get hurt?"

"It's just a cut. The Chief said it'll need stitches."

"Can I...?" He moved to her other side to be closer to her injured arm.

She released her arm to his care. "It doesn't even hurt," she explained.

Derek carefully peeled back one side of the gauze. "It's not too bad...pretty clean cut, but Richard's right. You'll definitely need some stitches."

Meredith sighed and leaned her head against his shoulder as he examined her arm. "Will you do it?" She didn't want to track down one of her friends or wait for an ER resident to be free.

He turned his head and pressed a kiss to the top of hers. "Sure, as long as you trust me..."

She giggled at his tone. "To do sutures? I think I can trust my neurosurgeon husband to do a couple sutures."

Derek chuckled, obviously pleased with his ability to lighten her mood. It warmed Meredith's heart to see proof of how connected he was to her. She sat upright and smiled as she met his gaze. It still amazed her how much better he could make her feel in such a short amount of time.

"Thank you," she whispered, leaning in to kiss him.

"Mmm, you're welcome," he whispered, kissing her back.

When she pulled away, he took her hand and led her down to the ER. She sat on the edge of an empty gurney while he rifled through the closest trauma cart.

"Second drawer," she instructed when he started with the bottom drawer and began working his way up looking for supplies.

He shot her an amused glance.

She smiled back and then watched with growing amusement of her own as he picked one piece of equipment at a time and laid them onto the sterile table beside the bed. "Okay, see, now I'm a little concerned about your ability to do this," she teased.

He rolled his eyes. "I'm not a resident. I don't spend hours at a time suturing anymore."

She raised an eyebrow. "You're not going to leave a huge scar, are you?"

He laughed. "We'll have to wait and see."

She laughed as well, knowing he was teasing.

"Aha," he announced as he found the last thing he was looking for. He then pulled the table close and gently guided Meredith's injured arm onto it.

She winced as he began cleaning the cut.

"You okay?"

Meredith made a face. "Yeah. It just stings a bit."

"Sorry."

"At least I can feel it now. That's probably a good sign."

He smirked at her. "Too bad it didn't wait to start hurting until after the sutures were in."

She raised an eyebrow. "I was assuming you'd freeze it for me, even though you didn't get any freezing out..."

Derek glanced at the table and frowned. He then glanced back at her. "I was just about to get it out."

"You forgot," she teased.

"I would have remembered."

She laughed.

"Hey, in my defence, the only time I do sutures is in surgery. And my patients are anaesthetized..."

"Excuses, excuses."

He smiled. "I'm an attending. I have people to get stuff out for me."

She laughed and reached her free hand to the trauma cart to withdraw a small syringe of freezing. "There," she announced, setting it down on the table next to the sutures, "I can get stuff out for my attending, even when injured."

Derek chuckled and reached for the syringe. "A woman of many talents." He carefully injected the freezing around the cut. Meredith flinched with every small injection.

"I don't like needles," she complained.

"I know." He reached for her hand and gave it a squeeze.

She squeezed his hand back. "I'm glad you're here."

"Me too."

They fell into silence as Derek began the sutures. Not able to feel anything and trusting Derek to do a good job, Meredith closed her eyes to wait out the small procedure. Her day had been anything but the quiet shift she had hoped for, and she just wanted to go home. She and Derek had packed their wedding clothes the night before, and most of their other stuff. All that was left was toiletries and such. It wouldn't take them long to finish packing, and then they'd have the evening to just be together.

"Okay," Derek said after several minutes of silence. "Do you want to inspect them before I cover them?"Meredith opened her eyes and smirked as she lifted her arm to examine his work. Small, neat, evenly spaced sutures. "It's pretty good."

He scoffed. "It's excellent."

She laughed. "Thank you."

"I try." He reached for a bandage from the trauma cart and then carefully applied it over the small wound. Once he was finished he lifted her arm and then placed a feather light kiss to the outside of the bandage.

