Chapter 71: Aejaz Is Gonna Need a Bigger Boat

Everyone gathered outside the house, including Sadie who had done the right thing and cleaned up her mess... Although Ares could have sworn he heard the word 'overheat' earlier... His back garden was probably burnt to a crisp, but whatever, he wouldn't be living here much longer. Enyo was going to move up to the inner court at some point and then he'd crash at her place. No longer would she be the freeloader. Now Ares could become the gigolo he was always meant to be!

Enyo, Bellona, and Appa were also heading out of the sect. It had been a while since Enyo had gone and inflicted justice, typically in the form of broken bones, upon an evil doer so she was taking this opportunity to get out of the sect for a bit. Appa wanted to see its mother be cool and Bellona was tagging along presumably for girl chat. Ares would have asked what they were talking about, out of sheer curiosity, but he could tell he would get decked again if he bothered. It seemed this was a notable difference between the two sisters. When Enyo had been mad at Ares in the inn, she gave him the silent treatment. Bellona, for whatever reason, was giving him the violent treatment! As they walked through the sect gates, Ares turned to Enyo. "Don't do anything I wouldn't do... No, wait a minute, actually, just don't do anything stupid." It was an important distinction!

"Worrywart." Enyo kissed Ares and put her helmet on. "Relax, it's just a few routine arrests here and there. If anything, I should be telling you to stay safe. The tomb is unexplored, and the last time you went somewhere similar you were riddled with holes in Dominus' mansion. You're also bringing along Allie's boytoy, so keep him safe for her sake too, would you?"

"Bah, he can keep himself safe. I'm telling you now I'm going to be the greatest danger to this fool in that tomb." Ares knelt down and pet Appa. "Have fun. Make sure to arrest the bad guys, ok?"

"Hehehe, I'll be like, 'FREEZE, in the name of the law!'"

"Ha, if its you, they might just cuff themselves to make you happy." Last but not least... "Bellona... Uh, have fun punching people who aren't me?"

THUD

This situation was oddly familiar. Except instead of lying flat in the middle of the hallway, he'd been packed up on top of a nice grassy patch that was rather comfortable. The shape of Bellona's fist was still firmly imprinted onto his cheek though, that hadn't changed. As he got up, he waved bye to the others as they left.

While Appa floated into Enyo's arms, it questioned Bellona while tilting its head. "It's definitely funny, but why are you hitting dad?"

Enyo's smile widened maliciously under her helmet. "Yeah Bellona, why are you hitting my husband?"

"HE'S NOT!..." Bellona started and immediately stopped herself. She kissed her teeth at Enyo who was trying to goad her and very nearly succeeded.

"Oh? He's not what? My husband? Not yet, unfortunately, but he will be... Is there some kind of problem with that? Does hearing me call him 'my husband' bother you?"

Bellona used her magic to disappear and go on ahead, causing Enyo to chuckle evilly. "Hey, Appa, what do you think of Bellona?"

"Hm, I like her. She's warm and gives me plenty of hugs while calling me cute!"

"You're very easy to please. Could you do me a favour, sweetie?"

"Of course! Is it like how you wanted help with the helmet thingy?"

"Sort of. All I want you to do is stay with Bellona for a while and make sure she's happy. You're good at soothing people, and right now Bellona's all over the place. Can you do that for me?"

"Yep! I'll Say Happy Things to her when she least expects it! She'll be happy until she can't be any happier!"

"Haha, I'll leave it to you then." This was a win win for Enyo as she could sneakily help her sister sort out her thoughts while also getting alone time with Ares! Although she wasn't as well versed in subtle manipulation as someone like Fate, Enyo could be plenty conniving herself when she wanted to be!

Ares and Aejaz made good time on their journey as Ares begun his brother's training early by chasing him with a whip through the forest. Was it cruel? Perhaps. but was it effective? Yes. Aejaz had never fled this fast in his life! He'd also never shed this many tears before either...

