15

I opened my eyes, yawning and stretching. I rolled out of bed, throwing on my typical illusion that masked my light blonde hair and toned physique. I had originally asked Sensei to teach my how to disguise my real form once I realized that I may one day decide to drop my 'Harem King' act, and that keeping the same form would only make people distrust me.

I glanced in the mirror, ruffling my now brown hair and looking into my muddy brown eyes. I groaned. "Damn it, why did I even do this in the first place? I should've kept my eyes purple. These brown eyes look like crap."

I sighed, dropping the illusion and looking again. I glanced at my soft features and toned muscles, smirking and putting a hand on my hip, just above the elastic of my boxers. "Hello, sexy. Good morning to you, too."

I chuckled at my own stupidity, walking back over to my dresser and pulling out my Academy uniform. I preferred the dark blue gakuran that Sensei had given me, but beggars couldn't be choosers. I pulled out a bottle of hair dye, some contacts, and some gel. If I was going to be suppressing my powers, then my illusion wouldn't work, either.

"Issei!" I heard my mom call from downstairs. "Breakfast!"

I pulled on the uniform, adjusting the collar to amount for my gelled hair, and stepped out of the room. "Coming, Mom!"

I called, dropping my normally smug confidence for my mask of cowardice. I was no longer Issei Hyoudou, badass supreme. I was now Issei Hyoudou, the Super Pervert with a heart of gold.

I caught sight of my mother as I descended the stairs. Korina Hyoudou is a middle-aged woman with brown hair, and the same muddy brown eyes I was currently sporting. A full-time housewife, she is an excellent cook and sometimes goes out to a part-time job.

I smiled, accepting her hug. "Morning, Mom."

She smiled, kissing me on the cheek and handing me a piece of toast. "Morning, dear. Have a nice day at school, all right? And treat that nice girl well when you take her around town. You do have enough money, right?"

I chuckled. "It's fine, Mom. I've got it covered."

'I swear, just selling Sensei's failed experiments to the right people is enough to live off of. Honestly… if I hadn't seen what he considers a successful experiment, I wouldn't know that they were even failures in the first place.'

I glanced at the Sparkly Bracelet of Nerfing around my wrist as I walked out the front door. 'Case in point. Jesus, how much can this thing even hold!'

…All right, so I had spent an hour or so the previous night figuring out what the limits of the thing were. I hadn't actually found any yet. I had even thrown a Ki blast at it, just to see if it would even scratch it. The bracelet was left in the small crater, glimmering innocently.

I may have taken that as a challenge, and proceeded to throw the mother of all Kamehamehas at it.

Nothing.

I stared at the slim bracelet around my wrist. Forget the supernatural durability, why the hell is sparkling so much!?

"Hey, Issei!"

A familiar voice snapped me from my thoughts, and I turned to see Motohama running to catch up to me. "Morning, Motohama."

Finally drawing close to me, he slowed his hurried gait to an even walk, gasping for air. "D-dude… you… should really… slow down."

I blinked. "Oh, sorry." I slowed slightly, allowing him to match my stride.

We continued on in silence until Motohama caught his breath once more. "So, Issei, I found this great new spot yesterday. Matsuda and I were going to go… check it out. Maybe fix the hole. What do you say? Want to come with?"

I chuckled. "You guys never change, do you?"

He smirked. "Hey, man. You managed to get us to be professional when we're working, but we still need some excitement in our lives, if you get what I'm sayin'."

I snorted. "Are you a masochist?"

He grinned. "No, but the girls give me an excellent view whenever they step on my face."

I laughed, shaking my head. "Never change, bro. Never change."

"…So, are you joining us or not?"

I pulled on my Ultimate Pervert Face™ and grinned. "Is that even a question? All those oppai… shifting and swaying… heheheheh."

He chuckled uncomfortably. "Just checking, man. I mean, with that bracelet and everything…"

I froze. "What do you mean? What's wrong with the bracelet?"

He frowned. "Dude, it's fine, I get it. Gay pride is a thing. No need to get all defensive on me."

I blinked. "Wait, what? What does it say?"

He squinted. "We're here, We're Queer, We're Fabulous. Gay Pride 2018."

I made a sound like a deflating tire. "Fuck you, Sensei. Fuck. You."

I glanced at the bracelet again, trying to spot the slogan. I could see nothing but a shiny golden circle of an unknown metal. '…I'm going to have to wear this thing for the whole day, aren't I? And since it blocks my magic, I can't cover it with an illusion. Well played, Sensei. Well played.'

I decided to man up and pretend the offending bracelet didn't exist. I shoved my hand into my pocket, turning to Motohama and striking up a conversation about the latest… ahem… developments in the kendo club. We were joined halfway through by Matsuda, who loudly remarked on the increased size of Muryama's bust.

We somehow managed to get to school on time, slipping into class just before the bell. Our homeroom teacher strode into the room, smiling politely. "Class, we seem to have some new transfer students today. Their old school was closed down, so they were forced to relocate here."

The class collectively gasped, bursting into wild speculations on who the new students were. I just snickered. "Sorry ladies, it's mostly girls this time."

The entire class turned to look at me. "Dude, you know them?" Motohama asked in shock.

I nodded. "There are six total people, but they'll probably be assigned to separate classes."

I was immediately bombarded with questions.

"How many guys are there?"

"Are the girls cute?"

"Are any of them taken?"

I sighed. "One guy, they're all God's gift to earth, and they're all taken. Sorry."

There was a collective groan, and the teacher finally began trying to get them to quiet down. Once the students had finally fallen silent, the teacher sighed. "Well, then. Now that you're all listening, I'd like to introduce you all to your newest classmates. Come in!"

The door opened, and Sensei walked in with Asia at his side. Sensei had dyed his hair completely red, but otherwise changed nothing about himself. He even kept his long-sleeved coat and dorky side pouch. I noticed that he had donned a pair of large full-moon glasses that flashed when he adjusted them.

'Wow. He really does look like Shiroe from Log Horizon with those on. Just dye his hair black and you'll get a near-perfect cosplay. Nice.'

Sensei smiled kindly at the class, clearing his throat and speaking. "Hello. My name is Millicas Gremory, and I'm from London like my cousin Rias. I know very little about Japanese culture besides what I've learned from experience, so please take care of me."

He finished by bowing slightly, and smiling kindly once more. I internally snickered at the coos he received for his politeness. 'Heh, sheep. He's going to troll you idiots sooo hard. I'm going to enjoy every second of this.'

'Now. Three, two, one,' "Damn handsome!" I roared along with the rest of the males in the class. 'Nailed it.'

He frowned and tilted his head slightly. "Ikemen? What's that?"

The entire class hesitated. Finally, one of the guys in the front row replied, "I-it means 'handsome guy'."

"Ah." He nodded in satisfaction. "So you all find me attractive."

The guys in the class choked on their own spit. "LIKE HELL WE DO!"

He sighed, rubbing the back of his head in embarrassment. "I'm sorry, guys, but I'm straight. I even have a girlfriend, and I don't think she'd like it too much if I started dating one of you."

Asia frowned. "No, I don't think I'd like that too much."

I snickered at the dumbfounded faces of my classmates. "Wait, you guys are dating?" One of the girls in the back called in surprise.

Asia's cheeks puffed in irritation. "Yes, we are. And no, you can't have him."

Sensei sighed softly. "Asia, you might want to introduce yourself so that we can start class."

She stiffened, turning bright red and letting out an adorable squeak. "A-ah, right! Sorry! My name is Asia Argento—or, um, Argento Asia here. I'm from Italy, and I'm currently in a relationship with Cas."

Still flushing, she turned to Sensei and pulled him into a kiss. It was quite amusing considering that they're almost a foot different in height. I'm about 5'6, and Sensei was two inches taller than me last time I checked, but he seems to have grown an inch or two. Asia is at about 5, 5'1. So, if Sensei is at 5'9, and Asia is at 5'1, they're eight inches apart.

That's… pretty impressive, actually.

I glanced up at the front of the room, only to see that the show was over and the teacher had started class.

'God, I miss Thought Acceleration. Damn bracelet…'

I glanced at the offending piece of jewelry and sighed. 'All right. All I have to do is last until next period. Rider-sensei's class is usually fun.

