YOU NEVER LOVED ME

Kiara froze in her spot. She clutched on to her dress and took two steps forward. And another, and yet another. And on the next step, she threw herself into his arms, and at that moment she thought that was the happiest moment of her life, the most peaceful, the moment that she could live in for the rest of her entire life. In his hands. For a while they both let the moment freeze, none speaking to the other, each feeling the other's heartbeat, their breathing in sync.

"You hurt me, Kiara. You hurt me so bad. You broke me." He finally spoke.

She slightly lifted her head to face him, and with tears welling up, she said, "I am sorry. I know I can never do anything to reverse this, but I am sorry."

"Do you love him?" he asked her, his voice quivering, for he dreaded to hear her response. What if she said yes? He instantly regretted asking that question, and he would have told her not to answer, but she had already spoken.

"I don't love him. I can never love anyone except you," she said with her whole heart.

"Why did you allow him into our lives, Kiara?"

"I was drunk. He made me drunk. Jeremy I am sorry," she tried to take a step back, but the man held her in her place, and she felt shame washing over her entire being. What had she done? She wanted to melt into nothingness and never be seen again, but she felt that if she were to melt away, it would have been best to melt off together with him: Jeremy.

"Kiara, many nights I have failed to sleep, thinking about what I could have done wrong to…"

"No Jeremy, you did nothing wrong," Kiara cut in with a tearful voice.

"I could not think of anything else. My love, I could not stop asking myself where I had gone wrong. And I ended up thinking that maybe you never loved me from the very beginning."

"Jeremy! How on earth could you think like that? You know that I love you, I have loved you all my life, and I can never love anyone else." She cried.

"That cannot be, Kiara. You thought you loved me but you did not."

"Jeremy stop. Please don't say that, you're breaking my heart!"

"I am saying what I think is right, Kiara. You and I were friends our entire lives. We were always together, and I think in that, you mistook our friendship for love."

"No that is wrong, Jeremy…"

"I'm not blaming you. Let me just say what I think, and if I am wrong, you can correct me. I'm saying, if you truly loved me, even after getting drunk and ending up in bed with Vine, you would have told me. If it was me who had done something like that, trust me Kiara, I would have told you. Don't you think I deserved to know, love?"

"I tried to tell you, Jeremy…" she sniffed.

"And I tried so many times to make you talk. I was ever so open with you, my love, asking you over and over again, to be open with me and tell me if there was an issue."

"I am sorry. I did not know how to say it."

"And I ask myself, Kiara, if Vine had not sent his men to take you, were you willing to live with this lie for the rest of our lives? This child, according to the DNA, is Vine's, and yet you wanted me to believe that he was mine."

"Jeremy I am sorry, I don't know what else to say, I don't know how I can ever undo this."

"I will tell you this, Kiara, and I mean every word. I would have been willing to be the father to this baby, even after knowing that he isn't mine. From what you told me, and I believe you, I personally concluded that you were raped. That was my conclusion."

"I…Jeremy, I am very sorry." She stammered.

Saying anything more was unwise, for she knew not whether her words were going to soothe or add pain to the man that she loved so deeply. All this while as they spoke, they were still hugging each other. Jeremy took half a step backwards, moving slowly from the hug, and he carefully took her hands in his, squeezing them gently. His eyes were closed in pain, and Kiara looked at his face as her heart broke into tiny pieces. She had always hated herself from the day of the incident at the Two-Sons, but on that day, she hated herself a million times more.

"I am sorry," she whimpered.

"No my love, you don't need to continue apologizing. I am on my way to healing, but it's difficult to heal, Kiara. It is difficult to heal because I have too many questions. You did not tell me that you were taken advantage of. When you knew that there was a chance that I was not the child's father, you still did not share that information with me. When Vine sent his men to take you, you did not do or say anything to fight to be with me. For us, Kiara. For us you did absolutely nothing!"

"Jeremy, my dad promised me that he was going to come for me. I'm sorry but when I came here, I was thinking it was going to be for a short while, and then I could go back home."

"Kiara, all I am saying is, from your own end, you did nothing to show that you wanted to be with me. I asked myself what I meant to you, and I realised that you never loved me. That's how I felt, my love. You went out from my house, you agreed to go with Gareth and his men, and you even sent back those people to collect some of your staff from our room, Kiara. The room that you and I shared. You sent them into that room to take your belongings. It felt to me like you could not wait to leave, you wanted to go. You sent them into that room, the room that my mother gave up for us…for you, Kiara. My mother gave up her room to ensure that you had comfort. We gave you the best Kiara, we really did. It is unfortunate that our best was not good enough, for what are we in comparison with the Pinkertons?"

Kiara burst into tears and went down on her knees, crying. She felt deep pain piercing her heart, and although there was no blood visible, her heart was surely bleeding. Her entire body felt the pain, the emotion was wrecking her in all directions. If she had ever cursed herself for agreeing to take a sip on that fateful day; she cursed herself more. She loathed herself for that day, and for the umpteenth time regretted why she had gone to work at the Two-Sons Hotel.

