Chapter 3

The Pain Beyond Cold Cades

“I m-mean, u-uhm, w-”

“You said it, do not take it back.” he said with his playful smile at me. My mouth is opened while looking at him. I will really think that he is weird. I have never been with him for a long time. But when I saw him, his face was so fierce that he couldn't even drop a smile. Looking at him right now, in front of me? He seems to be happier than yesterday. I don't know why I feel like I am also happy to see him happy.

“How did you find this place?” I ask out of nowhere. Just like him, I chose to put my eyes at the view of our whole Province.

“I love secrets.” At that moment, I got confused by his answer. So I looked at him with my confused face. But he didn't look at me, his eyes were just looking at the view, loving the beauty of it.

My heart is beating like a drum. I also feel weird now. I don't know why I started loving those hazelnut eyes of this weird kid from Canada.

“What do you mean?” I ask again, distracted by his eyes and smile.

“I grew up in secret,” the moment he looked at me, and when those rare eyes met mine, I saw the truth that no one can see. He's smiling at me, but it cannot hide what he really feels. Eyes never lie. Those eyes can't lie.

He's in pain.

“I don't know if it was right that I was born, maybe not. “ He laughed painfully. I cannot talk, it's like, something got stuck in my throat. I am just watching him, reading those very sad eyes. Again, he came back his eyes at the view in front of us. “That's why, I want to discover things that are secretly hiding.”

I realized that he is not weird. Cades is mysterious. I can't understand what he is exactly trying to say to me. But I am sure in one thing that I saw.

He is full of sadness.

I don't know why, but I know he doesn't want it. My heart aches for some reason. Now, I am curious again of what life he really has in Canada with his parents. I want to ask him, but I don't think I am in the right position for it.

“I hate secrets,” I said out of nowhere and turned my eyes at the view. Now, I saw in my peripheral vision how he stares at me. “Secret is lying. It means, you are not telling the truth.” I eyed him and smiled softly at him. I saw him stop for a while as he thought of what I said.

My parents told me about it to me. They don't want me to lie. They always want me to say the truth and never hide and lie. They said, saying the truth and accepting the truth will make you happy, and I don't want to be sad. I want to be always happy. Who wants to be sad?

No one.

“CADES! MARGEL!”

My eyes widened when I heard Aunt Lizea's voice, yelling our names. I came back to my senses and realized that I am here to find Cades! Why did I end up talking to him? I forgot that Elizea is finding him!

“MARGEL! WHERE ARE YOU?” I covered my mouth nervously when I heard my Mom.

“I forgot that Elizea and I are finding you!” I exclaimed. I'm dead now! I promised that I will not go far away from our house! And now, I am here with Cades! I deeply closed my eyes. I don't know what to do anymore. My parents will be mad, for sure.

“We're dead, Cades!” I said, in a panicking tone. I got calmed when I felt his hand on mine. My hands are sweating. I feel like I did a very bad thing that will disappoint my parents.

“Look at me,” he softly said. When I looked at him and met those hazel eyes, he gave me a little smile on his lips. I can't stop myself looking at those eyes. “We are together, so let's face them together.” He gave me a soft smile on his lips again before I nodded. Those sad eyes are calming me and his soft voice, telling me that everything will be okay.

I breathe.

“Let's go?” He stood up and offered me his bare hand.

“I told you to watch your cousin, Elizea! But you even asked Margel to find Cades instead of telling it to your Aunt Liza! My goodness!”

I am now afraid of Elizea's situation more than mine. Aunt Lizea will definitely punish her for what happened.

“Yeah, we should.” I accepted his hand before we both walked away from this secret place that Cades had found. I heard how their voices are decreasing. It means, they are not near here anymore. When we reached the long grasses, Cades separated it in the middle, and the road of our town met our eyes. I deeply breathe, once again. My hands are shaking, right now.

I'm dead.

“My Mom will be so mad at me.” I said, before I started walking fast, away from the secret place he found. He didn't respond, until I realized that our hands are still on each other's. My eyes go down on our hands together. My cheeks burned like the color of tomato. Again, my heart is beating like a drum again.

“Margel? Cades?” My Mom's voice echoed. My eyes turned widely when I saw her. She ran quickly when she saw us, in her back were our families, looking so worried when they saw us. My Mom hugged me when he reached us.

“Oh God, Margel! Where have you been? You made us nervous!” She said, worriedly while cupping my face. I saw how much she cares for me. I thought she would be mad at me because of what I did. But instead, she's here in front of me, telling in her face, how much she can't lose me.

I feel so loved.

“Are you okay, darling? God, you drove us crazy.” My Dad approached me and kissed me on my forehead.

“I'm sorry.” My eyes go down. I feel bad for what I did to my parents. What happened causes them to worry so much to me.

“Shhh, it's okay, Margel. Just don't do this again, huh?” I nodded.

“Where have you been, Cades?! You did a big mess!” My eyes turned into Cades when I heard her Mom, asking him so mad. I looked at him again, and he was back to what everyone around him usually saw on his face.

The fierce Cades.

His eyes are just looking down. He doesn't even dare to eye his parents in front of him. His Mom looks like controlling herself to get mad. Maybe, because we are all here. Is this what Cades was talking about? The secret thing? Or maybe, it is one of them. He is in secret again, he is hiding in his shell again, just like a little turtle who can't speak up what he feels.

“I'm sorry, Margel. I should have listened to you, when you disagreed with me.” Apologizing Elizea said, while crying in front of me. My heart aches, seeing my cousin's tears falling down at her cheeks.

“Do not do this again, Elizea!” Her Mon exclaimed. Uncle Eli caressed Aunt Lizea's back to calm her for a while.

“Margel and Cades are fine, that is the important thing, right?” Aunt Liza said to all of us. She eyed Cades, Elizea and me. “Don't do that again, huh?” Elizea and I nodded. But when I looked at Cades, his eyes were still looking down and didn't even change his expression.

“Your Aunt is right, let's all go home. Your grandmother is worried.” My Mom said before we all go home.

When we arrived in front of the gate of our house, I stopped for a while. I looked at Cades who was not eyeing anyone. His eyes are still looking down. My heart is aching while watching him. If I can do something to make him happy, I will definitely do it. But looking at him, it is not that easy to fade the sadness he is carrying.

Get well, Cades.

clarixass