…

…

…

Oh my GOD, I'm BORED. I'm so bored, if I could sell my boredom, I'm sure I could amass a small fortune. When is the bell going to ring!?'

I glanced at the clock. There was still a half an hour left of this torture. I groaned, slumping in my seat. 'Think, dude. There's gotta be something fun to do to avoid this snorefest.' A thought struck, and I pulled out a piece of paper. A few minutes later, I had created myself a masterpiece. I folded the paper, and turned to Motohama. "Hey, Motohama! Check it out!" I whispered loudly, handing him the paper. 'Hook.'

The teacher immediately noticed my not-so-subtle delivery. "Issei, is there something you'd like to share with the class?"

"No, Sensei!" I replied innocently. 'Line.'

She set down her textbook, walking over hand holding out her hand. "Give it here."

I sulkily handed her the paper. 'Sinker.' She took the paper, unfolding it and glancing at its' contents. She immediately stiffened. "Hyoudou-san… would you care to tell me what I'm looking at?"

I took great amusement in seeing her reddening face. "It's you naked, Sensei. Did I get something wrong?"

She twitched. "No, you did not." She glared at me over the top of the paper. "What I want to know, is how you knew about the mole on my thigh."

I frowned. "Sensei, you're wearing a skirt. Every time you bend over—"

She coughed, trying to interrupt me. I plowed on, ignoring her feeble attempt to stop me. "—we can see everything! Why do you think that Balter-sensei keeps 'dropping his papers'? Last Tuesday, your panties were—"

"HYOUDOU!" She interrupted, her cheeks a flaming red.

I allowed myself a small smirk as I watched her stomp back to her desk, crumpling up the paper and throwing it into the trash. 'God, I love trolling people. That was the most interesting thing this entire class period.'

When class finally ended, I followed the mass of people as we ran for our next class. I slid into the room, before making a break for the nearest recliner.

You heard that right.

I don't know how the crazy bastard did it, but he managed to get us all recliners to sit in. They were even arranged in a checkerboard pattern, so we could all recline comfortably. The things are completely graffiti-proof, because none of the students want to disappoint the man. And since our respectful attitudes prove that his teaching style is valid, Rider-sensei has slowly been given more freedom to teach the way he wants.

It's a win-win, really.

As soon as we had all taken our seats and pulled out our notebooks to take notes, Rider-sensei burst into the room, laughing loudly. "GREETINGS, STUDENTS! I HAVE ARRIVED!"

We all cheered for the exuberant teacher, pulling back our recliners and giving him our full attention. He chuckled, pulling out a clipboard and squinting down at the names. "I see that everyone is here today. Good! Today's lesson will be an essay question on your next test."

He set the clipboard down on his podium. "All right, then!" He boomed. "Today we are learning about the Persian War. Would anyone care to tell me what the Battle of Thermopylae was?"

The end of class came all too soon, and Rider-sensei halted his dramatic rendition of the Battle of Salamis. "Very well, that's all the time we have for today. I won't be assigning you any homework, for we shall continue this lesson tomorrow! Now, I wish you all an excellent day."

We collapsed the recliners and stretched, making our way to our next class.

The rest of the time before lunch passed in a blur of boredom and lots of clock watching. Science was the better of the two, but then again, I've always hated Japanese class.

Once the bell rang for lunch, I stood with a groan and walked over to where Sensei sat. Asia looked adorably confused, glancing around at all the students taking out their lunches. "A-ano… what's going on? What are those boxes?"

I blinked. "Wait. You've never had a bento before?"

Sensei chuckled, standing and walking towards the door. "Sera said that she loves to pack bentos, so she packed one for each of us. Sorry Issei, but you're on your own."

I managed to stifle my cocky smirk. "Hey, I'm offended. I'm seventeen years old, I can handle my own lunch."

He gave me a shit-eating grin. "Well yes, but yours wasn't prepared by a cute girl in cosplay."

I froze. "Wait, what?"

He laughed, making his way to the door. Asia cheerfully followed a step behind him, looking for all the world like an enthusiastic puppy.

I chuckled, following the two. "Sorry, guys." I told the Perverted Duo. "I'm going to go meet the other transfer students. I can't eat with you today."

They both shrugged and ignored me, more focused on something that Matsuda was holding. I didn't bother me too much, I was used to them looking at porn over lunch break.

I followed Sensei out the door, eventually reaching the school roof. I glanced around, noticing that the roof was empty save for the six people already there. I approached the newest addition to the group, a beautiful girl with blue eyes and long black hair that trailed down her back and stopped just past her shapely rear. I quickly moved past that, knowing of Sensei's overprotective tendencies. She was wearing a Kuoh Academy uniform, and it strained to hold her sizable chest.

The girl was humming cheerfully as she pulled out several large bentos. She placed them on the ground, sitting and opening the closest one. "Eat up, guys!"

Shirone was there nearly instantly, Ruby at her side. Sensei chuckled at their enthusiasm, sitting down next to Ruby and pulling out a pair of chopsticks. Shirone slipped onto his lap and nuzzled into his chest. "Thanks, Sera."

The new girl, apparently named Sera, smiled cheerfully at him. "No problem~! I learned how to make these for So-tan, but she kept asking me to stop making them for her. Mou~."

She pouted, crossing her arms. I chuckled at the spectacle, observing how her crossed arms did… interesting things… to her chest. Sensei just sighed, helping himself to one of the bentos. "Serafall, this is Issei. He's a student of mine, and he could probably give me a run for my money if he fought seriously."

I allowed my cocky smirk to resurface, letting out a bark of laughter. "Ha! Please, I would only stand a chance against you until you started fighting seriously, as well. After that, I wouldn't be able to hit you if I tried."

He ignored me. "He's also a complete pervert. Issei, stop perving on her."

"Hey." I replied, finally glancing away from her chest. "It's not perving, it's appreciating. There's a difference. Perving implies a lack of respect towards the girl. Appreciating means that I respect them enough to notice their beauty. For instance, perving would be staring at her ta-tas and fantasizing about how they would feel. Appreciating is admiring the way her uniform emphasizes the look of her already impressive chest, only made better by the exquisite curve of her—gak!"

I found myself in flight, quickly stopped by the cruel force of gravity as I crashed back down onto the concrete roof. I sighed, sitting up and rubbing my head. "Is that it, Sensei? You've given me harder love taps." I gloated, smirking.

Sensei, seemingly never having moved from his spot in the first place, looked up indifferently. "Hmm? Did you say something?"

I snickered. "Hey, do I look like Riser? That's not going to get me anywhere near pissed."

He sighed. "Well, then. If you must know, it's because that sparkly bracelet of yours would prevent your Touki from activating. Sure you're durable, but I don't think being kicked off of the roof will be too fun."

I raised an eyebrow. "What about my defenses?"

"You didn't even bring along your Guardian configuration." He deadpanned.

I reflexively checked my head. "Damn. I didn't think of that."

He shook his head. "It's fine. Great, actually. Now you won't have to ditch your headphones before your 'date'. Why are you even going along with that, anyway?"

I chuckled, finally sitting down and opening my bento. "Well, I remembered what you said about how Devils are most easily fooled when they think they're winning, and I wanted to try something."

I took a bite of my food, chewing thoughtfully. "So, there are two Peerages at this school. I have no real preference which one I end up in, so I decided to make a game out of it. I'm going to join the first Peerage to act, using my 'date' as a measuring stick."

I took another bite. "If they stop me before I even meet her, or if she never shows up because they 'dealt' with her, I'll drop the illusion and treat them as equals. If they interrupt the date mid-way, or they 'help me' when she's about to kill me in order to build trust, I'm going to be a bitch to deal with. If they wait until she kills me…" I smiled darkly. "I'm not giving them jack shit until they prove they had a very good reason for what they did. They'll just be dealing with the 'Super Pervert' until I see a point to acting otherwise." I paused. "Or until I get too bored."

Sensei nodded in agreement. "Just remember, you're going to be keeping up the act until you fight Riser one-on-one."

I smirked. "Yeah, yeah. Whatever, you damn troll. What are you planning, anyways?"

