CHAPTER 58: NOW

I stayed on the balcony longer, even after Aaliyah and her lame boyfriend left. I was observing the rising sun shimmer on the horizon with its beautiful rays, as my mind contemplated all the statements Aaliyah and I had discussed before she left.

'Tell no one about what happened last night', 'it was the alcohol' the words ringed and my thoughts wandered.

The problem with constantly getting to know someone and having them around is that you inevitably get attached to their presence. Even though our conversations were often few and lacking at times, I still saw her; I still genuinely acknowledged her being here and doing things for me. Now, my apartment was very clean. I had stopped drinking to near death as I was used to, and my heart was warming up to her.

But the problem with a heart once broken, is that when it warms again for another, it breaks the hardest when the warmth dies.

After hours of contemplation, I entered the living room, and let my head lay on the couch, as I switched on the television. It had been a while since I did that. However, before I could even select the channel I wanted to watch, I heard my phone ring from the guest room, where Aaliyah and I had shared the previous night. So, I stood up from the couch, and rushed to the room to answer it; before it stopped ringing.

It was Kate calling.

"Hello…" I stated calmly, trying to make myself forget whatever she had said towards me the previous night.

"Hayzen, aren't you even going to say goodbye?" she asked, her voice breaking.

"Is it today?" I questioned. I knew she was speaking about little Shane –maybe as I thought. I had completely forgotten to ask about the arrangements. The abrupt news she gave me about her plans with Funky, in addition to Aaliyah, made me forget all this.

"We are leaving tomorrow," she specified.

"What about the boy?" I questioned.

"We asked the hospital to just dissolve the body in acid, and then we shall have a small burial ceremony…" My heart sank! Whatever she said after did not matter. What kind of parent lets their child be dissolved in acid? What kind of father had I turned out to be? I became so petrified and wondered what I had done to deserve all this. Why didn't they even give me a heads-up about their plan.., which I would refuse vehemently?

"Kate! Didn't you even think of calling me when making decisions?" I questioned.

"It was Funky's idea," she finished.

"Kate," I wanted to say we could give him a better burial than being dissolved in acid, but I knew her parents, Funky, everyone. It was just too much for them to ever listen to me. The child was mine, but it barely felt like I had one.

"I'm sorry. You can't come," she specified.

"Why? You were asking if I was going to say goodbye."

"There will be a lot of my coworkers there, and Funky's friends, my family. They can't know Funky is not the father. Please keep that between us!" Kate's words were inconsiderate, ambiguous, and overly aching.

"What?" I questioned, my voice raising as I sat on the bed that was still full of all our sins—Aaliyah and I.

"Please understand," she stated as my head nodded vigorously, trying to contain myself from being rude.

"Sometimes, Kate, I wish you understood things from my perspective. But it's okay. I will not see myself arrive, I shall forget if y'all ever existed, and I will never even think of any of y'all!" I emotionally burst out and hung up the phone in frustration with a sigh.

'God!' my thoughts screamed. 'What destiny lets a man go through all these kinds of pain?' I questioned as I shifted my head to lay on the cozy pillow of the bed. The room still smelled bizarre, but it was okay. My mind just wandered all over the place, wondering how people persevere through some problems. However, this was a problem I brought upon myself, and I knew it was I who needed to deal with it; otherwise, it would keep lingering and lingering in my head. Little Shane was gone, the only thing that bound Kate and me.

So, I picked up my phone and scrolled for Luke. I wanted to tell him to cut off all the money supply that was directed to go straight into Kate's bank account, in addition to giving him the painful news.

"Bro!" Luke answered after two rings.

"How you doing, man?" I questioned, trying to be casual at first.

"I'm good. How about you?" he asked, something off in his tone. He never asked me if I was good; we always jumped right into a conversation without even asking each other about the day.

"I'm dealing," I stated, paused, but when I wanted to tell him the news, he added,

"I heard about the boy…" he paused, then, "my condolences," he finished.

"It's okay. Did you know about Kate and Funky's plan?" I questioned.

"Which plan?" he questioned. I wanted to ask him if he knew all along that they had cornered me to have a child with Kate. However, when he asked, "Which plan?" I saw no point in sharing, as truth be told, I needed Luke not to pity me over again.

"Any plans they have…" I asked, trying to evade the subject I wanted to bring up.

"No," he added, as I heard him clear his throat and then, "how's Aaliyah?"

"Good," I stated.

"Are you courting her?" he asked.

"No! We are friends, Luke," I emphasized.

