The story of Benji (And his Principle)

Once, in the medium-sized town of Rochester, Minnesota, there was a young boy named Benji, who was 9 years old. Benji loved to act like a dummy and play video games for 50 percent of the day. (80 percent when he wasn't in school, pretending to learn something) He never even passed level one of Pac-man, and he had been playing it for seven years. He wanted a Nintendo Switch but couldn't afford one. So he just dreamed about getting one. He even started saving up some money, but only had two dollars and fifteen cents after four years. Everyone thought he was dumb, and he was the class clown. They knew that he stank a lot. Pe-yew! He was kinda poor, and he could afford to get clean, but he was put down by his classmates, so he never felt like it. He was just never in a good mood. He got back at the world being a bad kid. He at LEAST had some friends though, his "good friends" were William, Cameron, Locklhan, Ass, Bae, Fai, Footy, Johan, Sid, Jorge, and … nobody else. They were all in third grade, except for Jorge and Sid. Jorge was in fourth grade, and Sid was in fifth. (The school was kindergarten through sixth grade.) Benji got Fs on all of his homework, so it's so surprising how he even got to the next grade after the end of every year! He wasn't very smart, and he didn't care what anyone thought! Then one day, he came to school with a sneaky idea that he had read in a book, which he didn't understand. (Just so we're clear, Benji didn't understand the book, or part of the idea-the most important part about not being caught.He was able to udnerstand the rest of it just fine, though.) He would spy on his neighbor's paper and copy their answers. He copied Diya's paper in Math. He copied Anika's paper in Spanish. He copied Yash's paper in Social Studies. He tried to copy Emma's paper in Language Arts, but Emma noticed and told the teacher. Benji was caught! The teacher sent him to detention. Even though he was too young, she thought he deserved it. Benji slinked down the hallway and tried to sneak out, but the principal spotted him and waved him in his office. Benji slowly dragged his feet in the door and threw himself onto the chair in front of his principal. The principal started talking, and Benji zoned out. A few minutes later, the principal mentioned punishment. It commenced, the principal spanked him for cheating and was about to say something when he got an email about Taco Bell having a huge sale! (THE PRINCIPAL LOVED TACO BELL MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THE WORLD!!) Yay, Taco Bell! After seat buckling Benji to the chair, the principal sprinted to the nearest Taco Bell, which was two miles away. Somehow, he managed to come back in five minutes. The principal broke a world record! While the principal chomped on his taco, he told Benji that the boy would be kicked out for cheating. (Which was unsportsmanlike!) Benji did not like that idea, so he stuck out his tongue at the principal, and spit all over his taco. (Also, Benji was indignant at being stuck in the chair for really naughty kids with the dreaded seat belt.) The poor principal! Then, Benji ran out of the office, out of the building, and down the sidewalk towards Minneapolis. (Why not?) The principal sprinted after him, determined to avenge his taco. It took the principal 8 times around the property before he could catch Benji. When he caught him, Benji kicked the principal in the shins. He may be dumb, but he was kind of strong, actually. While the principal was in pain and was very embarrassed, Benji sprinted away. Mrs. Harmon ran out of the building to assist Mr. Doyle, the principal. Benji ran into the next-door church's parking lot. The priest coming out of the church yelled at Benji. Something to do with "Where're you going, you nasty kid?" (He had to do an Anointing of the Sick, otherwise the priest would've stopped Benji.) Benji ignored the furious priest and ran into the church. Meanwhile, the taco-loving principal called THE COPS. (Social Services was taking a looooooooooong break. After twenty nonstop years of dealing with evil delinquents, wouldn't you?) All the teachers tried-and-failed to restrain Benji. All the kids were watching out the windows and cheering Benji on. (Except for the people whose papers he copied, including Emma.) Benji ran out into the gathering space, and he knocked over a vase of flowers on his way to the altar. As the vase plummeted, Mr. Doyle ran in. Taking a running leap, he reached out as he fell to the ground, and caught the vase. Benji scrambled back in shock because he never knew that the principal could do that impressive feat. Meanwhile, Mr. Doyle stood up and handed the vase to Mrs. Harmon. She had followed them and had seen the whole thing. Mrs. Harmon gently set up the vase on the table where it had rested. Benji ran down the church aisle and disappeared behind the altar, knowing that his principal was in the church. Mr. Doyle treaded cautiously after him. When he found Benji, the boy was attempting to play a tune on the organ. The church was filled with squeaks and uneven notes. Mr. Doyle yanked Benji away from the organ and slapped him hard across the face. After a long and boring (to Benji) lecture about how he shouldn't run off, the cops arrived. They ran into the church with their guns out, expecting to find a felon, a criminal, a mafia lord, or a crime boss, not a boy with a raging principal towering above him. Benji yanked his arm out of Mr. Doyle's vicelike grasp and lunged for the door. Benji slipped out the door before the cops could blink. Then, they regained their senses and chased him down Highway 63. All the while, cars stopped and people stared. People filmed the whole thing. Folks called their relatives and told them about this strange phenomenon. As he ran, Benji could feel the stares and hear the shouts of the principal and the police. While Mr. Doyle ran after Benji, he realized he was missing out on Taco Bells' biggest sale of the year! He had to get more tacos to be happy! (Since Benji had covered his first taco in saliva.) The principal reversed course and ran for the Taco Bell that was 3 and a half miles away. He arrived in 4 minutes. The line was horribly and immensely long. He was extremely annoyed. He had better things to do than wait in line! (Like restraining naughty kids as they ran from him and the police down highways.) Steam flew out of his ears. His face went bright tomato red. He channeled his inner rhino and ran down the line. He barged into the front and gave his order. When he became impatient while waiting for his delicious meal, he grabbed the tacos from an elderly couple sitting down in a booth. Then, he stole the meat taco from a small child waiting by the exit for her mommy. She cried. He went back in line and got his order. Then, he realized that he didn't have dessert. He yelled at the cashier and demanded a free dessert. When the cashier refused, Mr. Doyle vaulted over the counter and grabbed ten desserts from the fridge. Then when he also realized he didn't get a drink, he went back to the old couple, grabbed both of their drinks, and their second order of tacos. (They had to order again after he took their first order.) He started walking back, but decided against that and turned around and grabbed their dessert. Then went back to the cashier, and yelled for fries and 5 different dressings on a large salad. He also bought a chocolate chip cookie and gave it to a little girl who was still sobbing and said "I don't know why you're crying but here, I guess." The child glared at him and told him to go jump in a lake filled with crocodiles that had poisonous teeth. She was so upset that she yelled for the whole restaurant to hear that a big, bad man stole her lunch. While Mr. Doyle backed away in terror, he saw all the people in the restaurant were glaring venomously at him. The little girl threw the cookie he gave her at him after she crushed it up under her heel with a loud crunch. Then he looked at the elderly couple and the grandma dumped her drink on him. Dripping wet and furious, Mr. Doyle stomped up to the cashier and loudly demanded some paper towels to dry off with. He glared at the old lady that soaked him with her drink. The old lady glared right back at him with fire in her ancient eyes, daring him to do something. Of course, Mr. Doyle ignored her challenge. He got so mad that steam came out of his ears, because he knew if he did anything, he would be tossed in jail. And he didn't want to go to jail. That couldn't happen. Ever. Otherwise, how would he fulfill his dream of being a world-famous maraca player? More steam came out of his ears. (Again, but this time it sounded like a foghorn.) Mr. Doyle waited impatiently for his salad, making grumblings about "stupid people" and "why is it taking so long to make a salad". When his salad finally came, he told the cashier that there wasn't enough honey mustard or croutons on his salad. The cashier put more honey mustard and croutons on his salad. Then, Mr. Doyle said that there wasn't enough ranch or tomatoes. The annoyed cashier put on more ranch and mini tomatoes. He declared the salad done. Mr. Doyle accepted the salad, but then came back and demanded black olives. The extremely frustrated cashier put on some olives. Then, Mr. Doyle demanded that there should be a