He smiled innocently. "I don't know what you're talking about." He finished the last of his bento, turning his attention to his girls. "So how has school been so far?"

Gil sighed. "It's been a nightmare. I swear, my )Golden Rule( is more trouble than it's worth."

I blinked. "Wait, wasn't that the skill that you evolved on accident?"

Sensei chuckled. "Yes. It was originally just for riches, but apparently going through puberty as a Devil of Pride was enough to evolve it. She now has )Golden Rule: Beauty, Wealth, and Body(. If she embraced her… ahem. If she really tried, then she would probably get )Manifestation of Beauty(, as well."

Gil just grimaced. "It would be fine if it were just the students staring at me. The plebeians would do well to bow to their King. But the teacher would stop and stare whenever he caught sight of me, as well."

I burst out laughing. "I guess there really is such a thing as too beautiful! I'll bet you'd cause a car wreck just by walking downtown!"

The new girl, Sera, looked confused. "Am I missing something?"

Sensei smiled at her. "You know how Devils of Pride have an… allure to non-Devils? Think that, but cranked up to eleven, and effective against anyone not used to supernatural glamor."

Her eyes widened. "Oooh. So, like Yasaka, then?"

Sensei considered this. "Somewhat. It's a more… sedate version of that. If Gil really tried, though, she could probably have Yasaka herself staring in awe."

Gil flushed. "Shut up." She muttered, crossing her arms grumpily. "It's not like I can turn it off."

Sensei laughed, leaning over to kiss her. "Don't worry, Gil. Everyone here is immune to your allure."

I smirked. "It helps to have watched you going through puberty. Slow exposure, and all that."

Ruby sighed dramatically. "Oh, dear. It's not as if you cheat using Senjutsu or anything."

I frowned. "Hey. It's not cheating if it works. Sensei taught me that one, what with his bullshit )Nightmare( spell and all."

Ruby twitched, muttering something about unbreakable gears. I ignored her, turning to Shirone. "I'm surprised you haven't killed anyone yet."

She glanced over from where she sat, happily allowing Sensei to feed her. "Why would I kill anyone?"

I raised an eyebrow. "It's been four hours since you were last given attention."

She smirked, biting a piece of chicken from between Sensei's chopsticks. "Says who?"

I blinked. "Wait, what?"

She gestured towards Gil. "I had Gil's attention. It's not quite as good as it is when we're not in public, but she was still willing to braid my hair and share my recliner in History class."

"On one hand, no one died. On the other, everyone in class now thinks we're lesbians." Gil added wryly.

Shirone smiled. "Well, I have no complaints. I have kissed her before on numerous occasions, and she is my girlfriend." She paused, her eyes lighting up. "Wait, that's how we'll keep all the unworthy swine away from my Gil! I'll just call her my girlfriend and kiss her publicly!"

Gil choked on her food. "No. Not a chance in hell."

Shirone tilted her head. "But why not?"

Gil reddened, spluttering. "W-why not? W-well, i-it's simply not appropriate for two girls… for us to… in public, no less!"

I hummed in thought. "I don't know… the thought of the exotic, white-haired temptress pulling the beautiful ice queen into a steamy kiss in the middle of the school, drawing all eyes to the display of forbidden love…"

Shirone smirked. "Pervert, I like how you think. And her adorable blush painting a picture of beautiful innocence…"

Gil was a brilliant red, her fists clenched. I could tell she was about to snap. I somehow doubted I could survive Noble Phantasm launched at the speed of sound without using Senjutsu, so I wisely backed down.

Sensei finally spoke up once more. "Hey Gil, did you at least enjoy your class with Rider? His Charisma is high enough for him to stonewall yours, even if yours is an A+ rank compared to his A."

Gil smiled slightly, her blush fading. "It was indeed good to see my fellow King again, and he made a point to treat me like any other student."

Sensei smiled back at her, feeding Shirone another piece of chicken. He turned his smile on Sera, making her redden slightly. "And how about you, Sera? How was your day so far?"

She smiled cheerfully, throwing an arm into the air and cheering. Her assets bounced slightly. "Magical Girl Levi-tan has conquered her foes, and returned victorious!"

Sensei chuckled. "I take it you drove your teachers insane?"

Ruby started giggling. "First hour English class, she spent a half an hour straight arguing with the teacher about the line 'roses are red, violets are blue'."

Sera pouted, her cheeks puffing indignantly. "Mou~ All I was doing was pointing out the flaw in their logic."

Sensei started to grin evilly. "Oh? Do tell."

She huffed. "Well, if violets are blue, then purple and blue are the exact same color. And if it takes equal amounts of blue and red mixed together to make purple, purple is the same color as red. And if purple is blue, red is blue as well. In that case, if yellow and blue make green, then blue, yellow and green are the same color. And if blue is the exact same color as red, red can also be green." She crossed her arms, smiling proudly. "In conclusion, all colors are the exact same color."

Sensei and I started laughing, watching the bewildered expressions of the other girls. "What… just… what?" Gil spluttered.

Asia hesitantly added, "A-ano… I don't think that's how it's supposed to work, Sera-san."

Sera frowned. "What do you mean? My logic is sound, is it not?"

Ruby sighed, gesturing towards the cheerful blue-eyed girl. "No one can tell if she's serious or not."

Gil sighed, turning to her. "Both, actually."

She blinked. "Wait, what? How does that work?"

Gil smirked puffing out her chest arrogantly. "One cannot deceive the King! I have far too much experience with such matters."

I didn't miss how Sera seemed to tense slightly at that, or the silent conversation that seemed to happen between Gil and Ruby. I filed that away for later use, glancing at my watch. "Lunch ends soon, you know."

Sensei sighed, kissing Shirone on the top of the head and moving her off his lap. "All right, then. We should probably get moving."

I sat down in Minato-sensei's class, waiting for the class to start. Motohama leaned over, a perverse grin on his face. "B78-W55-H81."

I blinked. "What?"

"The specs on the new girl! She's the adorable innocent type, guys like us dream about her kind! I bet she loves having a big, strong man to protect her!" He whispered excitedly.

I burst out laughing. "Dude, not so loud!" He whispered nervously, glancing around.

I clapped him on the shoulder, still laughing. "Motohama, y-you have no idea how right you are."

He looked at me in confusion. "What?"

I gestured to Sensei. "Her boyfriend would probably kill anyone who so much as scratches her."

He gulped, edging away from my oblivious Sensei. "G-good to know."

I shook my head, still chuckling softly. "Besides, you'd have to steal her heart, first. The sun will burn out before that happens. Just watch how she looks at him."

Motohama deflated slightly, sighing. "Oh, well. There's always more fish in the sea, I guess." He perked up. "Oh! I heard there's this gorgeous blonde chick in class 3-B! She has these sharp red eyes and a totally tsundere personality!"

I just sighed, thinking back to the cover story Shirone had thought up. If I told it to Motohama, it would be common knowledge by tomorrow. Should I risk the wrath of Gil?'…Eh, I was holding back during our last sparring session, anyway. If I ever need to escape her unholy wrath, it would suck if she knew everything I could do. The only reason any of the girls have ever won against me is because Shirone keeps cheap-shotting me using something I don't expect. Honestly, last fight she drained the oxygen in the entire goddamn battlefield!'

My inner rant over, I decided to risk Gil's anger to prevent Sensei from killing any teenaged idiots who didn't know the meaning of 'no'. "Lesbian. She's dating the white-haired chick."

He twitched. "E-eh? Lesbian?" He groaned, sinking into his seat next to me. "Damn it! Why are all the best ones lesbian or taken!"

I sighed, slumping in my seat. "I know, man. I know."

Minato-sensei finally entered the room, his usual stoic expression on his face. He closed the broken and battered door behind him. "Good morning, class. Please turn to page 297 and pull out your lesson. Once I have finished teaching today's lesson, I will be answering questions."

I dutifully followed his instructions, digging my completed math assignment out of my bag. Minato-sensei wasn't much for theatrics or dramatics, and preferred having a normal day to a needlessly exciting one. I had once asked Sensei why Minato-sensei liked normalcy so much. Sensei just smiled and began to explain.

