Chapter 2: Assuming the Role of a Side Character at School!

I turned fifteen and started attending the Midgar Academy for Dark Knights at the royal capital. This academy is known as the crème de la crème of schools on our continent and where promising knights gather not only from this nation but all over the world. I kept my grades on the meh tier to blend in with the crowd and my eye on the protagonists of my dreams.

One of them is Princess Alexia Midgar, the biggest fish of them all.

Honestly, even a chimpanzee would know she's on the top tier.

I've heard there's an ultra-famous super–big shot named Princess Iris Midgar, but she already graduated, to my chagrin.

Anyway, I'll have you know that I unlocked a special event with Princess Alexia…er, I mean, my punishment for losing a game. Yeah, you've heard that right. I'm about to take part in your ye old punishment of confessing to a girl.

Which brings us to the rooftop of the school. I face Princess Alexia from a distance.

Her platinum hair is cut straight across at her shoulders, and her red eyes are almond-shaped and, um, pretty? And she looks all aloof with her perfect face. It's like Yeah, yeah, we get it already. She's gorgeous. Yeah, whatever.

I hate to break it to you, but I'm bored of beautiful women, thanks to Alpha and company. I prefer a touch of ugliness. It makes you unique, you know.

Anyway, I'm not the only reckless challenger who's gone after Alexia.

It's been two months since the beginning of school, and more than a hundred schmucks have already tried to win her over.

And all of them were met with one bitter phrase: "I'm not interested."

I mean, I get it. I'm guessing she's got a political marriage or something lined up for her when she graduates. I bet she's trying to say she doesn't have time to engage in child's play.

That said, the aristocratic students in love with her share the same fate—

political marriage and all. But I think that's why they want to have a little fun while they're still in school.

Well, it doesn't matter either way. In the end, it's nothing but the amusement of those who know nothing of the shadow realm.

And it's my duty as a background character to join in on this charade. To get brutally rejected by the most popular girl in school? I can't think of a role more fitting for an extra. If I can get through this event and play the role of a real loser, I will become my ideal and take another step toward becoming a hidden mastermind.

I stay up all night to prepare for this moment. What should I say? How should I confess to her…? This is gonna be the greatest confession by a minor character of all time.

Choosing the right words is a given. But I take it a step further by experimenting with articulation, pitch, and vibrato. I finally master the ultimate confession.

On this day, at this very moment, I'm standing on the battlefield of a lifetime.

Ready, fight.

It's a momentous battle for a background character.

Sure, shadowbrokers have their own way of combat, but fighting as a side character creates a breed of its own.

Which means I'm gonna pull out all the stops as one.

I'm secure in my decision when I turn toward her.

Princess Alexia… She's standing there looking all high-and-mighty, but I could unsheathe my sword and detach her neck from her torso in a heartbeat.

You're a human like the rest of us.

Watch closely.

I present to you, the greatest confession in the world!

"Pwinshesh A-A-A…Alexia."

Did you hear how I stuttered on the A-A-A? And that staccato? I threw in a bit of vibrato, changed pitch midway through, and added a lisp to Pwinshesh to give a convincing performance.

"I—I love you…!" I lower my eyes to evade her gaze, making sure my knees are knocking against each other. "W-will you be my girlfriend…?"

I choose to go with your average confession—cliché, if not boring. But I let my pitch and tone go hog wild. And that upward lilt at the end? It shows my complete lack of confidence.

It's perfect…!

This is the performance of my dreams. I'm satisfied! I'm completely satisfied!

"Sure."

"Huh?" I'm pleased with myself and just about to leave when I experience an auditory hallucination. "What did you just say?"

"I said…sure."

"Um, okay."

Something's not right.

"L-let's head back to campus together."

From there, I walk Princess Alexia to her dorm room. After a "See you tomorrow" with a smile on my face, I head to my own room, bury my face in my pillow, and scream at the top of my lungs.

"When did I become the protagonist of a roooooooooooomcom!!"

*

*

"It's weird, right?!"

"Bizarre."

"Absolutely bonkers."

It's the next day. I'm having at lunch in the cafeteria and just told my two friends about yesterday. We're all in agreement: There's definitely something strange going on.