The whipping ceased and Ares Shifted in front of Aejaz to stop him from moving any further forward as he pointed into the distance beyond some bushes. Aejaz squinted and caught sight of the thing Ares was pointing at, a large hive attached to a tree trunk. Aejaz knew better than to expect an ordinary beehive in a place like this, but that was as far as his wisdom took him. He'd never read the books on the various creatures and monsters roaming around Sheryashka like Ares had, so he waited patiently for an explanation.

"That, oh brother of mine, is a hive of 'honey sharks'. Sometimes they're also referred to as bumblesharks."

"... Sharks?"

"Correctamundo. Like how treetop tigers are palm sized tigers, honey sharks are bee sized sharks with wings! Dangerous little creatures, they are. A group of honey sharks is called a 'sweet tooth', and you're probably going to wind up as their dessert if you aren't careful. They're quite frightening when they swarm you, so it's better to either end the fight immediately, or not fight at all. They have a pretty massive weakness though, and its a weakness I'm going to have you exploit to get some practice in with your magic."

"... Sharks?"

"Yes Aejaz, sharks. Sharks with very pointy teeth, so I suggest you get in the groove and focus up lest they nibble you to pieces."

"... Sharks?"

Ares narrowed his eyes as he stared at his brother who was stuck on repeat. "Act like a broken record one more time and I won't save your ass if things go haywire!"

"OH COME ON! WHY DO WE HAVE TO FIGHT THE SHARKS?!"

"Because I want their honey? It might give the mint honeycomb an interesting taste and I'm sure Enyo would appreciate the experiment."

"Ares, brother, I am no beekeeper nor am I a marine biologist. How am I supposed to deal with those things?!"

"Take it easy, I already told you they have a pretty glaring weakness, right? Even average cultivators hunt them to sell their honey, they aren't a risky foe if you know what you're doing against them. Like regular sharks, well some of them anyway, they'll die if they stop moving, so steal their wings! Cultivators will usually use wind magic to tear the wings if they can, but most invest in sleeping powder to kill them outright if they can get close enough to the hive without being detected. You, however, can steal their wings! Each honey shark individually is extremely weak, so stealing a body part should be doable for you. You did steal that one tusk ages ago, right? You're even still wearing it! If you can do that, you can do this. Yeah there's more of them, but it shouldn't be too much of a problem, just a bit tiring as it will take a chunk of mana is all."

"... Sharks?"

"Fuck's sake. I'm here aren't I? One Grand Annihilation and they'll bee dead before you can even blink. Nothing will go wrong while I'm keeping an eye out, so go stick your neck out!" Ares booted his chickenshit brother towards the hive, sat back on a branch, and watched on with some popcorn he'd bought off Onno's lackey the other day. Of course, in order to get the ball rolling, he made sure to chuck a pebble at the hive as well.

Tock

The sound of tiny, flapping wings could be heard from deep within the hive as the residents were disturbed.

duunnn dunnn...

Aejaz gulped nervously as the air around him became damp. Honey sharks used water pillar magic to fly so this was a pretty massive indication they were about to begin swarming out of their home en-masse.

duuuunnnn duun...

The horde descended in droves like a plague. A sea of blue-skinned sharks, each no bigger than a thumb, bared their teeth at the intruder and begun forming a cloud that would easily shred any and all who entered. The sharks left a small trail of water wherever they flew, creating a criss cross of cerulean confetti in their wake as they began to advance upon Aejaz.

duuunnnnnnnn dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun

"I'm too young and handsome to dieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." Aejaz screamed in terror as he took off running. Oh how he longed for the days when he was being whipped, they were easier than this! The sting of the whip would undoubtedly be infinitely more tolerable than the sting of the bumblesharks. Tears formed in his eyes as the ominous death call of the flapping honey shark wings thrummed in his ears.

dunnnnnnnnnnn

Aejaz shivered as he felt his neck tingle. Not wanting to become food for the finned freaks, he leapt while turning around and stretching his hand out. A forlorn cry born in the depths of his soul ascended through his throat as he desperately wailed, "Relocateeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

dunnnn

The sound of the bumbleshark wings slowing to a halt as they were forcibly removed from the sharks' bodies was like sweet relief to Aejaz. He wiped the sweat off his forehead and let out a sigh as he looked at the pile of wings off to the side.

