Memories.

Nathaniel had shown Donna around the motel for a few hours. They didn't call it a pack-house but they simply referred to it as 'Home.' Donna was given a room and some spare clothes before she went to sleep.

𝘐𝘵'𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘐 𝘦𝘯𝘷𝘪𝘴𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘥 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘐 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘣𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘰 𝘢 𝘱𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘣𝘶𝘵… 𝘐'𝘮 𝘨𝘭𝘢𝘥 𝘉𝘦𝘭𝘭𝘢 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦. I thought.

Donna got along with just about every person here. The only exception was the Fae-Warrior. They got along a little too well, for my liking.

After Nathaniel had shown her to her room, he joined me and Bella on her balcony. We were drinking whisky and looking at the stars. The hard wood dug into my back though the thick blanket we had placed underneath us. Nathaniel had sat in a chair, while Bella and I stayed on the floor, our back supported by thick pillows. The wind was almost nonexistent tonight.

"…how's… Brit?" Bella asked me in a sad voice.

I took a sip before responding. The cooled liquor slid down my throat and gave a rough feeling that I enjoyed.

"She's… alright, I guess. She doesn't have a mate, still."

She nodded. "Unfortunate."

"But… isn't she almost 300 years old?" Nathaniel asked in a sad tone. "To live that long without Holland… I couldn't imagine."

Holland was Nathaniel's mate. Nathaniel was 157, while Holland was only 79. They'd met around 16 years ago, when Holland had came to the motel after being casted out from his pack.

I grunted. "Yeah."

Bella leaned against her arm and stared at me. "You okay, brother?"

I grunted again. "I'm good. Pissed of at Isaiah. Lot of stuff going on in the US right now with the packs."

"Yeah, we heard. The news was going crazy with the rogue attacks." Nathaniel said.

I nodded and took another sip. We fell into silence as we gazed at the stars. It was a beautiful sight. I'm reminded of what Malum said when we had first met.

"𝘐 𝘵𝘰𝘶𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘴, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘢𝘸 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘨𝘭𝘰𝘳𝘪𝘰𝘶𝘴 𝘭𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘢 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘶𝘯𝘴! 𝘕𝘰𝘸, 𝘣𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘥 𝘣𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘦𝘭𝘦𝘨𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘦, 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘮𝘺 𝘱𝘶𝘳𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘣𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨… 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘥𝘢𝘳𝘬…"

I suppose he was right, in a way. When faced with something that was… pure goodness, you can't help but compare yourself to it. It was just like having an argument with someone and when it was over you think of what you could have said. What would have made your point clearer or something that would have pissed them off more.

It was both a simple, and complex idea.

I've been blind and blinded before. Darkness has taken over my vision, and light has ripped it away from me. At the end… what does it leave?

I suppose it is just another way that I am broken.

I took another sip of the whisky. I held it in my mouth for a moment before swallowing. It was a quiet comfort. The alcohol dulled my senses and appeased the dread that I felt.

I looked over at Nathaniel silently. He staring at the moon with glazed over eyes, probably talking to his mate though his mind-link.

My gaze shifted to Bella. She was also staring at the moon as well, but… her eyes were dull. I knew she was thinking of Isaiah.

What do my eyes look like when I stare at the moon, I wonder?

I reached up and grazed my face with my free hand. My cheeks felt sunken.

I rested my hand on my stomach in thought as I took another sip. Nothing came out, so I refilled my glass.

"Birger…" I heard a voice.

I turned to it but saw no one.

"You can leave, you know?" The voice called out again. "You don't have to suffer in the mortal realm."

That was true. I could just leave. I could go anywhere I wanted. All I had to do was die.

But… I couldn't die.

"But you know how to." The voice whispered again.

"Yeah…" I whispered back.

I felt someone slap me. "BIRGER!"

Bella was staring at me with tears in her eyes. Nathaniel was behind her with a similar expression.

"W-what?" I slurred slightly, due to the alcohol.

"Don't you dare…" Bella spoke in a quiet tone as tears fell down from her chin. "Don't you dare die."

I grunted. "I ain't gonna. Got to much shit on my mind to be worrying about dying."

Nathaniel spoke from behind her. "𝘏𝘦𝘳𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘰, you didn't think any of that. You were talking out loud. 𝘋𝘪𝘰𝘴 𝘮𝘪𝘰, it was such a sad sound…"

I grunted again. "Maybe the liquor is getting to me."

I looked at the ground and saw that there were four empty bottles of whisky next to me. Had I drank all of this?

"Shit…" I rested my head in my arms. "It's fucking hard, you know?"