"No offense, but Princess Alexia is way out of your league. If she said yes to me? I'd still think it was fishy. Right?"

That's Skel, the second son of the Baron Etal. He's slim and tall, and though it seems he cares about his outer appearance, he has zero style. If you look at him from far away, he could trick you into thinking he's hot. Erm, maybe not. I take that back.

Either way, Princess Alexia is way out of Skel Etal's league, too. I know this for a fact, because I consider him my "minor character" friend.

"If Cid's good enough for her, I bet I would've been good enough, too.

Gah, I really should have confessed to her earlier."

That's Po, the second son of the Baron Tato. He's short and somewhat stocky. You know how there's one potato-esque guy on every baseball team?

That's basically him.

It doesn't matter if you look at him from afar, from up close, or from any and all angles. With his looks, he could never scam anyone into thinking he's cool. It goes without saying that he has absolutely no chance with Princess Alexia. After all, he's your cold, hard background character.

Oh, and by the way, my name's Cid. When I'm playing the part of Cid Kagenou, I'm also playing the part of your average Joe.

"To be honest, it's terrible. I have a feeling she's got an ulterior motive, which freaks me out. Plus, we basically live in two totally different worlds."

"Yeah, I hear you. And unlike me, you're not blessed in the looks department. I'd give it a week before she calls it quits."

"Three days. Just look around you."

I scan the cafeteria and see everyone whispering and observing me.

"Over there! That's…"

"You're kidding! He's super average…"

"It must be some kind of mix-up…"

"Oh, I think he's pretty cute…"

"No way!"

Et cetera.

"I heard he blackmailed her…according to Skel Etal."

"I'll kill that son of a bitch…"

"And make it look like an accident during practice…"

"If I don't do it now, I'd bring shame to mankind…"

And the like.

I've got pretty good ears, and I'd caught almost all their chatter. I take a moment to glare at Skel.

"Hmm? What's up?"

"Nothing."

I guess friendships between minor characters can be fickle and fleeting.

"But seriously, what do I do? It'd be weird if I mentioned breaking up when I just confessed my love for her."

And it would break character to dump a princess—though I guess people in this role wouldn't date them in the first place.

"Come on, give it a try. If you're lucky, you might make some nice memories," Skel encourages with a sly grin.

"He's right. Let's say this is all a misunderstanding. You still get to date a princess. Don't waste your time dealing with bullies," Po adds.

"It doesn't work that way."

Even as we waste time now, rumors about me will continue to circulate around the school—meaning I'm getting pushed further and further away from my existence as an average nobody.

"But now that you two are actually going out," Po muses, "you've gotta stay quiet about losing that game."

"Yeah. I can see things getting messy if word got out. Please don't say anything. I'm looking at you, Skel."

"Me? I'd never say anything!"

"I'm serious."

I sigh as I reach for my daily lunch for broke aristocrats—which costs exactly 980 zeni. I'm starting to get annoyed by the vibe of this place. I'm just going to eat as quickly as possible and skedaddle out of here.

Erm, well, that was the plan.

But a group of maids set the lunch course of the super-duper filthy rich—

which costs a whopping ten thousand zeni—in the seat across from me with marked efficiency.

"Is this seat available?"

Enter Alexia. Ugh, I knew she was here. That's why I was trying to scarf down my lunch.

"P-p-pwease do!"

"Y-y-you can sit here! It's our pleasure!"

Skel and Po respond, basically shriveling into nothing. These are the same guys who were talking big game about how they could date her if they wanted to. Yep, just as expected of my friends.

"Yeah, sure. Go ahead," I say to Princess Alexia, who's waiting for my answer.

"I don't mind if I do," she replies, taking a seat.

"Nice weather we're having." It seems like an obvious way to fill the silence.

"Indeed."

Our innocuous conversation continues, and with the elegant movement of her hand, she starts eating her extravagant lunch.

"There's so much food in the super-duper filthy-rich lunch course."

"Yeah. I can never finish it."

"What a waste."

"I would be fine buying a cheaper lunch, but if I don't get the expensive one, the others might feel too shy to ask for it."

