CHAPTER 38: RYAN

"Are you okay?" Finn asked after he finished untying Rose.

Rose stared at Jack's death body, horrified then turned to Finn to give him a little nod.

"Here." Finn took out a napkin and handed it to Rose to clean her face.

Rose shakily took the napkin and stared at it for a moment before looking up to lock her gaze with me.

Usually when we lock gaze, her eyes sparkle as if she's happy to see me.

Although, right now, all her eyes contained was pain and hurt.

And I was the reason behind it.

Rose broke eye contact with me as if she keeps the contact for too long, she would shatter.

I hated it. I wanted her in my arms, I wanted to beg for her forgiveness but I couldn't do it right now.

"Can we go now?" Rose shakily asked.

"We have to take care of the body first. Why don't you go and wait in Ryan's car?" Finn suggested.

Rose shook her head "No. Can I sit in your car?"

Finn went quiet. My hand turned into a fist. Her not wanting to sit in the same car as me brings such pain to my chest.

"Okay." Finn finally said then handed Rose his car keys.

Without giving another glance, Rose left.

"She found out." Finn said.

I hummed, staring at the door, Rose just left from.

𝘚𝘩𝘦'𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬.

My throat tightened.

I brought my attention back to the death body "I have shovels in my car. We'll bury his body behind this warehouse."

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"what are you going to do now?" Finn asked as we threw the shovels covered in dirt in the back of my car.

"About what?" I asked as I shut the back door of the car.

"Ryan, your wife is traumatized. She didn't even want to sit in your car with you."

My jaw clenched.

"Talk to her." Finn suggested

I scoffed "Like she wants to talk to me right now."

"If you keep doing this, she'll never want to talk to you."

I tilted my head towards Finn's car where I saw Rose sitting in the passenger seat, her gaze was lowered as if she knew I was staring at her.

"At least try."

I looked at Finn "fine."

Finn patted my shoulder before walking away, I walked towards his car, towards the passenger seat.

I knocked on the door earning Rose's attention as she caught me standing outside the door. I gently opened the passenger door and she scooted away a little.

𝘚𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘰𝘦𝘴𝘯'𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘯𝘦𝘢𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶.

"Hey." I said.

"What do you want?" Rose said, without locking our gazes.

"Sweetheart, look at me."

She shook her head "don't call me that." Her voice cracks "it doesn't mean anything." She sniffled "I know about everything, Ryan. You can stop pretending-"

"I wasn't pretending. Rose-" I sighed "it's the truth that at the beginning I took John's suggestion even though I knew it was a horrible idea. But… I couldn't pretend after spending time with you. Every word. Every kiss. Every moment was real-"

"No, it wasn't." Rose finally looked at me. Not with care. Not with love. But with hurt and hatred in her eyes. "When John asked you why you took a vacation, you told him that you were taking things to the extreme." Her eyes got filled with tears "when he asked you if he can prepare our divorce paper, you gave him green light."

"How-"

"John recorded everything. I heard everything, Ryan." She broke gaze with me as she continued "it was clear from the beginning that you don't believe in love. What you say or do won't change the fact that.. that you used me."

Rose's words stabbed me in my heart. Her words were clear.

𝘚𝘩𝘦'𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘨𝘪𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶.

Rose lifted her hand to wipe the tear which was about to fall down her cheek "I'm not going back to the house. I'm staying with Bree till I find my own place."

My head fell between my shoulder as I squeezed my eyes shut.

"You can send the divorce papers whenever you want."

My head snapped towards her. She didn't look at me once. Her gaze was lowered as she pressed her lips together to stop from breaking down in front of me.

"Rose… Don't say that." The ache in my chest grew as Rose's words repeated in my head.

𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘴𝘦𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘪𝘷𝘰𝘳𝘤𝘦 𝘱𝘢𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵.

"Leave, Ryan." She whispered, her voice filled with hurt and pain.

𝘠𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘰𝘯 𝘣𝘦𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘵.

I wanted to take her home. Our home. I wanted to hold her in my arms. Kiss her. Beg her to forgive me.

But only one thought came to my mind.

That it would be better if I walk out of her life.

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The moment I walked into the house, I felt it was empty.

There was no one to welcome me home. No one to hug me. No one to ask me about my day. No one to listen to me attentively as I talked about my past without being judged.

I stood by the couch staring at the place I kissed Rose after confessing to her that I wanted to fix the marriage.

She didn't believe me the next day but I was able to win her trust.

Not only win her trust. But I was able to trust her blindly. Know that she would never hurt me no matter how upset she was with me.

𝘚𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘢𝘮𝘦 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶.

The thought brought an extreme pain in my chest.

Everywhere I looked, everything around me reminded me of Rose.

The couch where she would sit to binge watch her favorite TV shows. Sofa chair where she'd sit and read her romance books.

The whole house was filled with memories of Rose. But she was gone. Her laughter. Her smell. Her presence.

The house which she turned into a home full of living memories and happiness for me, became the house which contained walls, furniture, sadness and ghosts of memories.