more crisp, green lettuce in the bowl, calling the salad "dilapidated". The I-now-despondently-hate-this-crazy-man-thinking cashier screamed in extreme annoyance, but he put some more lettuce on the growing salad. Then he told Mr. Doyle that he was done doing "outlandish" things for him. Mr. Doyle's feelings that had been sorta pent-up during the whole exchange blew to the surface. He started loudly screaming at the poor guy behind the register while the diners stared. The cashier turned whiter and whiter as Mr. Doyle ranted. "What is the matter with you?!?!?! Are you crazy?!?! I thought your job was to help people and make sure the customer is put first!!!! Do you think a few more lettuce leaves and some olives are outlandish?!?! How dare you?!?! I should call the cops!!!! I can ask for whatever I want that is on the menu!!" "Yeah, well, you don't ask for things, you have been demanding things Also, your salad was perfectly fine. The bowl wasn't "cracked", and it was a "true salad"." the cashier retorted, finding his confidence in the face of meanness. Mr. Doyle's face became red with anger. "Oh, yeah? Do you think you're so smart? You are nothing but a petty cashier because you failed school!" "For your information, I wanted to be a cashier! I like talking to people and taking orders! It is fun to do!" the cashier snapped. "That's not my idea of fun!" Mr. Doyle yelled furiously. "Well, you and I have different ideas of fun." the cashier responded heatedly. Mr. Doyle looked at everyone else in the restaurant and saw that they were nodding along to what the cashier was saying. He stomped loudly out of the store with his beloved food. Meanwhile, while all that Taco Bell drama was going on, Benji set a record for the longest run on a highway. He ran from Rochester clear to Minneapolis! The police were chasing him the whole way. (He might have stolen a car to get halfway there, but that wasn't important.) Anyway, the police also used their cars to get there. The point is that what just happened had never been done before, and the police were baffled. They didn't know what to do except chase the kid. Benji arrived in Bloomington and ran into the South parking garage after ditching his car to the side of Killebrew Drive. As he sprinted up the ramp, he decided to go shopping and dashed into Nordstrom. (That was the first big department store he saw.) As he ran through the displays, he thought about how he had been in Rochester only 45 minutes ago. The store manager joined the chase parade following Benji after the boy knocked over several manekins. Benji sprinted around the corner and lunged for the escalators. He sprinted up the down escalator, knocking people over in his mad dash to get to level three. Everyone glared at him. He realized that there were a whole bunch of shops outside of the store. He ran out of the mall entrance by the kids' shoes. All around him, people gasped and cleared out. They were shocked that a 9-year-old boy would be running from the cops, several store managers, and mall security in the biggest, busiest mall in North America. As Benji dashed into and out of stores, he wondered if he was going to be famous. That was the old Benji. He always wanted to be famous, and whenever he did something that he felt was important, he would wonder if he would become famous. Several of the store clerks ran after him because he knocked something over or damaged their displays. (That was only true for the stores that had clerks to spare. Those store people just waved their fists threateningly at Benji, but didn't chase him.) As the cops weaved in and out between people, they wondered how this had happened. 50 minutes ago they had been having coffee at Starbucks when they got the call about a nasty boy misbehaving terribly. The mall security was unhappily reminiscing about how they were just about to break a record with no donuts when they got splattered with bits of donut outside of Dunkin' Donuts and licked it off their faces. Too bad for them! As Benji ran, he saw the most wonderful thing in the world. A doll-ripping store called Doll Destroy!! Benji loved to tear up dolls, so Doll Destroy was Heaven in store form. Benji loved that store too much, he was crazy about it. His mother had to take him EVERY day! So, he couldn't help but duck in there with 3 cops, 6 store managers and clerks, and mall security on his tail. For 5 days he stayed in that mall hiding even when it was closed, just so he could tear apart dolls. Crazy, right? He had a great time though. Some of his favorite hiding spots included potted plants and bathroom stalls. But his mom looked for him because the school said he was gone for the whole week, asking his mother, "Where on Earth is Benji?!" The mother called the police every day but no one could find this little boy, and it has been 3 weeks now! The police were baffled. They had been chasing the kid for an hour until they lost him. This had been the 5th time they got a call about a kid alone in the mall running and running around, mostly staying in a doll-ripping store, so the security chased him every time but they always got tired easily and had given up. Then they went to go get a yummy mocha frappuccino and eat more donuts. They looked kinda fat. After the donut binge, they gained 35 pounds and 1 ounce, and looked a little like Santa, but BIGGER! One of the guys even had a short white beard. So children kept jumping on their laps every time they sat down, like rabbits leaping in their burrow. It made the security men spill their coffee on them every time, so their pants were burning hot. Their shirts were covered with frosting from the donuts. The kids didn't care though, they just licked the frosting off and grabbed their new donut. The men had to get after the other guy, who fell off his chair and the kid just ran away back to their parents, like nothing happened! They had searched the whole mall inch by inch, but no Benji. They even searched under the plants in Nickelodeon Universe! As Benji was running, he saw a girl about his age reading a book by the Adidas store. The book was titled "A Journey through the World" by Tanya Smith. The girl was immersed in her book so much that she didn't notice Benji sprinting by. Benji stopped, turned around and ran around the fountain by the Adidas store. She didn't look up, too engrossed in her book she was reading. Well, that episode of ignoring hurt Benji's pride. (And his ego, which he will claim is nonexistent, but don't listen to him. He totally does have an ego. I mean, what kind of person spends two hours getting every hair on his head in place, only to realize that after gym his hair is a wreck and faints in the bathroom? Then he wakes up and misses his next four classes fixing it and almost misses the dismissal bell, then gets about 10 incompletes for not being in class and not even starting the assignments. Totally egotistical. Definitely not modest. Oh, wait, then he goes home and brags about his hair and how cool he is and that he's popular-which is not true-while his parents realize he's failing half of his classes except lunch. That technically isn't even a class, it's the only period he isn't doing terribly in. Somebody has a big ego!) Sorry, got sidetracked. :) As I was saying, Benji wanted to be the center of attention ALL THE TIME, and for everyone to notice him. He thought he should be on the cover of Time magazine, not Donald Trump. (He only knew about Time because his parents read it to him out loud. He never paid attention, though.) He thought he should be giving the news, not the news anchor guy. He was much better looking. (and way more egotistical) His parents tried to educate him, but it never worked. He was too busy playing Pac-man. (Or thinking about it when his parents took away his xbox. Many times. The only time he got his xbox back was when he got a grade above a D, which was a rarity, as he never did his homework.) He stood on the fountain edge. Benji ran around and around the fountain, then skipped along the rim. Step, step, step-splash! Benji lost his balance and fell in the fountain. The girl looked up, annoyed that he had gotten her book wet. Benji grinned sheepishly, then stumbled out of the fountain. He opened his mouth, and said, "I'm sorry." The guard who had been pretending to be a potted plant unfroze, and leaped out of a corner. Benji lunged to the side, and leaped up onto the rim of the fountain. The guard followed him as Benji ran around and around. At the end of a curve, the guard lost his balance and also fell into the fountain with an even bigger splash. The girl growled in annoyance, then got up and stalked to a seating area on the other side of the rotunda. Benji ran up the escalator, and down a lane of shops, but stopped when he passed Cinnabon. He dashed into the store, and snatched a cinnamon twist, then ran back out into the mall. As he ran, he ate his delicious twist and looked out for any guards. A floor down, he saw the dripping wet guard calling for backup. He ran even faster. Another guard tackled Benji as he rounded the corner. This guard had frosting all over his shirt and had coffee-soaked pants. He was also very fat. Benji scrambled out from under him, and ran into Macys. The guard with the frosting-shirt called for backup as Benji ran to Macy's Backstage on the third floor. When he arrived, several