Run

Time kept running faster and fast I seemed to be in such a different world each time I came here. Lukas kept trying to talk to me but I couldn't handle seeing him. It still hurts but somehow.. I wanted to see something like that, to leave like last time. If I do that I'm still going to come back like this again. I can't do that.

Lukas kept texting me non stop so.. we'll talk. He kept calling as well so I picked up. "We need to talk." I said in a cold tone, as he was just happy to hear from me. "Ok ok where do you want to meet up I can come and pick you up? I'll do anything.." His voice.. sounded so wounded it hurted me but then I started to feel something different.  "We'll meet at the cafe at 6 okay." I hanged up quick as hanged up quick. I felt my heart get heavy and empty. I went to my desk as I looked at myself from my mirror I had that empty look again. The look that maybe I didnt really love him.. that maybe I just used him to feel something nice.. maybe I'm just running away from my feelings again.  I sighed and started doing my mascara and put some lipbam on. As I looked and saw that there was the a pretty pastel sun dress. As I put it on I saw that it still fitted me nicely. I grabbed some nice white shoes and headed out, I asked if Vale could take me ge agreed and took a bat and tossed it to the back. I looked out the car as he started driving I felt my heart heavy and sore.

I didn't know what was going to be my reaction, what as I going to say. I kept feeling my heart pound and pound even harder than before, when the cafe was just around the corner i felt sick I thought that i might puke in Vale's car. I held myself together and got down the car as i told Vale that he could wait here for me.

Once i walked in i felt my heart beat even faster that my breath started to escape from me. I was scared  I didn't know if i should make soem lie up to leave or just stay.. once i realized i already made it to the table and Lukas was just so happy to see me... somehow i was too he got up fast as the place seemed kinda packed but of men. Once he got up i felt my hear hurt, he looked at me as he was with puupy eyes. But his eye's.. he hadn;t slept in days it seemed like that he never slept at all, he had bags under his eyes and he looked pale. I sat across from as he had a weak smile and he tryed to reach for my hand but i rejected him, he looked down as i looked away. "I'm glad you made it.." He smiled as he picked up his coffee, i kept looking away as i heard his cup down i saw that he leaned in. "Why..why did you kiss her..?" As i told him i made sure to face him and see him dead in the eye showing no fear. "To be honest... I don't know.." He looked away from my gaze as his smile went away. "Did you like it.." I kept looking at him as he kept trying to look at me with a calm sad eyes. "Look Gin-" "Don't tell me no bullcrap, why did you kiss her? Did you need to forget that your with me?! Did you need a break from me if that was it, we could've never been together in the first place and you could keep your old life of being such a man slut." I could feel all my angry from deep inside me pour out like a waterfall as i got up in such an angry way, Lukas did as well as he looked at me desperatly as he tryed to reach for my arm again. "How could you say that when you know you love me!" He started to rasie his voice i kept standing my ground as i kept showing..i tryed showing an angry face but my tears had betrayed me.. "I thought you did too..." I started to walk to the door as he kept coming after me. 

"Why are you bieng like this! It's not like i slept with her!" As i stopped and truned to face him, he knew he fucked up by saying that. "So you did, by the way you kissed her the way you held her.. you think i didn't notice that!" I stared to shout at him as i couln't control my angry anymore. "Okay! Yes.. i like it but it didnt mean anything Zoe doesn't mean anything to me now!" As he said that woman's name at that moment i knew.. he knew her from the very begging right? "She didn't mean anything right..? You just said her name, you know what that made me realize is that you already knew her. You  probably already been with her! That woman was your ex am i right..?" i coud feel more of my tears going down my cheeks as it felt like a race that just needed to finish quick.. he looked away his hands made fists. "..." 

The way he looked away i knew i was right.. "You don't exist to me anymore." He didn't deserve to be hit.. he deserve anything. I didn't know how to react to him anymore it had happened again.. the person that i love left again for thier ex.. am i just not enough. As i walked out Dorin was smoking i kept crying as i felt more heart broken. He saw me as he came over to me and hugged me, his sent never changed.. "I sometime's don't get why you never chose to go out with me.. sometime's i thought that you might've liked to get a broken heart because you let yourself get hurt like this.." His word's hurt but sounded so true that it hurted me even more that i never went to the guy that never wanted to hurt me.. that he truly loved me and just wanted to be there holding me. I held Dorin even tighter as Lukas came out angry and desperate as he saw that Dorin was holding me close. "So this.. was your little plan from the start, take my girl away from me why i go down to the shit!" Lukas started to scream as he kept getting angier as i looked at him.. he fell to his knees. "Gin.. please..come back to me.." Lukas rasied his head as tears came falling down his now rosie cheeks. I walked to him as i put my hand on his cheek as he looked at me with tears in his eyes. He was on his knees... "I forgive you.." As i got back up on my on i walked to where Vale had parked  leaving them as it is. I could still see Lukas crying as he knew i could never really forgive him. I could never forgive them..

Vale kept driving as he took me to one of my favorite places, when i noticed it he had already gotton down from the car as he was waiting for me to  get down. As i did he truned the volume from his car hearing the soft tone's as he held out his hand out for me, I'd still had tears in my eyes as he pulled me in closer and started to dance slowly as i felt his warmth hearing his beating heart. As the music kept going he started to walk into the ruins.. i saw that our old tent was still here in one piece in such good shape. I smiled as i saw our old tent it was green it was small but cumfy. As i crawled in one of my favorit fluffy blanckets was still good. He laid down as he closed his eys. I smiled as I remembered our good times, sometimes we would sneak out and smoke weed while we watched the stars. "Hey.. thanks for being here.." I smiled as i layed on his stomach his hand over my head petting me as he lit up a blunt. The smoke filled around the whole tent as we stayed there the whole night talking laughing ands moking as we passed out he held me close in his arms. 

As the night passed slowly our head's spinning as we fell asleep everything seemed so peacefull. I loved it.. the feeling when I'm with Vale it felt like the old day's. I didn't want that to go away not ever i loved the feeling of being free in space with soemone that loved and cared about me. Maybe I just want to run away from everything and be free from and leave everything behind and just live for once. Be someone that i want to finally be me.. without someone to hold me down.

 I want to be free.