"Uh-huh, I see. Can I eat your leftovers?"

"Yes, but…"

"Oh, don't worry about being polite around me. I mean, this is the section for low-ranking aristocrats."

Alexia looks baffled as I swipe the meat from her main dish and cram it into my mouth before she can get a word in edgewise.

Oh, it's good.

"Um…"

"Pass the fish."

"Wait…!"

Whoo-hoo, it's my lucky day. Thanks to the princess, I get to fill my stomach, which is blissed the hell out. You might notice that my attitude toward her has changed from yesterday and that I'm acting super-casual around her.

And if you want to know why…

It's 'cause I'm in the middle of Operation: Get Dumped ASAP!

"Sigh… Sure, whatever."

"Thanks for the meal. See ya later."

"Halt!"

Dammit. My plan to dine and dash fails, and I reluctantly slink back to my seat.

"I assume you're taking Royal Bushin for your practical elective in the afternoon."

"Yurp."

The academy requires its students to take general courses in the morning and practical electives in the afternoon. The former takes place in set classrooms, but the latter is a mishmash of students from all classes and grades. We're basically allowed to choose one of many weapon arts electives that we feel suits us best.

"I'm in that class, too. I thought it'd be nice to take it together."

"Yeah, no. I mean, you're in section one. I'm in section nine."

Bushin arts is so popular that it has nine different sections, with fifty students in each, divided up by skill level. For now, I'm performing poorly enough to be in section nine, so I can scope things out. I plan to eventually settle for section five.

"No, it's okay. With my recommendation, I got you into section one."

"It's totally not okay. I know that for a fact."

"Would you rather that I enroll in section nine?"

"No, stop. That'd make me look bad."

"It's one or the other. Choose."

"No."

"This is a royal order."

"I'm off to section one."

With that, lunch is over. Skel and Po were completely still from start to finish, basically melting into the background.

*

*

"This place is huge…," I marvel the moment I step into the classroom for section one. I can't help myself.

To put it simply, it looks like a ginormous gymnasium. In addition to the standard locker room, it is fully equipped with a shower room, a café, and a maid who opens the entrance, which technically makes it a manually operated automatic door.

As for section nine, we meet outdoors—rain or shine, sleet or snow. There isn't even a door for a maid to open, much less a maid.

To avoid getting bullied by the other students, I hastily change into my uniform and wait for Alexia in the corner for a while.

"Let's loosen up," she suggests as soon as she enters the room in her Bushin uniform.

Think plain cheongsam, one of those tight-fitting dresses you might see in a movie about the 1920s, with a high leg slit. That's the uniform for girls.

Hers is black, which indicates she's one of the strongest fighters. In Bushin, each color represents a different level of strength: Black is at the top, and white is at the bottom.

I'm in white, obviously. And since I'm the only one in white in this entire room, I stick out like a sore thumb.

I ignore the stares of other students—70 percent hostile, 30 percent curious—and warm up with some light stretches.

"Interesting," remarks Alexia, mirroring my movements.

In this world, it's common knowledge that it's beneficial to loosen your muscles before working out. But with no how-to guides on stretching, everyone does it in their own way. I mean, if you're a die-hard for sports, you'll hurt yourself if you don't stretch properly. I've heard of others using magic to force their muscles to loosen up, but this still affects their performance.

Alexia is well versed in that sense, which is nice. I mean, I'm a high-maintenance purist when it comes to battle. Like, I won't lose to the average pretentious snob.

We're getting ready when class begins.

"Starting today, we have a new friend joining us," our instructor starts, introducing me.

"I'm Cid Kagenou. It's nice to meet you."

There isn't a hint of friendliness in my classmates' eyes.

Ah, section one. A quick glance around, and I can already spot some VIPs. That hot guy over there is the second son of a duke, and that beauty is the daughter of the current leader of the Dark Knights. Then there's our teacher, who's the fencing instructor for the country. And on top of that, he's a young blond hunk who's only twenty-eight years old.

"Let's welcome him to our class."

With that, we start training, suppressing our magic through meditation first before practicing our swings and going over the basics of swordplay.