Meredith laughed at the gesture, despite the tears she felt well in her eyes. "Do you do that for all your patients, Dr. Shepherd?"

"Just the sexy ones."

She shook her head. "What am I going to do with you?"

"Let me take you home and feed you."

"Can we order something?"

"Pizza?"

"Are you just suggesting pizza because I had a bad day and you want to make me happy?"

He nodded.

She laughed again. "I'd love pizza. With extra cheese."

He made a face, but nodded his agreement. "Whatever you say, dear."

Meredith stood and bumped his shoulder at his use of the term of endearment.

Derek smiled at her. "Let's go check on our patients so we can go home."

"And eat pizza," she added.

Thursday

Meredith glanced worriedly at her husband as they sat together waiting to be called to board their flight from Seattle to New York. It was early morning, but they had been up for hours; Derek presumably much longer than her. By the time he had woken her, he had already loaded their suitcases into the car, had a shower and made breakfast. She had expected to get up and help him in the morning, but he had turned off the alarm when he woken at some unknown earlier period in time.

When she had asked how long he had been awake, he had shrugged and kissed her and made her forget her question.

At first she had thought he was trying to make the morning as stress free as possible for her after the stress of the past few days, but now she wondered if something more was bothering him.

He had been hovering for two days now; since Thatcher's drunken appearance at the hospital and Meredith's subsequent fallout with Lexie. And he had been overly supportive and affectionate since the day before; when Meredith had watched a man who couldn't be helped die and then crouched over his body while she fought to save his friend. Both of those behaviours were understandable considering the circumstances, but now he was adding something new.

His expression had tightened the moment they arrived at the airport. He had been fine that morning preparing to leave, or at least only not fine to a small enough degree that he could hide it from her while she struggled to fully wake up. As they waited in line to check in, he had gripped so tightly to her hand that she had had to pat his arm to have him loosen his grip. And then at check in he had shot her supportive smiles at every opportunity. At first she had mirrored his smiles, but the first time she hadn't, his demeanour fell and he had wrapped an arm around her waist. The moment they left the counter he whispered into her ear that he loved her.

The same thing had happened while clearing security. He had gripped tightly to her hand while they waited in line, ushered her through the security check first and then was quick to reach for her again on the other side.

And every time she asked him if he was okay, he pasted a fake smile on his face and nodded, while avoiding her eyes. He'd look at her, just not at her.

Now that they were sitting side by side at the gate, she could feel how tense he was.

"Hey," she murmured, drawing his attention. He had his shoulder bag on his lap and his arms folded over it as he stared across the room, her hand in both of his. "Everything okay over there?"

He nodded and smiled that fake smile again. "Of course. How about you? Okay?"

She paused before nodding, trying to determine if she had ever seen him like this before. She had flown with him before, so she knew he wasn't afraid of flying, and unless something drastic had happened in the past forty-eight hours with his family that he hadn't told her about, he wasn't dreading seeing his family. He had been looking forward to this trip for weeks. He loved his family. He was walking his sister down the aisle. Maybe that was it.

"Are you worried about your sister?" She asked, remembering how hard it had been for Derek to accept Nathan in Lauren's life during their previous trip to New York.

"What? No. Lauren's okay. She's happy. That's all I want for her."

Meredith frowned at his clipped answer. "Okay, then what is it?"

"What is what?"

"What's making you act this way?"

He shook his head. "I'm fine."

"Mmm-hmm," she mumbled, "You forget that's my line."

His eyes pinched at her statement. "Meredith, I'm fine."

"But you're obviously upset about something. And I don't know what it is. And I want to, because I want to help, especially after you've been here for me so much these past few days." The drama of the past two days had hindered their abilities to get everything they needed done, but he hadn't made a word of complaint and he had been there for her every time she needed him.

Derek sighed. "Meredith..."

"If it was me, you wouldn't accept me being 'fine,'" she pointed out.

