Killed for Loving Too Much

 Nikolai Kir Ivanov, that was the name my mother gave me before leaving this world due to illness. With no one to take care of me, I soon found myself living on the streets of Russia, trying to survive on my own. 

I was only five years old when I discovered how cruel and inhumane the world and people can be to the weak. Not having anything to eat, drink, or even a roof over my head to protect me from the rain and the frightening cold. Had to fight day after day, just to stay alive

Being forced to live on the streets, despite my young age, I soon found myself scavenging in the trash, looking for scraps of food, enough to survive, only to quickly find myself being kicked out and pushed away by other homeless people who were already there. much longer than me. That despite being weak and malnourished, they had no problem taking care of a small child like me

I honestly don't think they were that way from the beginning, but rather that after going through hard times on the streets, they had to change, adapt, all in order to survive in that inhospitable and unwelcoming environment

Regardless, with no other options, I also started committing petty theft, stealing just enough to support myself. Somehow, that didn't work out very well either, as many of my thefts were unsuccessful, leading to me being beaten and punished once again. There were so many times I was beaten to a point of near death that I lost count 

At a certain point, I just stopped caring, living a life where I forced myself to sleep, to fool myself that I wasn't hungry. Not knowing for sure, if every time I closed my eyes, I would actually be able to open them the next day

Small, weak and useless, that's what they called me and how I felt every day. That was my reality for about three years, a sad life that I believed was hell 

At least, that's what I believed until they found me

Rassvet, that's what they called themselves, they said they were a militant group that was looking for the dawn of the new world, a world where there would be no hunger or inequality

I was just one of many street children who were "rescued" by the group. According to them, they saved us so that we would become their messengers, the apostles who would spread the words of their ideal throughout the world.

However, as one can already imagine, their motives were much less altruistic, as all they wanted were pawns who obeyed their orders without question. And there were no better candidates for such a role than a group of abandoned children, who absolutely no one would miss if they disappeared or even died.

Of course, I didn't know this and at the time I truly believed they were saviors. That I could become a true apostle, the savior who would guide the world to a better path.

It was with this mentality that the training to become an apostle began. In which I and the other children were instructed how to use all types of weapons, from simple knives to the most advanced rifles. We also learned hand-to-hand combat, the art of the disguise, how to infiltrate places without being detected and even how to handle poisons

In the five years that the training lasted, many of the children couldn't stand it and lost their lives. Yet, the survivors like me, have undergone a huge transformation, going from simple street kids to cold-blooded killers. And thanks to the brainwashing that was done to us, we undertook mission after mission, killing people after people, all under the banner of Rassvet, all with the ideal of making the world a better place

However, as I grew up and killed more people, I slowly broke free of this brainwashing, no longer blindly trusting the group's ideal, until at the age of twenty-two, I was finally able to see Rassvet for what they truly were, a group money-obsessed paramilitary under the facade of a cult

Disappointed and tired of being an emotionless killing machine for an ideal I didn't believe in, I decided to take action, doing the most logical thing I could:

Destroy the organization from within, eliminating the group's leaders one by one?

Show the truth to the other apostles and cause a revolution, and together make Rassvet a group that followed our true ideals?

No, I didn't do any of that, instead, I… ran away! 

Yes, instead of trying to play the hero and save everyone. I simply ran away leaving everything and everyone behind, and since I wasn't really close to anyone there, it wasn't exactly a difficult choice for me.

That way, using the knowledge, contacts and skills provided to me by Rassvet itself, I faked my own death and disappeared. At same time, now my new identity I moved to America, the land of freedom to live a simple and honest life

Honestly, it really sucked

I mean, to live a good life there, you need money, like a lot. And to get that money honestly there are only two ways: you either work really, really hard, dedicating years of your life, just for the chance to achieve a stable life, or you may be lucky enough to be born as an heir

As you've probably already noticed, I wasn't born an heir, and spending several years of my new life, working, not even having time to live, wasn't really an option for me. So, before I knew it, I found myself back in the criminal underworld. However, this time, instead of being an assassin working for a huge group, I was just a simple gangster working under a loan shark, being responsible for collecting debtors who dared not pay

Please, don't judge me!

In any case, although the payment I received from this job was nowhere near the remuneration that my abilities as an assassin allowed me... at least I was free!

Finally, not having to worry about money, I started having fun, doing all the things I couldn't do as I was growing up. I explored different entertainment cultures, both for Western and Eastern, like movies, books, mangas, games and many others. I enjoyed the pleasures that this life could offer, like expensive drinks, beautiful women, exotic foods, more beautiful women, travels and beautiful women 

Well, yes I have a bit of a problem with pretty women, call it late puberty if you want. What can I say, if love is a crime, then I should be sentenced to life. Although I was a murderer long before that, already having done many worse things. But that doesn't count, okay? That's in the past, it was a different life!

Anyway, at this point you must be wondering, why is there so much emphasis on this part, right? Don't worry, my friend, there's a reason for that. A quite simple one, it turns out that right now… I'm being stabbed by the husband of one of these women and I'm dying!

Yes, which every way that I, an ex-assassin could meet my end, had to be at the hands of an embittered cuckold. And as I feel my insides leaking, I realize... I have no idea which one of them is this guy's wife

After that, a golden light took over my vision and everything went dark!