Nice, nice. I'm all for reviewing the basics. They're important to know. In section nine, we'd wave our swords for a few seconds and play-fight the whole time. It's nice to see the strongest fighters value their fundamentals.

Plus, all the students are skilled. I can say it's a neat environment—and I'm not trying to suck up or anything.

And most importantly, the techniques taught in this class are hyper-logical. It feels great to take part in training that doesn't leave me bored out of my mind.

"Do ya like the Royal Bushin method?" Our hunky blond instructor approaches me.

I think his name is Zenon Griffey.

"Does it seem that way?"

"Yeah, you look like you're enjoying yourself."

"I guess I am."

Mr. Zenon grins in an easy-breezy type of way. "As you know, the Royal Bushin method is a relatively new fighting style, a deviation from traditional Bushin. There was some resistance at first between the traditional supporters and the trailblazers. But thanks to Princess Iris, it's now being recognized as the artistic heir of its traditional counterpart."

"And I hear you're one of the swordsmen who's spread the art throughout the country, Mr. Zenon."

"Yeah, but my contributions are nothing compared to Princess Iris's. In any case, the Royal Bushin method practically raised me, which is why it makes me happy to see others enjoying it, too. Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt you."

With that, Mr. Zenon goes to check in on the other students. I totally understand his feelings. I mean, I get all giddy when Alpha and the other girls watch me show off my swordplay. I've developed these techniques on my own, which makes me all the more excited when others take them on, too.

"What did you two talk about?" Alexia asks.

"The Royal Bushin method."

"Hmm. We're going to spar next. Let's pair up."

Sparring is basically a form of light training where we review techniques, reversals, and battle processes without actually hitting our opponent.

"Aren't you too strong for me?"

"It'll be fine."

We pick up our wooden swords and start exchanging blows.

I swing, and she blocks.

She strikes, and I guard.

We don't hit each other, moving at a sluggish pace, and skimp on magical energy. All around us, the other pairs are locked head-to-head in all-out fights, blasting each other with spells. But to my surprise, Alexia is matching my pace.

No. That's not it… This is normal for her. After all, the purpose of this activity is to review our strategies, meaning that speed and power are pointless. Alexia is focused on this goal—and that alone. I can tell by the way she handles her sword.

This entire country sings the praises of Princess Iris, Alexia's older sister

—brilliant and fiendish, the strongest combatant in the kingdom. On the other hand, they don't have much to say about Alexia. She possesses magic and forthright techniques, but she's inferior to her sister. That's what people generally say when talking about Alexia.

But as I spar with her, I think she's good. She adheres to the basics and grasps the foundations of combat, though it feels uninspired.

Yeah, it's run-of-the-mill. But that's the fruit of her labor: Her swordplay is polished, refined, and devoid of all excess. That's the proof that she's mastered the basics step-by-step.

Delta, you could learn a thing or two from her, I think, engaging in a fake conversation with a certain hybrid beast—one whose swordsmanship I find hard to forgive.

"Your swordplay isn't bad," Alexia notes.

"Thanks."

"But I don't like it."

She likes lifting me up to bring me down.

"It's like I'm watching myself fight. Let's stop here for today."

She begins packing up, leaving it at that. Class is over.

Never in my wildest dreams did I expect to get through this elective without a hitch. If I can just get my stuff together, change, and book it to my dorm room, I might be able to…

"Hold it."

My bubble bursts.

Alexia drags me by the nape of my neck.

"This is your answer, I'm guessing," observes Mr. Zenon, who's standing in front of me for some reason.

"I've decided to go out with him."

"You can't keep running forever," he warns, narrowing his eyes.

"I'm just a kid. This situation is too grown-up for me," Alexia replies, following it with a pompous burst of laughter.

This is enough for me to figure out how I could get into this section and why she's chosen to go out with me. Watching their cutscene play out and melting into the background, I pray these two protagonists won't drag me into their drama.

*

*

"I know that Mr. Zenon is your fiancé and that you're pushing the onus on me." I confront Alexia after school behind the academic building.

"He's not my fiancé, just one of the suitors," Alexia corrects, looking all calm and composed.