"There is a small city. And within that city there is a normal-sized house. And in that house there is a boy. A boy who goes down the stairs every morning to make his coffee and eat his breakfast. He stays there for a while, washes his dishes, and walks over to the door. When he opens the door, he sees his friends. He is greeted by a nice girl, who kisses him on the cheek and smiles at him. She is special to him, and him to her.

Every day, he would go to work, and every day he would come home to his normal house and have a meal prepared by his girl. He is happy there, content, and this repeats, and repeats, and repeats. If the cycle is ever broken, it will not be by him, but because eternity has come to a halt as the stars themselves die."

I was confused by this and asked why anyone would have such a bland dream.

Sensei just smiled, suddenly looking much older than he seemed. He replied, "The things we desire most are the things that were taken from us."

I sighed, pulling out of my thoughts as Minato-sensei began to draw on the board. The usual stifled giggles ensued when he horribly mangled his attempted line into a more… interesting shape. Minato-sensei was many things, an artist was not one of them.

As he began explaining the concept of inverse sinusoids, the classroom door suddenly burst open, flying off its' hinges and skidding across the floor. Rider-sensei flew into the room, a streak of red hair as he skidded across the floor and plowed right into Minato-sensei. "DYNAMIC ENTRY!" He boomed, striking a pose.

Minato-sensei stood, brushing himself off and sighing. "What do you need, Rider?"

Rider-sensei laughed, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. "Well, funny you should ask! See, I was drawing a map of Macedonia, and my Marker of Dry-Erase suddenly ceased to work! After a quick inspection of my own room, I decided to ask you for one, instead!"

"Personal space." Minato-sensei muttered, grabbing a jar of whiteboard markers and holding it out to him. Rider-sensei grinned, grabbing four and striking another pose. "Most excellent! Many thanks, my friend. I shall see you later! DYNAMIC EXIT!"

He exploded into motion, not even noticing the now-missing door as he trampled over it. From the other room, we could hear him boom, "MY CONQUEST IS COMPLETE, AND I HAVE RETURNED WITH MY PRIZE!"

Minato-sensei sighed, setting down the jar of markers and pulling a cardboard box full of screws and hinges out from under his desk. He grabbed a power drill from the top of the desk, and a minute later, the door was once again functional. After putting the tools and supplies back where they were (for their inevitable future use), he returned to his spot at the white board to continue his lesson.

Move along, people. Nothing to see here.

I could hear Asia's quiet giggles as she watched the scene, accompanied by the low whispering and exchanging of money that heralded the week's betting pool being cashed in. Rider had made it all the way through Monday without a single incident, so the bets were pretty high that the poor door wouldn't last another day.

Minato-sensei ignored our actions, instead continuing his lesson plan until the bell rang.

The next hour was for club activities, and thus when my friends and I made our move. After donning our disguises (wigs and sunglasses) we crept into our usual spot, taking turns glancing through the peephole. I made a point never to see them naked, as that would be disrespectful to them, but appreciating the curves of their developing bodies, emphasized by their various styles of bras and panties never hurt anyone. I remembered what my best friend had once told me when I was debating the merits of naked bodies over clothed ones.

"Issei," Riser had said seriously, "When there are no clothes, all you're left with are vulgar bras and panties." He stood, holding up a fist. "But, if you can't see a thing, it's art!"

"It's art if I can't see anything?" I had gasped, incredulous.

Riser nodded solemnly, his eyes sparkling with manly pride. "Let us verify these truths, and witness the moment a miracle occurs here!"

"Riser…" I replied, standing to give him a look full of respect.

"Indeed." He replied.

We both turned in unison, holding up our binoculars to watch the swaying chests of the Phenex manor's maids from through the window.

'Good times, good times.' I mused to myself, waiting for my next turn at the peephole.

I heard a throat clear behind us. We slowly turned to see several girls holding their shinai threateningly, radiating bloodlust. I grinned. "Oh, hi, ladies!" I held up a board and a few screws. "I heard there was a hole in your wall, somewhere. Any clue where that might be?"

The lead girl blinked, before sighing in relief. "Oh, good, it's just the Janitor Trio. It's fine, girls. Go back to work." She addressed me next. "I'm sure you'll find the hole eventually, just keep looking. We'll be inside if you need any help."

She turned and left, the rest of the girls following her. I grinned in victory, turning to share a high-five with my compatriots. 'It's a good thing they were all idiots.'

Sensei is nothing if not thorough, and he made sure that I could bullshit so effectively that I would have people believing the shit smelt like roses. I had unthinkingly used this skill the first time we were caught peeping through a broken part of the window, pulling out the garbage bag we were going to use for pilfered panties and explaining how we were just there to fix the window. The fact that all of us had brought along duct tape (for use over latch to keep locks from getting us stuck if we ever had to pull a door shut) only supported our story.

The swimming club, who had apparently been bothered by the cold air from the window for the past few weeks, were more than happy to accept this story, even thanking us kindly for our help. And so, our nickname as the 'Janitor Trio' began spreading. We always made a point to bring repair tools with us in order to 'fix' whatever was broken if we were ever caught. We were smart enough never to use a 'fixed' spot, so we were actively praised for our 'work'. We even played it up, politely acting as the 'Fake Janitors' of the school, helping whenever we possibly could while in disguise, earning our alter egos the moniker 'the Three Humble Princes of Kuoh'.

We held the dubious honor of being both the Perverted Trio and the Princely Trio at the same time. Sensei would be proud.

…Okay, I take that back. Sensei would be laughing his ass off at some inside joke as several of his girls plotted my slow, painful demise. But, whatever.

Once we were finished fixing the hole, we put the tools back into our lockers and shucking our disguises. After we were done with our activities, we always took the rest of the day off.

"So, Issei, what're you doing today?" Matsuda asked, pulling a wrinkled blazer over his uniform.

I gave him a shit-eating grin. "Oh, nothing. I just have a date with a hot chick."

They both froze, slowly turning to face me. In an instant, they were upon me, demanding that I spill the details. I just kept grinning and answered every question they had. They broke down in tears after I told them about her excellent rack, and I just looked down at them with the oh, you puny mortals stare I had learned from hanging out with Riser.

When the bell finally rang, I sighed melodramatically. "Sorry, guys. I must now go and pick up my girlfriend."

They broke down in tears again as I walked away, smirking. I quickly killed the smirk when I realized it would be out-of-character for Issei the Super Pervert, instead slipping on a perverted leer. Girls avoided me in the halls as they spotted my creepy grin, allowing me to exit the school that much quicker.

I walked to the spot Yuuma told me to wait for our date, and began to wait. I idly wondered what Sensei was doing right now.

I sneezed, making my way out of the classroom with Asia by my side. Since we hadn't joined any clubs yet, we had just used this as an opportunity to chat with Minato about current events. Once the bell rang, however, we met up with my other girls to go invade—er… greet the Student Council. I made sure to let Asia lead, so as to not get us all lost. We asked a passing student where the council room was, and followed her directions to a simple wooden door. Asia reached out to open it… and the knob fell off in her hand. She flushed, muttering "I swear I didn't mean to…"

I chuckled, taking the broken knob and pushing the door open with my shoulder. Sera slipped past me, bouncing into the room and glomping Sona. "So-tan! I'm so glad to see you!"

Sona froze. "O-onee-sama?"

Sera released the hug, striking a pose. "Indeed! Magical Girl Levi-tan has arrived!"

Sona twitched, and Sera began speaking in an increasingly fast blur. "Aren't you happy to see me? I even joined the academy—" Sona twitched again. "—so that I could see you!"

Sona took a deep, shuddering breath. And another. And another. '…Never mind. I think she's hyperventilating.'

I made sure to video the whole thing with the camera I always carried for just this purpose. Blackmail is a wonderful thing.

Sona finally came to, taking one last shuddering breath before calmly asking, "Onee-sama, why are you here?"

Sera frowned. "Mou~. I just said, so that I could—"

"No, why did you come here in the first place?" Sona interrupted.

Sera smiled cheerfully. "Oh, that. Well, it was either here or heaven, and my boyfriend wouldn't let me go to heaven."

Sona twitched again. "B-boyfriend?"