Bella hugged me sadly and cried.

"I fucking live forever and all I feel is momentary peace and happiness before the pain returns! I thought humans were supposed to be happy!" I started crying as well. "Fuck, Bella! I just wanted to be happy… It hurts… having to watch the ones you love die. Over and over and over again! Having your grandchildren forget about you! Even Isaiah!"

"Birger…" Bella's voice cracked. "I'm sorry."

I wailed in anguish as I gripped her arms. "Is dying really all that bad? I'm… tired…"

I felt a sudden dizziness and my head slowly nodded. "I think… I'll sleep… for a bit…"

**Bella's POV**

"𝘚𝘦𝘯̃𝘰𝘳𝘢…" Nathaniel spoke to me. "That was… not good. 𝘕𝘰 𝘣𝘦𝘶𝘯𝘰."

The tears kept falling from my eyes, even after Birger was put to sleep. My dear friend had been suffering this much? Moon Goddess, how could this happen…

He seemed completely fine when he came! Maybe a little tired or stressed, but he was joking and laughing with the girl he brought!

Thankfully, I had mind-linked Clair and told her to put Birger to sleep.

I gently cradled him in my arms. I felt an unfathomable weight on my shoulders. I knew he was much older than anything I could imagine, but… right now, it truly looks as though he is nothing but a human man. Suffering from the weight of his loss.

What had happened to make him like this? My poor brother…

I wiped my eyes and turned to Nathaniel. "Bring Clair here, please…"

I picked him up gently. It wasn't hard, me being a hybrid of both wolf and vampire. And yet… he felt so heavy. He had stood by my side for so long… I wanted to protect him, to keep him safe from all the pain of this world, but I knew it was impossible.

I laid him on top of my bed, brushing the hair away from his face as I did so. Nathaniel walked out and went to grab Clair. I glided my thumb over his eyes to clean him of his tears before stroking his cheek in thought.

I couldn't handle seeing the person who had the strongest will I'd ever seen just… break down like that. He'd always been hard as a rock and tough as nails. He'd never break or bend, even when Ashina had died. Sure, he cried and grieved, but he never…

I've seen him grieve. I'd stood by him as he grieved Ashina. The sadness he'd felt, was mirroring my own. He'd lost his mate, and I'd lost mine. But this was different. It wasn't just… grief. We were not in the same situation, as before. And yet… I could feel his anguish, as if it were my own.

After I had been reborn into what I am now, he had been the rock that I could always lean on. He'd always been the one to steady me, the one to protect me, and now he was falling apart in front of me.

A small part of me was… comforted. Comforted that he could appear so vulnerable in front of me. As if he was begging me to be the rock I once saw him as. As I still see him as.

I sighed as Clair and Nathaniel had walked in.

"You called, Alpha?" Clair spoke to me.

"I'm not an alpha, Clair." I said as I stared at Birger's face. His once tensed expression had relaxed and it showed how malnourished he was.

Clair huffed but stayed silent. She always insisted on calling me alpha. To her, it didn't matter if we weren't a true pack.

"You'll be my alpha until my death, Clair." She said in a confident voice. "What do you need me to do, alpha?"

I had taken Clair in over 20 years ago. She had been confused and scared, after she was chased from her home. She had been seeing visions and hearing peoples thoughts.

She had been overloaded with her powers to the point where she… forgot herself.

I had taken her in and gave her a name. I Taught her to suppress her ability as best as I could. It was similar to the thirst for blood that I felt. It was instinctual, to use it.

But she had a gift. This gift had a profound sense of responsibility for her, as she realized that they were privy to some of the most intimate moments in someone's life. She took her duties very seriously, and only used her powers in situations where the person giving the memory gave their explicit consent.

For those of us who had the privilege of witnessing her work, it was an experience that we would never forget. We would be forever grateful for the opportunity to relive a special moment in their life, and to share it with others.

I felt as though… I would be anything but grateful, for what came next, however.

I cleared my throat and looked up to her as I stroked Birger's cheek. "I need to see what happened to him."

Clair shook her head. "I won't. Not unless he gives explicit permission."

"Clair… he is my brother. The one person who I would give up everything for. I need to see what happened. What caused him to…" my voice cracked as I spoke. "Break."

Clair shook her head again. "Would he want you to see?"

"I don't care. When he wakes up, he'll just act as if everything is fine. It will do nothing but push him further." I stood up in frustration. "Moon Goddess, Clair! He'd been talking to himself! Talking about… killing himself, to free himself from the pain!"