"It's the same thing."

"It's not. He keeps pressing the issue as if it's a done deal, and it's stressing me out."

"That has nothing to do with me. I hate to break it to you, but I have no plans to get sucked into this mess."

"You're awfully cold for a lover."

"A lover? Come on. You just needed a red herring to take the fall for you.

Isn't that right?"

"Fine. But that goes for both of us," she quips, a devious smile spreading across her face.

"Both of us? What the hell are you talking about?"

"Playing dumb, huh? Mr. I-confessed-to-a-girl-as-a-punishment, Cid Kagenou." Her grin broadens.

Okay…hold up. Let's chill out for a sec.

"Oh, to play with the heart and purity of a maiden," she laments. "How cruel."

Says the girl without a trace of purity in her entire body. Alexia lets a few fake tears fall from her eyes.

It's okay. I'm totally calm.

"I have no idea what you're talking about. Do you have any proof?"

Right, evidence first. As long as the guys didn't stab me in the back, it won't matter how suspicious she is of my intentions…

"I think his name's Po. When I approached him, he turned bright red and blabbed everything, including things I didn't ask about. Nice friend you've got there."

I imagine myself beating him into a pile of mashed potatoes to regain my mental composure.

"Are you all right? Your cheeks look all puffy."

"I'm fine. I break into a smile 'cause I'm broken inside."

"Oh. Huh."

"But I'm not as bad as you."

"Hmm? Did you say something?"

"Nothing. What do you want from me…?"

I have no choice but to accept defeat. My fatal flaw is choosing the wrong friends.

"Well…" Alexia crosses her arms and leans against the wall of the academic building. "Let's keep pretending we're together for now—until that man gives up."

"I'm only the son of a baron, you know. I'm not enough to stop him."

"I know. I just need to buy time. I'll figure something out."

"And I don't want you to put me in harm's way. I mean, the dude is a master swordsman. If things don't work out, I'm gonna get my ass handed to me."

"Stop whining," Alexia snaps before fishing some coins out of her pocket and scattering them onto the ground. "Pick them up," she orders.

Each coin is worth ten thousand zeni, and I count at least ten on the floor.

"What? Do I look like I'd be swayed by cash?" I ask from all fours, carefully retrieving the coins one by one.

"You do."

"You're damn right."

Eleven…twelve…thirteen coins… Oh, snap! I found another one!

Just as I extend my hand to collect the last coin, she stomps on the change with her loafer.

I look up at Alexia, and her red eyes bear down on me.

I can see up her pleated skirt.

"Are you going to do as I say?" she asks with a grin that oozes wickedness.

"Of course." I smile from ear to ear.

"Good dog."

Alexia pats my head before briskly walking away with her short skirt billowing behind her. I wipe her footprint from the coin and gently place it in my pocket.

*

*

Even as I attend the academy, I continue cutting down on sleep to keep training, but this fake courtship with Alexia is really sucking up my time.

"Come with me."

With this order, I'm dragged into the classroom for section-one students in the Royal Bushin elective at the wee hours of the morning. We're the only ones here. The sun is streaming into the room, and it's peaceful.

It's time for morning practice.

Alexia swings her sword, and I follow suit next to her.

She's very serious when it comes to practice. It's the one thing I don't mind about her. We never speak, just practice in absolute silence, and I'm not annoyed about spending time with her—for once in my life.

"Your swordplay is strange," Alexia comments. "You've got the basics down. That's it, but…" She pauses.

I'm obviously subduing my strength, magic, and abilities as I slice through the air. Which leaves me with the fundamentals.

"…But I can't take my eyes off it."

"Thanks."

I can hear the birds chirping outside, but I know they aren't whistling a tune to themselves. It's a war cry to claim their territory, which means they're really duking it out.

"But I still don't like it," Alexia adds.

We don't speak after that. We just keep practicing.

*

*

Two more weeks pass, and I'm somehow managing to survive as Alexia's "boyfriend."

Every once in a while, the other students will bully me, but it's nothing I can't handle. I'm just relieved Mr. Zenon hasn't beaten the living shit out of me or availed himself of any quick and savage tricks to erase me from existence.