Sera nodded enthusiastically, running over to give me an enormous hug. "Yep!"

Sona turned, finally noticing my presence. She froze, and I mentally created a running commentary on what her face said.

Danger

Does not compute

Sona dot exe has crashed.

Restarting…

Warning! Critical process has refused to start!

Windows is checking for a solution to the problem…

Solution found.

Restoring backup data.

Data restored.

Exiting WTF mode.

Sona finally blinked. "Millicas-san? You're dating Millicas-san?"

She nodded cheerfully, her arms still around my neck. "Yep~!"

Sona twitched again, muttering to herself about how it made way too much sense. She sighed, adjusting her glasses. "But... don't you have duties, Onee-sama?"

Sera shook her head. "Nope!"

Sona frowned. "Onee-sama, if you are shirking your duties, then—"

Sera smirked, interrupting her by creating a ))Shadow Clone(( that promptly glomped the poor president. Sona took about two seconds to realize what had just happened, and promptly fainted. Both Seras gasped and began fussing over Sona's unconscious form. I just kept recording the scene, smirking to myself.

I decided that whatever Sensei was doing, it was probably for the best that it didn't involve me.

An oddly-dressed woman approached me, holding out a flier. "Please check us out!"

I glanced down at the piece of paper, instantly recognizing the Gremory family summoning circle. '…I'm screwed, aren't I?'

"Issei!" A voice called, interrupting my thoughts. I turned, seeing Yuuma approaching and waving to me. "Did I keep you waiting?"

I smiled politely, putting the flier in my pocket. "No, don't worry about it. I'm just glad you came."

I recalled Sensei's advice on acting out unscripted roles. "Remember, Issei, always act appropriately stupid for the character you're portraying."

I threw on a goofy grin as she grabbed my arm. 'Now, to act appropriately stupid.'

Over the course of our date, we visited several clothing stores and ate at a small restaurant. I made sure to 'appreciate' the view as unsubtly as possible, but she didn't seem to care. 'That means extremely manipulative, completely oblivious, or slut. She's a Fallen Angel, so there's no way she's oblivious, and she's not giving me the bedroom eyes, so not a slut. Which means she's manipulating me, possibly trying to get me to fall in love with her before she kills me.'

I covered my inner musings by staring at a passing girl's shapely rear as we walked. Yuuma didn't seem to notice. I sighed to myself. 'Yep. Deeefinitely bad news. If she were a decent person, she would've gotten really pissed at that.'

Once our 'date' was over, we simply wandered aimlessly for a while, approaching the park as the sun began to set. As the fountain came into view, Yuuma skipped ahead a few steps, turning and smiling at me. "Ne, Issei-kun."

"H-hai?" I replied, purposefully stuttering in panic.

"Would you mind doing me a favor to commemorate our first date?" She asked, slowly approaching me.

'…You're shitting me, right? There's no way she could possibly be this stupid.'

"W-what kind of favor?" I replied 'nervously'.

'…This is where she says something over-the-top and eeeevil, isn't it? Issei-kun, will you kindly die in agony as I torture you to death?'

"Could you die for me?" She asked innocently.

'Yep, there it is. And, really, any idiot with a brain would just punch her in the stomach at this range. Even Fallen Angels need to breathe, and I'm sure I could punch her hard enough to collapse a lung without bothering with Touki. Fucking moron.

*sigh*

This is stretching the concept of 'appropriately stupid'. There's stupid, then there's downright suicidal. What did Sensei call it? Ah yes, Too Stupid to Live.'

"Can you repeat that, Yuuma-chan? I think there's something wrong with my ears."

She leaned over to whisper in my ear, "Can you die for me, please?"

'…Yeah, she must be mentally retarded. She just leaned in close enough for me to stab her in the jugular with a pencil. Anyone with a modicum of common sense would knock the bitch out by smashing her head with something. Heck, I could trip her and slam her head into the pavement.'

I mentally did my best Samuel L. Jackson impression. 'Night-night, motherfucker!'

She backed away, cackling madly. Her clothes morphed into an odd black BSDM outfit, and she summoned a spear of red light. "I'm sorry, but you're a threat, so you have to die. If you want to blame someone, blame the God who put that Sacred Gear in you."

'...The fuck is a Sacred Gear? Sensei, have you been holding out on me?'

She drew back the spear, thrusting it into my chest. It penetrated with minimal difficulty, thanks to the bracelet around my wrist. "For what it's worth, thank you for the memories." She told me, allowing my body to fall back onto the pavement.

I felt the blood draining from my body, idly musing how odd it felt to—oh right, summoning flier. Um… okay. I really should've asked how to operate these things… oh, I know. 'I WANT TO DIE IN THE BOOBS OF A HOT CHICK!'

The flier activated, a red circle appearing beside me and bringing forth a beautiful, buxom redhead wearing the Kuoh Academy uniform. "You called me, didn't you?" She asked mysteriously.

'…No, it was the Fallen Angel. Of course it was me!'

"If you're dying anyway, I will take you." She smiled. "You will… devote your life to me."

'…You're shitting me. What does that even have to do with my wish? Even if I asked for a rainbow unicorn, she'd still turn me.' I mentally complained as my vision turned black.

I woke the next morning to see my own bed, my bedclothes rumpled. I froze. "All right, that's creepy as hell. She changed my clothes, too? …I hope she didn't check my size, I didn't think to dye that part."

I glanced in the mirror, noting my contacts still in place. I tried to spread my wings, and two leathery appendages popped open. I brushed one with my finger, shivering at the foreign sensation. "Huh. Cool."

I glanced down at my bracelet, grinning. "I guess I won't need this anymore, then."

I slipped off the bracelet, and I was immediately comforted by the feeling of Nature around me. I allowed my face to slip into my natural smirk, and struck a pose. "And, I'm back. Now with Devil magic and awesome bullshit powers." '…Not that I didn't have those before…'

I stepped into the bathroom, taking out my contacts and washing the dye from my hair. I slipped on my illusion, and sighed in relief. I hated when I had to slick down my hair into a different style, it always felt so odd. Not to mention the greasy feeling the hair dye left me with. I shuddered in disgust, drying my hair with a towel and allowing it to return to its' normal spiky look. "Much better."

I walked over to my dresser and pulled out my oddly stab mark-free uniform. "Because that's not creepy, either. How do they know my size?"

I shrugged on the uniform, finding the flier from the day before in the back pocket of the pants. I stumbled out the bedroom door and down the stairs. "Morning, Mom."

She smiled, handing me a piece of buttered toast. "Morning, Issei. Have a nice day at school!"

I nodded, stepping out the door and walking towards the Academy. "Thanks!"

When I arrived at school, I immediately headed to homeroom, where I knew Sensei would be waiting for classes to start. I entered the room, making eye contact and giving him a thumbs-up. He nodded, returning the gesture.

The rest of the day passed without incident, and I soon found myself walking home from school. I sighed. "You know, I really thought she would've at least called me to the office for an explanation. But no, that would be too convenient."

"I don't know who this 'she' is, but I'm afraid I'm going to have to stop you right here." A deep voice replied.

I sighed, turning to see a male Fallen Angel wearing a fedora and a trench coat. "Dude, really?"

He ignored me, summoning a spear of Light. "I see no master or lover, so you must be a Stray."

I rolled my eyes. "Rias Gremory is my master." I held up the flier that I had gotten the day before.

He blinked, lowering the spear. "I see. My apologies, then. It is very difficult to discern which Devils are Strays until they kill someone. And your odd illusion certainly didn't help matters."

I raised an eyebrow. "You can see through my illusion?"

He shook his head. "No, which is what makes it so odd. It's only thanks to my former post as the Angel of Knowledge that I can see that you have an illusion on at all."

I smirked. 'Heh, Sensei's illusions are stronger still. I look forward to seeing your reaction to those.' "Well, my apologies for cutting our time short, but I really must be going."

I paused, remembering a little detail Sensei had once told me. "Actually, would you mind if I asked a favor of you?"

The Fallen Angel paused, looking surprised. "What do you mean?"

I grinned. "Devils heal using skin-on-skin contact. My )King( is a hot chick with a perfect body. Help a guy out, why don't you?"