clerks with angry looks stood blocking his path. Behind him, mall security materialized. "We've got you now, kid." the biggest and most frosting-covered mall cop said. Benji stuck out his tongue, and blew raspberries at everyone, showering a few cops with spittle. Then, he jumped up and landed on a shelf, then ran along it and hopped onto another. He repeated this process until he was once again in the main mall area. The cops that were pretending to be shopping bags leaped at him, but Benji just jumped over the railing. He plummeted three floors down, and landed in a seating area next to the very disgruntled girl from earlier. He smiled at her, and she glared at him, but then another cop came sailing down, and she actually screamed in frustration. Then she ran into a Nike store, sat down, and started to read again. Benji barely dodged a tackle from the cop, then he turned and ran down the South alley of shops, during which a shopper threw an empty bag at him. He ducked, and kept moving. The mall security appeared from behind the Noodles and Company restaurant after he turned into South Street Dining. He escaped by grabbing a lollipop from Sugar Factory (It was big. Pretty big.) and throwing it at them. A heavily annoyed Sugar Factory employee chased after him, but lost him when Benji arrived in Nickelodeon Universe after an exciting escalator dash. Benji sneaked onto the Ferris Wheel, but a guard spotted him. When Benji realized he was found, he lunged/dove out of the Ferris Wheel onto the second floor balcony. Then, he ran up two more escalators until he reached the restaurant area. Next, he ran down the long hallway to the CMX VIP Cinema, and ducked into a theater that was showing Sonic the Hedgehog. He sat down in the back row, and watched the movie. When he exited the theater and the cinema, he saw a cop a floor down, going up an escalator. He grabbed a chocolate mint from a server, and ran while he chowed down. Stuff like this had been happening the past few weeks, but never this much. Then, Benji dashed by a sign showing KISS'S last touring, and they would stop at MOA. No wonder they wanted him out of there fast. Benji let his determination to not be removed from the mall fuel him, and he lunged across the walkway, grabbed a chandelier string, and swung across the mall in the middle of the lanes like a monkey. The security guys followed him on the first floor, and more cops followed him across the way on the third floor. Benji reached a dead end. The cops smirked, but he just shimmied down to the second floor, and hit the ground running. He ran by Sephora and Sleep Number, then turned, went up the escalator, and ran past a cardboard statue of Mike Lindall. He punched the cardboard Mike Lindall's face, and continued on. He ducked into Nordstrom Rack, then hid in a clothes rack. He waited and waited in that clothes rack. Maybe nobody liked that clothes rack in particular very much, because Benji was not found. After about four hours, the lights turned off, and the manager left. Benji snuck out of the rack, and out into the empty, dark mall. He ran down to Cold Stone Creamery and had a vanilla cone with a mountain of toppings. Then, he slipped into Starbucks and had a Caramel Ribbon Crunch frappuccino. Yes, there was an extra one sitting out. He couldn't have made one himself. Then, he ran to his stolen bed in a huge bathroom stall that had floor-to-ceiling dividers, and locked the door. It was in a bathroom that nobody ever used, in a apart fo the mall that nobody ever went to, so he didn't have anything to worry about. Next, he promptly fell asleep. Six days later, KISS arrived to much fanfare. Benji disguised himself with a stolen outfit, and the mall security didn't give him a second glance. After the performance was "over", Benji sneaked away. He stole a box of chocolates from Godiva on the first floor to celebrate. After having the best sleep he sure was hungry, the chocolate was yummy, but he wanted something more. He looked around but found no food. He looked in door after door until someone called him to come in a room to get ready. "Ready for what?" Benji asked. "Ready for the show of course, now lunch will be here in 5!" Lunch? Oh, Benji could get used to this all right! The person kept calling him this other name, and it sure wasn't Benji, but he went along with it anyways. Benji still kept on thinking why the person thought he was someone else until he realized-he was still wearing his disguise! What was the crowd going to think when he went on that stage?! There was only one way, he decided. In a split second, Benji ripped off his disguise, and then ran up onto the stage, screamed an earsplitting screech into the microphone, and dashed for Games by James on the third floor. The police intercepted him on the second floor, so he lunged into the crowd below, who caught him and shoved him along towards the Log Chute ride. He hopped on a log, and off he went. Back onstage, KISS mentioned Benji, but called him "that boy". Surprisingly, Peter Criss on drums praised Benji, and told everyone to film him if they had a chance. Then, he thanked the audience for coming, and started another number. After the Log Chute chase, from which the mall security remained soaked and Benji was almost dry, Benji ducked into the crowd and sang along with them. The cops chased him through the rotunda, but he jumped onto the second floor. Ace Freehly commented on Benji's "incredible skill", and led the band in starting a new song. Encouraged by Ace, Benji decided that he wanted some more height, and he ran for Dutchman's Deck. Several of the police whimpered softly under their breaths in fright. Still, they had to follow him. "Remind me to tell the chief to let us take a course in tall rides, ziplines, and adventures in the sky." One of the cops muttered to his partner, who had actually turned a little white. After they were all strapped in, they looked for Benji, and found him, two floors above, shimmying along a rope. They swallowed their fear, and started slowly after him. By the time they were on the fifth level, Benji was just reaching the slide. "Let's go back down." a cop suggested. "You can't go back." said the assistant. "You have to finish the course." "Really?! Are you kidding me?! Seriously?! You're joking." came from all the cops. "No, you have to finish the course." the instructor firmly said. "Fiiiiine." they all grumbled, not wanting to fight this guy sixty feet in the air on a small platform, thin rope, or worse-those wobbling steps. Also, the instructor would have an advantage because (a) he wasn't scared of heights, and (b) had practice and probably knew the course like the back of his hand. To make matters worse, Benji was completely out of sight, and they had left their walkie-talkies back downstairs. However, when they finally finished, their walkie-talkies were nowhere in sight. "WHERE DID OUR WALKIE-TALKIES GO??!!??!!" They all yelled. "Up here!" Someone called. They looked up in the tcf rotunda. Benji held their walkie-talkies, grinning. "Try and catch me, you wimps!" he taunted, then turned and ran. Paul Stanley led the audience in a round of applause for Benji. Then, they started "I was made for Loving You". The cops dashed up to the third floor, but Benji was gone. Long gone. They looked around in confusion, but didn't see him anywhere. Then they heard, "Yoo-hoo!", and looked up. Benji was perched on the rafters on the fourth floor. He pretended to slowly let go of the walkie-talkies, and the guards yelped in alarm. Benji chuckled and tightened his grip. The guards sighed with relief. Another cop had just reached the fourth floor, and ran off in search of a tall ladder. Benji smirked. Then the guard returned, set the ladder down, and began to climb. Very, very slowly. Two minutes later, he was on the fourth rung. Benji started laughing. He laughed and laughed. He laughed so much he almost toppled off the rafters. The guard turned red, then white, then fuschia. He climbed faster until he was on the top rung. He reached up for Benji-and Benji got up and slinked along the rafter. When he was clear of the guards, he leaped down, then flew down two escalators. On the second floor, he ran until he reached a Nike store. Inside, he found the girl who was still reading, and sincerely apologized to her. She snorted, but then softened and accepted his apology. Benji smiled, and ran quickly out of the store when he saw guards running down the lane towards him with angry looks. "Get back here, you rude brat!!" they yelled. Benji shouted back, "No way, you meanies!!" They growled and doubled their speed. Benji tripled his speed and zoomed along. Then, a really stupid and egotistical kid named Cire yelled, "Hi, Benji!" and tried to get closer. Instead, he fell off the fourth floor balcony, flailed wildy (making him look like a crazy chicken), landed in a fountain. He broke every bone in his body. He died on impact. "NO!!!!" Cire's friend CJ screamed in horror. He ran to his dead friend's body in shock. CJ started crying hysterically. He sobbed, and wailed. All the cops tried to calm him down, but failed. "You were my hero!!" he screamed raggedly at Benji. "Now you killed my only friend in the whole wide world!! I hate you so much right now!!!" Benji shrugged, and continued. He couldn't care less what one of his deranged fans thought. Wait