"I'm just...anxious," he offered.

"About what?"

"Just...this weekend."

"Okay, that's a start. What part of this weekend? Your sister's wedding? Walking her down the aisle? Your family?"

He opened his mouth, but hesitated, as if he wanted to let her in on what was plaguing his mind, but something was stopping him. He met her eyes for the first time, instead of just looking at her, and the conflict within them made Meredith furrow her brow. What could possibly have him this upset? His eyes, normally filled with love and confidence and humour, were also shining with anxiety and a touch of trepidation. She'd only ever looked seen him like this when she was involved; after the bomb, after her near drowning experience and...

In the airport.

Meredith inhaled as realization washed over her. The last time she had seen this look in his eyes was when she had run from him following Cristina's failed wedding attempt. He had caught up to her at the security line and had said everything she needed to hear before giving her his permission to run.

That incident had also followed a Thatcher event that left her in a near panic attack.

She reached for his hand and squeezed it tight, trying to show him that she wasn't about to get on a plane to Hawaii without him, or whatever comparable behaviour he may be contemplating. "I'm looking forward to this weekend," she whispered.

His fake smile became a real/fake hybrid.

She offered him the brightest smile she could muster and continued. "After last time I feel like I can get a handle on the whole family thing even faster."

"You did great last time."

"And I'll do great this time, too," she reassured.

He raised an eyebrow. "That's certainly a change of heart. Just a few days ago you nervous."

"I'm still nervous," she admitted, "But not in a bad way, just in a new way." She had gone to him several times for reassurance over the past few weeks that she would do okay with his family again. It was just Meredith being Meredith, and had the past two days not happened, Derek would recognize that, too. She just needed to remind him now. "I really like your family, Derek, and I'm grateful for the chance to be a part of it."

The fake quality fell away completely from his expression as he smiled tenderly at her words. It made Meredith's heart tug in her chest. He had been nothing but supportive of her, and although she had been openly thankful for his support, she wondered now if she had ever made him know just how much all of this meant to her. She wasn't just putting up with visiting his family for his sake; she wanted to know the Shepherds better so that one day they could really be her family, too. She couldn't remember ever thanking him for that.

She hooked her fingers into the collar of his shirt and tugged him towards her, pressing her lips against his in a soft kiss. "Thank you for letting me a part of your family, Derek," she whispered. "I know I'm a bit of a crazy person with the family thing, but I'm trying and I'm grateful. I want to be a part of your family. Thank you."

He said nothing, but the depth of his gaze assured her he was hearing her words. It gave her the drive to continue.

"I'm not even remotely considering not getting on that plane with you," she whispered.

His jaw tightened, confirming she was on the right track for the cause of his anxiety.

"I want to go to New York with you, Derek. I want to spend time with your family." She paused. "This isn't like last time."

He closed his eyes at her words.

Meredith felt a lump form in her throat. It had been four months since she had left him standing in the airport, and although she knew he had let it go, she also knew being back here with such similar circumstances leading up to their trip must be bringing back memories. She couldn't imagine what he must have felt like when she had gone through security without him and left him there all alone. She would have been devastated and damaged after something like that. She probably wouldn't have been able to forgive him as quickly as he had her. He was a damn good man, and she was very lucky to have him.

She lifted the bag off of his lap, and then snaked her hands around his waist and hugged him as tight as she could. "I love you," she whispered into the crook of his neck.

"I love you, too," he returned, closing his arms around her.

"I'm sorry about last time," she said quietly.

"It's okay."

"It's not. You've let it go and we've moved past it, I know, and I appreciate it, but that doesn't make it okay." She lifted her head to meet his eyes. "What I did to you wasn't okay. So, I get to be sorry about that."

He said nothing, but held her gaze evenly.

She reached one hand to cup his face. "I'm sorry I hurt you, Derek, because you had plans the last time and I almost ruined all of it."