"𝘘𝘶𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘥𝘢… Bella is heartbroken. I do not know Birger personally, but if Bella is feeling this way… we must do something." Nathaniel spoke in a soft tone. "𝘗𝘰𝘳 𝘧𝘢𝘷𝘰𝘳, help Bella and her 𝘔𝘢𝘯𝘰."

Clair sighed heavily. "…okay. But just this once. I do not like the idea of seeing someone's personal life without their permission. It's… a disgusting feeling."

I nodded. "Thank you, Clair. I'm sorry for pushing you."

She waved her hand in front of her face. "You wouldn't ask me if it wasn't important."

She closed her eyes tightly. The room erupted with power as she focused. Suddenly the room had lit up with different colored lights. They slowly moved like water running down the walls before condensing in various shapes around the room.

Birger was standing in front of me, even as he was lying down.

It was a projection.

A memory that was displayed in third person. As if the world itself was watching and recording everything around him.

The real Birger continued to sleep as the Birger from the memory started walking forward.

He moved as though he was walking, but stayed in the same spot, as if on a treadmill.

It seemed as though he had just woken up, given the disheveled hair and slightly hazy eyes. He was walking through a tight hallway with a relaxed smile. He turned the corner and a woman appeared. She was cooking at a stove. It seemed as though she didn't hear his approach, as she gasped when he hugged her from behind. He trailed a line of kisses from her shoulder, to her neck, to her jaw.

"Morning, Chel." Birger spoke in a more relaxed voice than I'd ever heard from him before.

She smacked his shoulder playfully. "Good morning to you too, Sleepyhead. It's already noon and your just now waking up?"

I turned away from the hologram-like memory to look at Clair. She could feel what the person in question felt.

She noticed my gaze and spoke. "He feels… relaxed. Loved, happy, joy… if I had to put it into a simple word, I would say he is at peace."

The sound of a baby crying out made my ears ring. I hadn't known anything about his life in the past 200 years. He had a child?

The woman, Chel, spoke up with a smile as she looked at Birger from around her shoulder. "Can you get Ford, hun? He's been wanting his daddy all morning."

Birger chuckled and turned away from her. He walked back down the narrow hallway and into a room that was filled with toys.

"Hey, buddy! You miss daddy?" Birger said as he picked Ford up from his cradle. "Sorry for sleeping in, little man. Daddy had to get his beauty sleep."

He kissed the baby on the head gently and made his way back into the kitchen.

I turned to Clair again. "When… when was this?"

"Around a month ago."

"Why are you showing me his memories from a month ago? It doesn't seem like…" I shook my head. "He seems happy."

Clair nodded. "After this… his memories are convoluted. This is what he was experiencing the day before. It's easier to slide into someone's mind when they are relaxed. It doesn't matter if it's a memory or not. The memories after this were too difficult to jump into, so I chose to start at a time where it would simply carry us onto the next days."

"These are his memories, 𝘘𝘶𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘥𝘢?" Nathaniel asked. "How does he remember the back of his head?"

Clair responded in a tensed voice. "It's not his memory, per say. I simply say memory because it's easier to explain. I latch onto his mind and replay the events of where he was, effectively replaying his memories, while at the same time expanding them by using the Will of Gaia. If I knew the time and place that something occurred I could do the same thing, minus feeling his emotions. It's more like replaying a video, rather than going through his memories."

She looked at me from the corner of her eye. "He is very… genuine. I've never felt someone's love so… deeply, before."

I nodded silently as I watched him and the woman 'coo' at the child. The child giggled and reached out with both of his little arms. Birger extended his fist with his thumb and pinky finger standing out in a sideways 'hang loose' fashion. The child grabbed his fingers and Birger wiggled them lightly which caused him to giggle more.

"I swear… can you not get him riled up, hun?" Chel said in a frustrated tone.

Birger laughed and handed the baby to her. "C'mon, Chel! Look at his big smile! I can't resist when I see him like that~. Go relax, baby. I'll get the food and do the dishes."

Chel huffed and smiled. "I hope he doesn't turn out to be like you! I can barely keep up with one of you already. Having a miniature version of you running around will be the death of me!"

Birger scoffed as he separated the food onto plates. "At least it wasn't a girl! I couldn't imagine the amount of poor kids I'd have to scare off because they wanted to ask my daughter out!"

Clair spoke up as I watched. "He feels… nostalgia? As though what he speaks of has actually happened before."

I rubbed my forehead as I watched. It was… everything I could have hoped for, for Birger.

He was out there living his life in the happiest way imaginable. I could only imagine what had caused him to feel such dread.

It was a foreboding feeling.