a second. FANS?? Benji stopped dashing down the lane, and tried to ponder that. A frantically yelling guard brought him back to the present, and he started up again, this time going at a light jog. The cops ran to the poor kid's broken body, and the sobbing CJ. Then, Benji chucked a pair of crocs at the mall security, but missed and hit the poor dead Cire. Benji cringed as CJ wailed in despair, then threw a tub of buttered popcorn at the guards. This, however, did hit the guards. But some of it hit the dead boy and his mourning friend. Benji cheered, but had some reservations about cheering because he hit a dead boy's body…. The guards fumed. A security guy ran for the escalators. Benji saw, and ran for the escalators on the second floor. The security guy followed Benji, and more melted out of the shadows to chase him as Benji ran up the third floor escalator. On the fourth floor, he ran into Cantina #1, quickly stole some mints from the front basket, and ran out the second entrance/exit. A server and one of the three front desk greeters ran after Benji as he jumped into the rotunda a few yards to the west and down below. He landed on the stage where KISS was wrapping up. Gene Simmons clapped Benji on the shoulder, led him to center stage, and publicly thanked him for making his band more popular. Benji bowed, and the audience roared. The cops and mall security rolled their eyes again. KISS applauded enthusiastically. The mall security weaved through the crowd-or tried to. Everyone simply just stood in their way or made the cops recoil as they screamed in the poor cops' ears, "Benji rulz!!". When the cops finally reached the stage, Benji thanked, high-fived, or fist-bumped the members of KISS, and ran down the stairs. He followed up with a high scissor kick in midair. Then, he vaulted up to the second floor, flipped to the third, and somersaulted to the fourth. (A video of Benji doing this went viral. Yes, there were hidden trampolines under his feet. Duh.) While all of that excitement was going on, poor Mr. Doyle was swamped with reporters and Benji's frantic mother's emails and teacher worries and student emails and principal stuff. He was so disorganized and harried that he wore bunny slippers and a puppy tie to an interview! One day he showed up at school covered head-to-toe in sticky cereal that his three-year old son threw at him. Another time, when Ms. Harmon peeked in his office, she saw him pouring out his heart to a wilted, droopy, pretty much dead-or half dead potted fern on his desk. Also, whenever Mr. Doyle opened a file drawer, a huge mountain of paperwork fell out. Along with a few other things, including two-week-old-gum and broken rubber bands. Benji had been at Mall of America for over a month now, making a game of eluding police, mall security, and angry store managers. His favorite time was when he grabbed two whole bins full of cotton candy, and spent the afternoon throwing handfuls at the cops and eating some. They were covered in sticky sweetness except for one, who ate it off. They had to take long, hot, soapy showers when they went home. He laughed so hard he almost fell off the railing. Benji continued to see the Girl Who Always Read A Book (TGWARAB) everywhere. Sometimes she didn't notice him, other times she looked up and waved, or laughed when Benji did something stupidly funny. He was always in a hurry, though, and didn't get to talk to her much. Benji wished he could have some time to talk to her, but whenever he slipped out of one of his many hiding/sleeping spots, the cops trailed him. Whenever he attracted attention by stealing, or screaming, or disrupting, the mall security materialized, and a great chase ensued. After about two months, Benji's mother finally checked social media, and was shocked at what she saw that had to do with Benji. Then, she arrived at Mall of America, found Benji, and told him he was famous. Then, she surprisingly told him to stay at MOA, and keep having fun. But, she told him he only had two years, max, before he had to go home. Benji agreed. His mother walked out into the open, and left. Benji seemed to have taken his mother's words to heart, for his actions increased in number and badness. The mall security could often be seen pulling popcorn out of their hair or unhanging Christmas lights from random places, except for Hollister's Christmas. Sometimes, when Benji was stopped, the viewers took a seat or leaned against a railing to enjoy the show. Some people had a habit of carrying food around so they could have show food. It was especially entertaining when Benji got his hands on a bag of giant robotic hairy, red-eyed spiders, and made them go after the cops. That one was definitely filmed, of course. Lots of people laughed and laughed. They continued chortling as they went on their way after Benji vanished. Benji's mother came back after about two weeks and told him he should start having shows at a certain time. Benji argued that the cops would somehow find out, and be ready for him. Benji's mother told him to give a little slip of paper to each store manager so they could tell their customers. (The store managers didn't hate Benji anymore because his mother came every two weeks, took Benji's list of things he had done, and paid for what he used. He was making them more famous which means more customers, and that equals more money. Some of them even hung Team Benji posters in their store windows. Yes, Benji had merch. Several people had Team Benji shirts, backpacks, travel mugs, or sunglasses.) Then she added that the people who knew shouldn't tell anyone at all. Benji agreed, and one week later, most of the store managers a few slips they told their customers about. Benji's first show would take place on November 8th in the tcf rotunda, the very same rotunda where KISS once performed. Before the show, Benji entertained the mall by throwing bean bags at the guards. His mother had paid for 400 beanbags, so he had enough for another time. (She was one of those mothers who wanted the very best for her son.) The day before the show, Benji found a spray gun, filled it in one of the many fountains, hid in the shadows, then sprayed the guards and ran. A dripping wet cavalry of guards gathered in the rotunda in front of Nickelodeon Universe to form a plan of attack. After twenty minutes, they had high emotions, and no plan. Forty minutes later, a guard was kicking a potted plant, one was eating a cinnamon twist he had bought, and another was fixing his hair in one of the mirrored columns. After coming to a conclusion, the lead cop went to purchase spray guns for his men. Once they all were armed, they split up and went off in search of Benji. During the search Benji soaked two guards and sprayed another. Eventually, the lead cop found Benji, who was fixing a doll head to the latest and the greatest spray gun on top of a shelf in Doll Destroy. The lead cop tried to spray Benji, but Benji leapt up and squirted the cop instead, then ran to the third floor railing above the rotunda. He flipped onto the stage that was still set up (The people that were supposed to take it down were too lazy.), and said into the microphone, "Gather round, everyone, and see this unexpected water fight between me, Awesome Benji, and these terrible cops." Then, he went over the whole mall's loudspeaker, and said, "Everyone who wants to see my unplanned show, come to the South rotunda in front of Nickelodeon Universe." All the cops rushed to rotunda, and found a huge crowd waiting for Benji. They got mad. Then they hid in the shadows and waited for the main attraction himself. A few seconds later, Benji arrived in a spray of water, which he flipped through. Then, he landed on the stage, and bowed as the audience cheered. A cop lunged out of the shadows, gun drawn, but missed Benji and sprayed a plant. Benji snickered, and promptly soaked the cop. "One down!" he yelled in celebration. Another mall security man leaped onto the stage and sprayed Benji-or so he thought. Benji leapt up and avoided the water, then sprayed the cop, picked him up, and threw him in the pool beside the stage. The other cop also went into the pool with a splash. A third cop jumped at Benji, who lunged sideways, tackled the guard, and dumped him unceremoniously into the water. No, Benji did not get wet in the slightest bit at all. The crowd clapped. Some stood up to get popcorn refills. After dispatching three more guards, the remaining ones were reluctant to get close to him. However, the lead cop and the lead mall security guy ganged up on him. When they sprayed water, Benji dropped to the floor in a crouch, and the leaders sprayed each other. Benji led the audience in laughing, and the cops turned red. Bright red. One charged at Benji, who lifted his gun and sprayed the cop. He quickly refilled it while one cop helped the other (Who was very fat, and covered in frosting and coffee.) to his feet. "Round two!" Benji yelled, and jumped onto the stage speakers. The lead cop sprayed water at Benji, who rolled off the speaker and onto the floor. The lead mall security man also sprayed Benji, but he rolled over to a safe spot, and jumped to his feet. The battle commenced. Within two minutes, both leaders were tossed in the pool, soaked. Benji paraded around in victory with his spray gun lifted. Every audience member cheered