"I just want to make sure it doesn't happen again," he admitted quietly. "The last time Thatcher was here..." He trailed off.

'The last time he was here...' Derek had said two days before, when she had told him about Thatcher's most recent appearance, 'I just don't want you to have to deal with him.' He hadn't been happy with any of the Thatcher information she had relayed.

She had reassured her husband by telling him she wouldn't let Thatcher hurt her again like last time, but she had never even thought to reassure him that he wouldn't get hurt again, as the last time Thatcher had appeared, Meredith had shut down and ended up leaving Derek alone in the airport. He'd still been anxious after her response, but she had assumed he was just worried about her getting hurt. She had missed what he was actually trying to say.

'Just...know that I'm here,' he'd ended the conversation.

Meredith sighed and ran her hand over his shoulder to play with the curls at the base of his neck. "It won't happen again, I promise," she said with as much integrity in her voice as possible. She had promised before, but they were back at the scene now, so he deserved every reassurance she could give him. He found it hard to let people see him as vulnerable. She knew this all too well, and with it she knew she had to do whatever she could for him when he opened up to show him it was okay to be vulnerable with her. "I know a lot of the same things have happened," she frowned and shook her head, wondering how things kept repeating themselves, "But I'm a different person now. I'm happy, Derek. Not every day. Not all the time. But overall? Overall I'm happy. You make me happy. And my friends make me happy. And my job makes me happy."

"You make me happy, too," he whispered.

She kissed him. "Good." She offered him a warm smile before continuing. "I went a little crazy last time. So much happened... I just couldn't get perspective. And, really, Thatcher was only a part of everything that built up. If he had been the only factor, I'm sure I would have been fine. Regardless, he won't affect anything now. I was so determined not to let him hurt me again that I let Lexie take me by surprise. But, I don't need either of them. I don't. I only need you."

He smiled warmly at her. "Yeah?"

She smiled back. "Yeah. I'm not running ever again. And I want to go to New York, Derek. I want to be with your family, even if it's scary. It wouldn't be worth having if it wasn't scary. So, please don't take my lack of family skills as a sign that I want to run. I need to be able to tell you what scares me without worrying that you're worrying about me."

He released a breathy chuckle. "So, I worry about you and you worry about me worrying about you?"

"Pretty much."

This time he laughed out loud. "Okay. I'll try and stop worrying about you."

She kissed him again. "Thank you."

They sat back in their seats, Derek much less tense now, and Meredith leaned her head against his shoulder, proud of herself for recognizing the issue and dealing with it. She was growing up and getting better and better at the wife thing. She reached for Derek's hand and intertwined their fingers.

"It's going to be a good weekend," she announced.

"Yes, it is."

"And then we get to come back to Seattle and move into our new home."

"Yes, we do."

She smiled. "We've come a long way in four months."

"We have."

She lifted her head from his shoulder and met his eyes. "Do you know how we should celebrate our progress?"

His eyes twinkled, knowing she had something specific in mind. "How?"

After glancing at the other waiting passengers, Meredith leaned in close and whispered, "By joining the mile high club."

"Good idea. We'll add it to the non-PG section of our list. We still haven't checked the ferry boat off, either."

"When we get home," she promised.

Derek laughed out loud and dropped her hand to wrap his arm around her shoulders. "You know, New York has ferry boats..."

Meredith laughed as well, more confident than ever in the knowledge that she and Derek were a good fit.

Before she could respond, the business class passengers were called to board. They stood and headed for the short line. Meredith pulled her ID out of her purse and then hooked her arm through Derek's as they stood together in line. He shot her a contented smile, clearly allowing himself to look forward to the weekend now that he wasn't concerned about her. More determined than ever to overcome any and all pain her parents had put her through, Meredith smiled back at her husband, grateful she was doing this with him. It may be early morning and she may be about to take a five hour plane ride to spend the weekend with her in-laws, but there was nowhere else Meredith would rather be right now.