Phew

…

"AH!.." One of the sharks had crash landed next to Aejaz' feet after losing its wings and gave him a quick nibble. "SON OF A..." Aejaz hopped in place while holding his foot. He looked down at the cheeky creature and Aejaz could of sworn it grinned at him with its sharp teeth as it died as if it were implying it was the real victor.

"Haha." Ares came down from the tree, laughing at his bouncing brother. "It was nice of you to give that one a last meal, it looked like he enjoyed it too."

"Tsk. That honey better be worth it! And you better save some for me too, I earned it!"

"Yes, yes. You successfully accomplished something literally any other cultivator on this planet could do. Well done brother, I am truly proud."

"Screw you."

Ares Shifted over to the hive, leaving his brother to cautiously tiptoe past the deceased sharks like they were landmines. Inspecting the hive yielded culinary gains for Ares who found a decent chunk of precisely what he'd been after. It wasn't rare or anything, and he could have probably found it for sale somewhere in Red Sun if he looked hard enough, but why ignore it when it was right here in front of him, ready for the taking? Ares put the goods in the Primordial Blade... Meaning there was now a random splotch of honey drifting through space in his personal universe. It's a good thing Leo wasn't still in there otherwise he would be having the time of his life right now.

When Aejaz finally traipsed past the corpses, he looked up only to see Ares re-brandishing the whip with a gentle smile on his face that didn't extend to his eyes.

"Now that the detour is over and done with, let's get back to the real training!"

Aejaz sniffled and regretted his earlier thoughts. I prefer the sharks! Even they weren't as bloodthirsty as this!

Ares chased his brother through the forest for the next thirty or so minutes, occasionally Shifting to tricky angles to try and catch Aejaz unawares. Aejaz overperformed and only took a few hits but, then again, this was his specialty. When it came to running away from danger, he was in a league of his own. Of course Ares wished for his brother to at least attempt to fight back every now and then but it simply never happened. Ares just shook his head and accepted the fact that it would take a while longer to beat the coward mentality out of his brother. He was not weak enough to justify acting like this anymore. Well, Ares had his own plan regarding this anyway. Before he put plan 'make my brother less useless' into action, he first needed to help Aejaz create the art he'd been working on as it was a pretty massive next step for him. The world would become Aejaz' oyster when he realised what he was capable of. That's not to say these impromptu training sessions weren't helpful in their own way, though. Being good at something didn't mean there was no reason to keep practicing. In a way, it was also good practice for Ares in case he ever needed to tackle an enemy as slippery as Aejaz.

Ares could see the tomb on the horizon, so he activated Omniscience quickly and used it to predict his brother's erratic movements and hit him one final time before they arrived. He chuckled to himself as his brother yelped and rubbed his now-sore ass.

As the bandit brothers arrived, they noticed something was amiss. there were a few other cultivators around, all of which fulfilled the cultivation requirements of being below sensory enhancement, but they all seemed distracted by something. Ares peered in the direction everyone else was staring at and immediately took enough steps backward to hide behind some bushes. The foe approaching from the horizon were a group of orcs! There wasn't anything particularly special about these monsters, at least not on the surface anyway... They were just regular old orcs. Even Aejaz knew what these things were as they were in just about every single fantasy book he'd ever read. They were a real classic! But it was confusing seeing Ares, and a large group consisting of the other men around, all run and hide. Aejaz turned to his brother in confusion and asked what was going on, to which Ares responded with a straight face,

"Those... Are orcs. We're... Uh, doing our own thing." A light flickered in Ares' eyes, one that Aejaz unfortunately didn't quite catch. "See, I'm still testing you, so I won't be lending you my aid in this fight. Those other men are... Waiting to ambush the opponent when the others draw them in closer! So, go on, shoo!" Ares gestured for Aejaz to go take a stand with the other cultivators and Aejaz obliged... Even if he really didn't want too. Still, if he had to choose between big dumb orcs and big dumb Ares... The choice was obvious.