enthusiastically. Benji pointed his gun upward, and sprayed a celebratory fountain-style blast. Everyone in the crowd roared again as he flipped up and out of sight. A few minutes later, he could be seen swinging on chandelier strings upstairs on the second floor, singing along to "Rock and Roll All Nite". The next day, an even bigger crowd gathered in the rotunda. A video screen showing all angles of the mall was set up, and at 11:00 am precisely, Benji could be seen perched atop a large hanging yellow airplane that was suspended by invisible, strong cords near Cantina #1. The crowd quieted immediately. A few minutes later, Benji swung into the rotunda and landed center stage. He spoke. "Thank you, everyone for coming to my first-ever show. Today, I have some extra-special tricks set up for the guards, who should know that I am here any second. I thank you all for coming up with my nickname, the MOA Acrobat. It is a mark of honor, and I will bear it proudly. Now I ask you to turn on your cameras, get some food, and go to the bathroom." After everyone was back, Benji continued, "I am fortunate enough to be able to do this, and have fun up here. I am originally from Rochester, and I escaped from school one day. That's how this all began. I thank everyone from my school, my mother, and the security and cops up here. They may not be able to catch me, but they are great with everything else they do. So, thank you all once again for coming, and enjoy the show!!" The stage exploded in smoke bombs, and when it cleared, Benji had several "weapons", and a nasty smirk. He went over the mall's loudspeaker, and yelled, "I'm in the South rotunda! Come and get me, you slow, fat, lazy, and food-covered cops!!" That being done, Benji filled several squirt guns, stacked up crocs, balls, and tubs of cotton candy in the shadows. Then, he hid behind a huge speaker and waited. A few minutes passed. Then a few more. Suddenly, the cops burst on stage, and looked for Benji. When they looked behind the speaker, the audience gasped, for Benji was not there. Then, they spotted him copying another guard behind his back, doing stupid things. The crowd started laughing uncontrollably. The guards looked at the audience in puzzlement. They just laughed harder and harder, until they almost fell out of their chairs. Benji winked, then vanished behind a decorative column. The audience stopped laughing. The guards rolled their eyes, thinking the crowd was going crazy. They weren't, though. Benji was just sneakier than he looked. The guards were still looking for Benji when a huge waterfall came cascading down on several mall security guys and cops. They all looked up. On the second floor, there stood Benji, holding a hose turned on at full blast. The cops sputtered in indignation, sopping wet, and some lunged for the escalators, but by the time they got there, Benji was long gone. They turned around, leaving large puddles of water, then ran back down to his stage. Somehow, they managed not to slip and break their bones. A few seconds later, he appeared perched on the metal cylinders crisscrossing the top of the stage. He produced a large tub of cotton candy, and threw large handfuls at the cops. They yelled and ducked, but one cop always got hit. Mostly because he just stood there, trying to figure out where the "cotton candy rain" came from. He also ate it off. This was the cotton candy-loving guard from before, obviously. When the tubs were empty, Benji snatched a huge tub of buttery popcorn, and threw big handfuls of that at the guards. They growled in annoyance, but Benji always hit somebody, guard or cop. After he got bored of that, Benji came up with a huge pile of beanbags, which he chucked at the guards while he polished off the cotton candy. He wasn't fat because he had been running and leaping and jumping and avoiding the police. (The guards were, though. Especially the cotton-candy-loving one. Not as fat as the still-donut-bingeing guards, though.) When the beanbag barrage was over, Benji made lassos of Christmas lights, and flung them at the guards. Several missed, and some caught. The caught guards struggled in vain to free themselves. Some brave cops tried to free their peers, but couldn't get the knots undone, and also ended up caught. They growled in annoyance. Soon, there were only two cops, and one mall security guy left. Benji grinned in celebration. He tossed his last lasso at a cop, caught him, then snatched another two strings of lights, and made two more lassos. He caught both remaining guys, and grabbed a super long strand of lights. He dragged all the guards together, then bound them all up with each other in one big lump. Of angry and embarrassed police and security service guys. Benji vaulted back onstage, and bowed to thunderous applause. The police demanded that Benji release them, while one panicked guy shook so much the whole group moved around. The audience laughed, because the entangled cops looked like they were doing a mix of the tarantella, the macarena, and the worm. The cops snarled, incensed. Benji laughed at them, then grabbed some sticky cereal and spread it all over the guards. They tried to shake it off, but ended up looking like wet puppies. Someone lifted their phone, and "Shake It Off" blared from the tiny speaker. Everyone cracked up. The cops grumbled. Benji deftly cut the Christmas lights, and cops stumbled around, into each other, and fell several times getting their bearings. The lead cop and mall security guy had not learned their lesson, for both of them sprang at Benji, who moved in the blink of an eye with a sigh. The men ended up tackling each other-hard. Benji laughed from atop a huge speaker. The audience laughed from on the floor and on their chairs. (Several people fell off, due to high hysterics.) Benji saluted everyone, then jumped out of sight. A few minutes later, he exited Games by James carrying a ball blaster and a loaded Nerf gun. He leapt down to the second floor railing, and took out the guards below. While they were occupied, he dashed to Doll Destroy, snatched two doll heads, and fixed them onto his blasters. (He liked to personalize his things, if you couldn't already tell.) Back on the railing, he fired the ball blaster, sending little plastic balls ricocheting around the rotunda. Luckily, Benji was smart and skilled enough not to hit any audience member, Which was no small feat, considering how many people were jammed in the not-quite-that-big rotunda, He dashed back into Games by James, and grabbed two huge tubs full of little plastic balls and nerf bullets. He refilled the Nerf gun and the ball blaster, then launched more missiles at the cops below. They ducked, and scattered. Benji continued firing, but actually aimed for a guard, rather than blindly and randomly firing. Benji did hit the guards more this time, so his method actually worked. Yay, Benji! The cops and guards groaned every time they got hit, but one brave guard snuck up behind Benji, and tried to snatch his Nerf gun. Benji noticed, grabbed his blasters and ammunition, then promptly leaped off the railing. The crowd caught him, steadied him, and watched him jump up and run to the third floor. He did something stupidly funny, then watched the poor, brave guard lose his balance, and fall. The lead cop and the lead mall security guy caught him. Luckily he wasn't the cotton-candy-loving guard, or a mall security guy. (They were still donut-bingeing, apparently upset about the Benji situation. Emotional eating guards are never a good omen. Especially when they look like sumo wrestlers.) The mall security guy's massive girth cushioned the poor brave cop when he landed, so all was well. He was fortunately still alive. Benji snarled, probably hoping the cop would get injured, but he was disappointed. The now-completely-fine guard stood up, brushed himself off, and glared at Benji. Benji smirked in response, then dove down to the second floor railing. Landing on his tiptoes, he bowed to loud clapping from the crowd below. The cops rolled their eyes a fourth time since they started the excitement two days ago. Benji snorted to himself, making sure none of the guards heard him. He leapt up, and landed on the stage. There he bowed and bowed again. The audience stood up, and gave him a standing ovation. Cops charged the stage, but a smoke bomb exploded. When the smoke cleared, Benji was gone. He was located perched on a third floor railing at the East end, waving at the screen before it went dark. The crowd clapped so loudly it was heard through the entire mall. Then, they gathered their stuff and left. The guards ground their teeth in evident annoyance. A few days later, Benji was spotted on top of a balloon depicting an Avatar skateboard ride. Someone held up their phone camera, and soon a whole ton of people were gathered beneath the balloon, filming Benji as he shifted his balance, looking out for the mall security. A couple of minutes passed. A few cops arrived in the crowd, glanced up, and gasped in astonishment. Some groaned in annoyance at having to deal with Benji again. They started to break up the crowd, who just moved to a different angle, still filming the boy. A police man appeared with an inflatable mini hot air balloon that he dragged over from a supply closet. It was inflated, and sent off with two mall security guys, and two cops. (Yes, the