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This Isn't Canon! (Or that time I reincarnated into an AU-Naruto)

When one reincarnates into the protagonist there are often two reactions. Glee or overwhelming terror. For her? There was not one shred of fear. After all, of all the Shonen protagonists, there was one above all that could so easily become broken in their setting with just a little effort. Sadly, it appears as if that Golden Thing that she had surprised had already thought of that, and so much more...

BalancedSelfInsert · Anime et bandes dessinées
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"That's not how Fuinjutsu even works Uzumaki."

She sipped her steaming cup of tea, sitting cross-legged on the ground in front of the seal. "Clearly it is, I have a cup of tea don't I?"

"Fuinjutsu is the art of SEALING you can't just create something from nothing with it."

She took an obnoxiously loud sip of her tea. "Nah. Used my chakra as fuel, I have a small shard of ancient chakra clinging to me that instinctively can use Creation of All Things. Thus - I sealed my chakra into this shape."

"That's not how it works and you know it!" A mountain-sized tail slammed against the bars in anger rattling them.

"Little brothers should just listen to their big sisters." She casually ignored the apocalyptic scream of infuriation from Kura-chan sipping on her tea. "Oh right. I also forgot to mention the tea cup and teabag I had sealed in a storage scroll."

With masterful ease, Naruko ignored the clanging on the bars. "Relax K-chan, if you ever want to be reintroduced into society, you need to learn how to control that rage, y'know?" He grunted, laying back down on the ground.

"Don't act like that's why you act like this Uzumaki." His titanic claws scrapped against the metal bars causing her to grimace.

"As if your whole 'raaaagh angry!' act is any better." She took another obnoxious slurp of her tea, and in response, he dragged his claws against the metal again. "So was it a kink thing when you bit Matatabi? Because while I'm not personally into ince-"

"NO! How are you even more annoying than Hashirama?!?" 

She shrugged at that. "I'm pretty sure Hashirama ran purely off of fluffy dreams, battle, and blatantly being some kind of wood Kami in the shape of a human."

A snort echoed out. "That's an accurate depiction, of yourself."

Naruko shrugged. "Don't have memories of that yet. If I ever delve deeper into the Ashura chakra clinging to me I probably will. Kinda how Ninshu between yourself works. But I don't need to tell you that, you're probably the greatest practitioner of Ninshu still alive."

His tails subtly twitched at the compliment, and she hid the smile behind her teacup. "Indeed. The fact you even THINK you are Ashura is already impressive. The fact that you have the burden of age without the memories..." He trailed off his tails stopping twitching and going silent as he thought. 'Eh. Thinking too much K-chan. That's the void, not the chakra, y'know?' 

To get him out of his thoughts Naruko would very obviously shrug. "Who knows? I can't even try to tap into that chakra."

A tail thwapped into the bars. "That's because you haven't mastered the Five Elements, Yin, Yang, and Senjutsu. Tch. Too think you're already 12 and haven't done such a simple thing." 

"Name someone besides Indra who did that. Besides - he didn't learn Senjutsu at 12 I know that much."

Kurama grumbled a little. "If that brat you call father could've abused shadow clones like you do, he could have done it. Same with that Sandaime." 

Naruko raised her hands a smile on her face. "Alright, I get it. Yeesh, I know if I focused on one or two things at a time I could've done it. But what about my Fuinjutsu? My Taijutsu? My Bukijutsu or Kenjutsu? What about my Jutsu usage?" 

There was a huff of air ruffling her clothes. "The only thing useful you mentioned was Taijutsu. How many of those Ninjutsu do you still use? Let alone in a decade. Fuinjutsu would be useless if you had already mastered what you should have by now." 

She tsk'd. "You're such a brute Kura-chan you have to understand something - Fuinjutsu isn't just so that I can mess with people, or so that I can eventually teleport around without having to travel."

"Yes, yes it is."

"No! I have plans that require it. Besides, even the Sage used weapons."

He snorted causing the tea in her cup to nearly spill over. "The Sage used weapons he created out of his own abilities that he gained instinctive mastery of after he made them." 

She paused the teacup halfway to her mouth balancing it so it didn't spill. "You have no idea how many questions you just solved in my head. No wonder that bastard could swing that thing around and know how to use it, y'know?"