The Fallen blinked, before bursting into loud laughter. "I like you, boy!" He raised his spear of Light, still chuckling. "Don't worry, the wound will look worse than it actually is. Now, please hold still, I would hate to kill a fellow connoisseur of the female form, especially one who would be willing to sustain Light wounds in order to achieve his goals."

I stood perfectly still, and Dohnaseek aimed carefully at my side. He released the spear, cutting my side and missing all of my organs. I grinned, ignoring the pain. "Thanks, bud. Much obliged."

He nodded, spreading his wings and lifting off. "I wish you luck!"

I flopped dramatically to the ground, allowing blood to pool around me. Soon enough, a red magic circle appeared in the air a few dozen feet away. I grinned, preparing a light sleep spell to use on myself to make it seem like I had passed out. "Operation Get Boobs is a go!"

When I next woke, I was stark naked. I quickly tested my magical reserves, making sure that my illusion was still on. Fortunately, it seemed that it was still doing its' job perfectly well, hiding my real form from all five senses. I felt something warm squish against my back, and I grinned. 'Operation Get Boobs: Success! Wait 'til I tell Riser about this!'

I laid perfectly still until I knew I had to get up for school. I then edged out of bed, grabbing a pair of boxers off the floor and putting them on. 'I'm forgetting something… oh, right, appropriately stupid.'

"E-eh!" I yelped, 'stumbling' and pulling the blanket off of the bed to 'protect my modesty'.

I was greeted with the sight of Rias Gremory yawning and stretching, making her boobs bounce enticingly. "Oppai!" I yelled, pointing to the glorious sight.

Rias stopped stretching, lowering her arms and smiling at me. "Good morning."

"A-ano, Rias-sempai, w-why are you… wait, is this a dream? Right! I'm still dreaming!" I shouted, plastering a panicked look on my face.

She giggled, resting her chin on her knees. "Everything you experienced was real. I am Rias Gremory, a Devil… and your master. Nice to have you, I-ssei-kun." She sounded out the last word, adding a sultry undertone to it, and finishing with a beautiful smile.

If I were actually Issei the Super Pervert, I have no doubt I would have fallen for her then and there. As it was, I was Issei the badass, so I just reminded myself how she had deliberately left me to die in order to resurrect me as her slave. As such, I was going to be nothing but useless until she gave me a very good reason for her actions.

"Y-you know that I can see them, right?" I stuttered 'nervously'.

'Takethebaittakethebaittakethebait…' "Hmm? See what?"

"Your oppai!"

She smiled at me. "You may look if you want."

'Yes!'

I could hear my mother yell from downstairs, "Issei! Breakfast!"

'No!'

I sighed, standing and dropping the blanket. "Sorry, Sempai. But I wish to avoid Souna-kaichou's wrath."

She blinked. "Ah, yes. Don't worry about that."

I put on my mask of confusion once more. "E-eh? Why not?"

She smiled at me. "You were just stabbed, after all. How's your side?"

I glanced down at my side, internally smirking in amusement. "It's fine, I've had worse."

She blinked. "Excuse me?"

I shook my head, slipping on my shirt. "Never mind. You might want to get dressed."

She nodded, walking over and picking up a piece of black lingerie. I appreciated the view as I slipped on my own clothes and straightened my tie. 'Even if she is a femme fatale, dayum does she have a nice bod.'

Once the show was over, I turned and opened the door, gesturing for her to exit. "Ladies first!"

She giggled, stepping through. "What a gentleman."

I mentally sighed. 'Appropriately stupid. The Super Pervert is an idiot.' "No, I just want to watch your ass as you walk down the stairs."

She just smirked. "I'll take that as a compliment."

I blinked, following her as she descended the stairs. 'Well, okay then. I won't pass up a free show, but that's a bit much, even for a Devil.'

We arrived at the foot of the stairs, and I wove a mild illusion around Rias so that Mom wouldn't notice her. My mother glanced up, smiling at me. "Good morning, dear. I ran out of bread, so I had to make you a bagel this morning. Is that okay?"

I smiled at her. "It's fine. Thanks, Mom."

She walked over, handing me a napkin that I assumed contained the aforementioned bagel. She leaned over, kissing me on the cheek. "Have a nice day, Issei."

She turned back to whatever she was doing, and I silently gestured towards the door and dropping the illusion. Rias nodded, slipping over to the door and waiting for me. I walked over, whistling a jaunty tune and opening the door. Rias stepped through, and I followed. Once we were out the door, Rias smiled at me. "You mother seems very nice."

I nodded, beginning the walk to school. "She's also not very observant."

Rias giggled. "Well, that would explain why she didn't notice me. You're lucky. I might've had to wipe her memories."

I chuckled nervously and threw on a disturbed expression, keeping in character. "You can do that?"

She nodded. "It's one of my abilities as a Devil."

I was saved from answering by a voice from behind me. "ISSEI!"

I turned, seeing Motohama running up to me. "Hey, man, wait u—"

He noticed my companion, stopping abruptly. "Holy shit, dude. Is that Rias Gremory? One of the Two Great Onee-samas?"

I smiled sheepishly, rubbing the back of my head. "It sure is."

His eyes narrowed slightly as he noticed my odd behavior. "I see. Is she a customer?"

I shook my head. "My new employer, actually."

He threw on a smile, adjusting his glasses to hide his eyes. "Well, then, Miss Gremory, my name is Motohama. It's nice to meet you."

She smiled back at him, apparently not noticing the fakeness of his smile. "It's nice to meet you, too. Shall we go, then?"

He nodded, matching my pace and standing by my left side. "We shall."

He sent a feeble probe into my mind, opening up a fragile link. [Is she blackmailing you or something?]

I smiled to myself, weaving an illusion to make it seem as if we were walking normally. [No, it's fine. She just used circumstances to her advantage, that's all. And because she practically forced my hand instead of asking for my help, I'm not going to bother dropping the 'pathetic pervert' act. If she gives me a reason for her actions, I'll consider dropping it, but it'll have to be a pretty damn good reason.]

He stifled a snicker. [Nice. How long do you think it'll be before she snaps?]

I shrugged. [She's already told me that I can look all I want, so I'm not too sure. Maybe never.]

[Dude… she told you that you could ogle her?] He sent in shock. [Pictures, man, pictures!]

I chuckled, sending over my memory of her getting dressed, excluding the nude parts, of course. Motohama was silent for a moment. […Holy shit.] He finally sent reverently. [She wears black lingerie. You just made my week.]

I smirked at him. [You're welcome. Now, you might want to warn Matsuda to stay away.]

[Already did. He's smart enough to keep his nose out of this whole deal. Is she supernatural?]

[Devil.]

He winced. [Ouch. I take it she added you to her Peerage?]

I nodded. [She let a Fallen Angel bitch gore me.]

[…You have issues.]

[Issues? I'm fucking drowning in femme fatale!]

He glanced at her lurid red hair. [Hey, at least she's color-coded for your convenience.]

"You two are awfully quiet over there." Rias said, smirking at me.

"Just enjoying the view!" I replied cheerfully. "Nice panties, Sempai!"

'Shit! I forgot to turn down my inherent awesomeness! Oh, the curse of being too badass…'

Rias didn't seem to notice my odd confidence. "Well, we're getting close to school, so you might want to hurry up." She paused. "Oh, and Issei? I'll send someone to get you."

I smiled goofily. "Hai, Sempai!"

Motohama and I ran into the school building, leaving Rias behind. Matsuda joined us once we were out of sight. "Dude, what the hell? That's Rias Gremory! Why the hell was she in your house!?"

I sighed. "Devil."

His eyes widened. "Oooh. Nice."

I nodded, heading to my homeroom class. "So…" Matsuda began, a perverted grin stretching across his face. "What do you think of the new transfer students?"

I glanced over at Motohama. "What, you haven't told him yet? I thought you were the rumormonger here."

He looked sheepish, adjusting his glasses. "He just must not have heard the rumors, yet."

I sighed, turning to Matsuda. "They're all in a relationship with people who could kill you with ease."

He blinked. "I…see. That's good to know."

I nodded, reaching the door of homeroom. "Just… don't perv on them, and you should survive."