To Aejaz' surprise, and somewhat to his dismay, as he approached the other cultivators, he realised the orcs were carrying unusual weapons, one of which was a damn whip! He'd seriously had enough of this garbage! Aejaz actually felt somewhat pumped for this fight, if he could pretend the orc was Ares and get some licks in, he could relieve some serious stress here! Aejaz took his place in the line and soon thereafter realised all the other cultivators here were women... And they were all staring at him with a weird look in their eyes... In hindsight, his brother's actions had been rather strange, so he turned to the women to ask them a question, but one of them beat him to the punch, asking him one first.

"... You... Do you know what those are?"

Aejaz tilted his head, unsure if this was a trick question. The answer was obvious, after all, they were very clearly... "Orcs?"

"Well, yes... But do you know about their... Preferences..."

Aejaz gulped as a possibility slowly dawned on him, one he didn't really want to turn around and confirm, but he did nonetheless. When he looked at the approaching orcs, they all seemed to be fixated on him and him alone... Now that he thought about it, like really thought about it, the orcs were... Different. They were wearing leather armour, some had whips... One of them was wearing a mask... FOR ALL THE WRONG REASONS! The orcs were drooling as they looked at Aejaz who was undoubtedly the most handsome man they'd ever seen. Aejaz cried inwardly as he realised his fantasy books had done him dirty! They lied! Orcs didn't give a rat's ass about women! They went crazy over other men! They were gay! All of them! While Aejaz' brain was buffering, the noise of which was distinctly similar to the sound of Ares snickering, the woman spoke up again.

"Wild orcs only care about capturing guys... It's why they were abandoned by their matriarchal clans as they were useless for reproducing and helping with the population shortage orcs usually have... For this exact reason. The stranded orcs gather in the middle of... Bumfuck nowhere... And elect a... King. He's usually the, uh, biggest amongst his companions and is always on top of any problems that arise. Cultivators have nicknamed these specific orcs 'Kingkies'... Look, what I'm trying to say is, if you stay here, it's not their weapons they're going to be thrusting at you..."

Let's just say Aejaz no longer wanted to 'get some licks in'. Absolutely not! Allie was the one for him, thank you very much! Something in Aejaz was unleashed as he gave his all to escape the situation. He'd never been as impressive as he was in the few moments that followed as, for once, he truly felt threatened!

"No-stalgia!" Aejaz used his memory pilfering art, even going as far as to cast it out loud to save mana in case he needed more after, and took off running like an Olympian with overdue rent. He'd simultaneously robbed every single orc of just about every memory they'd ever had. One of the orcs even forgot how to breathe and keeled over dead. Ares clapped with a smug grin as his brother jumped into the same bush he was hiding in.

"Impressive. It's a shame you didn't stay and fight any longer, though. Boy would I have had a great story to tell Allie. Don't worry though, I'm sure she'd be supportive of your unconventional choices. HAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"YOU!" Aejaz jumped Ares and began throttling the bastard who still didn't stop laughing at his expense even when he was on the verge of arriving at the pearly gates... NOT! THIS MAN WAS GOING TO STRAIGHT TO HELL. DO NO PASS GO. DO NOT COLLECT 200 STARDUST! This bastard almost pimped his own brother out to orcs for a laugh!

Meanwhile, the women were dealing with the orcs with relative ease. The monsters in the immediate area didn't have particularly high cultivations and the orcs in question were only around early mental accumulation. When the last orc was slain, the men cheered from safety, heaping praise upon their rectums' saviours.