In fact, Mr. Zenon is polite to the two of us during class, instructing us as if he and I don't have beef with each other. He doesn't approach me to shoot the breeze anymore, but I would say he's a proper adult who can keep his work and private life separate.

And then there's the royal pain in my ass.

"That jerkwad pisses me off. Thinks he's all that just because he's all right with a sword."

Alexia acts nice to his face, but behind closed doors, she's a foulmouthed tornado.

"Uh-huh, yup. Whatever you say."

I've turned into a yes machine. By this point, I know disagreeing only wastes time.

"Pooch, I'm guessing you saw his fake-ass grin, too."

"Yep, yep. I saw it all right."

We're on our way home after school.

Of late, we've gotten into the habit of taking a small detour down a quiet path through the forest on the way back to her dorm. I spend the whole time yessing her and seldom retain more than 10 percent of our conversations.

It's sunset as we walk at an excruciatingly slow pace down the road. It should take ten minutes to walk its entirety, but it always takes us half an hour.

There are days it takes so long that the stars come out, but I keep my cool.

There are days when I feel like telling her to talk to a brick wall, but I show some self-restraint then, too.

Patience, patience, patience. But there's one thing I feel I have to say.

"Hey, can I ask you something?"

"What is it, Fido?" Alexia sits on her favorite stump and crosses her legs.

Don't just sit there. Let's get a move on, I don't say as I sit down beside her.

"What don't you like about Mr. Zenon? Objectively speaking, he seems like a home run of a husband."

"Have you been listening to me at all?" Alexia asks, slightly vexed. "I hate everything about him. His very existence."

"I mean, he's a hot expert swordsman with titles, prestige, money—not to mention a good work-life balance and personality. And he's popular with the ladies."

Alexia snorts. "Yeah, on the surface. Anyone could pretend. Take me, for an example."

"Wow, I'm suddenly completely convinced."

Now that she mentions it, she's super-popular because she's the master at wearing a mask in front of others.

"That's why I don't judge people by their looks."

"Then what do you look at?"

"Their flaws." Alexia smiles smugly.

"What a negative approach. It suits you perfectly."

"Why, thank you. And just so you know, I don't mind you, even though you've got nothing going for you."

"Thanks. I've never received a compliment that's made me feel worse."

Alexia chuckles dryly. "You're scum through and through, and I like it that way. It's also why I can't stand our instructor."

"What are his flaws?"

"He doesn't seem to have any."

"Sounds like a keeper."

"I told you before: Perfect people don't exist. I bet he's either a big fat liar or totally messed up in the head."

"I see. Thanks for that totally arbitrary and biased answer."

"You're welcome, my flawed pooch. Now fetch!" Alexia tosses a coin into the air, and I scramble to retrieve it.

Whoo-hoo! Another ten thousand zeni . I'm gonna catch 'em all.

I shove the coin in my pocket and return to Alexia, who's clapping her hands in delight.

"Good doggy." She rubs my head.

Patience, I tell myself.

"Ooh, you hate this so much," she observes as she vigorously tousles my hair.

I take this opportunity to remember she's the worst.

"I can see the disgust in your face," Alexia notes.

"I'm letting you see it."

She giggles and gets up. "All right. Let's head home."

"Yep, yep."

"And, Fido, note that I'm going to lodge my wooden sword into that damned instructor's face tomorrow. Make sure you're watching."

This compels me to ask another question.

"Would you seriously do that?"

"What do you mean?" she replies, turning back to glare at me.

I think I'm butting into something when I should stay in my lane. But I can't let this slide.

"Mr. Zenon is definitely stronger than you but not to the point where you wouldn't be able to fight back."

I like the way she handles her sword. Her skills evolve every day with her efforts, one step at a time. But in an actual fight, there would be too many extra movements. I would hate to see it sully her swordsmanship, especially since I think it's good.

"You make it sound so easy. Even though you're the one wearing white."

"Don't mind me. It's just the ramblings of a white coat."

"Fine, I'll let you know the truth. It's not as easy as you think."

"Hmm?"