As he saw her kneeling on the floor, Jeremy felt his own heart shredding into pieces. He wanted to hold her. He wanted to comfort and tell her that everything was going to be fine. He wanted to reassure her, but he could not. He lacked the energy to do so, and he told himself it was fine like that. He told himself that it was fine, for the girl was already taken by another, and since fighting for her was a losing battle, he decided he needed to continue on the path of healing.

"I can never compare you to the Pinkertons. You are my one and only love, Jeremy, and that will never change."

"Kiara, listen. You walked out. That on its own caused me the greatest pain. You decided to walk out. My heart breaks whenever I think of that day. The events of that day play in my mind daily. Vividly! And if there was a delete button for the brain, trust me I would have pressed it long back. I loved you, Kiara. I loved you with my everything. I could have done anything and everything within my power to make you happy. I could have done anything to keep you by my side."

"I still love you, Jeremy, and I will never stop."

"But you cannot be with me, my love. Not an anymore. And I'm sorry that even as I stand here, I'm still addressing you as 'my love'. That's who you are to me, and that's all I have ever known.."

"You're my only true love as well, Jeremy please I said I am sorry."

"I wanted us to be together, Kiara! I wanted this child to be ours. I wanted to be his father, to love him and be there for him and you. I wanted us to live together forever, and never allow anyone into our relationship."

"Jeremy I am very sorry. Trust me, that is what I also wanted."

"Let it be, Kiara. Fate brought us here," he sighed.

He walked towards the child and looked at him, and he smiled. The child was sleeping peacefully, unaware of what was taking place in the room. Kiara was still on the floor, feeling cold and shivering from immense regret and shame.

"Beautiful baby. He somehow reminds me of Elvis."

Kiara's eyes brightened up and she smiled, "You think so? It's just that I haven't seen baby Elvis in a long while. I think all babies look alike. But sometimes I feel like my son has some of your features."

"My features? I think you see him like that because maybe you wish he was ours. And his hair colour might be the same as mine, but it surely is from his dad, because that man Vine and I have the same hair colour anyway."

"Yes," Kiara slowly stood up and folded her hands. She moved little by little until she was standing next to Jeremy.

"What is his name?" he asked.

"I…I wanted to name him Ethan Anesu."

"And? What did his father name him?" he asked.

"Jeremy please, you're adding salt to the wound."

"I'm just asking. We have to accept reality, Kiara. You love this man. You even agreed to marry him. If you still had some love for me, you would have refused to go ahead with the marriage. Kiara, you agreed to it. Having a child with someone does not mean you should get married to them! You should have still left him and come back to me!"

"I did not marry him! I did not get married to Vine!"

"Oh yes you did, my love. You got married to him."

"Jeremy, the papers were not signed. The marriage did not go through?"

"Oh? And it was you who refused to sign, was it?" he raised his brows and stared at her.

She looked down and told herself there was no way she was ever going to respond to that question.

"Who refused to sign the marriage certificate?" he asked in a calm tone.

"I…it was….I….the paper was not signed."

"I heard that part. I am asking now, between the two of you, Vine and yourself, who did not sign their part?"

"It was him. Vine."

Jeremy did not comment. He turned to look at the baby and stroked his cheeks.

"I can explain, Jeremy! I was forced…please let me explain."

"Don't worry my love. I have heard everything that I needed to hear. It's all ok. I hold no grudge against you."

"Jeremy please, for the sake of peace, may you allow me to explain myself?"

Ignoring her question, Jeremy looked at her and said, "what is the child's name? You still haven't told me."

"Trust me Jeremy, I did my best to try and convince the Pinkertons for me to name him Ethan Anesu. Trust me Jeremy, I did my best."

"I know you did your best, love."

"Jeremy, why do I feel like you're just saying it to let it pass? Do you trust me?"

Jeremy did not respond. He sighed and slightly shook his head before he asked again,

"You wanted to name him Ethan Anesu, and what is his name now? Are you seriously not comfortable telling me the child's name? I know he is not mine, but all I want to know is his name. My love, I never thought there could be a reason to keep a child's name a secret. Remember how I used to sing for this boy, and he would kick wildly while inside the tummy. Does Vine sing for him?"

She shook her head and faced the floor, "no."

"Ok, I think I have overstayed. The last thing I want is to get you in trouble with the family. Besides, they are going to need to see the pictures that I am supposedly taking now."

"Are you going to take pictures of me and him?"

"I will have to," he picked up his bag with the photography items, and switched on his camera. He took three pictures of the child before asking Kiara if she could hold him in her arms. Kiara carefully lifted the little one and sat down with him. Jeremy was taking a lot of pictures without saying anything.

"His name is Vincent Lisandro." Kiara finally broke the silence.

"Vincent Lisandro Pinkerton. Nice name." he commented.