"What's with all this ruckus?!" A bony skeleton... No, actually, he was a man that just looked like one. Anyway, a bony skeleton man was hovering in the air above everyone present. It was unknown when he arrived, but the fact that he was flying and happened to be in the vicinity meant he was almost definitely the mayor of Red Sun. His gaze was haughty and his voice lofty and tinged with a hint of anger, which Ares assumed was a result of his interactions with Hans who was probably also skulking around. The mayor looked around and noticed the deceased orcs. He snorted in disgust at the creatures before looking around at the cultivators present. Eventually, his eyes landed on the two newcomers and he narrowed his eyes. "You two! Who are you? I don't recall giving you permission to be here!"

Ares threw his upturned palms in the air, tilted his head with a wry smile, and shrugged. "That's probably because I don't recall asking you for permission."

Oh shit, we're dead. Aejaz lamented that this would be the way he left this mortal coil for good. He'd been eyeing having a heart-attack during a passionate session with Allie, but to think he would go like this! Stupid brother! I should have thrown you to the orcs!

"Impertinent brat!" The mayor, unbeknownst to everyone else, summoned his apparition. A black raven the size of a mountain appeared mid-air in a cocooned pose, with its wings forming a protective circle around it. With a loud, deafening cry, the raven unfurled its wings and spread them wide, blocking out even the sun. Everyone else fell to their knees as the mayor and his raven began emitting pressure. For everyone else, the raven was invisible, so it made the mayor look rather imposing as he single handedly brought all the cultivators around down to the floor without lifting a finger.

Yawn

"This all you got, old timer?..." Everyone other than Ares who's immunity to pressure was working wonders right about now. "... Makes me wonder why Hans hasn't turned you into cinders yet. Maybe he's looking to hire a chef before he cooks that bird of yours, or maybe he just hasn't yet found any undead repellent for your cranky old ass."

WHY?! Aejaz wanted to scream at his dimwit brother who kept digging a deeper and deeper hole for them with every passing second. 

"YOU BASTARD!" The mayor put the fact that his pressure wasn't working, and that this newcomer could see his bird, aside as he put his finger to his mouth and whistled. The bird's head tilted at an angle when it heard the call which meant it was time to kill someone. It's beady eyes shone as it eyed up Ares and soared into the sky, ready to dive down and peck him into oblivion.

It's eyes widened and it's movements halted when it sensed danger approaching, however. The raven turned in mid-air and summoned a ball of dark magic, firing it off at what looked like thin air. The bird's strange actions were justified, though, when the ball connected with a fiery trident that was flickering in and out of the mayor's vision.

Ares was the only one who could see everything clearly thanks to Omniscience, and what he saw was a buff lava demon, roughly the same size as the bird, roaring its lungs out as it swatted away the bird's magic. That would be Hans' Invisible Ifrit, then. Wonder where the man himself is. Nearby hopefully, otherwise I'm going to eat dirt. The Ifrit whirled its trident above its head before leaning into a throw. The trident was launched at supersonic speeds, grazing the bird's head and crashing into a mountain off in the distance, simultaneously pulverising and burning it out of existence. As far as everyone else was aware, a mountain had just inexplicably been vaporised without a trace. Whatever was happening was way out of their league, but they had a rough guess as to what was going down. There were plenty of rumours of incomprehensible scenes of carnage in Red Sun. Buildings and people would start melting out of the blue. No one who was ever on the scene could explain how or why though as the victims ran around screeching in pain even though nothing was visibly wrong with them. The only constant in all of these stories was an old man with a bowler hat whistling to himself as he strolled by while spinning his cane and smoking a cigar. There where some decently strong cultivators who said they could faintly see the outline of a terrible monster whenever the old man clicked his lighter, but nothing had ever been confirmed.

As for the fight in the sky, it had settled down as both apparitions backed off. Both apparitions were strong enough to wipe out entire cities so if they fought here and now, all the cultivators present would have to forfeit their lives. As these individuals were going to be the ones excavating treasures, it would be in bad form to off them here. They mayor would lose face and Hans would have a guilty conscience. The mayor turned back to Ares and took a single step before he was interrupted by a voice that irked him to no end.