"No. I don't, because you aren't finishing your sentences and thoughts like usual Uzumaki! So will you stop wasting time now and practice the important things?"

"Mhm.... Nope! If there's instinctive mastery, I'll just be BETTER than that!"

There was a low growl before a tail slammed against the bars again. "Get out of my seal brat." A gust of wind accompanied those words sweeping towards her.

"It's my sea-" Naruko found herself splayed out on the floor of her apartment. "I can't help but feel he shouldn't be able to kick me out of my own body. That seems like an oversight in the construction y'know!" Picking herself off the ground. 'Huh. He got really angry at that last part. He must really want me to be able to touch the Ashura chakra that is hidden inside of me. Why?' Humming to herself at the thought she began to bounce around her apartment making breakfast.

'Could he actually want to be family or at least friends? No way - is Kura-chan coming around finally?!? Or maybe it's just some ego thing. Wants a strong container maybe? Mhm... Hard to tell with him. Maybe he thinks I'll just pop him on out if it happens - which is theoretically a possibility but I already explained the situation...' 

Groaning she'd shake her head. 'Whatever! Breakfast Ramen time!' 

-The Academy- 

Hidden out of view Naruko looked over the class, eyes not truly on them but distantly focusing on the wall. 'It's weird. If I didn't merge with younger-me, right now I'd be with them, in my last semester before Graduating. Maybe the war wouldn't have started. Yet, in this one - I'm already a Jonin when only Team Guy has graduated out of the Konoha 12. Because of #RukiaTreatment of all the clan heirs and important students. The non-clans and those from less important clans? Yeah! Go ahead, they're ready to be graduated. The important people? Sorry!' 

Rolling her eyes at the obvious hands of fate that had attempted to keep the timeline as intact as possible even though all the 'Important' students were all titanically stronger, had an actual education, and of course, Naruko herself could crush mountains with a giggle. 'Biju Bomb go explodey.' 

Shaking the thoughts out of her head, she'd slip out of the shadows and appear in front of the class. "Alright maggots that are my former classmates - bar Shino, you're not a maggot! It's time for a surprise review, Iruka sit down you're one of the maggots for today!" With her hands on her hips, she sternly glared at the man who in a different Universe would have been a father-like figure and stared him down, having interrupted him mid-sentence, mid-lecture.

With a strained smile on his face, he nodded. "Yes, Overseer Uzumaki."

"Tsk, don't be so formal. Now we're starting from the basics and getting more advanced. You'll be showing your theory in the way that matters the most - practical usage. Now, everyone line up - yes you too Iruka. When I call your name you're to use the Clone Jutsu, Henge yourself, and then Henge your Clone. After that, you'll be throwing a singular offensive Jutsu at the blackboard. I've already protected it with Fuinjutsu, so don't worry about breaking it!"

She ignored the possible humiliation Iruka felt. The reality is - anyone graduating in this class should already be at the level of a chunin. Iruka was no longer a fit sensei for the practicals for this class, and if he was - then that student was so far behind the curve for this class that they shouldn't be in it. 'Harsh realities of being an Academy Sensei - you'll inevitably get outgrown. Especially when you're in wartime when you have a class full of people only still in the academy because daddy is still worried about you. Tsk, it's why Ami's graduated already. Besides... it's needed for the next part.' 

"Now, Choji you're up first."

-Examination Time Skip-

Going through everyone she nodded with a grin on her face. "Good, no one failed. But that was the simple portion. Next portion, the Academy Overseer all of a sudden attacks you in the middle of an impromptu examination, what do you do?"

She didn't wait - she simply moved. Chaos ensued as she dove into the pack of students and one Sensei, her form merely a blur in their eyes. Punches and kicks flew out from her towards them, and a brawl commenced.

-Punch Time Skip!-

Sitting on top of a Shikamaru who was playing at being unconscious she'd grab the Kunai that had been attempted to be shoved into her leg and playfully twirl it around a grin on her face while staring at Shikamaru.

"Now class. Four of you passed. Shino, Iruka, and Sasuke good job on realizing you needed to team up. Shikamaru, you got the best score for realizing you were outmatched and proceeding to do your best to make me think you were knocked out. Even if other people would fail you for that. The rest of you? You need to work on your instincts. I would have killed most of you before you even reacted. You didn't even try to team up, you just panicked."

