Chapter 9

My breathing stopped as I crossed the threshold of Bella's room. Just the mild flirtation with her scent outside was enough to burn my throat. I was taking no chances. Noiselessly, my feet landed on her floor and I waited a moment for my eyes to examine the space around me.

I found Bella in bed. The moonlight filtered in and encompassed her quiet form in a soft glow. I stood a few feet away from her, completely enraptured by the simplistic beauty of a process I'd missed for the last ninety years.

Sleep.

It captivated me; the gentle rise and fall of her chest as it filled with air before pushing it back out again. Her eyes moved rapidly under her delicate lids. Was she dreaming? What a precious thing, to dream. I couldn't even imagine it.

My eyes moved again, observing her. I took my time memorizing every minute facet of her face; a luxury school didn't afford me time to do. I took in her long thick hair that spread around her like a veil. It fell in pieces across her face. Her cheeks were cherubic, soft and smooth. I remembered all too well the blush that graced them on occasion. Her full lips were slightly parted as her breath passed through them. I stared in unabashed awe at their pink color. I wondered momentarily what they tasted like.

I gulped hard and dismissed such a preposterous and unmannerly thought. My presence in her room, alone, at night, was outrageously indiscreet. Not to mention the small fact I was a vampire half-crazed by the mere thought of her blood.

What was I doing here? It was so wrong; I was a vicious creature of the night, a bloodthirsty monster. I had murdered humans, draining them of their life source without a second thought. I was damned eternally.

To even think I could stand in the presence of this innocent, beautiful woman was outright madness. I shouldn't be here. I needed to go. But something was keeping me from doing the right thing. I just didn't know what it was yet.

Without warning, Bella rolled slightly and mumbled. Her small body became tangled in her blanket and her hair fell back, revealing her glorious face fully in the pale light. She was simply angelic.

"Edward," the angel spoke.

I froze as panic washed over me. Had she seen me? I dared to look at her eyes again. They were shut. I smiled when I realized she talked in her sleep. But then I actually heard what she said.

"Edward," she repeated clearly. I shuddered.

It was then that the full force of her words hit me. The breath I had been holding came rushing out. My chest hurt suddenly. I looked down; touching it as if there were some damage there. My usually sturdy legs felt powerless, like my bones had gone missing somehow. Never had I been as utterly devastated by something as I was by my name passing over her perfect lips. New, unfamiliar, emotions rushed through me. I was stunned, frozen in place.

This moment completely defined my thoughts. Abruptly they had gone from convoluted to blindingly sharp. My mind was made up now, there was no going back. I could not ignore her anymore, I would not.

I finally was able to force my body to move from its position by Bella's bed. I sat in an old rocking chair in the corner, staying motionless and breathless for another hour or so before I got up to leave.

I ran back home and rushed to my piano, ignoring Esme's questioning glance.

For hours I played steadily; a thoughtful, somber song. With every press of the keys, the deep chords spiraled through me, swirling in the air and surrounding me as I contemplated what I'd done.

I did not understand the feelings I had now; the dull ache in my chest, the intensity of which shocked me. I was both scared and thrilled at once. How could this happen? I wanted nothing more than to just speak to Bella. I needed to learn everything about her and spend time with her. No one had ever affected me in such a way.

The morning did not come soon enough. I arrived ten minutes early to school and waited for her arrival. I had spent hours thinking of how to get to know her better and finally decided to ask her to go to Seattle with me.

As soon as she parked, as far from me as humanly possible I noticed, Bella got out and promptly dropped her keys. She was bent down, so I ran. It probably would've looked like a frightening blur of movement if she'd seen it.

But she didn't notice. She gasped as I picked the keys up before she got to them.

"How do you do that?" she was almost irritated.

"Do what?" I dropped the keys in her hand.

"Appear out of thin air."

"Bella, it's not my fault if you are exceptionally unobservant." I teased, wondering what she'd say to that, surely not what I would expect.

"Why the traffic jam last night? I thought you were supposed to be pretending I don't exist, not irritating me to death."

I enjoyed her spirited response, always witty.

"That was for Tyler's sake, not mine. I had to give him his chance." I knew I was evil, I had to laugh.

Her face was glorious in its rage, "You…" she managed, but no further words exited.

"And I'm not pretending you don't exist." I countered.

"So you are trying to irritate me to death? Since Tyler's van didn't do the job?"

The good humor was lost for me as she dug at me with ridiculous insinuations. I replied coldly to her that she was absurd.

She promptly turned and walked away from me.

