4

I started to walk quietly out of my little hiding place. Cal was just looking in the wrong direction, and I couldn't figure out what he was trying to see. Suddenly Cal quickly took off his mask and began to scrutinise it. And after a couple of seconds it hit him.

- Heh, the mask isn't mine. Oh, Leena, you'll end up in the infirmary. Silly me. - Said Cal, and it was obvious he couldn't hide his smile. It made him smile. I see. His girlfriend had given him her mask, and now he was going to be in the infirmary for a couple of days, all to keep him from flying the mission. Well, that's all sweet, of course, but we've got to get out of here. Walking almost close to Cal, I poked him on the shoulder a couple of times. He turned around immediately, but before he could even get his head around it, he got my fist in his forehead. Cal staggered and collapsed to the floor a few seconds later. Nothing personal, Cal, but I want to live for now. Grabbing his arms, I dragged him back to my hiding place. OK, now we're going to phase two.

Hmm, I don't know how that happened, but his suit fit me like a glove. I'm three-toed, too, anyway, and my legs are copied from Quarian's. I've got a slightly different physique, but you can't really see it in the suit. Now, the most important thing, the voice.

- Sasha was walking down the highway, and she was shosala... Oh, for fuck's sake. - OK, the voice modulator's working and now I'm speaking calmly in Cal's voice. Now the important thing is to find the captain's bridge without arousing suspicion. All right, if I pretend to be angry and go to the captain, I don't think anyone will bother me. Hell, I don't think it'll work, I'll probably get burned. But at least it looks like a plan. All right, Godspeed. I put the mask on and was on my way out, when a thought occurred to me. What's going to happen to Cal anyway?

- What's gonna happen to him? Did you see him at all? - I thought to my conscience. - He's a walking wardrobe.

- So what? He's a Quarian, and we left him lying in the maintenance room in his pants.

- So what if he's in his pants? Let him get some air, it'll be good for him.

- Yeah, good for... Good for what, bacteria? Remember when Tali got shot by a bullet and spent days in the hospital?

- Well, first of all, the bullet was polonium. And secondly, Tali is a fragile Quarian girl, not a Quarian cabinet. So come on, turn around and let's go see the captain. If you feel like it, you can kick him or slap him, but then we won't have much time.

- That's what we'll do. - I said to myself (damn, it's weird to argue with myself) and walked over to Cal. Quarians look a lot like humans in general. Hair, face, torso. Just like humans. But there were differences. Arms three-toed, legs twisted and with two toes plus a spur. Eyes white, some incomprehensible lines all over the body, and in general all skin was pale as snow, but with a gray and blue tint. And there were also some differences with the structure of the abdominal muscles. The last abdominal muscle, the uppermost one. Whereas humans had two elongated muscles there, the Quarians had one crescent-shaped muscle. Why would that be? Anyway, time to wake this one up. I patted him on the cheeks and kicked him in the ribs a couple of times, and he started mooing.

- You happy now? Now to the captain, or they'll turn you into a sieve! - He didn't want to answer, so now I just walked forward. Then turned right, left, left, right, and here I was on deck. OK, now I have to play the part of evil Cal. All right, on your mark, get set, go. And having engaged somewhere in second gear, I took quick and heavy steps towards the cabin. Turns out there are blueprints of the frigate I'm on in the Geta's memory. Well, those same ships that have a bagel at the beginning and a tail at the end. It always reminded me of a spermatozoon. Anyway, the important thing now is not to get caught.

And this ship is bigger than it looks. There are a lot of people here, if not more. And everyone, absolutely everyone, has their own individual costume. I mean, everyone has their own style. In general, life on the ship was buzzing. Everybody was doing something. Mostly everyone was talking, since most likely the engineers had already come out of their holes and were now chatting about this and that. Yeah, probably listening to the latest gossip. I was just walking like a Tiger tank down the highway. Fast and not paying attention to anything at all.

