45 - Her Past

Thirteen out of 600 cows...maybe this wouldn't be so hard, Brett told himself. As if reading his thoughts Maisey put her hands on her hips, "Seriously, you think I'm going to stand out here doing this knowing it is a make work project? I would be more use checking fences."

"For a city girl you sure don't act like one."

"I'm not a city girl," she told him, "sheltered sure, abused definitely, but my dad taught me lots of useful things when I was growing up." Brett arched a brow at her. "I can change my oil." she declared.

Brett laughed, he couldn't help it, "How about shooting? Roping? Riding? Calving?" he teased, "You're a city girl."

"Teach me," she declared, "I won't sit around watching my life disappear anymore."

"When we're sure you're healed." his tone left no room for argument. Maisey threw the scanner at him and started walking, moving further away from the ranch, "Where are you going?"

"Exploring, since I can't be useful," she snapped, "Henry will protect me."

He thought she was joking, that she would only go a little way off and then come back but after twenty minutes he realized she was serious about wandering around the ranch on foot. He thought of the wolf and of other dangers that she wouldn't even know about and got in the truck to go after her.

Maisey was so intent on what she was inspecting that she didn't realize Brett was even there: Henry had but when he saw it was Brett he didn't make a fuss. As he came around the truck he couldn't see what she was looking at but he trusted the puppy's instincts. Her work shirt was on the ground, covering something and he peeked over her shoulder, surprised by what he saw, "It's so little," she said softly, "Do you think it will survive?"

The small brown deer looked up at him, "You shouldn't have touched it. The mother is probably waiting for you to go..." his words faded when she pointed a little distance away to where the mother deer's body was ripped apart. He recognized the work of a predatory animal immediately. "Not likely, if it stays out here," he admitted.

"Then I'll take it home and look after it there."

Brett groaned, "Maisey we're a cattle operation, not a petting zoo." He watched her with the little deer, stroking it's ears and head affectionately. "I'm going to regret this," she brightened, "we'll take it home and then call Conservation."

With an excited smile, Maisey jumped up and then stooped to pick up the animal only to bonk heads with Brett, she looked at him curiously, "I can't have you hurting yourself," he told her, scooping up the little animal, "Andy would kill me if you put any of those ribs back out already." She chuckled and got in the truck. After she buckled Brett put the baby deer on her lap.

It was lighter than she'd expected, and the fur was such a soft tan color, quite a stark difference from the dark rust red of the cows. She touched it's hooves carefully but mostly just stroked the tiny animal's nose. Brett watched her for a minute and the turned the truck around. He couldn't help but marvel over the gentleness she was showing the orphaned deer. He worried, too, about her getting too attached. A cattle ranch was no place for a pet deer.

As her drove Brett thought about how topsy-turvy his life had gotten since she'd come into it. He'd been a simple ranch hand working with his uncle, out with his buddies four nights of the week: everything was very simple and nothing ever happened. Since she'd arrived all that had changed. It was funny that he wasn't bitter about it: he rarely played poker anymore and considering what happened every time he left her alone there would be no more going to Slim's until she was healed and ready to go with him. Lucas and Andy didn't tease him because they understood the severity of the situation, but the others did. He wondered if Nate or Kevin would ever truly understand what it meant to have someone in your life threatened for real and not just as a ploy.

The Barnes family infuriated him. Maisey had done so much healing since the first night he'd found her and every time she started to get back to a normal life one of them turned up and tried to make mince out of her. He respected her. He couldn't believe the things she'd endured, the things she had tolerated to survive, the trials and the damage she continued to suffer from. "Stop looking at me like you pity me." She told him as he drove, "You've never let me see the pity before and I don't want to see it now."

"I pity you having to give up that little beast," he tried to make light of it, "You're going to be attached and then conservation is going to come and I can just see you now begging to keep it." Maisey scowled at him but chuckled. "A wild animal needs to be released int the wild when it is capable of looking after itself."

"And meantime, I'll take care of it," she asserted, "I'm sure we have a calf pen in the barn that's empty."

"Hutch," Brett corrected.

"What?"

"Those little houses all the calves go into are called hutches. See city girl, you have lots of learning to do!"

"I thought rabbits lived in hutches."

"Chinchillas, guinea pigs, rabbits, chickens, birds and baby calves."

"Alright then, I'm sure we have a hutch that's empty."

"A deer doesn't belong in a hutch." Brett scowled. Though he wouldn't admit to her that was exactly where he'd planned to house the little animal until conservation came. "It's almost noon," she said absently, "By the time we get back the little guy will be hungry."

"What do deer eat at this age?"

"Vegetation, although he might be small enough to still be nursing."

"How do you nurse an orphaned deer?"

"I imagine the same way we nurse the calves," Brett shrugged, "With a bottle and milk."

