Sorry for Being so Desperate

Dumaan ang ilang araw na umiiyak ako deep inside without my friends knowing how deep the wound is, na kahit tumatawa ako may nakabaon pa ding sakit sa puso ko, and nights na pillow ko lang ang karamay ko sa mga luha na iniiyak ko at si Allie sa na sa prayers ko na lang nakakausap. Until I thought of something that sounds and is really stupid. I created an account that no one will recognize. I used someone's photo from Google and created a name. I even added foreigners and iniwasan yung mga kakilala to avoid being recognized. And then I added her. I didn't expect na iaaccept nya ko especially na di naman ako kakilala but hey, some seconds ago lang and we're already friends. I can't help myself but message her. Nagpanggap na someone who's problematic about love.

"Hi"

"Hi. Who's this? Do I know you? "

"Actually, hindi, gusto ko lang sana may makausap. "

"For? "

"May problem kasi ako. Yung boyfriend ko kasi nakipagbreak sakin without me knowing anong problem. Just hoping na kahit papano may stranger na makakapagbigay sakin ng advice. Yung friends ko kasi walang matinong advice. "

"Ah yun lang ba? Then tell me more about your problem"

I didn't expect lalo na ganto ang responses nya. Mukha syang mabait and hindi judgmental. I made up stories and she replied like magkakilala na kami ng matagal.

"I hope that you will be okay. I know na mahirap but kaya mo yan. Cheering up for you. I have to go now. Bye."

"Thank you. Bye."

Medyo nakokonsensya ako sa ginawa ko. Napakabait nya para lokohin ko ng ganto.

Dumaan ang mga araw but I cannot help myself to message her kahit papano. Actually I want to extract more from her pano sila nagkakilala without her knowing kung sino ba talaga ako. She's so vulnerable actually to tell me lahat ng gusto kong malaman. And from there naliliwanagan ako sa nangyari between them and sa kung bakit nagustuhan ni Gio ang katulad nya. She's so far better than me. I tried to stalk her once more and saw pictures na kasama friends nya. I look at it and nakita ko how happy she is.

Dahil sa ginawa sakin ni Gio I feel so insecure sa kanya. I stalk her more the other days and chat with her often until di ko namamalayan na meron na kong kakaibang nararamdaman towards her.

I'm definitely straight, hindi pa ko nagkagusto sa girls sa buong buhay ko pero bakit ganito na ang nararamdaman ko sa kanya?