Chapter 40 - K

Kurama doesn't need a lot of things. Sleep, drink, and food are some of them. Those needs are for humans and he's not that. He's a force of nature; a being made of chakra; sentient raw energy who by all means shouldn't have emotions or wants. Or even gender as they are useless for someone like him. And yet, even for all that dictates that he should only be little more than a tool, he is not.

He may not need food, but he still wants to eat for the pleasure of eating. He doesn't need to sleep but still likes to rest and enjoy the warmth of the sun against his fur. He doesn't have a real gender but prefers to be a he, in the same way Matatabi prefers to be a she.

They don't need a lot of things but they still have preferences—they have emotions even if by all means they should have been like their predecessor, the juubi, who wasn't more than a mindless beast. They feel and want since the moment they opened their eyes for the first time to find their father standing in front of them, smiling. He looked tired and old, small and completely different from them. Even so, Kurama knew the moment his father named him Kurama that he was going to love him forever. There was just something inside him that told him 'this man is worth loving'. It could have been his kind smile or the warmth of his emotions, he didn't know—he still doesn't know. He only knew that if his father asked him, he would follow him to the end of the world.

That was his first emotion: love, appearing in the moment his father stroked his fur and told them he was their father. Because it didn't matter to him if he was only human, Kurama loved him.

The first time he wanted something came afterward, not too long from his first experience with emotions. Or at least, not too long for a being to whom time doesn't matter. It came with other emotions, these ones negative in nature. Sadness and disappointment came as soon as he realized that for all his prowess he wouldn't obtain what he wanted; his father was going to die anyway. He was human.

Kurama doesn't know if 'waiting' could be considered an emotion, but for them it was. Then the moment came and all the bijuu stood reunited next to their father's bed, trying to enjoy the last moment with his company, some of the tension the waiting brought somewhat gone, but still there, like a solid presence in the room with them. He thought the Waiting was the worst thing he'd experience—he was wrong. His inexperience and youth blinded him because as soon as the moment came, the grief took over and Kurama needed to go away as his brethren's emotions were too much to handle alongside his own.

That was the first time he slept. It was just an attempt to shut himself from the pain, to ignore for a moment that the smile his father gave them before his breathing stopped was the last.

He didn't know how humans slept then, didn't know how it worked for them and what the differences were between one and the other. Now that he knows, he's not sure which one he prefers the best. Humans have dreams and nightmares, they're more active and sometimes he wishes to have that instead of the empty void that is his own sleeping, if it can be called that, of course.

Most of the time he's glad he sleeps the way he does. He's an old being. He's experienced a lot. Bad memories exceed the good ones. Kurama is glad he doesn't dream. Glad that he just closes his eyes, lets his mind wander and an emptiness meets him. It can last a couple of minutes or weeks, he doesn't know as time doesn't matter then; it all feels the same. One moment he's asleep; the next he's awake and ready.

However there are moments in which his mind is muddled before waking up, disarrayed thoughts come forefront and he doesn't what's happening. It only happens when he got knocked out cold or was out of energy before sleeping. A thing that happened a few times in all his existence and most of those times occurred in the War, though he had Naruto alongside him to reassure him as he was startled at the jumble of emotions he was projecting onto him.

Now he doesn't have anyone.

He just wakes up, terrified at how vulnerable he feels—how weak. He stays motionless as he tries to ignore the way his fur stands on end and how he swears there's a sound of a heartbeat loud to his ears that seems to belong to him even when he's sure he doesn't have a heart.

Breathing in and out a couple of times even he doesn't need that either, not really. Then he's aware of his surroundings. He's on top of a car that's moving, his mind provides and he realizes just then his size is smaller than should be, and even as he tries to gather some energy, he can't quite manage it. It fleets away from his grasp at the same time he feels Nature pulling at him, claiming his power.

Kurama tries to increase his awareness and his range is larger than it should be, his senses feel sharper, but he feels weaker all the same. He feels part of Nature and it scares him. He wants to dwell more on his new discovery but in the same way that his awareness has grown, it seems his ability to sense emotions got stronger, too.

And there are a lot of heavy emotions coming from around him.

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