"I'd look it up online but I left my phone at the house," she admitted.

Brett shrugged indifferently, but inside was cheering at the slip that had made her forget it, because it made it easier to keep her off the internet and from seeing the "We'll sort it out."

"My family used to come to Alberta every summer when I was growing up," she told him staring out the windows, "Dad would pull over every time there was wildlife on the side of the road so we could see it until I was about 9, after that it was more who could count them faster as we drove past, me or my brothers."

"I didn't know you have brothers," Brett admitted, "You never talk about your family."

"They're dead," she said sadly, "The year I met Luke there was a car accident, all five of them were in the car on the way to see one of the Star Wars movies. The brakes failed on a semi coming down a hill and it was too late to save them. I was three cars behind them." Her voice gone hollow, "Luke was the only family I had left--I guess that's part of why I didn't feel like I could leave. I had my own apartment and a job but the Barnes became my family. Luke's dad had died from a heart attack a few years before and being around Jesse and their sister, it was almost like having my family back." She didn't know why she felt like this was a good time to tell Brett about her past. He'd stopped the truck but she hardly noticed.

"We were married by a justice of the peace about three months after my family died. He--they--were all go good to me, gentle, kind, understanding. We had lots of friends, played cards, went to the pub and pool hall, camped...." her voice trailed off, "The first time he put his hands on me was during sex the second year. He told me that he wanted to see if it increased our awareness, or our pleasure--I was okay with experimenting a little as long as no one got hurt."

"You don't have to tell me unless you want to," Brett said softly, "it won't change anything."

"I've never told anyone except the therapist," she admitted, "and then I wrote about it, that's what everyone is reading." She couldn't look at him so kept staring out the window at the land, "The next time was a poker game that turned into strip poker about three weeks later--when I told him I wasn't comfortable taking my bra off in front of his siblings and uncle he slapped me and ripped it off me himself. I remember Jesse telling him what gorgeous tits I had and how he would like to suck them. I was humiliated when I lost the next hand and Luke held me in place while he let Jesse do it. His sister left at that point but he'd held me in place while his brother touched me in places only Luke had ever touched and it horrified me to see their uncle rubbing himself while he watched. He'd walked over and shot his cum on me. After they left Luke had slapped me around and screwed me like he was a teenager getting laid for the first time." Her hands shook, "Afterwards he apologized and told me he'd meant to ask me before things went that far but that I was a beautiful woman and both the other men wanted to taste her for themselves. I was humiliated and told him no."

The memory of it had a grip on her now and the words tumbled out without control. "It was weeks before I let him touch me again, I was so disgusted by the idea, and he kept apologizing. I finally accepted his apology and that night while we were making up he tied me to the bed facedown and whipped me until I bled. Then he invited Jesse and Donovan into the room from the hall. I was sobbing and couldn't move, but they took me to the basement and there were two other men there--the paramedic was one of them. He did a quick check of my back and said I'd live. It was time to play games, Luke had told me and they proceeded to drink shots off me, and lines of cocaine and anyone who wanted to could touch me or use me." Her face was shadowed by the pain of the memory, "It only got worse if I fought them or if I refused to give them what they wanted. When I turned up pregnant a month later he knocked me down a flight of stairs. The paramedic learned how to make sure the fetus came out so I wouldn't die."

Brett ached to hold her but sensed that would not be helpful right now. "A little cat found it's way into our yard once, Luke told me I could have it--it had been long enough of being abused that I was leery of the gift but took it and fed it and nurtured it. That weekend Jesse found it wandered in the house and that was the only time I heard him and Luke fight--Jesse took a baseball bat to the poor creature," She shoved the deer off her lap and leapt out of the truck breathing heavily and then she started to throw up.

Lifting the little deer, Brett put it in the back of the truck with Henry and told the whining pup to guard. He grabbed a water bottle from under the seat and crouched next to Maisey, handing her the bottle, he had nothing to say. Maisey rinsed out her mouth and wiped her eyes with her hand. She looked at Brett, "The writing helped me cope," she told him, "But it's different than telling someone out loud."

"I'm glad you feel comfortable enough to tell me," Brett told her, "But you didn't have to."

"You needed to know it all," She told him, "You're putting a lot on the line to help an almost complete stranger, you needed to know why." Brett nodded even though he disagreed, "I keep trying to remember my life before Luke, but so much of it is gone from my memories."

"Do you have aunts, uncles, cousins? Anyone who might have pictures or stories they could share?"

"I don't know," She admitted, "I remember some but wouldn't know where to find them, and I wouldn't want them to have to deal with the Barnes family." She stood there, loneliness filling her up, "Its bad enough you have to. I never meant for them to find me here."

"You tried to leave, remember? I was the one who kept bringing you back. You need friends and family and support, you're a Franks now--maybe not by blood or by marriage but because we've adopted you in."