Chapter-8

I understood a few things well long back when I was just a child. Primarily, human beings had an unpleasant habit of always showing their strength to weaker ones. He did so because he found himself miserable or helpless to screw up with the stronger one. That was the reason my mother treated me brutally, because she saw me feeble before her.

Likewise, my father tortured my mother because he knew she would never dare raise a voice against him and cause any harm to her. But my father could not dare to mess up with his second wife because he knew that she would not tolerate his bullshit and would not take time to ditch him.

The second, I believed love could not be snatched from someone. It would be better if the person accepted it sooner the better. As far as I was concerned, I had never committed the same mistake as blaming the other ladies with whom my husband had illicit relations. I could not tell a lie to myself, and that would be somewhat wrong on my part. I firmly believed it would be unfair to those ladies to whom you were tagging as characterless and sluts just because your husband gave you food to eat, clothes to wear, and a house to live in. You declared him deviated and liberated him from all the charges.

How fair it would be for you to keep being jealous of that lady in your bosom and keep cursing her all the time just because your husband was the breadwinner. It was extremely important to concede the truth that your husband was a luscious and brutal person. He was not only accountable for ruining your life, but he was also responsible for destroying the lives of other ladies. And even if she had been keeping a relationship with her own consent with your husband, she was not at fault. Your husband was also accused.

My father was the best living example of it before me. My mother used to do everything for him. She used to bear all his brutality; even after that, she poured her heart out before him. She used to go to any extension to please my father, but she met only disappointment in her life, nothing else. I did not want to commit the same mistake that my mother had committed and tortured me to the extreme. She conspired and tried to damage that person in her life, who was herself innocent and a victim of her husband's atrocities. Finally, yet importantly, she proceeded to give her life.

What purpose did a lady like my mother achieve in her life by declining the truth? I could not come to know so far. It did not matter how hard she pretended to be happy in her life before the world, but I still found her wholly alone and hollow from the inside, always hiding her pains and fears from everyone.

He did not bother to exchange words with my mother during his stay for two days as well. I did not find the warmth of love between them ever. I felt physical; of course, he was present there, but mentally he was engrossed in something else. He used to get up late on Sunday morning and retire to bed early that night.

Even now, I found her still waiting for my father for dinner. But he turned up on Saturday night and again on Monday morning before the day broke. He left. And he did not show any interest in meeting with any of her children before leaving.

He had set up the other branch of his business in another city, which was two hours' drive from our place, and he ensured no one could chase him there. He called her off and on, but he did not bother to answer her calls. And their conversation hardly lasted over two minutes. My father did not take my mother there where he had set up his new branch. He had set up his new branch after six months of his second wife leaving.

As a matter of fact, I had never seen them laughing and talking together before. No doubt, my father did not forget to bring many gifts for all the family. But he hardly got any gifts for me. My mother always consoled herself by saying that he was working hard to make money so that we could enjoy a comfortable life. I felt terrible for my mother. Why did she not muster the courage to accept the fact that her husband was not interested in him?

He just technically belonged to her, as I had assumed that fact, and moved ahead. She could have led a better life if she had gotten that fact sooner. She had always spent her whole life in fear. I felt terrible for my mother-in-law too. I shook from the inside completely when her husband gave her a nasty thrash. Because she was trying to restrain her husband from drinking further, and she bore all the pain without complaining. It was not the first time; something like that had happened to her.

After every couple of days, she met the same treatment by his hand. Even though her body was alive with bruises. Until she behaved as if nothing had happened to her. What sort of love did he have for him? I literally could not come to know so far. And I used to be stumped when I learned about her explanation.

