Chapter 8: Queen's Dilemna

Xilonem

I moved uneasily on my throne. My throat felt unusually dry. I've felt like this since Ret left. Had something happened to him?

"Lady Xilonem, you okay?" Azorasa said, frowning as she brought over a glass of water. She was one of the few people I confided on, the other being her younger brother.

"I feel like something happened to Ret," I whispered, taking the glass.

She looked down at the crimson carpet of my throne room. Her mannerisms had been as uneasy as mine.

"Y-you think something might've happened to my brother?" she asked, pressing the tray against her chest.

I nodded and stared at my reflection on the glass of water. My eyes were more downcast than usual.

She let go of the breath she had been holding in. "I do too, but he has to be okay. My brother is strong. There's no way he and the rest of his trope would fall to the Soleonese.

Suddenly, the crimson doors creaked open. In came Naso, Ret's right hand man.

I stood up, smiling. "Naso, you're back. Was the mission a success?"

He took a deep breath as he drew closer and shook his head.

I sat back down on my throne. "Where is Ret..."

Naso turned away and rubbed his neck. "Well..."

I clenched the arm rests of my throne. "Well what? Speak!"

"He probably perished."

"Probably?" Azorasa asked. "What happened there?"

He sighed. "When we descended, we were attacked by the people of the planet we were going to pacify. In the attack, we lost several members and got split up from Commander Retas. His mecha got hit and began to fall rapidly. While there is a chance he survived, he most likely perished."

I shook my head. No, Ret... H-he couldn't be dead.

Azorasa put a hand over her mouth, tears streaming down her face.

"But, there is a chance he might be alive," he said, smiling weakly. "I already got in touch with the commander already there, Commander Yusan. His people are searching the surface of the planet for him. Or at least for his remains to give him a proper burial."

A heavy silence hung in the air as the harsh reality of his report was settled in. I could see Azorasa was faring no better, her face drained of color, her eyes shimmering with unshed tears.

"Thank you, Naso," I said, my voice barely above a whisper. "You may leave us."

He nodded, offering a final salute before making his way out of the throne room, leaving Azorasa and me alone with our grief.

I sank back into my throne, the weight of the news threatening to crush me. Ret... gone? It was unthinkable. He was one of our strongest warriors, a beacon of hope for our people. And now...

I felt a hand on my shoulder, Azorasa's voice soft, but steady. "He's not dead, Xilonem. I refuse to believe it. Ret... he has to be alive. Even if it's small, there's still a chance."

Indeed. If there wasn't, I might've been inclined to blow up the planet that killed him.

"Right," I said, my voice firming. "Alive until proven otherwise."

Azorasa nodded, a spark of hope reigniting in her eyes. "What do we do now?"

"We wait for Yusan's report," I said, trying to steady my nerves.

She nodded. "But in the meantime?"

I pressed my back against my ivory throne. "We will continue as normal." I couldn't afford to show weakness around others. People liked to think that I did not pay attention to their gossip, but I did. Most of them thought me as being naive and unworthy of being queen. Part of that was because of my young age, and part of it was because I had ascended the throne under such unusual circumstances. My father, the previous king, had passed away suddenly, leaving me to fill his shoes. While I had some lessons prior, I did not get to opportunity to be properly prepared for the political games and power struggles that came with it.

"They're wrong, you know," Azorasa said suddenly, pulling me from my thoughts. "You're not naive, if that's what you're thinking. You're one of the smartest people I know. Don't let them get to you."

Her words warmed my heart. It was comforting to know that she, at least, stood by me.

"Thank you, Azorasa," I said, giving her a small smile.

She nodded, looking determined. "I will do whatever it takes to help you, Lady Xilonem."

"That means a lot, but..." I stood up from my throne. "I am going to retreat to my room. I need some alone time."

"Alright, but if you need anything, I am here for you."

I smiled back at her. "Thank you, Azorasa."

With those words, I made my way back to my quarters and jumped into bed. Being Queen was not what civilians imagined it to be. It was not easy to be hated by others. But, I had chosen to continue on this path. And I would see it through.

I spun around and stared at the golden canopy. My eyes closed as I thought about Ret.

___

[Years Ago]

"Hey, Xilo, why are you so focused on keeping the empire together and expanding it?" a young Ret asked, turning to look at me. His violet eyes were still gentle, not those of a hardened warrior.

"Because, I want to prepare," I said.

He blinked. "For what?"

I glanced up at the heavens. "My ancestors spoke of the day the sky would crack open and out would pour nightmarish creatures. Beings of pure darkness known as the Shadow Ones. Their aim is to destroy all of creation, to start anew. But I am unwilling to accept that. As queen, I will protect Titanos, even if I must become a tyrant to do so."

"I see," Ret said before kneeling before me. He placed a hand on his chest and looked up at me. "Then, allow me to stand by your side. You can't shoulder all of it alone. If not your shield, then allow me be your sword." 

I smiled. "Thank you, Ret. I appreciate it." My gaze shifted back to the blue yonder. "Hopefully, the answer to stopping the darkness can be reached soon enough. All of the creations will need to team up to defeat our common enemy."

"Is war really the answer, though?" a kid Azorasa asked, walking over to us.

I gulped. "Y-you think we could unify the various universes peaceful?"

"Well, it's worth, a try, right?"

I thought back to when I was a little girl. Father said that while ideal, unification via peaceful means were not always possible. Sometimes, the way to a more positive future was not paved with songs of unity, but with the cries of war.

I smiled. "Yeah!"

---

I opened my eyes and frowned.

Sadly, such diplomacy only worked in Uto. Here in Titanos and over in Soleon, people fought back with weapons, not words. Like Father had told me, diplomacy alone wasn't enough. The pen had to be paired with the sword. If honey wouldn't work, then blood would pour.

It was a sickening view, but one I could not look away from the older I grew. All I hoped was that, in order to combat the abyss, I myself wouldn't become it. Yet, I knew as well as everybody that the longer one stared at the abyss, the longer it stared right back at you. But as I had told Ret all those years ago, I was willing to risk becoming a tyrant if it meant defending all what was precious to me.

Yet, despite my determination, I could not shake off the uneasiness of it all. I found myself going against what I believed to be right for what the world told me had to be done... But my personal destruction would be worth it. Or so I told myself.