I Make Peace With Dying

Sure, I might’ve felt uneasy leaving Ian on his own with Penelope and her aunt. It could’ve been the fact that she called me a bad omen which felt a little rude, I didn’t even introduce myself. Usually, people waited a few hours into meeting me to decide whether I was a bad omen or not. I let it go though, I didn’t know what she meant and I hoped no one would ask me.

To pass the time outside, I wanted to ask Eumaeus about their research. As someone interested in science, it just felt right to ask. Besides, I wanted to know everything I could about these Ancient Order fuckers. It seemed like something substantial.

I didn’t get to ask my question though because as soon as the door closed, they turned to me. “Come on, let’s go to the library.” And immediately took off.

All I could do was follow, they didn’t give me much of a chance to protest and I didn’t want to left standing outside by myself. “Why? Won’t Penelope and Ian be worried when they’re done?”

Eumaeus just shook their head. “It’ll take a while,” they assured. “There should be a book of prophecy in there, we need it.”

“But why?” I asked. We were already getting the psychic readings from Penelope’s Aunt Robin, I didn’t understand why we needed a prophecy on top of that. “Where did the prophecies come from? Do you guys have Oracles? I thought you said knowing the prophecy wasn’t important.”

“It isn’t but it’ll help. I talked to Pen and she said there should be a copy of the book it’s in, in the library.” Eumaeus glanced back at me as if I’d just said something stupid and completely tactless. I tend to get that look a lot so I was pretty confident that’s what it was. “The prophecies were compiled thousands of years ago by a group of seers, there are ten volumes in total.”

“Which volume are we looking for?” I asked as Eumaeus stopped in front of a building. There was a wooden signpost above the door that read Llyfrgell. I didn’t know what that meant but I assumed that it was the library by the fact that Eumaeus pushed the door open.

“Two,” they replied. “But don’t worry about it, I should be able to find it quickly.”

Inside, it was empty apart from an old lady with fiery red hair sitting behind a computer at the counter. Like, literally fiery. Her hair was pointed upwards like a candle flame. It flickered as a gust of wind came in through the open door but didn’t go out. Could hair go out? Was it even hair or was it actual flames on top of her head? If so, was her head always just really warm? In comparison, her clothes were tame and boring; a white blouse and a tweed blazer with elbow patches from what I could see.

The library itself was huge. From the outside, you would think it was a lot smaller. However, in front of us, stretched a maze of bookshelves that reached the top of the ceiling. There were no ladders around so unless you were ridiculously tall, I had no idea how you would reach the top shelf. Unless perhaps the librarian had stilts or legs that were a couple of metres long. There was a small section immediately to our right that was filled with couches and armchairs with a plush green carpet over the wooden flooring.

Eumaeus turned a sharp left and I had to almost run to catch up. “Do you know where we’re looking?”

“Yes,” They replied and rounded another sharp right. “We need to find section P for prophecies.”

“There’s a prophecy section?” I felt like I was asking a lot of questions. You couldn’t blame me though. I mean, throw me into a fantasy world and I’m going to want to find out everything I can about it. There was a reason I had seen Classic Who and Modern Who a couple of dozen times, I loved complicated and convoluted lore.

Eumaeus glanced back at me, as if trying to say, Duh! “Do humans not have prophecies?”

“No,” I said, happy to be the one answering for once. “Some people believe in psychics and fortune telling but it’s mostly all a scam to prey on vulnerable people.”

“Do you believe in psychics and fortune-telling?”

Now, dear reader, I must admit to you that I have never really believed in anything. I was a man of science. I loved experiments and proving things worked according to universal laws. Sure, I liked the concept of magic, psychics and seers, but did I wholeheartedly believe they were real? No, not until we had some sort of scientific evidence to prove me wrong. I was never good at make-believe, even as a child, and magic- much like religion- required a certain amount of faith. A faith I did not have.

Even with Ian’s unexplainable dreams that seemed to tell the future, I wasn’t sure. I was on the side of caution. Maybe they were just freaky coincidences that happened a handful of times.

That being said, I had just spent the afternoon being transported to an alternate world via a mirror, imprisoned by a king and now I was helping an elf look for a book about prophecies, so who was I to know what was real and what wasn’t?

“I don’t know,” I confessed, almost knocking Eumaeus over when they stopped suddenly. “This morning I would’ve said no, but a lot has changed since then.”

“You should have more faith,” Eumaeus said and reached their hand up. I wanted to argue but I didn’t get the chance because suddenly, a book floated down from one of the upper shelves and landed gently in their hand.

I didn’t comment on how Eumaeus sounded exactly like my grandmother when they had said that, even though I badly wanted to. I also didn’t ask how the library knew just what book we needed, or how it had floated down. I had a feeling the answer would just be magic. Instead, I looked at them expectantly as they flipped through the book.

