Why

They ended up sitting down in a little back corner of a public park. It was quaint and secluded, with golden bits of sun peeking out from the trees leaving glowing patterns on the cobbled floor. A few flower petals littered the ground, giving away the romanticism of the area. It had a certain wildness that left you with your breath taken away. The spot had obviously been selected by Lucus's father, in hopes to charm his son. As beautiful as the place may have been, even such stunning flowers couldn't reach Lucus's eyes. His father kicked away an empty beer bottle, still fresh with scent and took his son's hands.

"Wow. What a handsome young man you turned out to be, even without my guidance. I hear you're in one of the top schools in the country, huh?" He beamed, acting earnestly. A faint breeze blew Lucus's bangs out of the way of his face, revealing a content smile. "With a dashing smile like that, I'll bet you're racking in the ladies. Even if you're blind, of course. Have you gotten a girlfriend yet?" Lucus chose to overlook the blind comment. This was his father, after all. He held up his hands, face turning red.

"Oh no, really. I don't." He blushed and tilted his head to the ground. His smile wavered. He wondered why he was thinking about Allicia. She obviously would never be Lucus's girlfriend. They were friends. "Who would want to date a blind guy like me? I'd only weigh them down." These thoughts slipped out. He quickly covered it, hoping his dad didn't hear. If he did, Lucus couldn't tell. When his father said nothing, Lucus changed the topic. There was one thing. One big thing. He might have overlooked a few rude comments, but one thing stood firm. It had been lurking in the back of Lucus's mind for the entire day, and this was a question he wondered his entire life. He clenched his fists in his lap, shutting his eyes tightly and taking a deep breath. "Why, why did you leave us?" He sucked in a second sharp breath, not sure he wanted an answer now that the time came. When his father showed no answer, wavering for a second, Lucus gained a bit more confidence and continued. "And my mom. What happened to her? Did she not want to see us?" Some foolish part of Lucus had always held onto the hope that both of his parents would someday come back and they would be a happy family again. That dream should have ended a while ago, especially when Alya was adopted without him, but it still lingered. He felt so childish now that it was coming out. Nonetheless, Lucus needed to know. His father looked out wistfully in the distance for a while, before coming back slowly and answering.

"Your mother was sick for a long time." It startled Lucus when his father spoke. He was beginning to question whether or not his dad was still there. "She was a beautiful woman and I loved her very much. So, we were overjoyed when we found out she was pregnant. Even more so when we figured out that it was twins. A boy and a girl." He sounded so genuinely melancholy, that Lucus's heart ached at the words. He even began to feel bad for resenting his decision to give them up, guessing what came next. "Well, she was very, very weak. The doctors told us how dangerous it would be, but your mother was adamant. Sadly, she had to quit her job because of her condition. We lost both our insurance and a lot of our income. We tried everything, but," He sighed a sad sigh and wiped something out of his eye, "her health only got worse. She made it just long enough to hold you two in her arms, but she passed soon after." A tear fell from Lucus's eye, making him realize he too was crying. His father certainly did have a way with words. Every drop seemed filled with sincerity. His dad wasn't done. "I worked so many hours to get you guys everything you needed. Two then three jobs, but I never graduated college so options were limited. I was drowning in debt and had no way to take care of you. No wife, hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt and two infant children I had to take care of. There seemed to be no way out. The future would only be worse. A blind child. I would have to figure out a schooling for you. That would have been expensive too. Clothing, books, toys, medicine. I didn't see a way I could do it all. Giving you up was never something I ever wanted to do, but I had no other choice. I regret it every day." Lucus shoved his feelings aside, and felt the need to prod one more time. He didn't want to. He just wanted to wallow in regret and love his father, but he kept going.

"Then why didn't you ever visit us? Why didn't you at least write?" His voice cracked at his anger. There was a quick pause. Almost unnoticeable but it was still there.

"I wanted to. I did. So, so badly. I know it's a stupid reason, and I really don't have any excuse, but I wanted to be good for you. I wanted to be a presentable good person for you. I was too ashamed to visit because I didn't want you to see my messed up life. It's selfish, I know, but I told myself I would get back on my feet soon. That I would go back and visit you, maybe even get you back one day, but before I knew it days turned into weeks which turned into months and then years. I should have just cut my losses there and went to see you, but every time I was about to go, I thought that if I could just give myself a few more days or weeks I would be ready. Each time I failed myself, and failed you too." Each word was dripping with regret. So well constructed that it was hard to see any flaws, so Lucus kept pushing questions.

"Does that mean you're okay now? That you could adopt me? My sister too?" He was surprised at his own eagerness, both to the adoption and his sister being involved, but the words slipped out nonetheless. His dad took a deep breath.

"Actually-"