I stepped through the doorway, heading over to my seat.

School progressed normally, making me increasingly irritated. I was SO BORED!

Finally, as the final bell rang, I heard fangirls squealing. I turned, seeing Kiba step through the door, surrounded by a mass of fangirls. 'Heh. He must be a Devil of Pride, then. Makes me glad I'm probably going to be a Greed.'

"Issei? Buchou sent me to get you." He called, smiling at me.

I stood, throwing on an irritated expression. "Damn handsome…" I muttered.

He just kept smiling. Behind him, the fangirls squealed once more. "Prince of Kuoh and the Super Pervert? Kiba-kun, please! Do not be corrupted by him!" One shouted, staring creepily at me.

I shivered. 'And this is why I hang around Matsuda and Motohama. They're active fangirl deterrent.'

I turned to Kiba. "Let's go."

He nodded, turning to leave. He led me to the old schoolhouse, opening the door and allowing me to go first. I stepped inside, eying the dark colors and lurid red lighting. 'Cheerful place.'

I noticed that the room most definitely was not empty. On the couch, sat a pale-skinned girl with very long, messy white hair with a pale blue, purple, pink, green, and yellow tint. It was held in a ponytail, held in place by a gem-studded golden crown. She sported a pair of large, passive red eyes with golden pupils. She was rather slim at about average height, and wore a loose school uniform with black stockings. She was eating a large pile of sweets.

I blinked. 'T-this… could it be? The loli harem member?'

She glanced up, making eye contact with me. "Don't even try it, pervert." She spoke in a soft tone, nearly devoid of emotion.

I flinched, as if I had just been struck a fatal blow. "Loli-chan, why? Why do you do this to me?"

Kiba laughed nervously. "That's Valerie Tepes, a first-year student. Valerie, this is Issei Hyoudou."

She nodded, eating a piece of pocky. "I know. He's a pervert."

I twitched again. Behind the curtain of an oddly-placed shower, I heard Rias call, "Akeno? Do you have my clothes?"

"Hai, Buchou."

I put on my Ultimate Pervert Face™. 'You know, even if there's a fucking shower in the middle of a clubroom, I'm not complaining one bit. The view behind the thin curtain, showing only the silhouette of her wonderful body as she runs her hands all over her own anatomy… not bad. Not bad at all.'

"Pervert." Valerie murmured, biting into a stick of pocky with a quiet crunch. I ignored her in favor of the newcomer.

"Ara? You must be the new club member." A black-haired beauty smiled, approaching me and bowing. "My name is Akeno Himejima, the vice-president of this club. It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance." She finished. Her breasts bounced as she straightened from her bow.

I grinned. "Nice to meet you too!"

Rias, now full dressed, stepped out of the shower. Still drying her hair with a towel, she walked towards the desk at the front of the room. "Sorry for the wait. Let's get started."

I nodded, walking over and sitting next to Valerie. Akeno sat next to Kiba. Once I had taken my seat, I spoke. "You said earlier that I was a Devil now, right? And, that lady with black wings said something about a Holy something?"

She nodded, expanding her wings. "The Occult Research Club is nothing more than a façade. Everyone here is a Devil. Much as you are now, as well." She paused. "That woman was a Fallen Angel, sent to check if you had a certain dangerous item inside of you. You were only killed once it was confirmed that there was. That item is called a Sacred Gear."

I blinked, deliberately butchering the pronunciation. "Sa-cu-re-do Gearru?"

Akeno smiled at me. "A Sacred Gear is an unusual power that resides within certain humans. It's something powerful enough that it can even threaten Fallen Angels."

'…I can do that anyway, though…'

Rias smirked, sitting cross-legged on her desk. "Issei, I want you to focus on the most powerful part of your body. Focus really hard."

I smirked. 'Most powerful part of my body, eh? That would be…' I glanced down, concentrating on my fists. I smashed them together, and red energy formed around my hands. I could feel something moving, shifting to cover both of my hands. The energy solidified to create a pair of red, metal-plated combat gloves, the back of each glove studded with a green gem. I grinned. "Sweet. What is it?"

Rias slid off the desk, taking my hands in hers to more easily examine the gloves. "I'm not sure. It must be a Sub-Species. But from the looks of it, it seems to be a Twice Critical."

I glanced at her. "Twice Critical? Sub-Species?"

She nodded. "It's a fairly common Sacred Gear, and allows its' wielder to double their power for a certain amount of time. Sub-Species are Sacred Gears that have taken on a unique characteristic because of the thoughts and feelings of the wielder. They are more powerful than the normal form of the same Sacred Gear, and will sometimes gain a new ability as well."

She sighed. "Even if it is a fairly weak Gear to have, it still has its' uses."

I blinked. 'Wait. I have the ability… to double my power at will. I can DOUBLE my POWER at WILL! WHAT THE FUCK!? How is that considered weak? Just one of my punches can easily level mountains, so what would a punch at twice its' power do?'

She reached into her pocket and pulled out a flier. "Devils can gain power through making Contracts with humans, through use of a magic circle. Nowadays, we use these pamphlets instead of traditional circles."

She gestured to Valerie. "Valerie, here, is double-booked, so I was planning on having you take over one of her contracts."

I nodded. "All right, Sempai."

"Call me Buchou." She corrected.

I blinked. "All right, Buchou. Now, what do I have to do?"

She smiled, taking my hand once more. My Sacred Gear dispersed at my mental command. She held up a glowing finger, and a seal appeared on my palm. "This is called a Carved Seal. It's proof that you are my servant, and it will allow you to use my family's magic circle."

I blinked, watching as Akeno stood and walked out of the room. We all followed her into another room, this one tiled and unfurnished. She formed a large magic circle at her feet.

'…Why the hell does this thing only work for people of her Peerage? For that matter, why is this taking so long to form a simple circle? Sensei can do it in less than a—oh. Right. Sensei equals bullshit. I can't judge puny mortals on his level of sheer badassery… or insanity. Heck, I'm pretty sure Sensei weaponized these things for his annoying Hiraishin technique.'

Akeno finally finished the circle, and stepped aside to let me stand in the center. She stood back along with the others, watching as the circle hummed to life. A moment later, my surroundings changed. I found myself inside a small apartment, a middle-aged man with glasses looking up at me. "Hey!" He shouted, rising to his feet. "You're not Val-chan!"

I smiled sheepishly at him, stepping off of the chabudai. "Nope, sorry."

He harrumphed. "Fine." He eyed me. "All right, then. You're a Devil, aren't you? Show me your talent."

I blinked. "Talent? Like what?"

He shrugged. "I don't know, whatever."

I sighed. "All right, what does Valerie do?"

He leaned over and picked up a purple sailor outfit. "She puts this on, and holds me like a princess!"

I blinked, picturing Valerie in the outfit. "That's genius! Valerie looks exactly like Shiro from No Life, No Game with that on!"

He smirked. "Indeed! The sheer moe of it… it amazes me!"

I grinned. "Oh, yeah? What about Origami from LIVE a Date?"

He froze. "…Yes. Yes! YES! That's amazing!"

I smirked. "Thank you. I aim to please."

He picked up a notebook, scribbling down a note. "Any other ideas?"

I shrugged. "Kanade from Angel Songs?"

He looked up, his eyes gleaming. "You like Angel Songs? It would seem you are indeed a fellow man of culture. Tell me, what are your favorite anime?"

I grinned. "Drag So-Ball is the best of all time, quickly followed by My Hero Acadamia."

He scoffed. "You think yourself a fan of Drag So-Ball?" He stood, brushing a piece of cloth aside, revealing a full set of the Drag So-Ball manga. "I have the first edition copies of the entire series!"

I grinned, standing up. "My friend, I believe I can top your feeble manga."

I pulled a Mirror Gem out of my pocket, tapping it on the ground. The world around us fractured, expanding in fractal patterns until the small room was large enough to fit Sensei's Dragon form. I struck a pose, dropping my illusion and forcing my power to create a golden corona around me. "KA-ME, HA-ME, HA!"

A large beam of plasma flew from my hands, stretching off into the distance.

The man just gawked. I smirked, slipping back into my illusion and dissolving the Mirror Dimension. "See? Try doing that with your 'first-edition' copies."