“Found it.” They thrust the book in my hand and began rummaging through their pockets.

When I looked at the book, my throat tightened. I didn’t like this at all.

The Ancient boy shall wake,

And with the Dreamer shall forsake

The tyrant king’s claim.

Find the sword of fame

Known by another name.

Trials he will overcome,

Follow in the steps of mum

And travel to the Lake Hum.

Face to face with death,

He will take his final breath.

“So I’m going to die,” I said, unimpressed. I didn’t want to die. Although, I supposed being in my last year of school, dying this young had a certain romanticism to it. “How are we even sure this is about me?”

“Because.” Eumaeus pulled out a notepad and pen. “The prophecy before that came true the day before you arrived here.”

I turned the book facing them, so they could write the prophecy down. “What was the last prophecy about?”

“Some uprising in another kingdom,” They said. “It doesn’t really matter and like I said earlier, we don’t know if you’re going to die.”

“It sounds like I will,” I responded, looking at the prophecy upside-down as if that would make it make more sense than before. “What does it mean?”

Eumaeus sighed. “Penelope and I got most of it figured out but we still don’t know who the Dreamer is, what it means by following in mum’s footsteps, the trials or the last two lines.”

I looked at them, hoping they would elaborate. I wasn’t in the mood for puzzle-solving. In all honesty, I wasn’t in the mood for a lot of things that I was doing today. Trials sounded a lot like tests and I was pretty good at those, so I was beginning to feel a little more optimistic than before.

“The first line, we figured, must have something to do with the Ancient Order. We thought you might possess some magic or something but you don’t seem to.” Eumaeus frowned. They seemed to be really disappointed with me as if this was my fault. “So maybe it’s not you and it’s Ian, has he shown any magical abilities?”

“Not really,” I said, which wasn’t technically a lie. I wouldn’t consider his strange dreams as magical abilities. Especially considering the fact that he could not control them.

“We just know that we have to go to Lake Hum because that’s where the old temple is where the Staff of Old is rumoured to be hidden,” Eumaeus explained. “We know it’s the Staff of Old because… well, the last person to use it wielded it as a sword and why else would the prophecy mention Lake Hum?”

Fair enough. A trip down to an ancient temple by a lake didn’t sound too bad- or it didn’t sound like something that would lead to my death. I knew how to swim and I did a basic life-guarding course back when I was twelve, I doubted I’d remember anything from it but hey, it was better than nothing.

“Let’s head back then,” I said, trying to push images of myself drowning in a lake out of my head.

Eumaeus nodded and I let them lead the way again. Neither of us spoke much on the way back. I was too busy trying to predict my death while Eumaeus mumbled the words of the prophecy over and over under their breath, which didn’t help my newfound fear of death.

It’s not that I wasn’t scared of death before, I just didn’t think a lot about it. Certainly, I didn’t imagine my death being by drowning. It might not even be drowning. I might trip over something and split my head open on a rock. What if someone shot me? Did they even have guns here? I didn’t know. I’d never even seen a gun in real life unless you counted those old war rifles you saw in museums. I had a nagging feeling it would be more complicated than that, as most things in my life were.

For instance, I couldn’t just be a regular guy who found other people attractive. I didn’t find anyone attractive. It was a sort of bomb I had been sitting on for the past six or so years. I always knew there was something fundamentally different about me compared to the other boys my age. During puberty, they would drool over girls and, sometimes, other boys. I found the idea revolting. That’s not to say I didn’t love anyone. I loved Ian, I love him more than anything in the world but I don’t love him the way you should love a romantic partner. He’s my best friend and that’s how it’ll always be, no matter whether or not he falls in love or marries someone else. We’ll just be us. It took me a while to realise I’d never actually fancied anyone, I guess that’s just the way it goes though. Feelings have always been hard for me to figure out. I always had to talk about them, maybe because once you say something out loud, it becomes real and not just an abstract concept in your mind. I should stop trying to rationalise it away, Ian says I have a habit of trying to make everything sound like a logical equation. I can’t help it if I like things to make sense though.

Ian and Penelope are still inside when we get there. I debate on staying quiet for about two seconds before I open my mouth. “If I die,” I said, looking over at Eumaeus. “Could you bring me home and make sure I’m not stuck here?”

“Of course.” Eumaeus smiled sadly at me. “I’d make sure of it personally, you’d be declared a hero here too.”

“Thanks,” I responded, being declared a hero after death sounded a little surreal, like a dream. Surely, it would not come to that but if I died, it would be nice to be remembered fondly. I was more concerned with getting me back to my dad though, there was part of me that felt guilty at the idea of forcing my dad to bury another person he loved. Not to mention, I was walking into this willingly, and with minimal hesitation.

Then, suddenly, the door swung open. Penelope came through first, looking brave and defiant. Ian, on the other hand, looked like he was going to throw up.