Forty one

Tuesday is full of all sorts of contradictory feelings. Regaling Laira with the latest events of my life has been done successfully. Although, this time around, it was done without a drop of alcohol in sight, since she was feeling' under the weather'. Her words, not mine.

Most of her expressions varied from queasy to pained. She did manage to sit through it quite stoically, only running to the bathroom to vomit, once.

Keeping it short and on point was a wise decision. Probably one of the soundest decisions I've made in a while. Baby steps.

Dragging her feet on the floor, Laira slumps on the bed next to me looking absolutely drained.

" So," She croaks, " Just to summarize. You died, and came back, " She smirks at me, it has become a bit of an inside joke between us. Death and resurrection.

" Then you did some sightseeing, slept with your ex, rescued a stray that wasn't a stray. Killed a few bad people, then broke up with your ex," She does the air quotes on the last one, " To save your spot at the academy. And now you're sitting on my bed looking like your favourite pet has died. Did I miss anything?" She burps, smacks her lips and grimaces, disgusted. Probably at the foul taste in her mouth. Nope, that's pretty much the gist of it.

" Absolutely appalling, " She whines and rolls on the bed. I pat her back and give her a few soothing rubs.

" I know. It will get better," I say soothingly, " At least you don't have to go to class," I try to lighten the mood.

" Because we both skipped them. I never skip classes, Lily. This is disastrous," She complains some more and groans.

Sighing, I decide to tackle something that the hardcore drunkard next to me has said in her alcohol-induced haze " So....you and David, huh?" Containing my amusement at this point it's nearly impossible. Laira groans, pulls a pillow over her head and then groans some more.

" Don't remind me. It was a mistake. We were drunk and sad. And all the bad things that you could possibly think of," I yank the pillow off her head so I can see the look on her face. It's not a pretty one, it oscillates between self-condemnation, and a hint of deep-seated guilt. Very familiar with all of those, I'd like to say that I've outgrown them, but once in a while they do manage to sneak up on me, but I've learned to squash them down under my imaginary foot. Life is complicated as it is, there is no room for none of those feelings.

" For how long have you been in love with him?" I take no notice of her ramblings. Trying to justify it, is pointless.

" Was," She amends and gives me a pointed look, " Not anymore. Like I said, it was a mistake," Well, she is in luck because I can share my extensive expertise with her in that field. Hell, I could write a manual with step-by-step instructions on how to fuck up.

" What did David have to say about the said mistake?" I press on despite the heavy denial she is swimming in.

She sighs, heavily, wholeheartedly, " He agrees. There is no point debating this. This is so....," He closes her eyes, mortification written all over her face," He is my brother," Her face consorts into something that I have never seen on Laira's face. Disappointment, but with herself.

" Not, really," I wince, because even though Millie and Art are no longer together, she lived in the same shack with David for a little over three years. I'm sure that doesn't fall in the same category. If they would've grown up together, I'd agree with her. But in this case, she is wrong, I think.

" You didn't exactly, grow up together Laira. You are not related to him by blood," She looks up at the ceiling and groans, exasperated.

" God. I'm a despicable human being. Who the hell sleeps with their brother?" She is still on that track. This might take a while to overcome.

" Not your brother," I argue pointedly.

" This coming from the girl that slept with her legal guardian, " She bites back. Fair and square. I'm probably not the best person to have this conversation with. To be frank, my judgment is at best questionable.

" We were sad, and that's all there is to it. Stop looking for a meaning when there isn't one. It happened after your memorial funeral. He has been in love with you since the first moment he laid eyes on you. Whoever came after, was nothing more than a consolation prize to soothe his wounded ego. Unfortunately, I was one of them, and can you just let it go, because honestly, I don't want to talk about it," Probably best to let it go. She doesn't seem to be taking this conversation very well. I knew David had feelings for me, but I never thought that went as far as love.

" Alright," I relent because I don't want to argue with Laira. Sorry doesn't even begin to cover how I feel about this situation. The last thing I want to do is be the one who drives a wedge between Laira and David.

" When you came back, you should've seen him," Apparently, we are not done." That night, he couldn't stop speaking about you. He kept saying that you are special," Friggity frack," That he was right all along. Because what are the chances of him finding someone like you? Beautiful and unique," Right. Crap. Words no girl wants to hear coming off the lips of the man she is in love with.

" I'm pretty sure that he was more excited about what I can do rather than my actual presence in the realm of the living," I try to play it down. Laira laughs, a laugh so hollow that breaks my heart.

" Since he's known you, he has sung your praises to the high heavens continuously," She says bitterly, and I hope from the bottom of my heart that it is not directed at me. Because I would hate to lose Laira.

Son of a gun.

" Well, regardless of how he feels about me, I have zero romantic feelings for him. I see him as a friend at best. Even less now since I came back," This is the best I could come up with at that moment. Not the greatest but it will have to do, for now.

" I know," She sighs," And that right there makes it so much worse because any girl should consider herself lucky to have a man like David at her side," She rants, and I sigh because she is not wrong. Maybe, there is something pathologically wrong with me.

" I guess we have one thing in common, " I thread my fingers through her hair, Laira purrs inching her head closer to my hand.

" What's that?" She mumbles, and I look down at her to see that her eyes are closed and on the verge of dozing off. Better get to the point before she dozes off.

" Going after unattainable men. Mason and I are not exactly picture-perfect. And neither are you and David. No matter what you say, I believe that you are wrong about his feelings for me," I look down at her again, her chest slowly rising and falling in time with her breathing. She is asleep.

Now, I have to wonder if she's heard my pathetic attempt at righting this wrong for her.