OMAKE: Advice well given.

I sighed, swirling the wine in my glass as I glanced at the figure that stepped from the shadows across from me. "Hello, Serafall. I'm glad you could make it."

She nodded, bouncing over and warming her hands by the fire. "What did you need, Sirzechs-chan?"

I sighed. "I'm going to be blunt. What are your intentions with my son?"

She turned to give me a serious stare. "I've decided to start dating him."

I choked in surprise. "Excuse me?"

She smiled. "Yep! I decided to join his harem!"

I just stared at her. "…Why?"

"Because!"

I eyed her. "…I see. I trust you have your reasons, and that you've thoroughly thought this through. As long as he is fine with it, I have no objections." I paused. "That being said, how do you expect to hide your… other life… from him?"

She dropped her cheerful façade, sitting in Millicas's recliner. She gave me a level stare. "You are aware of the 'Common Belief Effect'?"

I nodded. "It's what makes gods so powerful, no?"

She nodded, before beginning. "As an assassin, I specialize in hiding my identity to the exclusion of all else. Due to the collective 'faith' of the masses, I am exactly what my legend makes me out to be. Anything found in the legend of 'King Hassan' is considered an absolute whenever I don the garb of my alternate identity. It's hard to even speak in modern terms as Hassan."

She took a deep breath. "In the legend, 'his' actual identity was unknown even to the eighteen individuals who came to inherit his titles. Proof that 'he' in fact existed is nowhere to be found - except in the certainty that if ever he who takes the seat of Hassan-i-Sabbah strays from his path, there shall come an executioner to part him from his head."

I nodded, taking a sip of my wine. "And? What does this have to do with my son?"

She frowned. "I was getting to that. Anyway, the legendary lack of any identity or evidence of my existence has expanded to become a hidden Phantasm that prevents me from being recognized as 'King Hassan' when I am not in uniform. Even to Divine-level clairvoyant abilities, it only allows them to view my height, weight and alignment. My real name, sex, personal status, Skills, and Noble Phantasms are all concealed completely."

I blinked. "So… what does that mean?"

She sighed. "It means that it is impossible for him to see me as anything other than me, or King Hassan as anything other than King Hassan. Even if he watches me put on my disguise, all he would see is me 'summoning' King Hassan before disappearing into the shadows."

I smiled. "I see. Well, then. It would seem that you have it all under control."

She nodded resolutely. "Hai!"

I waited for her to say something else, but she appeared to have said her piece. I decided to break the silence. "I see you have changed out of your Magical Girl outfit. Did you find something better?"

"Yes… No… Maybe." She pouted, tugging on her pigtails. "I don't know! Millicas-sama told me I look beautiful in it, and it's much more comfortable than Magical Girl outfits… but at the same time, Magical Girls!"

I blinked. "Millicas…sama?"

She flushed. "Y-yeah. I, um, stuff. Stuff happened. Yep."

I raised my eyebrow, but didn't question. "…Right."

I watched in amusement as she fidgeted uncomfortably, still flushed. "You really do like him, don't you?"

She nodded. "Well, yes, but, from what I've read so far, all I have is a crush."

I shot her a bemused look. "You read? As in, you looked up relationships in a book?"

She flushed a brighter red. "S-shut up! I had no clue what to do, all right? This is my first time in a relationship, and I have no idea how I'm even supposed to act! I-I mean, should I hold hands with him when we go places? Should I sit on his lap? Should I kiss him? Should I… um… do other things?"

I smirked at her. Even if she had a penchant for the ridiculous and an immunity to most emotions, it would seem that she still got flustered talking about love. "I see your dilemma. Let's take this one step at a time. Wait until you feel comfortable doing something before doing it. Holding hands is fine, as long as he's okay with it." I paused, giving her a serious look. "Stay off his lap. Shirone will likely kill you if you take her spot."

I swirled the contents of my glass, taking a sip. "I would wait on kissing until you know you love him. As far as I know, he hasn't had sex with any of his girls, so a no on that one. Wait until you've been in a stable relationship with him for over four months before suggesting that."

I glanced at her again, noticing that she appeared to be taking notes in a small notebook. "Don't just take what I say as law, though. Ask one of his girls what the 'rules' are, so to speak. Ruby would be the best candidate for that. She's fairly even-tempered, and she'll hear you out before making any judgements. But what you must understand about my son's relationship is, there is no one left out. They all have an unofficial role that they play in keeping their relationship stable."

She looked up curiously. "Really? Like what?"

I hummed in thought for a moment. "I only know of three of his girls, but I know for a fact that he has at least one more he hasn't introduced to me. I can guess on their roles, but I might be a bit off in my estimations."

She blinked. "How do you know he has one more?"

I smiled proudly. "I spy on him all the time!"

She gasped. "Really? I do the same thing to my adorable So-tan!"

We shared a moment of blissful silence for our adorable charges. (No, it's not creepy, it's love!) Finally, Sera spoke once more. "You were saying about their roles?"

I blinked. "Ah, yes. Well, first there's Ruby. She's more or less the den mother. She's the one who's there worrying about any small scrapes or bruises that the others collect without noticing. Then there's Shirone, who plays councilor and psychologist. She's the one who breaks up most of the arguments that Mi-tan isn't there to moderate. There's Ravel, who is the voice of reason. She's the sanest one there, and stops most of the others' more… eccentric… schemes."

I chuckled. "I can remember one plan in particular that involved sledding down the mansion's stairs on food trays. Shirone and Ruby tried to convince Ravel to join them, but she refused. She then proceeded to systematically disabuse them of the notion that any plan involving going down stairs at high speeds was a good idea."

She frantically scribbled down my words, looking up at me once she was finished. "And the last girl?"

I shrugged. "Near as I can figure, she's the heart. See, until a few years back, they would all have occasional spats. Your typical lovers' quarrels. Maybe Ruby forgot to clean off the desk before Ravel used it for homework. Maybe Shirone didn't put the cap back on the toothpaste. They wouldn't ever curse at each other, but it came close a few times. But one day, it all seemed to… tone down, almost. As if they no longer wanted to hurt another's feelings."

I shrugged again. "Keep in mind, that's just a guess. I could be wrong. Now, that's about all I can think of for advice."

She visibly relaxed. "Oh, thank Satan. That was extremely helpful." She paused, flushing slightly. "A-and, um, if we ever get that far, are we allowed to do that?"

I smirked, giving her a thumbs-up. "As long as I'm not a grandfather before he turns eighteen, anything goes."

She blinked. "G-grandfather?" She began turning bright red. "C-children? I-I'd be a mother to Millicas-sama's children?"

I watched in slight terror as she giggled and stared off into space. "Serafall?"

She straightened. "Hai! Don't worry, I'll make sure to not get pregnant before we're married!"

Still bright red and humming happily, she dissolved into the shadows.

I stared down at my glass of wine, sighing to myself. 'The more powerful the woman, the crazier she is. Poor Mi-tan will have his hands full.'

I smirked to myself. 'But it will be worth it. He will give me grandchildren to spoil. Grandchildren!'

And now for something less than serious!

OMAKE: How Issei gets his bentos.

I grinned, making eye contact with my fellow Wolves as we waited for the Half-Price god to finish his job.

5…

4…

3…

2…

1…

He disappeared into the back room, and the carnage began. I ducked a swing of someone's fist, ramming them with my shoulder as I raced for my favorite steak bento. I elbowed one person out of the way, blocking another with one arm and grasping the bento with the other.

I dodged an axe-kick, sidestepping a haymaker. I spotted the Wizard, and smirked at him. 'Sucker. Should've gotten here early, like I did.'

I dodged another screaming customer, allowing him to crash into someone else. I stepped over a fallen foe, heading for the cash register with my prize. A roaring charge from a large, beefy customer was swiftly dodged as I set my item down on the counter to be scanned. The man behind the counter scanned the price tag, and I paid the man the required amount of money. I quickly left the store, the chaotic noise slowly fading as I left the building behind.

I smirked, glancing down at the glimmering laurel wreath sticker on my bento. "Another day, another conquest."

I sighed, sticking one hand into my pocket. "And now I'm bored again. Damn it."