- Cal! Hey, Cal, wait up! - Oh, man, that was close, that was close. Just got to get to the end of the deck and take the lift to the captain's bridge. But no, now some dude's calling me. All right, focus. Gather all your pussy-fucking powers.

- What now? - I barked, as if to say, "Fuck you, I'm not in the mood."

- Cal, where are you going? We need you in training. - This guy started it.

- Going to see the Admiral and tell her what I think of her! - I stupidly kept walking and there was nothing else for the guy to do but follow me.

- WHAT!? Cal, wait, don't do this! Do you have any idea what you're going to get for this!? - looks like it's a friend of Cal's who wants to help. Heh, if he knew who was really under that mask. He'd have a heart attack for sure.

- Yeah, so what? Have you even seen the guys? That's the third one this week. Have you even seen my guys, huh? Have you!? They're already asleep standing up! And I'm not gonna watch them all go down, or worse... - Hell, I hope he gets my hint of slavery to the Battarians.

- Look, Cal, there's another way. So they're good as new...

- Oh, and what's that, huh? Tell me your idea right now, and maybe I won't go to the Admiral and tell her what I think of her. Go ahead. I'm listening to you very carefully. - I could see very well that this was already having an effect. I was already getting strange looks, and the guy was getting scared to talk to me.

- Anyway, there's this drug...

- Ooh, that's brilliant. You want to make my boys addicts, too. That's a hell of a prospect. All right, give me a break. You better find a way to give my boys a break, not a way to ruin them! - And with my head held high, I headed for the lift. The dude just froze in place, not knowing what else to say to me. And thank God the lift was on my floor. Luck, no less. When I got in, I immediately pressed the bridge button and drove off.

And it didn't take long to get there. Five seconds. Exactly. Yeah, maybe the lifts in Mass Effect aren't the same as in the first part. Because everyone remembers those lifts on Citadel. Man, that's creepy. But no sooner had I thought of Satan's invention than the door opened. There were 10 people on the bridge. Admiral Daro and Zaal were already here and already with pistols on their belts. Lina was also here. OK, that's even better than I thought it would be. The rest were just all kinds of lower ranking officers. Now the important thing is to get close to Daro and proceed as planned.

- Captain Cal`Rigar? - Daro started when she saw me.

- Admiral. - I said, giving her a warrior's salute. Surprisingly, the military salute in the Quarian fleet was the same as in the Alliance. Well, at least it's not a zigzag, I'm glad.

- What's your business here? - Straight to the point? Sure thing. She's got a goeth on her ship, and there's some warrior hitting on her. And I could've sworn on anything that Lina was in a total fucked up state right now.

- I'm here to ask you to send another landing party...

- No way! You're the most experienced in this kind of mission, and I'm not going to risk the mission because you're lazy.

- I'm not asking for me, I'm asking for my men! I can be my own commander if I have to, but my men need rest! - and I never noticed I had it in me before. How nice to yell at the Admiral, knowing what's going to happen in a minute. Admiral Daro was about to tell me what she was thinking when suddenly the lift opened and out came... Cal in his pants and a twisted look on his face.

- Cal? But you... - Lena said, but Cal interrupted her.

- I'm Cal! And this is the Get!!! - And after that, things happened very quickly. Daro immediately punched me in the mask, smashing me to pieces, but I, thanks to my reaction, grabbed her gun within a few microseconds, pushed her away and immediately turned to Lina, then grabbed her with one hand around her throat and put the gun to the girl's head.

- NOBODY MOVE!!! - I immediately shouted in a synthetic voice, but it was still full of emotion. Zaal immediately tried to grab the gun, but I have a geth reaction. - You dare point that at me and I'll decorate the porthole of the ship with her brains and say it's art! - Zaal immediately stopped as a gun was pointed at him, but he did not do anything else. - Put the gun down on the floor! ON THE FLOOR! - I started to order, but Zaal looked at me like I was in a daze.

- Zaal, put down your weapons! That is an order! - Daro shouted immediately, disregarding the chain of command. It's not every day your daughter is taken hostage by a Geth dressed in a Quarian costume.