"Wait," I called to her, easily catching up to her pace.

"Why won't you leave me alone?" she didn't look at me.

"I wanted to ask you something, but you sidetracked me."

"Do you have a multiple personality disorder?" her face severe.

"You're doing it again." I warned.

She sighed, "Fine then. What do you want to ask?"

My stomach dropped suddenly, I was asking her out and I knew I couldn't stop myself if I tried.

"I was wondering if, a week from Saturday—you know, the day of spring dance."

"Are you trying to be funny?" her voice cut me off, her lovely face turned up into mine.

Her eyes were warning me. I could've stared at them endlessly.

I grinned, "Will you please allow me to finish?"

As she moved her arms behind her in defeat, she bit her lower lip. I found this habit of hers particularly distracting. I fought to stare at her eyes.

"I heard you say you were going to Seattle that day, and I was wondering if you wanted a ride." I offered.

Her face showed her surprise. As we walked, I convinced her to come with me. Once we came to the door of the school, she turned to me.

"Honestly Edward, I can't keep up with you. I thought you didn't want to be my friend."

Just the sound her saying my name aloud again sent a thrill through me. "I said it would be better if we weren't friends, not that I didn't want to be."

"Oh, thanks, now that's all cleared up," her sarcasm was plentiful. I was just frustrating her again.

"It would be more…prudent for you not to be my friend," I stared intently into her eyes as she looked up at me, "but I'm tired of trying to stay away from you, Bella."

I wanted so much to convey what I felt, to show her how much I wanted to be near her. It must've worked; Bella stopped breathing for a moment and didn't speak. I took my chance.

"Will you go with me to Seattle?"

She only nodded in approval. Joy soared through me only for a second before my conscience kicked in. I had no right doing this. It was absolutely wrong.

"You really should stay away from me. I'll see you in class." I spoke the warning quickly and walked away, frustrated that I couldn't fully appreciate the moment.

School was uneventful until lunch came around. I had taken a seat alone, away from my family, so I could extend an invitation for Bella to join me. The morning's apprehension had faded; I wanted to see her again and talk to her. I just had to get her attention.

She was sitting with Jessica, Mike, Angela, and Ben when I saw her. I finally caught her gaze and beckoned with my finger. She gave Jessica some excuse about Biology homework as she walked towards me.

"This is different," the arch in her eyebrow rose as she greeted me.

I smiled but rushed through my words, "Well...I decided as long as I was going to hell, I might as well do it thoroughly." The explanation seemed fitting given the situation.

"You know I don't have any idea what you mean."

Yeah, what does that mean? That is not polite dining conversation.

Jasper's chastising came into my mind.

"I know," I smiled again. "I think your friends are angry with me for stealing you."

"They'll survive."

You won't survive Edward! When we get home I am going to kick your ass.

Emmett's thoughts were a bit more forceful as he and Rosalie glared.

I ignored my brothers and focused on Bella.

"I may not give you back, though," I was practically wishing it. Bella gulped, I stared as her throat move with the force of it.

Edward! Don't scare the poor girl. I see you two getting close; don't ruin it with your cryptic comments. Alice had a point.

"You look worried." She should be.

"No," her voice was unconvincing, "surprised actually…what brought all this on?"

"I told you – I got tired of trying to stay away from you. So I'm giving up."

Her face was confused as she repeated my words.

"Yes—giving up trying to being be good. I'm just going to do what I want now, and let the chips fall where they may." I couldn't help my voice as it became darker.

"You lost me again." She confessed sweetly.

I smiled widely.

Edward, I swear if you say too much, I will rip you to pieces burn you myself!

Ah, Rosalie. What a delicate flower.

"I always say too much when I'm talking to you—that's one of my problems."

Bella explained she didn't understand any of it and asked simply if we were friends now.

I was overjoyed with the idea; I never imagined I would be friends with a human, let alone someone like Bella. Again, though, I felt I had to warn her yet again that I was no good, and she should be smart and avoid me. But we finally settled on being not smart and staying friends, much to the chagrin of the Cullen/Hale table to my left. She was quiet for a moment, pondering. It was driving me insane.

"What are you thinking?" I couldn't contain myself any longer.

She looked into my eyes, "I am trying to figure out what you are."

I froze, my jaw was tight as I bit my cheek, and forced myself to smile.

Holy crap Edward, what the hell is going on over there?

The thought almost came in unison from the left again.

I played it cool, while my insides screamed. "Are you having any luck with that?"

She said no, I asked her about her ideas