Ch. 10: Feelings

'Why is she crying? Could it be the song? I wasn't paying too much attention to the words so I could focus on not making any mistakes. But listening now, the song was about waiting for someone even though they're only a distant memory. So maybe, Sleeping Beauty can relate? I wonder who the person she's waiting for is. Although this song as a whole is very well put together, it didn't have a fast paced tempo. I'm surprised that high school students are actually enjoying it. So she's probably just one of those people who extremely express their emotions when they hear or see something that's heart warming? But why the hell do I care so much anyway? It's not like there's a possibility she's crying over me.'

Telling myself that, was supposed to help me feel better. But it didn't. Once I gazed upon Sleeping Beauty's crying face again, I couldn't help but feel, deep down, that those tears were for me. Maybe that was just my ego talking and maybe I just wanted to be the center of attention, but there was something about her tears that didn't scream amazement or adornment to me. Those tears were trying to relay a completely different message, and that was what I wanted to find out.

A few minutes later, the song was over and the crowd went more out of control than before our debut. The only one who didn't change, as if she were frozen in time, was Sleeping Beauty. Even though we were finished playing, she didn't look away from me once. Not even as I stared intensely back at her. I started to feel a tightness in my chest. Where is this sudden wave of sadness coming from?

"Thank you everyone! Unfortunately, there won't be any encores because we lost our bass player. And our savior today, although has a great memory, I'm not going to ask that of him today. But give it up for our substitute, our savior, my brother…Kaname Shizuhara!"

Still feeling uneasy, I lifted my hand to wave to the audience and then Kikyo grabbed my other hand to pull me into a hug.

"You did so great. Thank you!" Her words and hug was exactly what I needed, but it didn't fully take away the pain that I was feeling. The class President then made her way back on stage to give an announcement on the microphone.

"Alright everyone! Thank you all for coming and supporting our magnificent band club! I believe they are in need of members, and of course, our class Vice President will be more than happy to audition anyone that's interested!" Kikyo quickly let go of me after hearing her words and stared at Nana with disbelief. "So don't be shy because this might just be your chance to make your dreams come true! Let's all get back to class now and have a great year!"

The auditorium started to empty out and Kikyo marched up to Nana, clearly not happy. "Why did you tell everyone that I would be auditioning?"

"Well, are you not going to? You just said that you're in need of a bass player! I was only helping you out Kikyo! Or did you want to make that speech? I'm so sorry!"

"No. It's just I…" Kikyo trailed off and looked back at me. "I was kinda thinking…Kaname…was gonna join?"

"Oh, Kikyo! Your brother said that he wasn't thinking about joining any clubs since it's his last year! Isn't that right, Kaname?"

I scaled the stage and I could tell that by the way they're all looking at me, something was telling me they all want me to make a decision right now. "Yeah. I think it's best if I don't join any clubs. There wouldn't be any point, since it's my last year and all."

Kikyo slowly walks up to me and says, "Wha- what do you mean? Kaname? I thought you would've been happy to be in the band?" Kikyo looked at me with the most broken hearted expression I've seen in a while. The only time I saw that look was the day our mother left us, when my grandfather passed away, and when I was admitted into the rehab facility. The last thing I wanted to do was make her unhappy, but I don't have any rights to happiness. I lost that right 3 years ago. But that wasn't the only reason I wasn't joining. Glancing at Renji, who was standing a short distance behind Kikyo, I couldn't help but think, 'Plus, I know if I join, he's going to quit. And she's not going to find a better drummer than him in this school.' I placed my hand on her head as she looked up at me and said, "I'm sorry, but you'll find a bass player, probably even someone who's better than me. Just hold the auditions like The President said. And I thank you for asking me to play with you this time."

After listening to me, Kikyo lowered her head and left the stage, without saying a word to anyone. Renji then followed shortly after, as if telling me he was satisfied with my decision. I then looked out at the now empty auditorium and at the spot Sleeping Beauty was no longer standing. The feeling of sadness was gone, but that didn't mean I was left with the feeling of contempt. But one positive thing did come out of this. This was the biggest audience that I've ever played for.

'Sure was nice, while it lasted.'

"Are you sure you don't want to join the band?"

Now feeling irritated, I glanced at The President. 'I forgot she was here.' I slowly start to walk up to her, making her start to blush.

"I think you really hurt Kikyo's feelings. Don't you think you should at least give it some thought before making a final decision?"

"I think you and I both know you don't want that."

"Wha-what are you talking about?" You could tell that she was getting more flustered as her face gradually becomes more red than just a moment ago.

'All I have to do is talk to this girl and she looses herself. It's not very fun,but I'll still mess with her, to see where this goes.'

I lean in close to her ear and whisper, "I seen the look on your face earlier. You don't want me to join the band, do you?"

"Why would you say…"

"It's okay, I don't blame you." Backing away from her ear and looking at her now tomato red face, I continued with my teasing. "You're just the jealous type, aren't you? Or maybe…the possessive type?" She looked like she was about to explode as I kept messing with her.

'This is actually pretty entertaining. She's probably all wet just listening to me talk.'

"I don't know what you're talking about, Mr. Takahashi! I was just waiting to her your answer just like everyone else!"

" 'Mr. Takahashi'? You've been calling me by my first name this whole time. What changed?"

"I don't know what you mean."

'Okay. If she's not going to play along then this is a waste of time.'

I let out a long sigh and I straightened my stance as I run my hands through my hair. "Look. I'm gonna just tell you this ahead of time because I'm not the type to play around with female's emotions. You said you know me from the past, so you probably already know, but I'll refresh your memory just incase. I don't do relationships. I can tell that you have an interest in me, so I need you to understand that. But if you're okay with messing around here and there then I'm all for it. I'll let you make that decision on your own. Until then, I'll leave it at that. See you in class…Madam President." And with that, I left without waiting for her response. I don't think she was going to give one anyway, since she literally looked like she was holding her breath, standing there. She's such a weird girl. Pretty, but weird. But just looking at her appearance, you would think that she was the freaky type. I mean, she had her shirt buttoned just enough so someone could see right down her shirt. I guess that's why they say don't judge a book by its cover. I just hope there's no more surprises, because this morning was a definite hassle.

—

"Alright, everyone! Pair up with your designated partners and make yourselves acquainted, if you haven't already!"

"Awww! But I wanted to be with Kaname!"

"Why are the groups only 2 people each?!"

"I know right! This really sucks!"

"Chop chop! If you have time to complain, you have time to be productive!"

'No fucking way! I'm partnered up with Sleeping Beauty!'