A Sense of Self

"Hey, Kant! I ran into a corpse in the woods today..."

Tau returned after collecting the firewood.

"Shh..."

Seeing that Phi was asleep on the sand, Kant decided to take their conversation elsewhere. And so, they started to stroll around the lake. After they were a fair distance away, Tau continued.

"Anyway, that got me wondering. What are the people in this world like?"

"For the most part, they are very similar to you in terms of physiology. Although there are also several key differences between the two genders, primarily revolving around their different roles in reproduction."

"Uh-huh… I was thinking more like in terms of how they live their lives, I guess..."

"The majority of them spend their days cultivating the land and raising livestock as a means of producing food. Another large portion of the population is maintained as a defense force against demons that they may come into conflict with. There is also typically a social hierarchy in which a few have authority to direct the actions of their group. Of course, specific details tend to vary from group to group, but most large groups tend to follow the structure I have outlined. As for your question about what type of life one may typically lead, it is often brutish and short."

"Why is that? I mean, they have food, they have protection, they even have figures of authority that maintain unity and order..."

"Simply put, that is just how this world is. Humans and demons inevitably come into conflict. Demons, by their nature, overpower the humans, and humans, by their nature, are overpowered by the demons."

Tau thought about that for a while.

{Is that not something we can change…?}

"If you truly wish to understand. You should go and see for yourself. After all, it is the next part of your training."

"It is?"

"Indeed. This aspect is of particular importance to you, seeing as your domain stamina is in great need of improvement."

"So, we're finally going to train my domain stamina!"

[About time. I can't stand how we get a headache just from cutting up some wood.]

{And we finally get to meet other people!}

"About that. You will first need a better understanding of what a domain is. For the past week, you have started to explore the logic by which this world operates. You have also learned to apply your domain and manipulate parts of the world which you have explored."

Tau nodded, following along.

"In doing so, you should have realized that the inherent nature of a domain is to create order from the otherwise chaotic logic of the world. This is why an interpretation is required, with which order is created. Only after establishing some form of order can one proceed to manipulate the world."

[So far so good. Make a model that fits reality, then use that model to enact change upon reality.]

{Yeah. We've been doing that.}

"This brings us to the issue of domain stamina. If you recall, we have already touched on this subject briefly."

"Yeah…"

Tau recounted their brief conversation from before they reached Robert's coffee shop.

"Domain stamina… is focus, right? Like a limit to my concentration."

"Indeed, that is what we have previously discussed. And, now you should be able to infer why that would be."

[Domain stamina as a limit to our concentration… Domain use is inventing an interpretation and modifying reality based on that interpretation...]

{Then… but that almost seems too simple...}

[Hmm...?]

"Is it because of how long I am able to hold the interpretation in my mind as I mess with it?"

"Correct. That is why you have spent the past week exploring this reality, to build up your capacity for the complex models that you will no doubt encounter in the future."

"I see."

"But, that is only half the story. Domain stamina is also a measure of faith."

"Huh?"

"Think about it this way: An interpretation is just a thought; it is a blueprint. But, a blueprint is not the same as reality. To make it a reality, faith is required."

"What do you mean? Faith in what? Myself?"

"Yourself, your interpretation of reality, your ability to manipulate reality just by having an interpretation… the list goes on."

"Are you saying I only have power if I think I do?"

"That is one way of phrasing it. Personally, I prefer to think of it this way: before you can change the world, you must first believe that you are able to."

"Uh...huh… So I'm assuming that to increase my domain stamina, I need to increase my faith somehow..."

"Precisely. That is where interacting with the mortals of this realm comes into play. You see, mortals are also capable of having interpretations of reality and placing faith in those interpretations."

"Wait, so mortals also have domains?"

"You can say that. Although, for them, it is not something so significant or flexible such that they may consciously use it to influence reality. However, you will find that in the presence of mortals, the world will not be so lenient about our interference."

[I see… I guess this makes sense.]

{Yeah, like when Four tested us. When conflicting assertions are made by two different beings, the one that invests more stamina wins.}

[But...]

"But… my domain is stronger… right?"

"In comparison to a single mortal, certainly you are stronger. But, against many, your stamina may not be enough. Your current faith is not enough."

"So, how do I increase my faith?"

"It is not so much that you increase your faith as it is that you will realize that your faith has increased. To put it simply, your faith will be tested. This can take many forms, generally involving success in a task that you were not aware you were capable of succeeding. With that said, I will now explain your first test."

Tau had a bad feeling about this.

"It is nothing substantial, only an extension of your current maintenance of self."

"Huh?"

"You have lived in this wilderness for a week now, and yet even your dress has managed to escape the accumulation of grime."

Now that he mentioned it, Tau realized that it was indeed strange that despite her often frequent trips into the forest and time spent at the beach, her outward appearance never changed at all. Given the tasks that she was always occupied with, she had never considered the change that her self image should have gone through.

Especially that last time she ran through the forest, Tau was sure that at least some parts of her dress should have been torn. Tentatively, Tau tried ripping a part of her dress, which stayed ripped.

"That is not how it works," Kant laughed, "If you will it to be ripped, you shouldn't expect it to be otherwise."

Thinking about it, Tau laughed as well. She recalled the image she had of herself and imagined the dress being mended, returning to her ideal image of self. When she checked back at the ripped part of her dress, it had been repaired.

"Yes yes. Nothing too impressive, given your prior accomplishments."

Then Kant stopped laughing.

"Prepare yourself, and try to recover from this."

"Wha-"

There was a flash of steel, and Tau felt a weight drop from the right side of her body. She had to catch herself since the loss of the weight left her off balance. It took a while for her to realize that she could no longer feel her right arm. She looked down.

[Oh… shit...]

{What is this?!}

[Better stop the bleeding.]

Something warm and sticky was flowing down the side of her body, oozing out of her stump of a shoulder. Tau looked at Kant in disbelief.

"What did you...?!"

"It is just an arm."

"Just an arm?!"

"Even mortals can survive such a wound, taking appropriate measures. As for us gods, it should be a simple task to restore ourselves."

It was strange; this whole time, Tau hadn't felt the slightest of pain. But now, as she understood the situation, the pain flared up, burning the entire right side of her body.

"Whatever you do, it would be best if you did it now. That body is not going to last otherwise."

Tau's breathing had become rattling wheezes. She was starting to feel cold.

"Remember your ideal self."

But, Tau just couldn't erase the image of her armless bleeding self from her mind. Her vision started to go dark. Her legs became weak and she fell to the ground. Everything felt so heavy; her body wouldn't move the way she wanted it to.

{Not like this...}