Standing up she'd casually shattered the Shadow Possession Jutsu she had been put under mid-speech. "Now last thing." Iruka also stood up, and as he did so his form shifted, turning into Naruko. "Whoever can figure out when I swapped out with Iruka can be personally taught a B-Rank Jutsu of any category, and I do mean ANY. You get it wrong? You're stuck in the academy for another year."

"Anyone?" She chuckled slightly. "That's what I thought."

With a grin on her face, she turned around. "Alright class dismiss-"

"Never. You never swapped with him."

Naruko turned around the grin still on her face. "Correct. But did I never swap with him because during the class I always was him, or because that person wearing my face is actually Iruka?"

She stared directly at Sakura. 'Your one chance kid. Don't fuck up.' Sakura's pupils were dilated, as if she didn't even realize she spoke out loud. "So? What is it?"

"You - you never swapped with him! That was Iruka doing a henge without handseals!"

The grin dropped from Naruko's face as she stared at Sakura. She could see as Sakura's face dropped realizing that she had gotten it wrong. Naruko let the tension build before a big grin appeared on her face, "Correct. See me in my office after school. Congratulations." 'Damn. The brat really did it. I specifically sealed a Henge on Iruka filled with only my chakra, and yet she still realized it.' Naruko would pop out of existence a hidden glint in her eyes.

-In the Office- 

"Told ya I was right for not letting her graduate early Gramps."

He shook his head with a smile. "Alright. I admit you were right Naruko. The girl has talent I didn't see before."

"When it comes to teaching people, I'm always right Gramps. I know them better than they know themselves after all."

Hiruzen would take a spoonful of ramen broth so he didn't have to respond immediately. "Yes, I admit that your Mind's Eye of Kagura is particularly... useful for that. Suspiciously useful."

Naruko ignored the probing as usual and shrugged in response. "You have to realize that I'm the same age as them, but yet I've managed to effectively gain decades upon decades of training more than them in all fields of Chakra."

He didn't respond for a while, content on eating his ramen before finally, "We both know Shadow Clones aren't 1:1 like that. A shard of something can't be the same as the whole, the original. Close, but not the same."

She sighed. "Fine. Mind's Eye of Kagura + Jinchuriki Instincts + Hiden Jutsu I'm not ready to unveil lets me figure out talents that even the people themselves don't know they have. You happy?"

An aged pair of eyebrows furrowed for a moment before Hiruzen sighed. "Yes, thank you Naruko - although if you told me the full truth I'd be over the moon with sheer glee."

She snorted at the sheer deadpan look on his face. "Alright, alright. I get it. I can't even explain it myself, y'know?"

Hiruzen gained a complicated look, before simply nodding. Seeming content with that. 'Strange.' 

"So when are you going to ask for the rest of the Namikaze and Uzumaki scrolls?" Of course, she was mid-bite, and promptly spewed a mouthful of Ramen all over the table.

"Huh?!? You have them?"

He smiled, "No. But I know where they are. You just have to break your way inside."

"Deal!"

"Of course, I'll only tell you after you enter the Jonin Library and study every single battlefield report in there from the last three Great Wars."

Naruko paled in horror. "But that amount of studying would take years!"

"Or merely a couple of months if you dedicated your shadow clones to it. Something you desperately need. When was the last time you stopped training?"

She looked away awkwardly before reluctantly saying, "Four years ago."

Hiruzen nodded at that. "So it's an order then. Starting tomorrow you're too go to the library and begin fully reading through every single battlefield report in there."

She slumped slightly. "Fine. But I'm doing it under protest."

A chuckle escaped from his lips, "I know you are, but it's for your best. There are quite a few interesting bits of literature you can relax and read as well in there. Who knows, maybe you'll learn something more by not training all the time and taking things at a more relaxed pace."

Naruko simply shoveled some ramen into her mouth not commenting on reading replacing her training. "I'm not taking off the weights."

Some slow chapters as we build up to the start of the Canon Timeline.

How have things changed? What will the teams be? Why should we even care when Naruko is stuck as the academy overseer?!?

ALSO READING? HOW DISGUSTING!

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