"A man is a man. He is short-tempered. Sometimes, he loses his sense under the influence of drink. It is a woman who should be more tolerant and sensible. She is supposed to make a lot of adjustments and compromises to save her house. Otherwise, a man will not take much time to deviate. A woman has no respect for society that is turned out of her husband's place. And there is nothing new—every man beats his wife, and this practice has been going back for a long time. It is not that her husband has only raised his hand at her. Many others like him do so. In addition to that, what will she do if her husband leaves her and gets married to the other lady? "

Ladies like my mother-in-law in-law and mother-in-law have always seemed to be weird and psychic. I could not get how their thought process worked. A number of times, their strange behaviour confused me to a significant extent. They observed fast for the longevity and health of those husbands who did not bother about them. They believed in showing their mainline to beat their wives or to get married to the girls who were half of them. And they had no shame for their actions. As if they had reached the license to do so.

It goes by saying that God does not discriminate. Before his eyes, everyone was equal. No matter what the others tell me, the fact is I had not read in any religious book that God Shiva had ever observed a fast for goddess Parvati, or that God Vishnu had ever pressed the legs of goddess Lakshmi.

It did not mean that I doubted the existence of the almighty power, or that I had any purpose of creating a ripple in society with my bitter statement or being a whistle-blower. I believe it helps you be a better person if you follow it profoundly and in an absolute sense. It does psychological treatment as well. But sorry to say, I did not believe in any such sort of stupid customs in the name of God, such as women should keep fast for the long life of their husbands. I took that thing differently, that keeping fasting helps the rest of your poor tummy do the job of digestion and elimination.

It was not that I was not forced, but every time I was reminded to keep fasting for her son in the beginning. And I owned up. I did not keep fasting, but it did not mean at all that I did not wish my husband a long and healthy life. I did not let it show up on my face; otherwise, I took a very good care of him. There would be nothing wrong if I said I took care of him more than any woman took care. I fussed up; I was a greedy woman, and he was a golden hen for me. I was a woman of a practical approach; I understood it okay that my life would not remain as smooth as it was right then if something happened wrong to him.

I took care of Ravi and his kids well enough, but it did not mean at all that I ignored myself in that process. I understood that there was no benefit to draining oneself behind them. I realized that I could not afford to get sick like others, and it would not affect anyone else as well. Ravi would not bother to take me to the hospital, and if he found me lying on the bed in a messy condition a couple of times, he would not take a minute to pull a face and make rude and sarcastic remarks to me.

I became mature at a very early age and developed the quality in me to get something quickly and accordingly adapt to it.

I knew in the beginning that there would be no point in making my mother-in-law understand my medical condition. She would never get and relent that I had severe gastric problems from my childhood days, and so I could not go without food. I must have had something to eat as soon as I got up in the morning. But she would not get my problem, and if she sensed that I was in the mood not to keep fast, she would be after me after that; it would become an arduous task for me to do something sneakily. But I was totally helpless.

Other than that, I was well aware that it would be a daunting task to make Ravi comprehend my medical issues. So, there was no point in talking with Ravi about that issue as well. He would begin to take things in an otherwise manner that I did not love him. But yes, I felt guilty about eating secretly and throwing dust into the eyes of everyone. But I had no option other than that.

I would not decline that my mother-in-law had the same set of rules for my sister-in-law and me. And she did not discriminate between us in imparting treatment as well. She was more lenient and soft toward me. She believed that other daughters should be taken good care of. Besides, she did not expect or demand anything from me. She was not weak in the ears either. Therefore, if someone tried to poison her ears against me, she did not stay behind to give her a good scold and a warning.

Her husband thrashed her black and blue every alternate day, but she had taken words from her son that he would never raise a hand on me no matter what may happen. And Ravi had kept his promise, except for one episode in the span of nine years. She was not pleased that she had two granddaughters. She pampered them like anything and used to take excellent care of them after their birth.

She hardly had qualifications until the middle class, but I would even then say she was a woman of broad mind. She accepted her granddaughter wholeheartedly. She made the sweets distributed in the entire village when they took birth. As long as she had been there with me, she did not let me do anything for Anu other than feed her. Nevertheless, for her own daughter, she used to pray that she would deliver a baby boy. She feared that her daughter would meet harsh treatment in her mother-in-law's place if she gave birth to a baby girl.