- I'm an admiral, just like you. You can't give me orders! - Zaal immediately spoke, but it was probably more out of habit than necessity.

- This is my ship, and I order you to put the damn gun down on the FLOOR!!! - whoa, she seemed to get angry. Zaal noticed that too, and so just lowered the gun to the floor.

- Push it over here with your foot. - I ordered, and he immediately obeyed. You don't mess with a geth, you know. - Now every last one of them took off their uni-tools and threw them on the floor. And no tricks to me! - No one did, they just started to review with each other. - Admiral Daro, order them to take off their uni-tools or else I will demonstrate to you all my knowledge of the art. Guess where I'll get the paint. - And in confirmation of my words, I put the gun to Lina's head even tighter, causing her head to tilt slightly.

- Everyone take off your uni-tools. That's an order! - Ordered Daro and immediately took it off herself and threw it to me, everyone else did the same. Turns out uni-tools are just bracelets on their wrists. I see. Because the game only showed it when it was on.

- Well, now, if you'd be so kind as to make sure no one escapes. - Now, I didn't have to talk you into it twice. Everyone was as dense as possible, and no one paid any attention to Cal, who was now either afraid for Lina or fiercely furious at me. - There you go. And now... Admiral Daro, go to the panel and declare a full evacuation of the ship. And have the entire crew in space in lifeboats in a minute. - Daro was utterly confused by such demands and didn't immediately understand what I said, so she didn't move from her seat. - Admiral, either you call for evacuation or I will kill you all and then depressurise the ship. You need air to live, I don't. - And from that Daro did move from her seat, and in a second she was typing in some sort of combination. - And no joking to me here! - I reminded her just in case. Meanwhile Lina was in a state of shock and began to cry. Suddenly the siren sounded.

- ATTENTION!!! AN IMMEDIATE EVACUATION OF THE ENTIRE CREW IS ANNOUNCED!!! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!! EVACUATE THE SHIP IMMEDIATELY!!! - and all this was accompanied by a wild siren and red flashes. I can imagine the panic in there right now. On the panel Daro was using, I saw icons for 50 escape pods. Suddenly one badge turned red, then another, then two at once. After a minute there was one capsule left, which was signed as the captain's capsule. Yes, what a speed. The whole ship evacuated in three minutes.

- Well, now, you gentlemen. Into the dinghy, please. - The irony in my voice, however synthetic, anyone could hear. Everybody immediately went back, after which something clicked at the back and everybody immediately began to get into the capsule and to take their places. And within twenty seconds everyone was in their seats. There were no more seats, but there was still Lina. I was about to put her in the capsule when I got an electric shock. And though no one saw it, but I did. I almost missed it.

- Leena, can you please remove your uni-tool? - That seemed to shock her. Surely she had hoped to inform the entire fleet from the capsule, and then the ship would be turned into a fishing net, not just a colander. But that didn't do it. Lina was already so terrified that she removed the instrument almost instantly, despite the tremors in her hands. And after that, I just shoved her into the capsule.

- Thank you for the ship. And for the suit. - I said one last word and pressed the "start" button next to me. The two pairs of doors closed instantly, and then the red lights on the door lit up. Okay, now it was time to get the hell out of the flotilla. I immediately ran up to the control panel and started rummaging through the instructions in my head. So, yeah, seems simple. Pressed here, then here, and the ship turns to the left, as it was at the left edge of the Flotilla. Right, the ship has turned, now it's time for light speed. OK, navigation. Where do I fly to?

- WARNING: HORNS BEEP!!! - Oh, dear, it looks like we've managed to get word to the Fleet somehow. Well, well, well, don't panic. Choose your destination. Uh, uh, uh, so... In my panic I just typed "Go to the nearest star!" and to my great good fortune the computer understood me.

- Before the transition to light speed - 3, 2, 1. - and the ship immediately accelerated to light speed, hurtling off into the vast expanse of the galaxy.