lead mall security man and the lead cop were in the balloon. They couldn't fit more because of how big the mall security people were getting.) The hot air balloon floated up, up, up. At the top of the balloon, a cop jumped out, and lunged for Benji. Benji snickered and jumped out of the way. The cop stumbled, but caught his balance. By now, everyone else was out of the balloon, and surrounded Benji on top. They caught him, because the balloon was rather small, put handcuffs on him, and led him into the balloon. Benji tried to shimmy up the rope, but his handcuffed hands didn't get him far before a mall security guy snagged him and brought him back down. Out of the balloon, Benji was "shamefully" marched right by the crowd, who all looked downcast. The mall security guys were wearing smirks bigger than their stomachs. The police looked incredibly pleased with themselves. Benji kept his head down, but no one saw that he winked at the floor. Before they reached the South rotunda, Benji's handcuffs fell off, and he leaped straight to the top of the sign for the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ride. The guards shouted in alarm, while Benji merely laughed. "You actually thought I would allow myself to be caught?! I'm an excellent lockpicker! You're pretty stupid that way if you actually thought I'd let myself be taken away!!" He laughed again. "Try and catch me, you pathetic police!!" With that, he dove off, and hit the ground sprinting. He ran harder than he had in his whole life. He would have won against Usain Bolt in a race, he was going so fast. The cops tried to catch up, but Benji was a blur, and like, a mile ahead of them. When he reached the fourth floor, he hopped up onto the yellow plane, sat down, and started to shake. Benji was tired of getting caught on this plane, but he couldn't help it. He loved that little plane. Unfortunately, he had been noticed by the police while he was trying to calm down. They started to climb up a ladder to catch him after he so spectacularly humiliated them in Nickelodeon Universe. Benji semi-reluctantly got up, and climbed to the rafters. He slunk along the rafters towards Godiva. He needed chocolate immediately. When he got to the fourth floor drop-off, he leapt down, and put on a disguise in his bathroom. Then, he walked to Godiva, and paid for a massive box with cash from someone's purse that he stole. After receiving his chocolate, he walked back up to the fourth floor, took off his disguise, and climbed onto the most concealed rafter to hide. There, he ate his chocolate. When he was done, he threw the box away, then hid in one of his favorite hiding spots, and went to sleep. When he woke up, the mall was in pure, chaotic pandemonium. Everywhere he looked, guards were rushing, clerks were straightening, and shoppers were running towards the South rotunda. Benji whipped on his disguise, and followed everyone. Along the way, he saw guards pretending to be inanimate objects, but no one noticed him. Benji wondered what the heck was going on. After a few more minutes of pushing and shoving, Benji got his answer. On the still-set-up stage, there stood two Secret Service agents. The president was coming?!?! Benji thought. Apparently, he was, for the next moment, Donald Trump sauntered on stage like he owned the place. (He didn't, though. The Triple Five group owned the place.) When he took center stage behind the microphone, everyone quieted. When he began his speech, some people looked around, as though expecting Benji to interrupt Trump's speech. In the crowd, Benji wondered just what kind of mayhem he could cause, and eluding the Secret Service would be fun. He slipped away from the crowd, and stopped at several very specific stores on the way to the second floor railing. He snuck into position and surveyed the scene below. Onstage, Trump droned on and on about how America has improved and how glad he was to be at MOA, yada yada yada. Benji smirked to himself when he saw people yawning, and positioned himself so he was directly behind the president. Behind the microphone, Trump started talking about MOA, blee blah bloh, blaaa, bluu, and Benji waited until he was mentioned. Trump went on, "And recently, it has come to my attention that a young child named-". "Benji!" came a voice. He stopped talking suddenly because something big was happening. Benji had found a secret platform, and was rising to the stage. When he appeared, with his phone creating a spotlight. Everyone who had been zoning out and nodding off cheered gleefully, and began to film him. "Hey, everyone!" Benji yelled, ignoring the president. "Did'ja miss me?!" The audience cheered louder. The Secret Service did nothing because the kid didn't pose any threat-or so they thought. Several cops and mall security guards were pushing their way through the crowd, trying to get close to the stage. So many people were crammed in the rotunda, that they had no luck shoving through. "Don't even think about it." Benji warned, holding a Nerf gun at the Secret Service, whom the audience hadn't noticed before. Now they were completely exposed. One of the Service members melted out of the shadows, and strode closer to Benji. Benji whirled around, and let a foam bullet fly. The guard dodged that, but another found its mark. Benji stopped firing, mildly embarrassed. The guard stepped closer yet. "Don't." Benji said. The guard ignored him, coming closer still. "Seriously, dude, stop." Benji stated. The man continued to ignore him, and moved closer yet. "I warned you." Benji said, and sighed, whipping his Nerf gun bullets at the guard. All of them were direct hits. When Benji was out of missles, he groaned, muttered a curse, and ran for Games by James. "Just what I wanted." he murmured to himself as he ran. "A battle with the Secret Service. Now I kinda have to win." When he exited the store carrying a huge tub of foam Nerf bullets, people sat up straighter. He sat on the third floor railing, raised the Nerf gun, and started using the Secret Service as target practice. Donald Trump hurried off the stage, followed by a few Service members. Benji's eagle eyes saw, and he aimed his gun at the president. A foam bullet hit Trump on top of his weirdly-blond hair. Benji smiled as Donald brushed the foam bullet to the floor. Someone laughed as 'The big orange blob in the White House' turned into 'The flamboyant red blob in MOA'. He pushed away the Secret Service, and stormed onto the stage. Then, he shook his fist at Benji in anger, and yelled, "You stupid brat! Stop this at once!!" "Ya know," Benji said, "I think I'll pass. Tempting, but no cigar." Trump transformed into 'The bright fuschia blob on the stage'. People started giggling and smirking behind their hands. Then he sprinted. Donald ran. He huffed and puffed along at 1.5 miles an hour until he reached the escalator. By the time he was panting on the third floor, Benji had stolen his stage spot. "Halla, everyone!" he yelled into the microphone. Everyone roared enthusiastically. Trump snarled up on the third floor. He started to slowly walk back down. His Vince suit was sweaty and gross. His hair was timidly deflating, and his makeup was slightly running down his face. Onstage, Benji was amping the crowd up, and soon the sounds of "BEN-JI!! BEN-JI!! BEN-JI!! BEN-JI!!" filled the tcf rotunda. Donald Trump rolled his presidential eyes from atop the third floor escalator. The cops continued their pitiful attempt to get to the stage, but the crowd was having none of that. They did everything they could, from dumping their show food to whacking mall guards with their phone, to keep the security from reaching the stage where Benji stood in his spotlight. The cops and mall guys hissed in annoyance. Benji laughed as Trump staggered in sight, completely disheveled. Trump shook his business man fist at Benji, who utterly ignored him. Benji leaned into the microphone, produced a metal guitar, and proceeded to play his version of "Rock and Roll All Nite". It was actually surprisingly good. He finished with a flourish, and the audience cheered so loudly that the stage support shook. They called for an encore, but Benji didn't want to steal KISS's thunder. They, after all, had increased his popularity rate. After his awesomely amazing cover of the song, Benji reproduced his Nerf gun and ball blaster. He started hitting the Secret Service agents. When his ammo ran out, Benji ducked into the shadows and reappeared with a filled water gun that had a doll head affixed to it. This time, he aimed for the President of the United States of America himself. Upon hitting the president in the arm, then the leg, Benji cheered in celebration. Large wet blobs appeared on Trump's $800 jacket and $600 pants. The audience laughed loudly, still filming this utterly hilarious show. A Secret Service agent dove in front of the president, but got some water in the face. He ducked, shaking his head hard, which dislodged his dark sunglasses, revealing him to be…..

MR. DOYLE!!