"Don't hurt her, dude," he finished, and I hung up before he could start lecturing me about how I had treated women in my previous years. I hated remembering that side of me.

After my conversation with Luke, despite not stating to stop the funds from reaching Kate's account, I headed straight to the shower.

I needed to freshen up, of course, after the night's occurrence and everything. Every part of what happened being fresh and real in my brain, despite knowing Aaliyah's stand on what happened between us.

After the shower, I called Doctor Heung to ask if the intern was taking over even today, with which he stated that the boy would use up the night shift for the whole week. So, this meant that I was free unless there was an emergency. Today was Wednesday, so this meant I was free until next Monday.

I put on some grey sweats, sneakers, and a white waist-length t-shirt, accompanied by a black Chicago Bulls cap. I was heading out to nowhere in particular, but I just took my car keys, closed the apartment door, and headed downstairs to my car.

Well parked, and finely cleaned, as I had instructed the apartment's caretaker, I got in and started the engine.

"So now where to, Levin?" I questioned myself using my mom's style of calling me. We usually talked on the phone when needed; otherwise, we just messaged each other every day. For instance, after I told her the baby was gone, she said it was rude of me not to try harder to at least let her even embrace her grandson. I honestly apologized a lot, but of course, she appreciated that I at least tried my best in saving the boy.

As I thought, I realized that I was already making the left turn towards Aaliyah's school, and my heart panicked.

"Dude!" I questioned myself but let go when I just told myself that I would tell her I was passing by to say hi or that her brother had sent me to pick her up. The latter is better, my thoughts finally agreed. I would lie that Elvis had told me to pick her up.

After the first call ended, she called me back instantly.

"Aaliyah!" I jovially stated, being happy and excited that she had returned my call.

"Hayzen! What?" she questioned, and I wondered what was up with her voice towards me.

"Are you okay?" I questioned, honestly worried that someone had hurt her or something similar.

"I just finished my class… It was just stressful, sorry!" she apologized, and I was glad, as I felt her statement somehow align with my intentions.

"So no more classes today? No other classes?" I questioned.

"Yes, I'm going out with Larry," she clarified, as if anticipating I would ask her to go out.

"Can I see you?" I questioned, initially wanting to tell her that I was free today.

"I'm going out with Larry!" she reiterated.

Feeling defeated, I went with whatever I had thought of saying to her, "Elvis told me to take you home."

"Elvis?" she questioned, and I added a quick yes. "Are you at my school?" She added.

"I'm at the outside gate parking area," I explained, as I heard a quick sigh escape her throat on the other side of the line, and then she hung up.

After the call, I waited, checking my wristwatch to see how much time she was taking. Ten minutes became twenty, twenty became thirty, and thirty minutes turned into an hour, until I dozed off inside the car.

"Heeeeeeyyy!!" the voice echoed, waking me up.

It was Aaliyah, with her lame boyfriend looking through my car window. So I slightly lowered the windows to hear her better.

"Open the doors!" she stated, and I accepted her request as I unlocked all the car doors. To my surprise, both she and her boyfriend got into the backseat, and honestly, I felt a surge of disappointment.

I started the car engine and began heading towards Elvis' apartment area road. No one spoke in the car, but I noticed through the front mirror the constant stares that Aaliyah and I kept giving each other. Her hair was in a bun today, and how I wished I could tell her how beautiful she looked with her hair like that.

Upon arrival at the apartment residential area, I did not park the car outside as I used to; I drove it inside, into the ground parking lodge. This meant that I probably wasn't heading out anytime soon. However, my desire was not to even enter Elvis' apartment. I just wanted to stay in the car and let time pass by, maybe sleeping or just contemplating my life.

After parking, I opened the doors for them to get out, and the boyfriend exited first, while Aaliyah stayed a little longer. The boyfriend didn't even wait for her; he headed straight to the elevator. I think he expected her to follow him to Elvis'.

"Hayzen!" Aaliyah called out, and I shifted my gaze from the front to where she was in the back. Now face to face, our eyes finally met, but not for long before we both looked away. I never noticed this before, the fact that we couldn't make eye contact.

"I will go!" Aaliyah emphasized, and I just nodded despite wanting to tell her that I really wanted us—me and her—to spend time together. "Do you wanna come?" she questioned, as she held the left passenger seat door.

"No," I stated, despite tears welling up in my eyes. She opened the door and went outside, and all I was left with was watching her walk through the ground floor pathways towards the elevator. In one glance, she looked back at my car, and entered the elevator once it opened. And at once, I let my body collapse onto the driver's seat.