"I have no talent. I was born with a significant amount of magical energy, and I've worked hard to get to this point. I think I'm all right now, but I know I don't stand a chance against a true genius."

"Maybe."

"I've always been compared to my older sister, Iris. Everyone expected great things from me. And more importantly, I respected Iris and wanted to be at her level. But I realized I'll never be as good as her. I mean, we weren't born on the same playing field. I tried my best to get stronger. But I'm guessing you already know how people describe my fighting style."

There's a certain phrase that's always uttered when the two sisters are compared.

"The swordplay of an amateur."

"That's right. And yours is, too. How unfortunate." Alexia flashes me a lopsided smirk.

"I don't think it's unfortunate. I like your swordplay."

Alexia reacts by holding her breath for a moment and scowling.

"I've been told that before. By Iris—when she beat me onstage at the Bushin Festival." Alexia curls her lips and imitates her sister: "'I like your swordplay.'

"She doesn't understand me at all. I felt pathetic, and she had no idea.

Ever since then, I've always hated the way I fight."

Alexia smiles, but I don't know why. At the very least, I know she isn't happy.

There's something I need to tell her. If I don't say it now, I'll be stabbing myself in the back.

"You know, I'm as apathetic as they come. If there was a catastrophe that wiped out a million people on the other side of the world, it wouldn't affect me. If you went nuts and became a serial killer, I wouldn't be bothered," I say.

"If I lost my mind, you'd be the first person I'd kill."

"But there are certain things I care about. They might be insignificant to others, but to me, they're more precious than anything. I live this life protecting these few things. Which is why I really mean what I'm about to tell you."

One simple phrase.

"I like your swordplay."

After a brief silence, Alexia replies, "So what?"

"Nothing. I guess the main takeaway is that it peeves me when other people tell me what I can and can't like. That's all."

"I see." Alexia pivots on her heels. "I'm heading home alone today."

And then she walks away.

*

*

"It's been a while since the three of us have eaten together," comments Po the Traitor.

"That's 'cause he was dining with the princess every day," adds Skel.

"Shit happens," I say.

It's the first time in a long while that the three of us sit together in the cafeteria. Alexia isn't here, which is rare.

"Come on, Cid, cheer up."

"Yeah! Real men don't hold grudges, you know."

"We even bought you the lunch for broke aristocrats today, costing nine hundred and eighty zeni."

"Our treat! Let bygones be bygones, and let's be friends again."

"All right already." I let out a heavy sigh.

"Yeah, that's our man!"

"Thanks for forgiving us, Cid."

"Whatever."

"So how far did you get?" Skel asks, holding back his excitement.

"With what?"

"Well, did you do the deed with the princess? You've been dating a whole two weeks, so you must've done something."

I know we're about to have a dumb conversation, based solely on the fact that he said "Do the deed."

"We didn't do anything. That would never happen."

"Huh. You're a friggin' wuss. I would've gone all the way for sure."

"Right? I would've smooched her—at the very least."

"I told you. Our relationship isn't like that." I deflect and nod through their conversation indifferently as I chow down.

"Can I have a moment?"

Enter Mr. Zenon, the blond-haired hunk.

"Yes, of course!"

"By all means!"

With that, my two pals melt into the background again.

"Can I help you?" I ask, slightly on guard. I'm wary that he might pull something while Alexia's not around.

"Indeed. You might have heard already, but Alexia hasn't returned to her dormitory since yesterday."

This is the first I've heard of it. I'm guessing she's gone off on a journey to find herself or whatever. The timing seems about right for her age.

"I was searching for her this morning when I found this." Mr. Zenon holds out a loafer in one hand.

It's Alexia's.

"There's evidence of a struggle nearby. The Knight Order is investigating this case as a potential kidnapping."

"No way…!" I shout in torment as I vigorously fist pump in my mind.

Ha! Serves you right, princess!!

"We narrowed the culprit down to the person who last came into contact with her." Mr. Zenon looks me square in the eye. "The Knight Order would like to have a word with you."

I notice the entire Order is in full gear, standing menacingly at the entrance of the cafeteria.

"I'm assuming you'll cooperate, right?"

That's when it hits me.

This ain't good.