Benji gasped in astonishment, then laughed, then hit himself in the head. Benji was clearly having mixed reactions. Coming to a conclusion, he facetimed Mr. Doyle on the phone. The agent's phone did not ring. Benji showed Mr. Doyle what was going on, and he gasped. "My brother?!" The agent blushed, then shoved on his glasses and stepped back into the shadows. Mr. Doyle snorted through the speaker. "You always were silent and active. What a perfect job for you! Be good Benji, and hurry up. I gotta go to an interview." With that, he disconnected. Benji put his phone back on spotlight mode, and dropped it at his feet. "After that startling reveal, let's continue!" He shouted, recovering from his surprise. The audience roared in approval. With that boost, Benji leapt off the stage, and landed behind a sweaty-faced Donald. Benji said, "It looks like you need to cool off a little." Then, he promptly sprayed the president in the back with his squirt gun, resulting in a huge water spot on Trump's expensive suit jacket. Dripping wet and furious, Trump lunged for Benji, but missed, and hit the floor, groaning in pain and embarrassment. He called his bodyguards to go and grab him, but Benji was too fast for them! Benji dodged the Secret Service, and ran for the escalators. He sprinted up the down escalator, but that was fine because everyone was in the rotunda. On level 2, he ran up the correct escalator to the third floor. On the third floor, he found a smoke bomb, and dropped it. When the smoke cleared, Benji was standing on the stage. He basically chucked the smoke bomb down, then followed it after the explosion. Benji whipped out his guitar, and played, while singing, "Forever". After the song, everyone cheered loudly while Benji bowed eight times. He got two standing ovations, and everyone called for an encore. Someone had been filming for the news, along with a TV crew. He winked, and said to the camera, "That was for my favorite band, KISS!!" The audience cheered even louder. Trump rolled his eyes, right along with the mall cops (Probably Secret Service, too. You just couldn't see with the glasses.) Benji produced a tub of cotton candy, and a tub of buttered popcorn. He grabbed a large handful, and flung it at the president. After a few seconds, the Secret Service parted, revealing a furious Trump standing with hands fisted. Cotton candy-coated his head, and popcorn was sliding down his designer suit. Everyone burst out laughing. Even the cops and mall security couldn't contain their mirth. After everyone was done laughing, they saw that an agent had snuck up behind Benji. The agent put his index finger to his lips. The crowd shut up, wanting to see if Benji could detect and/or elude him. A few seconds before the agent would've snatched Benji, he vaulted up, did a backflip, and landed behind the agent. Benhi then dragged the struggling agent over to a small pool filled with water, and dumped him in indifferently. The audience roared in approval. Benji laughed out loud. Trump glared. Benji snorted, then flipped over Donald. Before you could say "Secret Service agent", Benji had another agent in the pool. Trump snarled in anger while the crowd cheered. Benji bowed in celebration. He refilled his squirt gun, and took out the lead cop and mall security guy who had finally reached the stage. They, too, were dumped unceremoniously into the pool. After dispatching six more agents, two cops, and four mall security guys, Benji was ecstatic, and the audience had refills on show food. The remaining protection forces were reluctant to get within ten feet of him. Several minutes later, all types of security were in the pool and Benji had cornered Trump. . . Donald looked around frantically for an exit, but Benji wasn't moving. He tried shoving Benji, but Benji didn't budge an inch. "Oh, my gosh, look over there!!" he yelled. Benji snorted. "I'm not falling for that." "No, seriously, look over there!" Donald screamed. "No way." Benji scoffed. "What a cheap trick." "Um, you might wanna turn around." Donald insisted. "So I can escape". He muttered quietly under his breath, hoping no one heard him. Benji rolled his eyes. "I heard that, Trump." he stated bluntly and tiredly. Donald started sweating. "No, you didn't." he said. "I did." Benji snapped. "Did not!" Trump responded. "Did too!" Benji shouted. "Did not!!" Donald bellowed. "I did too, you presidential pig!!" Benji shrieked. "You did not, you stuck-up brat!" Trump screamed. "I most certainly did, you pathetic moron!" Benji hollered. "You did not, you egotistical meanie!" Donald yelled. "I HEARD WHAT YOU SAID, YOU CRAZY TWERP!!!!" Benji exploded in anger. "YOU DID NOT, YOU ROTTEN TWIT!!" Donald Trump burst out in fury. The audience was filming this rather excitedly, eating their popcorn with even more glee. Someone stood up. "How 'bout an insulting contest, you two?" he asked. "Sure." said Benji, rubbing his hands together evilly. "I'm in." Trump said boldly. "You're going down, boy." he tossed in Benji's direction. All means of escaping were instantly forgotten as Trump tried to recall all the insults his brothers used on him over the years. Benji's brain switched on insulting mode, as he quickly remembered every insult thrown his way as he grew older. The contestants faced each other on the stage. Benji firmly planted his feet and grinned menacingly at Donald's weird-colored face. Trump rolled his presidential eyes and glared at Benji, but Benji fell over laughing loudly because Trump looked like a severely constipated donkey. The audience members spilled/toppled out of their chairs in high hysterics when Trump's expression flashed across the screen, followed by Benji's-who was now imitating Donald. Several camera guys were wiping their eyes in doubled-over positions, and even the Secret Service, the police, and mall security were snickering behind their hands. Trump evolved into yet another stage of his blobiness, becoming 'the completely vibrant puce blob in a contest'. Benji and everyone else only laughed harder. Benji swayed on his feet, gasping for breath, only to keep chortling. They all giggled and guffawed and snorted. Benji cackled with mirth until he was on the ground, rolling around and banging it with his fist. The cameraman laughed so hard tears rolled down his face, and the crowd members could barely hold their phones straight from their positions on the floor. A loud crash sounded from the back of the audience. Everyone tunred to see what had caused the loud bang. A chair had been knocked over because a teenager had laughed so hard, she knocked over her chair. Everyone shrugged, looked at each other, and erupted in laughter. They giggled about the donkey look. They guffawed about the new blob stage. They snickered because they wanted to. They snorted because the whole thing was hilarious. Ten minutes later, the last snickers died away. Trump snorted. "Are you all done-" Benji cracked up from on the floor, which led to everyone else rolling around with the force of the hilarity. "YOU'RE ALL CRACKPOT FOOLS!!" Trump bellowed. "WOULD YOU STOP LAUGHING ALREADY?!?!?!" Everyone ignored him except for Benji, who controlled his laughter, walked up and punched Donald in the face. Trump staggered back, reeling from the force of the blow. His agents did nothing because they were laughing too hard. He recovered while Benji chortled, and went for the boy. As Trump raised his fist, Benji sank to his knees, still laughing. Donald's best businessman punch sailed harmlessly over Benji's head. Everyone cackled louder in the face of funniness. Trump snarled. He aimed for Benji's crumpled form, but Benji was rolling around, so Trump punched the floor (With a loud crackling pop from his bones.), and lost his balance. He toppled over with a crash. Everyone laughed harder still, even Benji was crying tears of joy. Donald got to his feet slowly, shaking in indignation. He raised his foot to stomp Benji into dust, but missed and stomped on his own foot, because Benji's head was right next to it. He created a large scuff mark on his expensive shoes. A young ten-year-old girl was laughing so hard, that she spun around on the floor. Benji cracked up again with everyone else while Donald hopped around in pain. "He looks like a constipated flamingo." A Secret Service guy choked out. Everyone laughed harder. They were literally crying with mirth. Trump growled louder still, furious about this new betrayal from one of his own bodyguards. Benji snorted. "Is there a constipated bear with stomach troubles in the room?" he asked loudly. Everyone laughed harder yet. All their faces were red. They kept laughing while Trump kept fuming. He fumed and fumed and fumed. Benji laughed and laughed and laughed. Everyone snickered and snorted and chortled and cackled and giggled. Trump grew steadily redder and redder until he lunged at Benji. His 'hair' (Or a wig, whatever it was.) was a complete disaster. Donald's comb-over was messed up. His hair flapped pathetically as he moved. Benji led everyone in another round of loud laughter. Trump paused. He didn't think he did anything funny. Then he caught sight of himself in a mirrored column, screamed in horror, and fainted. Everyone laughed louder. Trump came to when a large bucket of water was dumped over him. "Where's that hideous monster? Is it gone?" He asked. "What monster?" someone asked. "That ugly thing in the mirror." he replied. "Didn't you all see it?" Everyone cracked up again. "What's so funny?" Donald demanded. "Mr. President," wheezed a mall cop. "That 'monster' was you-your reflection." ��What?! Are you calling me ugly?" Trump yelled. "You said it, not me." the cop managed to get out, then surrendered to another