"He's with me, Maro. Keep your mitts to yourself." Hans came out of the forest with a sly smile. "Ares, my boy, you've ended up in the wrong encampment. Although very typical of you, you almost made a rather costly mistake. Come laddie, let's head over to our side." 

Maro the mayor kissed his teeth as he realised the disrespect he'd suffered was going to go unpunished. The other cultivators were surprised someone had actually been stupid enough to end up in the wrong place... Still, it wasn't any of their concern. Although people would be more tolerant of other cultivators who worked under the same employer, be it Hans or Maro, they were all still vying for the same treasures, after all. When it came down to it, all alliances were temporary in the face of loot!

As Hans was leading Ares off, and Aejaz who was following along like a lost child, he spoke in a loud voice without turning around. "Ignore Maro, he's just on edge after he saw that attack you launched the other day."

"WHAT?!" Maro was livid, mostly because what Hans had said was true, but also because the culprit was right before him... ON HANS SIDE! This was disastrous for him, an absolute calamity. That menace had produced an attack of that scale with such a poxy cultivation... If he grew stronger, Maro was screwed! But what could he do about it while the kid was under the protection of Hans? He bit his lip until blood leaked out before looking down at the cultivators he'd given his permission to be here to. "That brat... I want him dead. I don't care who does it or how. If you kill him, I'll reward in any way you want. Money, status, women, men, fucking god damn orcs if you bloody well want I DON'T CARE, I WANT HIM DEAD. DO YOU HEAR ME?!" The cultivators all silently nodded but only a few took the request to heart. Their target was backed by Hans, which was complicated enough as is, but he was also the source of that attack? Hell no. Nuh uh. Nope. Not happening. Of course there were a few fool hardy fools who were fooled into lusting after fool's gold. Anything could happen in a tomb, after all. Even if someone else, or something else killed Ares, as long as they were the one who took credit, there were plenty of gains to be made! They hadn't even gotten into the tomb yet and, already, there were opportunities abound!

Meanwhile, as Ares, Hans, and Aejaz neared their side's encampment, Ares thanked Hans. "Ah, really, you're too kind. All the goodies headed in my direction is going to make my pockets that much heavier."

Hans chuckled as he held onto his hat with Ifrit following behind him like a guardian deity. Ifrit vanished from Ares' view when he deactivated Omniscience, but he was still very much there and ready to throw down at a moment's notice if need be. "No problemo kiddo. Besides, those fools are all under Maro's thumb. If they attack you and die, I have nothing to lose and everything to gain from their stupidity. Ah, but don't go croaking on me, that would be even more stupid, you hear?"

"Aye aye, sir. Oh, and about that contract, I was gonna take a peep and do it today, but I found out about this and came here instead. I'll do the contract afterwards."

"No worries, that one doesn't have a time limit or anything. Also, sorry about not mentioning the tomb last time we spoke, I just figured you already knew about it... You were the one who created this mess in the first place after all."

Ares stuck his tongue out to the side of his mouth and acted innocent. "Says who?!"

"Ha, kiddo, don't even. I wasn't born yesterday, hell I wasn't even born the day before that."

Aejaz' teeth had stopped chattering and he had questions! "Since when is Missy's grandpa this strong?! The mayor is a transition realm cultivator, why are you on par with him?! Since when?!"

Hans sighed. "Jaz, you're a real baby, you know that?" He patted Aejaz on the back. "If you ever wanna man up, feel free to come do some real work under me. Maybe I'll even throw in some lessons on 'how to be a gent' on the house. Treat you to some cigars and whiskey to force the wimp outta you."

"No thank you! The wimp and I get along very well!"

Ares smacked Aejaz on the arm. "You can say no now all you want, but eventually I'm a making you go, so prepare yourself."

"What kind of work is it anyway?"

"Yeah... Don't worry about that. You'll find out on the job."

Aejaz panicked as, this time, he managed to catch the sharp glint in Ares' eye that he'd missed previously.