bout of hilarity. Trump glared at everyone, then fainted again, upon seeing the 'monster'. People laughed harder until they were crying again. Benji was rolling around, and hitting the ground with his fist. People had set their phones on tripods so they could twist around in hysterics freely. Trump came to when a bin of cotton candy was dumped over his head. "Are you all still laughing?" he asked incredulously. Nobody responded, for they were still chortling and wheezing for breath. Trump rolled his presidential eyes again, then just happened to glance in a mirror. This time, he jumped super high, and let out an ear-piercing scream worthy of a kindergartener. This caused people to completely lose it. They all allowed hilarity to take over, and had a good, solid laugh. They kept laughing for 10 minutes straight. This time, someone threw buttered popcorn that stuck to Donald's suit, making him even more dumb-looking. He shrieked. "What the heck happened to me?" All the folks cackled louder in sheer mirth. The News people had set their equipment down a safe distance away, so they wouldn't be damaged. Now they wiped their eyes, but erupted again when they caught sight of Trump trying to hold his hair in place and walk at the same time. "Now he looks like a constipated chicken." The ten-year-old said, causing more hysterics. Everyone who had been trying to stop kept right on laughing. Donald stomped his foot-on his other shoe. Again. Folks laughed louder, harder, and more moving-worthy. Donald sputtered, unable to find coherent words to express his outrage. He started, then stopped. And did it again. "He sounds like a malfunctioning car engine." said the teenager who knocked over her chair. The people all cracked up again. Benji was laughing so hysterically that he looked crazy. He wasn't, though. He just found this whole thing immensely funny. He found it hugely hilarious. People rolled around on the floor with red and wet faces. After the car engine, Trump became a mini Narcissus, staring at his reflection, trying to find any imperfections. When he found a ton, Donald passed out cold from the lack of breathing. Benji erupted in hysteria. Half of everyone's hair was utterly ruined, their faces aglow with mirth. The remaining people chortled, their faces alight. The news people were gasping and giggling madly. When Donald was revived, he saw Benji standing over him, playing a video on his phone over and over, and chuckling maniacally. Trump peered over Benji's shoulder and watched himself stomp on his expensive shoes again and again. Trump flushed, and tried to snatch Benji's phone, but missed, and was thrown off balance. He hit the floor with a huge bang. Everyone laughed harder, and some started crying with laughter again. Donald snarled from his painful position on the floor. Benji laughed harder yet. Trump snorted, and with great effort, pushed himself to his feet. Everyone erupted again when the President of the United States of America tore a large hole in his suit pants, revealing pants with I RULE emblazoned on them. (They were sweatpants. He was scheduled to go to the gym afterward to exercise his daily workout, which consisted of five steps. What kind of person wears sweatpants under a suit? Seriously, dude.) People took more pictures. The news cameras were still rolling, capturing Trump and his ridiculous actions. Folks were snorting and snickering everywhere, even the people at home that were watching live television. Benji was on camera, laughing his head off. Trump was on camera, scowling his head off while trying to fix his pants. The audience was on camera, chortling and giggling their heads off. The camera guy and news people were offscreen, snorting while watching Trump rail to regain his dignity their heads off between snickers. Donald was flushing again, turning bright pink this time. (Someone should make a 'Color Wheel of Donald Trump'. Really.) As people's laughter slowly died down, Donald visibly relaxed. He tried to get in a yoga position but fell over with a loud bonk. People exploded with hilarity again. Some erupted in mirth. More collapsed with hysteria. Others fell over again, laughing uncontrollably. Donald Trump got up slowly and scowled evilly. (Or so he thought. He just looked like a villain on steroids or too many painkillers without any sleep.) This caused even more giggling, the opposite of what Donald was going for. He wanted everyone to apologize on their knees profusely, erase all copies of his many mishaps, and give him expensive gifts. Instead, they were openly laughing at his expense. His face contorted into a 'grimace', which caused people to chuckle harder. Benji snorted with glee. Trump grew more orange and swelled with anger until he actually looked like an orange. People took pictures of him at the height of his orangeness, and immediately posted them on social media, with the caption, #ourorangepresident. After 20 minutes of laughing with no sign of stopping, Donald snarled, yelled "I give up!" to Benji, and stomped off the stage. Benji called after him, "Don't forget to scowl at everyone and fall over!", and led the audience in a round of cheering. He untied the Secret Service, helped the mall security get out of the pool, and gave his end-of-the-show speech. He swung out of the rotunda to raucous applause from the audience and curses from the cops. On the yellow airplane, he celebrated with a tub of Rocky Road ice cream from Cold Stone. The News articles the next day about the events of that day would bear titles like, "Our President is who we thought he was all along", "Nine-year-old makes Trump reveal his true self", "President loses in a contest to a nine-year-old boy", "Nine-year-old gets a good laugh from Donald Trump", and "Trump's true colors finally show-how our president becomes orange". Several articles had a 'Color Wheel of Donald Trump' in their story that Benji had created, and hung in the tfc rotunda, the same rotunda that Benji always performed in. Now people took pictures of it whenever they passed. It became the new "thing", and increased the visitors to MOA by two hundred percent. The people who worked at MOA were now being randomly interviewed and asked what they thought of Benji. Most of them said good things about Benji, how he had boosted everyone's morale, and increased their business with his Team Benji merch. One cranky store manager said that Benji was a rotten troublemaker, because their store was one that didn't have Team Benji merch, and they sold couches. Other couch stores had Team Benji pillowcases and pillows, and they weren't complaining, though. They were making quite the pretty penny off of his merchandise and had vastly improved their store quality as well. Soon, many of them had Team Benji banners and such. There were even a few windows that had Team Benji posters and whatnot. His shows were widely attended by people of all ages, races, and gender. The tcf rotunda was now famous, and Mall of America was a national landmark. Benji was a world-wide icon, and when it was time for the presidential election, well, let's just say it was not in Donald's favor. Trump got a record 1000 votes in the whole United States, and his opponent won by a landslide, rocking a cool 74 million votes. Trump refused interviews, and locked himself in the bathroom to privately cry for hours after the election results were announced. Why? Because he kept saying that he would win by a landslide. When he didn't win, he didn't hve the dignity to go out politely. The new President happened to be a fan of Benji's, and had a statue of the boy erected in the Mall, about 400 yards away from the National Monument. Everybody always flocked to that statue, signed their name on the pedestal (it was massive), then moved on to the Capitol Building and such. Benji loved his new status, and soon the cops put up posters around the mall that read Wanted:Benji Dead or Alive. Donald Trump hated Benji, because Benji made him look like a blatant fool, and because Benji coined the phrase, "Trump's in the dump" after Donad's memorable defeat, which he blamed on Benji. But, honestly? People wanted to see the end of that horrible Trump Era. Everyone knew he only took the presidency to keep himself out of jail, and so he could get famous. Benji had even released a statement on social media, called "Trump's reasons why he ran for President:our currupt "politician" at his finest". After reading that and going over his crimes, the Supreme Court tossed him in the slammer, finally giving him a good fashion: an orange jumpsuit that matched his face! His old orange tie just wasn't the right shade of orange. Benji was hailed as a hero, and grew even more famous, and well-known, if possible. Trump stewed away in prison, furious at the world, but especially, Benji. The very few Trump supporters did eventually like and respect Benji as a world icon. Benji used his fame to do good works in the world, instead of acting like a spoiled brat. Emma eventually respected him, mostly because he was now famous, and used his fame for good things. And as for TGWARAB? Well, she and Benji had become good friends, now that he could go into the mall without a ton of cops chasing him the moment he appeared in front of Sears or Lotus Beads or some other store. They joked around, and she would tell him about the book she was reading.